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Cheers and Jeers: Thursday [1]
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Date: 2022-10-27
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, October 27, 2022
Note: Today is Cranky Co-workers Day. Or as the 50 monkeys with typewriters in my employ call it: Thursday.
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7 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til National Candy Corn Day: 3
Days 'til the Urbanna Oyster Festival: 7
Percent of early votes cast by Democrats so far, compared to 34% for MAGA cultists and 10% for unaffiliated voters: 55%
Number of local election administrators across the country: 10,000
Most common price at the gas pump now: $3.49
Percent of Americans who support legalizing possession of small amounts of marijuana for personal use, according to a new Monmouth poll: 68%
Percent in the same poll who approve of President Biden issuing pardons for people convicted on federal charges for simple marijuana possession: 69%
World Series Preview The Phillie Phillys and Hastron Hastros are tied at 0 games apiece. (Game 1 is tomorrow night)
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
We had one of those "What was he thinking?" moments with Texas Gov. Rick (Goodhair) Perry the other day. The only governor we've got decided to bring back that old bone of contention: prayer in the schools. Nice timing, guv. The very first clause in the First Amendment to the United States Constitution establishes freedom of conscience. The majority does not rule anyone's faith. If we wanted the state to coerce faith, we would have voted for the Taliban. Look, as we all know, the religious majority in Texas is hardshell Southern Baptist. Splendid people, the Southern Baptists, but the fact is, if the rest of us had wanted to join their church, we would have done so. Our next biggest faith is Catholicism, and if the governor wants to spend the rest of his term convincing Baptists to say "Hail Mary," that's fine by me. As is obvious to all but those of the most limited intelligence and the governor, by the time you get the Catholics, Jews, Episcopalians, Methodists, Muslims, atheists, agnostics, Church of Christers, Buddhists, Sikhs, New Agers and the County Line Salt of the Earth Church of the Predestinarian Faith to sign off on one prayer, it begins "To Whom It May Concern, If There Is a Whom." Prayer in school is quite perfectly legal, and is especially common before algebra exams. Mandatory prayer organized by, led by and broadcast over the public address system by paid agents of the state is unconstitutional. —October 2001
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Found!!!
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JEERS to the least-surprising news of the week. You know why young people who make it their crusade to make the world a better place often turn cynical and settle for a life of drudgery and addiction to True Crime shows? Because their elders have beat it into them that what they're doing is boring, useless, and there's no money in it. Thus…
The world is "nowhere near" hitting its targets to cut greenhouse gas emissions, putting it on track to soar past the limit for global warming that countries committed to in the landmark 2015 Paris Agreement, the United Nations has warned. That means the planet is on course for a future marked by unprecedented heat waves, destructive storms and drought, as well as the extinction of animal and plant species.
On the one hand, that's bad. On the other hand, can you imagine if we hit all our climate goals and became the cleanest planet we've ever been, only to realize that we're one day going to be enveloped by the sun and perish amid an inferno exceeding 120,000 degrees Fahrenheit? Man, that would suck even worse. So, since we've failed on our short-term goal, I suggest we focus instead on the long term one: a giant protective dome. And in other news, I just opened Billeh's Concrete and Asbestos Mega Warehouse. Visa, Mastercard, and government contracts accepted.
CHEERS to that little touch of dampness in the air. Nice to know that in at least one part of the country our wells and livestock drinking troughs overfloweth again…
We've now completely erased the drought conditions Maine had been plagued by for the entire summer. With another round of drenching rain on the way, most of the state will end up with a yearly surplus of rainfall.
If you're in a drier part of the country and you'd like some of our liquid sunshine, come on up and just take what you need. Well, after you get permission from the proper private-equity firm, of course. Rules 'n all.
CHEERS to busting "state's rights" in the chops. On October 27, 1787, the first of the Federalist Papers was released under the name "Publius" (later revealed to be Broadway star Alexander Hamilton). The goal: to make the case that "the insufficiency of the present confederation" (i.e. weak federal government and strong “states rights” governments) required a new constitution that would mean "nothing less than the existence of the UNION, the safety and welfare of the parts of which it is composed, the fate of an empire in many respects the most interesting in the world." Hamilton, along with co-authors Madison and John Jay, knew they'd have critics, and this snip shows that they'd be dealing with their own version of the MAGA crowd:
[W]e have already sufficient indications that it will happen in this as in all former cases of great national discussion. The essays that put meat on the Declaration of
Independence's bones. A torrent of angry and malignant passions will be let loose. To judge from the conduct of the opposite parties, we shall be led to conclude that they will mutually hope to evince the justness of their opinions, and to increase the number of their converts by the loudness of their declamations and the bitterness of their invectives. An enlightened zeal for the energy and efficiency of government will be stigmatized as the offspring of a temper fond of despotic power and hostile to the principles of liberty. An over-scrupulous jealousy of danger to the rights of the people, which is more commonly the fault of the head than of the heart, will be represented as mere pretense and artifice, the stale bait for popularity at the expense of the public good.
Scary accurate. But I'll say this for the original teabaggers of yore: at least they could wear tri-corn hats without looking like idiots.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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x A baby gorillas first chest pound.. 😅 pic.twitter.com/vwpgnmZ02D — Buitengebieden (@buitengebieden) October 24, 2022
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to the ol' bull moose. Happy Birthday to Teddy Roosevelt, who turns 164 today. #26 has a few words from the Great Beyond for the wackos who are making a mockery of his party:
"I think there is only one quality worse than hardness of heart and that is softness of head." True fact: Teddy Roosevelt also believed he was a little teapot. -
"If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.”
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"Some men can live up to their loftiest ideals without ever going higher than a basement."
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And this, which Democrats agree with completely but Republicans never will: “To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public. Nothing but the truth should be spoken about him or any one else. But it is even more important to tell the truth, pleasant or unpleasant, about him than about any one else.”
Ouch. Pay your respects here. (But do it softly...I hear he carries a big stick.)
CHEERS to modern miracles. Ladies and gentleman, I come to you this morning bearing the news that Britain's new prime minister is still in office after—[Checks notes]—a day. But please: no sudden movements or you might spook him.
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Ten years ago in C&J: October 27, 2012
JEERS to the Republican horror show. No need to make scary stuff up for Halloween when we've these GOPers rattling their chains outside our door…
» God won’t stop you from being raped, says a U.S. Senate candidate from Indiana, but He may plunk a kid in your belly as a parting gift. » Chrysler is moving its Jeep production from Ohio to China except it’s not. » Colin Powell endorsed President Obama for a second term because he's a reverse-racist. » A better-than-expected GDP number is both terrible news and totally made up. » The deputy chair of the Minnesota GOP says an Obama ad is the work of Satan.
And this might take the cake: one of the grandkids of Maine’s beloved L.L. Bean—Linda Bean, a lobster-meat seller and frustrated Ron Paul supporter—is now urging people to vote for Mitt Romney because, according to a letter she distributed, "OBAMA is HITLERIAN in his course, and he is closing in VERY FAST to eliminate totally our liberty rights and heritage." The party should just change their slogan to "Boo!!!" and get it over with.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to celestial spookiness. Yesterday was National Pumpkin Day, bringing up memories of when NASA got in on the act by posting this amazing shot of the sun via “a blend of 171 and 193 angstrom light as captured by the Solar Dynamics Observatory”:
Any similarity to #45, aka The Thing, is purely coincidental. Except the parts that are in the process of flaming out.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial SHOCK POLL: Biden Beats Trump By 4 In New Survey—But Bill in Portland Maine Beats Him By 15 POINTS —Mediaite
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[END]
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