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GOP senator struggles to admit Trump can't declassify documents with his goofy head [1]
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Date: 2022-09-25
Donald Trump has eaten congressional Republicans’ brains, and yet he had plenty of room left over for an insouciant lavender-coconut dessert foam—which is of course what he found when he finally stuck the oyster shucker in Marjorie Taylor Greene’s head.
Last week on Fox News’ Sean Hannity Somehow Convinced Great-Grandma Gladys to Get an Aryan Nation Neck Tattoo White Power Hour, disgraced presidential cosplayer Donald Trump claimed he could declassify top secret government documents with his mind. I’m sure you heard something about this. It’s not true, of course. For one thing, he failed to lick the hallucinogenic toads in the correct order, and the incantations don’t work if the blood offering is made up of more than 30% nougat.
And yet Republicans, whose spines now hang languidly in Trump’s closet like a refulgent rainbow of fey feather boas, are so afraid of the Eye of Sour-Don they can’t seem to state the glaringly obvious.
The latest example? Sen. John Barrasso, a Republican from Wyoming, had a really hard time admitting that Trump’s magical powers stopped at draining the life out of innocent Americans from thousands of miles away.
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