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The HARD, COLD, TRUTH about Mass Shootings. [1]

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Date: 2022-07-19

Every time I hear that there is a mass shooting, I think about how likely it would have happened if the person had someone to talk to that listened, guided them, and helped them to see that violence was not the answer. I almost always come to the conclusion that it most likely would not have happened.

If children learned from a young age that talking to a counselor to discuss their problems was expected of every student and was a normal part of school, it would be much easier to detect problems before they arise. Of course the counselor would have to be a trained mental health professional with social services integrated training. They would also have to be trained to work with children for a specific age range. Developmental psychology is different that young adult psychology as the child faces different types of challenges as they grow up. The need for counseling and the integration of counseling techniques into a child’s life would give them an advantage from a young age on how to deal with problems. Why should a person have to wait till they are an adult to deal with childhood traumas? It would be better for them and society if they were to deal with them growing up.

The fact of the matter is that there are good parents that work hard to assure that their child has every advantage and learns life’s lessons appropriately. But there are bad parents too, that do the least amount of work necessary to get by and leave the child vulnerable to learning life’s lessons the hard way. They say it takes a village to raise a child. I am quite sure that is true. There is no single person that can do the right thing every single day, every single time, in each and every interaction with their children. The good ones try, but there are moments of frustration, exhaustion, depression, or just times when they are not paying attention, and things happen. It’s not their fault, and in most cases a single mistake in handling a situation by a parent that is doing their best and trying hard to always do the right thing is not going to lead to their child becoming a mass shooter. It’s the parents that don’t do the work that give me pause. In some cases there are extenuating circumstances like mental health issues, poverty combined with other factors that place the person at a constant disadvantage. Being a parent is the hardest job a person could ever have. It requires a lot of patience, dedication and effort to do it correctly. Parents cannot do the job if we do not give them the ability to do it. Some parents do not understand the job description and responsibilities that come with being a parent. Maybe if every couple that got pregnant were required to participate in mandatory parenting classes this would provide some help. But, it goes beyond education, it requires financial support, community support, and support from our government to make the job of raising a child easier. Some cultures place a higher value on the rearing of children and invest more time and energy into producing higher quality adults as a result.

We are currently dealing with the loss of abortion rights in this country. Imagine what it will be like in 16 years when there are hundreds, if not thousands, of children raised by parents that were not ready for children or that flat out did not want children but were forced to have them. I hate to say it but I can imagine what their lives will be like. I can imagine the damaged psyche that they will develop. I can foresee the number of violent acts being committed by damaged children.

There is resistance in America to reducing gun violence by eliminating the main problem, guns. Just because a child turns 18 does not mean that they are mature enough to own a gun. The ability to recognize the consequences for their actions is a lesson that many of them have just not learned. Children believe they are invincible. In many cases they are fresh out of a situation where they were bullied, tormented, felt as if their lives to that point have been nothing but a freak show of horrors and do not see the future as holding anything of value for them. Life holds no value to them because up to that point they have suffered and now they have the opportunity to make others suffer.

The inability to reason, to identify mental health issues, to work thru conflict in a meaningful way, is not their fault. Not having been given the tools to deal with and overcome obstacles in their life that can lead to a feeling of despair, depression, and worthlessness is not their fault. It is in effect our fault. We did not take the time necessary to talk with these people. The parents failed to raise a healthy child armed with the tools necessary to deal with stress, conflict, and to be able to overcome and succeed.

We need a massive increase in mental health professionals trained in child psychology, social services, and crisis management. They should be placed in schools to identify children in need and provide the counseling they need. Every child should be required to attend one-on-one meetings with them on an as needed basis, but at least once per month. We need to identify the cause of bullying and remove it. We need to teach our children that violence is never the answer and that all things can and will get better when they develop a plan for success, and give the tools to be successful.

Additionally, we need to identify parents that are not doing their job, and give them the ability to do it or take on the responsibility to give that child the lessons in school, that they should have learned at home. There are bad parents, and they will fight tooth and nail to prevent any evaluation of their performance because no parent wants to be called out for failing to do their job. But in many cases, that is exactly what has happened. I am happy to see that in some cases the parents of the children involved in mass shooting are now being charged. I think anyone that neglects a child and that not only allows them to become dangerous but enables them to be dangerous should face charges.

How are we as a society going to stop this? The answer is that we need to create a better generation of people that are capable of dealing with issues without the need for violence. We need better education, we need more funding for schools so that they can have counselors instead of police officers. We would spend far less on prevention than we would in intervention, and we could eliminate the grieving that comes after a child has gone over the edge because nobody took the time to help that child.

We also need to stop shaming children for being who they are. I remember reading that a recent survey that revealed that a surprisingly high number of children did not identify as 100% heterosexual. Shaming a child has such a negative effect and laws like the “don’t say gay” one in Florida are only going to serve to make things worse and not better. Children are more accepting of change than adults, and we cannot hold back change at the expense of their mental well-being. Counselors need to be able to address issues of sexuality with their child patients and anything that interferes with that process should be eliminated.

The Cold, Hard, Truth is that we are doing the exact opposite of what we should be doing. We are turning schools into police states, reducing the quality of education, cutting funding, eliminating services, and all of this will lead to more and more mass shootings. We need to do better. Our elected officials need to do better. Schools need to do better. But most of all, parents need to do better.

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[1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2022/7/19/2111256/-The-HARD-COLD-TRUTH-about-Mass-Shootings

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