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Caturday Pootie Diary: Come look at memes with Freddie (Wholesome Edition) [1]
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Date: 2022-08-20
The alarm on my phone went off. I tried to retrieve it from under his body without disturbing him, but it was a pointless endeavor. As soon as my hand slipped under his belly he stood and stretched. “Don’t go!” I pleaded, hitting the snooze and dropping my phone again. I tried to grab him, but he was too fast.
“Breakfast,” he called over his shoulder, and coiled up at the edge of the bed, preparing to jump off.
“Wait!” I yelled. “Memes!”
He paused his leap and looked over at me.
“Wanna look at some?” I asked.
“What kind?” he asked, mildly suspicious.
“Well, it’s been a stressful few months,” I said. “I think we should find some really wholesome ones.”
He considered this, then turned and walked back to me.
I sat up and propped the pillow behind me. Picking up my phone, I quickly found some good, wholesome memes.
“Why would I want pictures of cats?” he asked.
“Because cats are cute!” I said.
“We are,” he agreed. “But I don’t know why I’d want to see other cats. I’m cute by myself.”
“I’ll tell you something,” I said, leaning down to impart a secret. “When I’m feeling down I look at pictures of you.”
He frowned. “What pictures?”
I realized I had said too much. “No pictures. Let’s look at another one”
“Oh my god,” I said, delighted.
“I bet they feed him breakfast,” Freddie said.
“I bet he’s really proud of himself,” I told Freddie.
“I caught a lizard once,” he said.
“You did! And I was very proud of you!”
“What happened to it?” he asked.
“Let’s look at some more memes!”
“All cats are good at that,” I said.
“I can’t seem to make you feed me, though.”
Freddie frowned. “There’s a monster in the closet?” he asked, looking over at it.
“No! It’s just where I store my clothes.”
“What’s a monster?”
I thought about it. “It’s something not at all scary that isn’t there anyway.”
He stared at the closet doors. “I should go look.”
“You’ll just get stuck in there again.”
“That looks like a comfortable bed,” he said.
“You have like six beds,” I pointed out.
“Not one like that,” he said, sadly.
“You have to celebrate the little successes,” I explained.
“Like when I save a little of my gushy food for later and then I go to get some kibble and see that there’s some gushy food still on the plate and I get a good afternoon snack?”
“Yeah! That’s a good success!”
“It helps when someone feeds me, though.”
“That’s us when I kiss your little face,” I said.
He sighed. “I don’t like when you do that.”
“Are lizards vegan?” Freddie asked.
“Ah...no.”
“I don’t like to be sad,” I explained.
“You could just look at pictures of me. How many do you have?”
“Moving on!”
“I do not understand your obsession with our paws.”
“They’re so cute!”
“That’s you!” I said.
“I don’t like being booped,” he said quickly.
“I won’t do it,” I assured him.
"We should get studio pictures of you,” I mused.
“Then you could look at them when you are sad!”
“I drink a lot of water,” he said.
“You’re a good water drinker,” I agreed.
I opened my mouth to sing the song I had written about Freddie.
“Yes! I am a hungry boy!” he said before I could start.
I closed my mouth.
I lifted my hand for a high five.
“I don't do that,” he said.
“That’s you!” I said again.
His sweet kitty brow furrowed. “I like to think of myself as more of one of those carnivorous plants.”
“Like a Venus Fly Trap?”
“Yeah! Just like that!”
I shook my head. “You ignore flies unless they fly right past your head!”
"I’m too faint and weak from not having breakfast to chase a fly!” he shot back at me.
I rubbed my eyes. “Yeah, okay, that’s fair. Let’s get you some breakfast,” I said, swinging my legs off the side of the bed.
He was already down the stairs.
Happy Caturday, Peeps! Freddie and I thought you all could use a little wholesomeness in your lives right now while we gear up for the midterms. Stay calm! We got this!
[END]
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