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"I'll stick with this for as long as you want to" [1]
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Date: 2022-08-29
In the beginning of all of this, I chose what I thought was the easiest route; the quickest recovery, the least time off work. I chose a direct implant following the mastectomy. One surgery! Bim, Bam, not even a Boom.
Life doesn’t work that way for me though. The mastectomy didn’t go as planned, the implant had to be removed, and my chest wall built back up a bit. Until this last surgery I was skin and bone and worried about driving. If an airbag went off, I had no defense.
With each surgery I lose more of a little something. I lose work and clients. I lose my sense of time, my schedule. Financially this has been a disaster. Even with insurance there are medical supplies (though a friend here did help with a big one of those) that add up.
Emotionally this has taken a toll. My self esteem has taken a bit hit. On a really good day I think “I can lead a one breasted life, they have clothes for that”. (Cue, the superhero music I hear in my head.) On a bad day I feel so ugly that I wonder if, during my operations, the surgical team are shaking their heads wondering why this ugly blob cares about a breast.
Finally, back at work, somewhat settled in and getting a start on my financial recovery, I went for my pre op visit last Wednesday. I thought this next surgery was going to be another 1 hour surgery with a 2 week recovery. Easy Peasy!
No such luck. The surgery is going to take several hours and I won’t be able to go back to work for 8 weeks. I won’t be able to raise my arm above my head for I don’t know how long. My elbow has to stay at my side for at least 2 weeks.
I’ll come home from the hospital with drains, some kind of vacuum thing and a metal thing inserted that will dispense antibiotics. As I write this, I could seriously cry.
I want my life back! I want my schedule and time back! I want a nice breast back too! I can’t do it alone though. I need help. I’ve used up all my savings and am living paycheck to paycheck to try to stay afloat, but I’m about to go under. My living expenses are around $1500 a month and it looks like I won’t be able to work for 2 months. If you can help me in any way I would be most grateful! More than you can ever know.
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