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Morning Open Thread. I'm sure glad I didn't grow up to be a [blank]... [1]

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Date: 2022-10-22

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar." ~ Drew Carey

For the first thing, being a [blank] has no defining qualities. In the second place, what in the heck am I talking about, you may be asking?

I read a lot, both non-fiction and fiction, and one thing I come across, naturally then, is people’s occupations. Wow! It turns out there sure are a lot of professions I would never have wanted to have done or become.

Morning Open Thread is a daily, copyrighted post from a host of editors and guest writers. We support our community, invite and share ideas, and encourage thoughtful, respectful dialogue in an open forum. This is a post where you can come to share what’s on your mind and stay for the expansion. The diarist is on California time and gets to take a nap when he needs to, or may just wander off and show up again later. So you know, it's a feature, not a bug. Grab your supportive indulgence(s) of choice and join us, please. And if you’re brand new to Morning Open Thread, then Hail and Well Met, new Friend.

For instance, I’d never have wanted to be a prosecutor. I think maybe this is top of my list of wouldn’t wanna been: the potential for being the person responsible for prosecuting, convicting, imprisoning and destroying the life of an innocent person? NO. THANK. YOU. VERY. MUCH.

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I’m very glad I never became any kind of personnel manager. I hate it when people hate me for just doing my job correctly, efficiently, and according to my performance objectives. Besides, I can’t stand wearing a tie.

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My father was a policeman, California Highway Patrol. Nope! I never wanted to be a cop. A job where it is required, for my safety, that I carry a gun? Ugh.

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Factory worker. I’ve worked in a sawmill; repetitive, robotic drone labor, no purpose other than pooping finished product out and collecting a pathetic paycheck. Never again.

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Farmer. If it’s a green growing living thing and it’s left under my care its premature death is a foregone conclusion.

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Politician. Or preacher. Both professional, paid, legal liars. I like to believe I have a conscience.

Criminal. Well, this one kind of goes without saying, yeah? It’s got to be one horrid set of life circumstances that drives a person to be a professional, or at least career, criminal, you’d think. And yet, boy howdy, Al Capone, John Gotti, Michael Milken, Charles Ponzi, Bernie Madoff, Carlos Lehder, Josef Mengele, Saddam Hussein, … … … I mean, they had life so tough growing up, ya know?

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Or...

From The 10 Weirdest Jobs in the World: Drying paint watcher: No, this isn’t a joke. Someone actually earns a living watching paint dry. A man in the UK currently has the job and he spends his days painting sheets of cardboard to test how long new paint mixes take to dry and watching for changes in color and texture.

Train Pusher: If you think the London Underground is bad, you should see the trains in Japan. ‘Oshiyas’ are hired to help cram as many people onto a train as possible by pushing them from the outside until the doors will close.

Dog food taster: The dog food tester’s job is to taste new dog food products, including bones, tinned meat, and biscuits. They do this to test for flavor and texture in comparison to rival dog food brands and human food. Hmm…tasty?

Odor Judge: In order to test the effectiveness of new products, ‘odor judges’ are hired to smell volunteers’ breath, feet, and armpits. They make sure their judgment is accurate, the members of staff have their sense of smell tested monthly. Let’s hope those products are doing the trick, for the judges’ sake!

There are a couple of other occupations that my psychological phobias would also rule out: being an underground miner or a high elevation construction worker, like a bridge worker or skyscraper builder. I have both strong claustrophobia and acrophobia. I need to be out in the open and on the ground, or well enclosed but not squeezed in.

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Anything to do with sales. I’m not pushy. My belief has always been that in order to be a successful sales person you must be able to sell things to people that they neither need nor want.

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Athletic coach. I’m a couch potato for the most part.

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Life coach. What the hell is one, anyway? This is totally made up. You want to coach me how to live my life? What about yours? You haven’t even lived it yet; you’re still alive, right? Come back and talk to me about living a complete life after you’re dead. I’ll take you seriously then.

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Unpaid blog diary writer. Someone, somewhere in the universe, is laughing at me. I can sense it.

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Workin’ music:

FULL DISCLAIMER: The author has been happily fully retired since 2016 and has no intention whatsoever of ever working another full day in his life. So don’t listen to him. He’s full of beans, heh heh.

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