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Caturday Pootie Diary: A hero's tail [1]
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Date: 2022-09-03
“Who do you think would win in a fight?” I asked, as we continued to watch the action on screen. “Batman or Superman?”
“Is there a Catman?”
“There’s a Catwoman,” I said.
He gave one hard nod. “That’s who would win.”
“She’s pretty clever,” I agreed.
“And a cat can beat a bat any day of the week,” he said.
“He’s not actually a bat,” I explained. “He just dresses like one.”
He yawned and tucked his paws underneath himself. “Why would he do that when he can dress up like a cat?” he asked.
“I think he just wanted a cape.”
We watched the superheroes on screen battle the bad guys for a while.
“I could do that,” Freddie said, watching a particularly impressive heroic feat.
“I know you can jump pretty high, but the rest of it...” I said, dubious.
“I’d make a good superhero,” he insisted.
“What would be your superpower?” I asked
“I always land on my feet!”
“That’s a very impressive power,” I said, giving him a chin rub. He lifted his head to give me better access. “But I’m not sure that would do much against Thanos or the Joker.”
“I also have these claws that only come out when I want them to,” he said, pulling out one of his paws from under his body and watching as the claws extended and retracted.
“Now we’re talking!” I said. “You’re like the Wolverine!”
He tucked his paw back under him and sniffed, “that’s a dog, human.”
I nodded. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“You have pretty impressive fangs, too,” I told him.
He showed them to me briefly then said, “They are impressive. I use them to crunch up the treats.”
“And to crunch up injustice!”
“That goes without saying.”
“You need a good origin story,” I pointed out. “Every superhero has one.”
“That’s the story of how I became a hero?”
“Exactly!”
“Well. One day when I was just a kitten, this human took me home with her.”
“And she was beautiful and kind?”
“She had good food,” he conceded. “But she liked to hug me too much. And she always insisted I sleep next to her. But I like to sleep in different places!”
“She sounds wonderful,” I said.
“And when I try to sleep, she insists on petting me! And she calls me names that aren’t mine — “
“But you are my sweet baby angel cuddlemonster!”
“— and she is sometimes late with my food — “
“This kind of sounds like a supervillain origin story. The story of Ungrateful Cat.”
“But I mostly liked this human, even though she could be a handful. Then one day our home was invaded!”
“Oh no!”
“The human insisted these humans were not a danger. That they were there for “plumbing” and “the toilet” but I knew better! They were shifty.”
“They were here for like a half hour,” I said, frowning.
“I knew what I had to do.”
“Turn into a superhero and combat them?”
“Hide in the linen closet.”
“That is certainly a choice you made,” I agreed.
He nodded. “A smart superhero knows that sometimes you have to survive in order to fight another day.”
I scratched him behind his ear like he liked. “That is very wise, Superkitty.”
“That’s not my name.”
“Right. Sorry.”
Happy Caturday, Peeps! It can be a challenge, living so close to a superhero, but we make do.
[END]
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