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Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday [1]
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Date: 2022-09-06
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, September 6, 2022
Note: Ninja Billy sees you wearing white after Labor Day. Hai!!! Judo chop!!! My work is done here.
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By the Numbers:
4 days!!!
Days 'til the midterm elections: 63
Days 'til the Lewistown Chokecherry Festival in Montana: 4
Most common price of gas over the Labor Day weekend: $3.49
Number of percentage points by which Democrats outperformed the partisan lean of Alaska's at-large district in last week’s special election: 18
Average number of points by which Democrats have overperformed in the five special elections held since the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade in June: 11
Percent of its recent fundraising money ($181 million) that National Republican Senate Committee chairman Rick Scott has pissed away with little to show for it: 95%
Size of the US snack market in 2017 and 2022, respectively: $116.6 billion, $150.6 billion
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Dibs…
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CHEERS to jobs, jobs, jobs. It wasn't the blockbuster employment report of the previous month, when 5.3 billion jobs were created across seven solar systems and the unemployment rate hit -49%. (Dammit, Dark Brandon, you've gotta learn to pace yourself.) But still, not bad. 315-thousand new jobs, unemployment rate steady at 3.7 percent. Some added details from Sir William McBride at Calculated Risk:
The 25 to 54 participation rate increased in August to 82.8% from 82.4% in July, and the 25 to 54 employment population ratio increased to 80.3% from 80.0% the previous month. Both are close to the pre-pandemic levels and indicate almost all of the prime age workers have returned to the labor force. […] The red line shows how quickly Democrats got us out of the 2020 Trump employment recession. Construction employment increased 16 thousand and is now 84 thousand above the pre-pandemic level. Manufacturing added 22 thousand jobs and is now 67 thousand above the pre-pandemic level. Overall, this was another solid employment report.
Ugh. I'm so bored with all the winning. [Insert 5,000 smiley emojis and 1 American flag emoji here.]
CHEERS to a little kick in the ol' immune system. As America settles in for its long winter's nap, the coronavirus licks its chops at the chance to morph into new variations—I think we're up to five now—that can dispatch even more anti-vaxxers to the great beyond. Thankfully Doc Fauci is still on the case, and last week he sat down with one of the world's 15-billion podcasters (if you don’t listen to each of them every day, you are a bad person) to explain what the heck is going on in Booster Land. Excerpt courtesy of SiriusXM's PR department:
Dr. Anthony Fauci: Well, right now it's very clear that we are in the middle of a predominantly BA.4, predominantly BA.5, outbreak in the United States, with more than 90% of all the isolates are the BA.5 isolate. Keep calm and get poinked. So what this updated booster—which is what we call a hybrid or a combination of the ancestral original vaccine together with the updated BA.5—[does is] more closely match what is circulating. We need to get people boosted. We are not doing well in the percentage of people who need a boost, who are eligible for a boost, who have not yet gotten the boost. The importance of the announcement today is that the FDA will be authorizing the use of a specific boost that very well matches what is circulating in society right now.
Sounds legit. But to make sure he isn’t trying to slip more vaccine-based nanobots into us again, I checked with the internet. He's telling the truth. You can go to vaccines.gov and find out where to get your free booster, mask, and lollipop. If they're out of lollipops, just help yourself to the mystery pill drawer.
CHEERS to putting on your best frowny face and getting down to business. Two more signs that summer vacation season has ended and folks are heading back to work: Congress is back in session this week and day cares are open again. There will be lots of crying and stamping of feet and screams of "Mine Mine Mine!" as a room full of whiny brats hurls childish insults and feasts on paste and magic marker fumes. And I bet the toddlers at daycare will be just as bad.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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x Camels walking in the desert..
🎥 IG: parisverra pic.twitter.com/2IuKB4lf8h — Buitengebieden (@buitengebieden) September 3, 2022
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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JEERS to today's lame game. The object is simple: guess which progressive Democrat(s) said these things about the 45th president's theft of classified documents from the United States government:
"Enforce all laws concerning the protection of classified information. No one will be above the law." "One of the first things we must do is to enforce all classification rules and to enforce all laws relating to the handling of classified information." Pulled out of the Mar-A-Lago bathroom towel dispenser. "Any government employee who engaged in this kind of behavior would be barred from handling classified information." "That is the most confidential stuff. Classified. That's classified. You go to prison when you release stuff like that." "Classified information; he should go to jail for that for many, many years." "He must pay a very big price for this, as others have before him. This should never to happen again!!!"
Ha! Fooled ya! Those were all said by the 45thpresident—a MAGA Republican—between 2016 and 2020. And you know what? I suggest we listen to him. That'll teach that evil, document-stealing 45th president to mess around with the no-nonsense, justice-dispensing 45th president.
CHEERS to far-from-conventional conventions. 248 years ago yesterday, back yonder in 1774, the First Continental Congress assembled at Carpenters' Hall in Philadelphia to push back against the monarchy of a mad narcissist:
It was held because the colonists were very upset about the Intolerable Acts and the taxes. The Intolerable Acts were punishments that King George III put on the colonies. He put them on so the colonists would feel sorry about dumping tea into Boston Harbor during the Boston Tea Party.
Of course, the opposite happened. We got royally pissed, revolted, formed our own country, and then thrived and prospered until we started coming apart at the seams and heading down the path to becoming a monarchy led by a mad narcissist thanks to the efforts of...the Tea Party. Oh George, you sneaky bastard.
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Ten years ago in C&J: September 6, 2012
JEERS to bush-league Ivy Leaguers. This doesn’t look good for Barack Obama and Mitt Romney's old stompin' grounds. Thanks to a sharp-eyed teacher, Harvard University appears to have caught 125 students cheating on a final exam. The class is called "Government 1310: Introduction to Congress." The ones who are proven guilty will face possible suspension. Followed by immediate full-time employment on K Street.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to updating the scoreboard. The technical Emmy Awards were handed out over the weekend, and there's been a slight change in the total among former presidents. This will be especially painful for our 45th, given how he so desperately wanted one for hosting a reality show in which his role was limited to repeating stuff to the camera that was being whispered to him through an earpiece. But thanks to #44's win Saturday night for "Outstanding Narrator" (Netflix's Our Great National Parks), his successor will now have to live with this eating away at his ego ‘til the end of his pathetic life:
Emmys Won Barack Obama 1 Donald Trump 0
Ouch. That's gotta hurt. I hope.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial PETER DOOCY: Mr. President, do you consider all Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool splashers to be a threat to the country? PRESIDENT BIDEN: Come on! Look, guys. You keep trying to make that case. —Mediaite
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[END]
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