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Picking a narrative [1]

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Date: 2022-07-25

Sometimes I wonder how I would handle a sex scandal. Let’s say a news story emerged in which a “reliable source” said I had an affair with Brandy Bourbon, the notorious alt-right porn star.

I’m at work when the story breaks. My wife calls me up and demands to know if it’s true. Since I still want to sleep in my own bed tonight, I tell her that I did not sleep with Brandy Bourbon.



Then I get a call from my literary agent. He tells me that he can get me a $400,000 advance if I write a tell-all book about the affair. I almost tell him that the affair never happened. Instead I tell him that I will call him back.



Now, some men would tell one story to their wife and another story to their agent, in the hopes of both preserving their marriage and landing the big book deal. But my wife is a firm believer in monogamy, and my agent is a firm believer in journalistic integrity. And they sometimes talk to each other and share notes. If I sign this book deal, my wife might think I actually had the affair. If I’m still married when the book comes out next year, then my agent might think the affair never happened.

Now, enough people like and trust me that they would believe my side of the story over Brandy’s, and she keeps changing her story anyway. But I still have to commit to one narrative, or else I will lose the trust of both my spouse and my agent.



And this is the dilemma that many Republicans face this year. They HAVE to commit to one of two conflicting narratives. On the one hand, there are those suburban soccer parents who tend to vote Republican because they think it leads to lower crime. On the other hand, there is the MAGAhadeen who want a civil war to start. Now, there is some overlap between people who want less crime and people who want a civil war, even though that doesn’t make any sense. But I’d say the average suburbanite has enough awareness of the war in Ukraine that they don’t want something similar in their own community. So Team Lower Crime doesn’t want to think that a sitting President sent his Spetznaz goons to the Capitol, while Team Civil War is rather proud of the fact that it happened.

They also have to make one set of promises to their moderates and a different set of promises to Cult 45. They tell moderate women that they can still get an abortion if they REALLY need one, and then tell the theocrats that they are totally serious about outlawing abortion without exceptions. They speak in reverent tones about the sanctity of the free market, while demanding the President do something about gas prices. Last year, they wanted ALL troops out of Afghanistan RIGHT AWAY, but still have some troops stay behind for reasons. Also, Trump bragged about the effectiveness of Operation Warp Speed, while his followers claimed that those vaccines altered people’s DNA and would kill everybody.

The cool thing about democracy is that as most people are aware of what’s going on and what the stakes are, then we’ll have something resembling a functioning government after Election Day. And who knows? Perhaps enough conservative voters will have epiphanies and realize that at least half of what they have been told is utter horseshit. You all know what to do.

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[1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2022/7/25/2112084/-Picking-a-narrative

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