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Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday [1]
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Date: 2022-08-31
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Maine’s Katahdin Woods and Waters, created by President Obama in 2016. (Say hi to Fluffy.)
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Glacier National Park
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National Mall
Sorry-not-sorry for that last one. Couldn’t help myself. (Not that I tried very hard.)
You can see more breathtaking pics of some of the amazing places that define our geography and historic sites, click here and/or click here. We now rejoin our regularly-scheduled mayhem already in progress.
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Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, August 31, 2022
Note: If you have a stash of top-secret documents, leave a stash of top-secret documents. If you need a stash of top-secret documents, take a stash of top-secret documents. (The combination to the safe is 1-2-3-4.) —Mgt.
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8 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the next full "harvest moon": 10
Days 'til the New Mexico State Fair in Albuquerque: 8
Minimum number of tax returns the IRS processes each year: 260 million
Percent chance that computer devices at the IRS still run using COBOL: 100%
Share of the total $600 billion in unpaid taxes that are attributable to the top 5 percent: $307 billion
Share of unpaid taxes among the bottom 20 percent of earners: $6 billion
Final bid on a mint condition Mickey Mantle baseball card, the most ever paid for sports memorabilia: $12.6 million
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 187 (including 4 volcanoes and 1 good reason to leave home). Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: 61 days and counting…
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JEERS to dodging a couple bullets. Or, more specifically, bullet points. Over at NBC News, Sahil Kapur was told to write a story about the midterms that list all the reasons why the Republicans' prospects for a total takeover of Congress "are receding." These are a good start:
A Democratic victory in a bellwether election. (That would be Pat Ryan’s win last week in New York .)
) Persuadable voters are trending toward Democrats.
The GOP’s “enthusiasm” edge is shrinking.
Mitch McConnell is downplaying expectations in the Senate.
Republicans are cutting ad spending in battleground Arizona while pouring cash into safer Ohio .
while pouring cash into safer . Biden's approval may be ticking up.
Republicans appear spooked about abortion.
All fine and good. Nice to see all that working in favor of Team D. But there are two other little “signs” he seems to have missed. I’ll fill them in:
In mere days the House January 6 Committee will crank up again and unleash fresh hell on the Republican party, which moved in virtual lockstep—even with active help from the demented MAGA wife of a demented MAGA Supreme Court justice—to overthrow the United States government.
The Justice Department, knowing that time is of the essence (lest any more of our intelligence agents in the field be compromised), will crank up their case against the former Republican president. Charges of violating laws against espionage are likely.
Both developments will continue casting the Republican party in the worst possible light, peeling off more independents to vote for Democrats and dampening MAGA enthusiasm. In the immortal words of Barack Obama circa 2012: "Please proceed."
CHEERS to taking America's moral compass for a spin. Tomorrow night President Biden will deliver a prime-time speech on "the soul of the nation." He's expected to talk about how "America’s rights and freedoms are still under attack.” Coincidentally, it was five years ago this month when he published an essay in The Atlantic following the MAGA cult's "Jews will not replace us" riot in Charlottesville. At the time he was the highest-ranking member of the Obama administration to weigh in on the rise of white supremacy in America, including some choice words for Captain Espionage's full-throated endorsement of it. Expect to hear echoes of this tomorrow night:
Today we have a [former] American president who has publicly proclaimed a moral equivalency between neo-Nazis and Klansmen and those who would oppose their venom and hate—who has emboldened white supremacists with messages of comfort and support. There is no place for these hate groups in America. Hatred of blacks, Jews, immigrants—all who are seen as “the other”—won’t be accepted or tolerated or given safe harbor anywhere in this nation. […] Joined together, we are more than 300 million strong. Joined together, we will win this battle for our soul. Because if there’s one thing I know about the American people, it’s this: When it has mattered most, they have never let this nation down.
Well, there was that one time they booted Sanjaya from American Idol. But, yeah, okay. Point taken.
JEERS to flappin' yer gums. Sixty-two years ago today, South Carolina "Dixiecrat" Senator Strom Thurmond ended his 24-hour+ filibuster—yeah, a real, honest-to-god talkfest—against the Civil Rights Act of 1957. The good news: the bill passed anyway and Eisenhower signed it. The bad news: Thurmond got his voice back.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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x Life lessons at a young age 😂 pic.twitter.com/T8T6ajP3Xu — CCTV_IDIOTS (@cctv_idiots) August 25, 2022
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to seeing things close-up. On this date in 1842, the U.S. Naval Observatory was created by an act of Congress. Their first weekly report was brief: "We see London. We see France. We see President Tyler's underpants! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!" Now you know why he scowled so much.
CHEERS to primary fevuh! There were no human primaries in any of the several states yesterday, but that doesn’t mean there wasn't some exciting action among the squirrels on my porch roof. While the Daily Kos Elections Team was taking a well-deserved Tuesday off, here's what we can report:
» Teddy handily defeated Pee-Wee in the special runoff for Director of Almond Management. (He will need to be watched very carefully by the oversight committee, which is being watched very carefully by the oversight-committee oversight committee.) Teddy on the stump. » Gladys prevailed by one vote over Lookachu and will face Mama in November for bragging rights in the Lower East Corner Of The Roof district. » An anonymous right-wing tree rat from the neighborhood up the street tried to tamper with the mail-in ballot drop box and got stuck. He now has to spend six weeks in anger-management classes and perform community service over at the senior center. » Pierre, being French-Canadian, wasn't eligible to take part in the elections, so he spent his time yesterday stealing classified documents from our attic safe. As a result, several undercover squirrels had to be brought in from the cold over fears that their covers deep inside the blue jays' nests would be blown.
Up next on the homo sapiens primary calendar: Massachusetts next Tuesday, followed by Delaware, New Hampshire and Rhode Island on September 13th. Prediction: unlike yesterday, there will be a lot fewer "I Voted" stickers that end up stuck to my butt. (Ha ha, real funny, guys.)
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Ten years ago in C&J: August 31, 2012
JEERS to advice we did not ask for. Rudy Giuliani opened his yap to say something besides "9/11" yesterday. Namely that the presidential race comes down to a choice between "Mr. Competent" and "Mr. Cool." This is true. President Obama is definitely competent. And Mitt Romney is definitely cool. I mean that literally. He has to be or else his circuitry starts to sputter and spark. So Mr. Competent it is! (On a related note: after this convention, Rudy goes into hibernation for four more years, right? Please, God.) [8/31/22 Update: Sadly, God said no.]
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And just one more…
JEERS to being lost, cold, and alone. My partner Michael's mom is in her mid-80s now and recently moved to an assisted-living facility in Michigan. And given that he's built up a hefty amount of vacation days, Michael embarked on a whirlwind road trip at 6 this morning, heading out to the wolverine state to pop in on Ma and spend some quality time with her before heading back to beat the Labor Day rush. Last night, before he toodled off to bed, he made sure to leave instructions on what I would need to survive:
"Bill! Pay attention and read this ALL THE WAY THROUGH. Here's your candy corn and your licorice. I pre-ordered six pounds of pad Thai—not too spicy, not too mild, the way you like it—for dinner the next three nights. They'll deliver it tomorrow around five. I re-filled the almond barrel for the squirrels. The dog and cat food are all pre-measured and stored in the fridge. Your socks and underwear are laid out on top of the dresser—place them in the hamper every night when you change into your Boba Fett jammies. I've frozen our financial accounts until I get back because we both know how clicky you get on eBay and Amazon when you get separation anxiety. Also I've removed all sources of fire, shut off the gas, and replaced the cutlery with a plastic spoon. The downstairs tenant will check on you every half hour. If you venture outside, make sure you attach yourself to the leash around the tree so you don't wander off. Don't stick your tongue in the fan. If you need emergency attention, choose from the 535 numbers, starting with Senator Angus King's, that I left by the phone. The rotary phone. The one you know how to use. If you get confused, just sit quietly. The cat will handle things until I get back. AND ABOVE ALL, DON’T DIG BACK UP WHAT WE BURIED IN THE BACK YARD IN JUNE. Love you, bye."
Repeating our top story: OMG OMG OMG! Pad Thai tonight!!!
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial August 30 is not a day that is particularly known for feeling especially crisp or autumnal in most parts of North America. And yet it’s the day in 2022—somehow not even their earliest release date ever—that Bill in Portland Maine chose to ready his blazing orange jugs of “pumpkin sauce” and unleash them into his Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool. —Vox
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[END]
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