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22 Suicides a Day and Crowdfunding Funerals [1]

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Date: 2022-09-16

My son called me late last night to share some good news. When he calls it’s not unusual for the call to last for quite a while-sometimes into the wee hours of the morning-as we catch each other up on what’s been going on. We move from topic to topic, and the time melts away. He told me he’d been to the birthday party for the young son of his late friend-the most recent one of his brothers from his deployments in Iraq to take his own life. My son has lost five of his brothers-in-arms to suicide, and I know when the subject turns to this topic how difficult and painful this is. He apologizes for the late hour, but my heart and my ears are all he needs in these moments. It’s tough. I don’t think he’ll ever be over the losses, and there are times when I fear for him-he’s walked in the same shoes of pain, torment, and despair. Things have gotten better for him-he’s completed his college degree, is completing his internship, and is in a stable relationship with a woman who loves and supports him. He’s survived. He’s survived but these losses haunt him.

Sometime back I wrote a diary about the latest funeral my son had attended for one of his brothers, and included a link to a go-fund-me fundraiser he established to help this young family. I did not completely understand until last night exactly what the fund-raiser was actually for. I figured that this young family would face financial hardship from the loss of income, but what I didn’t realize was my son had established the go-fund-me link to pay for the funeral.

There are approximately 22 veterans per day who take their own lives. 22 who have been devastated by their war experience and can no longer stand to live with the pain, torment, and despair. They seek a way out. They seek peace. My son’s friend was forever changed from his experience in Iraq. Last night the story tumbled out. No one should have to deal with what some of what our veterans have witnessed, and there is a shortage of counselors in the VA system. Even when the help is available, as it was, the pain ran too damn deep. So he took his life, and for his pain and suffering the piece of dirt he rests in was the reward for his service. No casket. No headstone. No funeral expenses. No hearse to the burial grounds. His family and friends, in their grief, had to worry about how to pay to bury their beloved son, husband, father, uncle, friend.

I did not realize this until last night. I told my son that I believed that most people would not be aware of this, and let him know that I would help spread the word. This community has had a group that honors our war dead-IGTNT-a faithful, compassionate, generous group who come together to offer tributes, condolences, prayers, music to soothe, and messages of support and thanks to the grieving families of young men and women who have given their last full measure of devotion. Fortunately our wars have ended, but the deaths continue. By 2030, the total of veteran suicides will be 23x higher than the number of post-9/11 combat deaths. It’s hard to imagine how many pieces of dirt that is. It’s also hard to imagine the daunting expenses that these families will have to bear. 22 families today. 22 families tomorrow. 22 families so far into the future it’s hard to imagine.



I would hope that something more could be done to help these 22 families other than the piece of dirt their beloved lies in. They are casualties of war as sure as any on the battlefield. They are just the invisible casualties. The uncounted casualties. The crowdfunded casualties. I don’t know how to begin to ask how this situation can be remedied, but I believe that we owe our veterans more than crowd-funded funerals.

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[1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2022/9/16/2123239/-22-Suicides-a-Day-and-Crowdfunding-Funerals

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