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Kitchen Table Kibitzing: Reconnecting [1]
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Date: 2022-10-27
She asked about my little brother, who also lived in San Francisco at that time and I had to share with her that he has fallen for “The Big Lie” and now lives in Idaho with his guns, a huge American flag, his fourth (though this one isn’t on paper) wife, and an enormous white truck. I shared two photos of him from Facebook, thinking she would see the ravages from 40-plus years of drinking but she replied that he didn’t look too bad. To me, he looks like he’s on death’s door.
She’s still working full-time for a federal prosecutor (loves her job!), is married, and has two 14-year-old cats.
"If you find yourself thinking about an old friend and wanting to reconnect, then that's a sign to do it," Nicole Sbordone, LCSW, an Arizona-based therapist, tells Bustle. Working out how to reconnect with someone can be a multi-stage campaign or as easy as sliding into their DMs, but once you’re brave enough to take that first step, anything can happen.
One big worry about reconnecting with someone is that you won’t know what to say when you finally sit down for your coffee (or bowling, or pottery class together). There’s a strategy for that. “When you get together, if it’s a bit awkward, ask them open ended questions,” Wiercyski says. “It’ll keep the pressure off of you and make them feel good because they get to talk about themselves and the awesome stuff they’ve been doing.” Humans absolutely love talking about their own lives; a 2012 study published in PNAS found that it lights up the brain with happiness. That rush of wellbeing will help you both find a spark of reconnection again. www.bustle.com/...
One of the nine tips Bustle suggests for reconnecting is to lean into your memories. And we’ve been doing a lot of that! The emails are highly emotional and touching.
Nostalgia makes people feel more socially connected, according to a 2019 study published in the European Journal of Social Psychology, so even if the things you both loved are now deeply uncool — heck, especially if they’re uncool — fish them out of obscurity and marvel at them together. Did you really put fake streaks in your ponytails and sneak out to see Avril Lavigne at 14?
I don’t know if we’ll take it to the next step and actually get together again. She lives about 45 minutes away. I guess we’ll just take it one day at a time.
Share your stories about reconnecting with old friends below. Or share whatever you want. As always, this is an open thread.
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