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Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday [1]
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Date: 2022-08-03
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, August 3, 2022
Note: If this kiddie pool's a' rockin’, what the hell are you people doing?
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By the Numbers:
3 days!!!
Days 'til International Beer Day: 4
Days 'til the Olathe Sweet Corn Festival in Colorado: 3
Size of the security assistance package for Ukraine that President Biden authorized Monday: $550 million
Current average price of gas, down 17% since mid-June: $4.18
Amount California has earmarked to produce three types of insulin and build its own manufacturing facility to make insulin affordable: $100 million
The last time the stock market had as good a month as it did in July: November 2020
Years, to the day, since "Macarena" started its 14-week reign at #1 on the Billboard pop chart, changing our way of life forever: 26
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 189 (including 4 Kings of the East and 1 Jesus alive in your computer!!!). Soul Protection Factor 30 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: 19 seconds of need met…
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CHEERS to nailing a really bad guy to the wall. He was a schemer, an evildoer, a plotter, a planner, evil incarnate. He palled around with the worst of the worst in a long-term campaign of terrorism that would try to send waves of chaos through the fragile fabric of western democracy. Just one problem: he tried to take on the United States and tear it down, using propaganda and extreme violence. Let's just say it: he was a terrorist. And now his attempt to take us down is over. He was nabbed by the patriotic American good guys and that's that. He's finished. But enough about that moron who tried to lead the insurrection on our Capitol last year. Did you hear we also got that al Qaeda guy? Nice work, Joe.
CHEERS to Civic Duty Tuesday. Sure, the Nazis are taking over our country at the speed of a hopped-up Tiger tank. But that doesn’t mean we can't spend the occasional day voting in primary elections, does it? Nein! Nein, Ich sage!!! Yesterday saw contests in a whole bunch of states. Sure, you could go to the Daily Kos Elections Team feed and get caught up on their brilliant analysis posted at lightning speed as the results rolled in. Or, you can watch what I'm about to do, which is at least ten times as impressive. [Cracks knuckles.] [Closes eyes.] [Takes deep breath.] [Starts shaking pom-poms]
Hup hup hup hup! Let’s GO! Washington! Ohio! Missouri! Michigan! Kansas! Aaaaaaaaaand………….Arizona!!!
Yesterday's primary states shouted in reverse alphabetical order, and I only peeked at my notes twice. So who’s the real winner? Me me me...goooooooooo me!
CHEERS to reality-based pioneers. Today is John T. Scopes's 122nd birthday. He's the Tennessee high school teacher who was taken to court (the famous Scopes Monkey trial) for teaching evolution in class. His Kentucky gravestone labels him "A Man of Courage"—the understatement of the century given what a circus he went through. Pay your respects here. It'll drive the fundamentalist wackos so crazy they'll be flinging poo at each other all day.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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x The walking hair explosion 😂 pic.twitter.com/Y4AbVs0NJP — CCTV_IDIOTS (@cctv_idiots) July 27, 2022
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to smart war management. 161 years ago, in 1861, President Lincoln signed into law the first federal income tax. He felt it was fiscally responsible because we were waging a civil war. Today red-hatted Republicans would tar Lincoln as a tax-and-spend liberal and hold the surrender ceremony at Appomattox hostage until he backed down and repealed it. And after Abe got done with them there'd be a lot of weepy Republicans pulling their red hats out of their asses.
JEERS to ruining a god thing. In right-wing circles, religion is nothing but a blunt instrument to scare people into doing everything they command. It's not about feeding the hungry or healing the sick or holding the moneychangers to account. Nope. It's about mansions and private jets and lives of ease and luxury for the grifters in charge whose #1 priority is hiding behind an invisible "angry god" to skirt all the laws. Well, apparently America's future is taking notice…and staying in bed:
Religion, especially Christianity—while still powerful in American culture—is in decline. Fewer than half of Americans even belong to a church or other house of worship. Rates of church attendance are in a freefall, as younger Americans would rather do anything with their precious free time than go to church. […] In response to Americans losing interest in faith, Republicans are in a full-blown panic, lashing out and accusing everyone else—liberals, schools, immigrants, pop culture, you name it—for this shift in religious sentiment. Worse, more are advocating the use of force to counter this decline. If people don't want religion, well, too bad. More Republicans are arguing that Christianity should not be optional—First Amendment be damned.
Yeah, good luck with that. Sincerely, your equal time-demanding friends at the Satanic Temple.
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Ten years ago in C&J: August 3, 2012
CHEERS and JEERS to red meat for both bases. The July employment numbers came out today. Our side will proclaim, "163 thousand new jobs! This is better than the experts' predictions!" The other side will snarl, "Unemployment rose to 8.3 percent! This is terrible!" We're right. They're right. Kum By Frickin' Yah.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the birth of a meta legend. And here we are in August, 2022. Climate crisis? Clusterfuck. Pandemic? Still raging? Supreme Court? Clusterfuck. Republican war on democracy? Clusterfuck. Russia’s campaign of terror against Ukraine? Cluster-you-know-what. Well, I have something to snap us out of them clusterfuck blues. Thanks to wayback-machine technology, we take you to August 3, 2006, when life was simple, cherub-faced children played stickball in the streets, and Daddy came home to find his slippers, pipe, newspaper, and supper waiting for him as the aroma of jasmine wafted on the warm summer breeze. Oh, and this ErrinF classic was at the top of the DKos charts:
I want out of this farce of a website. … Like some sort of cult, I was welcomed in freely but am now being barred from leaving. Since I can't delete my account myself, my only recourse is to be as abrasive and disruptive as I can be UNTIL MY ACCOUNT GETS DELETED. As long as my account remains here, I do not feel comfortable leaving. Is it really such a tough request to delete my account so I can go? Just what kind of website lets you join up but won't let you leave? One that regards people as little more than statistics, that's what. How like the Democratic Party for Kos to view his site's members as little more than statistics. DELETE MY FUCKING ACCOUNT, KOS.
And for a brief moment, if you close your eyes and take a deep breath, unicorns romp once again in the Fields of the Great Orange Satan. And I swear I'm catching a whiff of jasmine in the breeze.
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial Mad about inflation? Blame Bill in Portland Maine. —Vox
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[END]
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