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Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday [1]

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Date: 2022-08-24

Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, August 24, 2022

Note: ”Why did the knitting club never produce any hats, mittens, sweaters, or scarves? Because they were too busy sitting around spinning yarns.” (This concludes the brief and tragic standup career of Bill in Portland Maine, who will now show himself out.)

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4 days!!!

By the Numbers:

Days 'til Thanksgiving: 82

Days 'til Maine's Windsor Fair: 4

Number of consecutive days that the average price of gas has fallen: 70

Number of states from which Jan. 6 Republican insurrectionists have been arrested: 50

Number of Republican insurrectionists who have pled guilty so far, out of the roughly 2,000 who are expected to face charges: 350

Minimum percent by which Facebook's stock price has dropped in the last year: 50%

Number of U.S. Vice Presidents who later joined the confederacy: 1 (John Breckenridge, Buchanan's veep)

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Mid-week Rapture Index: 187 (including 4 false prophets and 1 neighbor from Hell). Soul Protection Factor 8 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.

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Puppy Pic of the Day: A litter of…duckshunds???

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CHEERS to the day after the battle. Voters in three states marched to the polls to choose the candidates from their party who will face the candidates from the other party on November 8th (76 days from now). Here are the races we were watching like a hawk last night until we fell asleep on the couch at 7pm:

New York: 1st, 3rd, 4th, 10th, 12th, 16th, 17th, 18th, 19th, 22nd and 23rd Florida: 1st, 3rd, 4th, 10th, 12th, 16th, 17th, 18th, 19th, 22nd and 23rd Oklahoma: 2nd

The winners were him, him, her, her, him, him, and him. The rest of the races are too boring to bother calling. You can peruse the results from the Daily Kos Elections Team here. And before I forget: the Webb Space Telescope monitored the election for Viceroy on Planet Orpglorb-6, and it's our pleasure to be the first from Earth to say: Congratulations on your slimeslide victory, Puddle Of Goo With Six Tentacles And One Eye. Rule benevolently.

CHEERS to switching teams. In the wake of the January 6th Republican attempt to overthrow the United States government, there should've been a stampede of GOPers leaving the party—at best to join the Democrats in preserving the Union, and at minimum to become independents or start a new, non-traitor conservative party from scratch. But, no. Barely a trickle. So give this guy in Colorado a gold star for knowing when to cut bait after realizing all the fish in his pond were rotten from the head down:

A state senator in Colorado is resigning from the Republican Party and becoming a Democrat, citing the party's complicity in the Jan. 6 insurrection and 2020 election denial as the reason. State Sen. Kevin Priola (R → D) "I cannot continue to be a part of a political party that is okay with a violent attempt to overturn a free and fair election and continues to peddle claims that the 2020 election was stolen," Sen. Kevin Priola said in a statement. He also cited his party's lack of action on climate change, saying his GOP colleagues "consistently and proudly seek to impede progress ... and I can't, in good conscience, be silent about that."

Welcome to Team D. We're gonna frustrate the shit out of you. But at least your conscience will be safe.

JEERS to imperial takesie backsies. On today's date in 1814, King George III got all pissy and ordered British forces to attack Washington, DC during the War of...um...1812. The president and members of Congress fled while First Lady Dolley Madison, armed with nothing but a butcher knife and her patriotism, rescued artwork and leftover mutton before the redcoats torched the White House. The 8/24 Commission Report later said President Madison should have heeded the PDB titled: "King George III Determined to Strike In US." Curse you, 20-20 hindsight.

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BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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x This robot leverages AI to help humans recycle more efficiently and reliably. It learns on the job & adapts to changes.



Credit: BHS

Source @pascal_bornet pic.twitter.com/NOXH3EmYbc — Tech Burrito (@TechAmazing) August 22, 2022

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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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CHEERS to today's edition of Oh Gee, That's Too Bad. Courtesy this morning of Huffington Post:

Longtime Republican strategist Karl Rove said Monday that former President Donald Trump’s ongoing legal problems are “dampening Republican enthusiasm” as the nation heads toward the midterm elections. The more we talk about the “boxes of material at Mar-a-Lago” the FBI seized earlier this month “and the less that we talk about the problems that we face as a country here and now, the better off the Democrats are,” Rove told Fox News host Martha MacCallum. [...] Rove said Trump’s problems are causing a “tightening” in races, making some of them more competitive for Democrats.

This has been today's edition of Oh Gee, That's Too Bad.

CHEERS and JEERS to moolah matters. As the week rolls on towards its inevitable conclusion (tomorrow's Rapture, so get packing), let’s check in with some recent economic headlines we plucked off the money tree to find out if we should start moving our cash from the secret hole in our back yard to the secret hole in our basement. Caution: whiplash ahead:

» Gas prices drop 70 days in a row in the second-longest streak since 2005 » 22 states with unemployment rates at 3 percent » Turmoil in the natural gas market spells trouble ahead How’s that Tubman 20 coming along, Secretary Yellen? » Wanted: 7,000 construction workers for new Intel chip plants » Biden to make announcement on student loan forgiveness Wednesday » China turns back to coal amid record heat wave » New home sales fall 12.6% in July as rising prices take a toll » Streaming viewership overtakes cable for the first time » Chicken wing prices are cheaper now than before the pandemic » U.S. hotel prices are getting cheaper, even as airfares soar

And this just in: Inflation Is Crushing Wedding Budgets And Guests Are Getting Cut. On behalf of all the guests looking for any excuse to get out of going to weddings: thank you, inflation.

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Ten years ago in C&J: August 24, 2012

CHEERS to seeing red. The Mars Rover "Curiosity" got a clean bill of diagnostic health after landing on the planet surface a couple weeks back. Now it's time to get that buggy busy on behalf of the homeland! Being an American occupier, naturally the first thing on the agenda was to start shooting up the place with a laser. Still too early for a victory parade with the Martian version of sweets and flowers (that would be, um, rocks & more rocks), but not too early for "Curiosity" to put up the MISSION ACCOMPLISHED banner (probably on a rock). On today's to-do list: firing up the freedom fries launcher and spreading those starchy slivers of Jeffersonian democracy throughout the fruited plain, if by "fruited" you mean covered with rocks. Of course, if any actual life forms show up, the Curiosity is prepared. It keeps a Glock in its codpiece. Bring it on!

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And just one more…

CHEERS to the Spud Stud. On August 24, 1853, chef George “Crum” Speck made the first potato chips—originally called Saratoga Chips—after a fussy customer (Commodore Cornelius Vanderbilt) complained that his potatoes weren't sliced thin enough. So the chef sliced 'em thinner-than-thin out of frustration and the rest, as they say, is BBQ, Salt & Vinegar, Ruffled, Kettle-cooked, sometimes-even-packed-in-tennis-ball-canisters history.

And he doesn't have a statue on the National Mall because...???

Here in the BiPM household, I'm not sure we've ever actually thrown out an old bag of chips. When one gets down to about an inch of crumbs, we just go buy a new bag and leave the old one in the cupboard, making a "mental note" to "finish off that old bag before starting in on the new one." Never happens. And now we have chip bags dating back to the Nixon years gathering dust and lord-knows-what else. The potato DNA is probably congealing into a super potato brain that will fashion a crude body out of the potato bags and begin a rampage that flattens several cities before it's finally brought down by a giant glop of French onion dip dropped from a helicopter. And when that day comes, I trust someone will remember to update George Crum's Wikipedia page accordingly.

Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial "Bill in Portland Maine is somebody without a moral center, and he had a moral center. So, I don’t know what happened when he got out of the C&J kiddie pool." —Rep. Adam Kinzinger

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[END]
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[1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2022/8/24/2118134/-Cheers-and-Jeers-Wednesday

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