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Breaking: Life Insurance Rates For Russian Oligarchs Rising [1]
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Date: 2022-09-14
A lot of Russian oligarchs who might oppose Putin have been dying from unlikely accidents recently, which led my brother to wonder how the next one will go. These were his bets:
Gored to death by escaped rhinoceros Running with scissors Didn't look both ways, hit by speeding dirigible Choked on his own elbow Tragic potato-peeling accident Held in a sneeze, head exploded Spontaneously combusted, bystanders shot him ten times to put out the fire Washed down his Mentos with Diet Coke
While these are appropriately subtle, I disagreed, because Putin's goons will probably want to be more certain. I think they may combine some of these, as follows:
Gored to death by escaped rhinoceros while running with scissors. Hit by speeding dirigible while choking on elbow. Spontaneously combusted while bandaging severed leg from potato peeling accident, shot by bystanders Head exploded while holding in a sneeze after washing down Mentos with Diet Coke
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