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Cheers and Jeers: Monday [1]
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Date: 2022-09-12
✌ Students have a better understanding of sustainability than previous generations, but their consumer choices do not reflect a strong commitment to protecting the environment. Also: the class of 2026 will have never known life without Daily Kos ruling the galaxy (and some outer star systems). ✌ The Class of 2026 is the first cohort in recent memory for whom knowledge about a diverse country and world is actually regressing. Thirty-five states have recently introduced and/or passed legislation to either ban or censor teaching about race, sexual orientation, gender identity, and American history in schools. ✌ Incoming students are the first generation in fifty years who must include their own reproductive rights as part of their overall college decision. The recent Supreme Court decision to overturn Roe v. Wade will affect so many decisions for young women, who currently make up 59% of college students in America.
Click here for the whole list. I’ll add my usual contribution: during their lifetime the Republican party has always consisted of incompetent hacks, paranoid loons, climate-crisis deniers, and/or pathological liars supported by neo-Nazis, Christian mega-grifters, and the Ku Klux Klan. These days that one seems timeless.
And now, our feature presentation…
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Cheers and Jeers for Monday, September 12, 2022
Note: Don’t forget that you can follow me on twitter at @BillinPortland. And more important, don't forget that you can un-follow me on twitter at @BillinPortland.
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By the Numbers:
6 days!!!
Days 'til the midterm elections: 57
Days 'til the Louisiana Catfish Festival in Des Allemands: 6
Current U.S. unemployment rate, versus the 5.2% predicted by the Congressional Budget Office in February 2021: 3.7%
Unemployment claims for the week ending Sept. 3, down 6k from the previous week: 222,000
Number of locations, searchable at vaccines.gov, where you can get the new Covid booster: 80,000
Consecutive days gas prices have fallen: 90
Date on which my evil twin came out of the shadows and wrote a GBCW diary: 9/12/13
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Monday be like…
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CHEERS to today's edition of C&J Theater. My latest one-act, which me and my muse completed late last night while fighting over a slab of cheesecake:
[Curtain Up] THE KHARKIV FRONT. A UKRAINE ARMY PRIVATE stands in front of a RUSSIAN GENERAL and several FEARSOME-LOOKING RUSSIAN GUARDS. RUSSIAN GENERAL and GUARDS (Snarling)
You will all die for glorious Mother Russia and President Putin!
And Ukraine will be ours! (GENERAL and GUARDS laugh manically as they suck down the last of
their vodka and cock their weapons) UKRAINE ARMY PRIVATE
Boo! RUSSIAN GENERAL
"Aaaaagh!!!! Run away! All is lost! Mommy! Mommy!" (RUSSIAN GENERAL and GUARDS throw away their weapons and flee stage right) UKRAINE ARMY PRIVATE
(Begins munching sunflower seeds as curtain falls)
Just put my Tony Award in the usual spot—around back next to the milk bottles with all the others.
CHEERS to updating the prognosis. Dr. Billeh here. And I'm happy to report that our patient, Election Reform Legislation, is not, as we feared, dead. Apparently a pulse has been detected by the surgical team in a brief moment of sobriety:
“It’s something we’d like to get done. And we’re going to try to figure out the best way to get it done,” Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer, D-N.Y., told reporters this week. […] “I hope there’s going to be a vote soon,” said Sen. Mitt Romney, R-Utah, a member of the bipartisan group that developed the bills. Sadly, nothing in the bill to stop bamboo fibers from being infused into ballots by South Korea and shipped to polling places via a trawler parked off the coast of Maine in the dead of night. “Anything we can do to make sure that there’s less confusion, less controversy associated with our election processes would be helpful,” said Sen. John Cornyn, R-Texas, a close ally of Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., who has praised the effort. […] It recently landed its 10th GOP sponsor in Sen. Chuck Grassley of Iowa, giving it enough support to overcome a filibuster if Democrats unify.
However, we can confirm that all other voting/election legislation reform is dead as a doornail. If you wish to extend your thoughts and prayers in person, you’ll find it in the congressional dumpster where Ted Cruz is currently trolling for Chunky soup cans.
CHEERS to a steady reign. In 1952 Harry Truman was in the White House and Winston Churchill was at 10 Downing Street. The Dodgers were still in Brooklyn. High Noon and Singin' in the Rain ruled the box office. Jonas Salk introduced the polio vaccine. And Elizabeth Windsor was hauling a lunch bucket full of kippers and chips to fill a new job opening at Buckingham Palace. Seventy years later she was still there, slinging hash with a butt hanging off her lip and telling stories that enraptured the clientele, who loved her like she was their own mum, even though they'd heard the tales a million times before. But last Thursday was her final day, and now there's a newbie in her place:
[F]our trumpeters clad in gold-colored uniforms heralded the arrival of David Vines White, the Garter King of Arms, which is a heraldic position that has been in the royal household since 1484. White then read a proclamation announcing that Charles is the new king of England from the balcony of St. James’s Palace overlooking the Friary Court. Not so fast. Karl Rove insists that once all the votes are counted in Ohio, Mr. Bean will be crowned king. "Whereas it has pleased Almighty God to call to his mercy our late sovereign lady Queen Elizabeth the Second of blessed and glorious memory, by whose decease the crown of Great Britain and Northern Ireland is solely and rightfully come to Prince Charles Philip Arthur George," the proclamation began. "God save the king!" he declared.
Meanwhile, Buckingham Palace issued a formal proclamation declaring that the Queen's first word upon entering the pearly gates was: "He-llooooooooooooo!!!"
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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x My emotional state in the past 24h… pic.twitter.com/zEtcNekfpe — Mattia Nelles (@mattia_n) September 10, 2022
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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JEERS to the human snot rag. Lest we forget, a 12 years ago this week Newton Leroy Gingrich put on a display of the class and charm that makes him one of America's most admired leaders since, oh, the First of Never. See if you can detect the subtle undertones in his pronouncement...
"What if [President Obama] is so outside our comprehension, that only if you understand Kenyan, anti-colonial behavior, can you begin to piece together [his actions]?" Gingrich asks. Newt Gingrich: giant asshole since 1943. "This is a person who is fundamentally out of touch with how the world works, who happened to have played a wonderful con, as a result of which he is now president," Gingrich tells us.
I'm still shocked that Trump didn’t make Newt his Secretary of Racism. Such a natural. Then again, I understand why he didn’t—he would’ve made Stephen Miller jealous.
CHEERS to that little nip in the air. I'm told that fall is on our doorstep (10 days and counting, not that we're counting), although it's a bit hard to believe after yesterday's 82-degree day (145 with the heat-index thrown in) melted our collective brains and popsicles.
“Soon, my children. Soon.”
But, no matter—the future-tellers from the 228-year-old Old Farmer's Almanac trotted out their latest meteorological predictions last month. This year, having read the moss on the bark, the fuzz on the caterpillars, the chicken bones in the wooden bowl, and the sound of our neighbor Mrs. McGillicutty's creaky knee on her front porch, the old farmer predicts that the entire country will have a winter season starting two-thirds of the way through December and ending roughly ten days before the end of March. I'm as skeptical as anyone, but they’re the experts.
P.S. No hurricanes are predicted in the Atlantic this winter. Hooray.
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Ten years ago in C&J: September 12, 2012
JEERS to the dud in the desert. Bad news if you were planning to go to the birther gala event with Sheriff Joe Arpaio, Pat Boone and a slate of ninnies who each claim that they have proof the president wasn't born here: it was aborted because so few tickets had sold. But at least the faithful took it well:
“The REASON the EVENT by Sheriff Joe & his Cold Case POSSE was CANCELLED is because the Sheriff & others are TOO DUMB to SEE the MURDERS Barack Obama had his Security Adviser John Brennan commit on Obama’s Gay Lovers in Chicago,” the visitor wrote.
Apparently the birther motto is: "A CAPS LOCK is a terrible thing to waste."
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And just one more…
JEERS to That Day. Yesterday we revisited for the 21st time one of those dates in our nation's history which will live in infamy. But at least the guy who orchestrated it finally met his fate in the raid of the century (thanks, President Obama), as did his second-in-command (thanks, President Biden) and a new tower stands at Ground Zero like a middle-finger salute to al Qaeda. Time to dig up the 2001 C&J time capsule and remind ourselves of some truths that all the right-wing spinners in the world will never be able to whitewash:
» Most of the 9/11 hijackers were from Saudi Arabia, yet they paid no price for producing and harboring terrorists. » The 8/6/01 PDB said: Bin Laden determined to Strike in U.S. » Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11. 9/11 had nothing to do with Iraq. » Sitting in a classroom for seven minutes after being told "America is under attack" was a poor display of leadership by the President of the United States. NYC’s middle finger salute to al Qaeda and Taliban. » Donald Trump did not see thousands of Muslims in New Jersey cheering the fall of the towers. He did not pay hundreds of workers out of his own pocket and he did not help clear the rubble. But he did brag about how his was now the tallest building in Manhattan after the towers came down. » We will never be able to put into words the scope of the heroism that first responders displayed, nor the cruelty of the Republican party that turned their backs on them when they needed medical care for Ground Zero-related health issues because, despite their promises, the air was not fine. » Rudy Giuliani built his anti-terrorism command center in the World Trade Center against the advice of experts who knew better. » Giuliani was not "at the site as often, if not more, than most of the workers." » The Republicans' go-to spiritual adviser, Jerry Falwell, Sr. really said: "I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way…I point the finger in their face and say you helped this happen." Falwell lives in Hell now, decked out in feather boas and strapped to a rotating disco ball for eternity. » Republicans were the first to propagandize 9/11 in political campaign ads. » Osama bin Laden was not caught by Bush dead or alive. He continued making videos and plotting more attacks until President Obama snatched him from his Pakistan porn palace.
I sometimes wonder how bin Laden and the 9/11 hijackers reacted when they found out the 72 virgins they met in the afterlife had orders from Allah to beat them with shoes for eternity. We'll never know. But I hope it was a Kodak moment.
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial "I would have to say Bill in Portland Maine is the Eternal Blowhard, right?” —Hillary Clinton
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[END]
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