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Why America Needs a King (or Queen) [1]

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Date: 2022-09-09

King George III from the musical "Hamilton" played by Jonathan Groff

No, not that king. King George was the worst tyrant America ever had to contend with—until Trump came along.

As you have probably already sadly heard, long-reigning Queen Elizabeth of England has died at the age of 96. Prince Charles is suddenly King Charles.

America does not have a king, but millions of Americans have adopted the royal family in England to make up for the fact Americans have failed to recognize our own need for a royal family. Like we are above all that, and don’t need a figurehead as a symbol of our country.

Of course, you can’t blame our Founding Fathers for being sick of kings, especially since King George III was hell-bent on preventing America from becoming independent from British domination and rule. Quoting from the song King George sang in the musical Hamilton…

Oceans rise, empires fall, we have seen each other through it all, and when push comes to shove, I will send a fully armed battalion to remind you of my love!

Many Americans thought George Washington should be King, but even Washington was wary that a cult of personality—even for a good man—could destroy a country, as the people would put loyalty to King over every other rational consideration.

Little did we know in 1776, that it was possible to have a king, without giving that person of royal distinction any more political power than any other rich, famous celebrity. It took a couple of hundred years, but many countries, including especially Great Britain, finally evolved having a royal figurehead, i.e., a king or queen who gets a nice home (palace) a good income, and plenty of royal attention— but has no real political power.

I wish Ronald Reagan had been elected king. That’s right, King Ronald the First. I’m serious.

Now don’t get me wrong. I think Reagan was a terrible President. He wasn’t mean like Nixon, dumb like George W, or evil like Trump. He simply favored and helped enact policies that were poisonous to America. He escalated Nixon’s War on Drugs which did irreparable harm—especially to poor black people who were the most likely have to languish in prison for years. In the 50’s and 60’s America experienced more economic prosperity than ever before in our history. At that time, the rich really did pay their fair share in taxes, which economically benefitted everyone. Then Reagan became President and gutted progressive taxation by perpetuating the myth of trickle-down economics. All it did was make the rich, richer—at the expense of everyone else. In fact, the rich became so rich, they were able to afford to buy the Republican Party! I could go on and on about all the terrible things Reagan did as President. But none of this explains why Reagan was so popular—or why he would have made a great king.

Ronald Reagan was basically a genuinely nice guy. He was decent. He was personal. He was likable. He was affable. He had a good sense of humor. It was almost like he was a professional actor who perfected the role of playing the President of the United States. He gave great speeches, and like FDR was able to relate directly to the people. He rose to the occasion after the NASA Challenger disaster, playing the role he was born for, a father figure comforting a grieving nation after a horrific tragedy. Listen to his address. He was truly presidential, saying all the right things, at the right time, in the right manner, and straight from the heart.

Yet he could have done all this—without his disastrous economic and social polices—if only he had been elected to be our King, instead of being elected to be our President.

Scene from “The King’s Speech”

Another vital role played by royalty was illustrated in the excellent movie, The King’s Speech, which was based on the difficulty of King George VI to give public speeches due to a serious speech impediment of stammering. The climax of the movie comes when the King had to give a speech to the people of England that their country was at war with Nazi Germany. The King managed to rise to the occasion. You never know when you’ll need a king.

When I was in college and studied both Political Science and Psychology, I thought all the pomp and circumstance surrounding royalty, ornate ceremonies, and rituals were a waste of time and money. So much so, I didn’t even bother to attend my own graduation ceremony. I didn’t see the point of sitting in the hot sun for two hours wearing a stupid cap and gown, just to be handed a diploma that could be sent in the mail. Besides, there would be no family there to even see me. I pooh-poohed this unnecessary ceremony and stayed in my dorm. Maybe other people needed such ornate rituals—but not me.

Boy was I wrong! From that day to this, even though I have been retired for a few years, I still have dreams that, this semester I really need to buckle down and study hard, or I will never graduate from college and get on with my life. My conscious mind knew I had already graduated, but sans the “silly” ceremony, my subconscious mind never got the memo.

After the debacle of January 6th I watched in awe the significant ceremony of Joe Biden’s inauguration. By then, I appreciated how vital such ceremonies, like the crowning of a monarch, are essential to the healthy functioning of a country. Yet without any genuine royalty, I was bemused at the vain attempt to have a semblance of royalty at Biden’s inauguration and related ceremonies. Hollywood stars and musical celebrities mostly provided our “pseudo-royalty” in the figures of Tom Hanks, Lady Gaga, Garth Brooks, Jenifer Lopez, Bruce Springsteen, Katy Perry, John Legend, Eva Longoria, and even (among others) Lin-Manuel Miranda, who played Alexander Hamilton in Hamilton.

If Americans don’t need royalty, why are so many Americans obsessed with the British Royal Family? Now we don’t have to have kings and queens for life. We can elect them to serve for twenty years. The Biltmore House or Mara Lago could be our version of Buckingham Palace. Let a king or queen and their family be the magnet for all sorts of tabloid-selling scandals. People love gossip, and no gossip is juicier than that of royalty.

Of course, it is too late to elect Ronald Reagan to a position of being America’s King. But there are other contenders who would make either an excellent King or Queen. My first choice for King would be Tom Hanks. My first choice for Queen isn’t original. I got the idea from Michael Moore who serious proposed Oprah Winfrey should be President. Prior to the 2020 election someone asked me if I thought Oprah should be President. They were surprised when I said no and asked why.

“Before I fly in plane, I like to know the person flying the plane has had extensive training in how to fly planes. I really don’t care how much I like them”.

The man who would be king

Now just because Trump wanted to be king, doesn’t mean he would be adequate—even if the position carried no real political power. Trump, unlike Reagan, didn’t have the first clue as to what being presidential meant, nor did he have the ability to fake it. He couldn’t even make a condolence call to a mother of a slain soldier without making it all about Trump. Yet this is just the type of ceremonial function an elected king or queen could serve. If there is a state funeral somewhere in the world, our President is often too busy to attend, and sending our Vice-President might be seen as demeaning the importance of the occasion. But if such functions were carried out by our own royal figurehead, the politicians could keep working on the job of conducting government business, while the king or queen could attend important dinners and ceremonial functions to positively represent the American people.

Although I didn’t think Oprah was qualified to become President, I would have no qualms about voting for her to become the first Queen of America.

Please share your nominations for Queen or King in America, either now or at any time in the past. Some of my other ideas for the past included Mark Twain, Will Rogers, Eleanor Roosevelt, and John Wayne.

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