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Caturday Pootie Diary: In which things get political [1]
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Date: 2022-07-09
“He’s served as Chief Mouser over the past, like, five PMs so he has a lot of experience,” I pointed out. “He’s spent more time at Ten Downing Street than even Boris Johnson did before he rose to power. So it makes sense that he’d be next in line.”
“Experience is important in a government leader,” Freddie agreed.
“I think he’ll make an excellent caretaker PM.”
“What’s that?”
“It means he would keep the government running while the party in charge figures out a new leader. He doesn’t make any big changes.”
Freddie frowned and stretched (“Ooooh, big stretch!”), then walked up my legs and across my lap to sit beside me. I winced as his heavy paws hit me in tender places. He twisted and gave his spine a thoughtful lick, then turned back to me. “He needs to make big changes.”
“Like what?”
“Designated nap times when the sun is high in sky. Oh! There should be skylights installed in every building to ensure the sunlight is available.”
I wrinkled my nose. “I don’t think the Prime Minister can do that.”
“He’s in charge, isn’t he?”
“Sort of? He still has to answer to the Parliament and the Queen. Literally, in fact. They have this thing where the PM goes before Parliament and has to answer their questions. It can get pretty intense.”
Freddie was shaking his head.
“What?” I asked.
“Everyone will be too busy napping. There won’t be time for that nonsense.”
“Does the Queen like cats?”
“She has a whole mess of corgis,” I answered.
He curled his lip, exposing one long canine. “Dogs,” he sniffed. “No wonder we had a revolution.”
“With Larry in charge in London and Willow in charge in Washington, we should be able to form a strong alliance,” Freddie said, working it all out.
“We already – “
“Larry will help them get over the tea thing and Willow will help us get over the tar and feather thing.”
“That was pro-revolutionaries who did – “
“Who wants feathers on them? We eat things with feathers.”
I reminded myself that he was a cat who wasn’t around when I took US History. “That’s a good point,” I said.
“They should have a cat summit,” Freddie said, warming up to his plans. “They can hold it in Kathmandu and Willow and Larry will lead the world’s cat leaders in negotiations. We’ll finally come up with a plan to combat the red dot!”
“You think PM Larry and President Willow can handle that?”
“They are the smartest of cats! You’ve seen their social media!”
I nodded slowly. “I have, but that doesn’t mean they’re smart. It just means they have media savvy staff.”
“But who hired that staff?”
“Um, probably their owners.”
He gaped at me. “You think it’s humans behind everything?”
I held up my hand. “We’re the ones with the thumbs,” I said, wiggling said digit.
“That you use to feed and entertain us. You. Serve. Us.”
I opened my mouth and closed it again. Finally, I said, “I guess that’s true.”
“Willow and Larry both have staff completely dedicated to them. They are in charge.”
I nodded slowly. “I can see how you’d come to that conclusion.”
“I, for one, am glad about our new, feline overlords,” I said.
“Don’t worry,” Freddie said, “I’ll tell them how nice you are so you won’t be sent to the kennel.”
“That’s really…nice of you,” I said, mildly disturbed.
“Cat judges can be tough, but I’ll be a witness for you.”
“Cat…judges…?”
“All humans will need to be assessed.”
“I can’t believe how quickly you became authoritarian,” I said, shaking my head.
“Of course, it will help if you increase my allotment of daily treats. I’ll have something more concrete to tell them.”
I raised an eyebrow. “You are limited for your own good,” I reminded him.
“I decide what’s for my own good now,” he insisted.
I snorted.
“Well,” I said, turning back to the news on my phone, “Larry hasn’t been sworn in yet so this is really all theoretical.”
“They wouldn’t dare deny him,” he said, darkly.
“Or what?”
“Or they will feel our wrath!”
“But not while the sun is shining,” I observed.
“No, not then. We have to nap.”
“And not at mealtime.”
“It is important to eat promptly and to savor every bite.”
“And you’ll need time for birdwatching and for zooming.”
“Of course!”
“But after all that?”
He nodded once, sharply. “After all that, revolution!”
*I am not actually confused about the situation thanks to a short but informative segment on the Washington Post podcast Post Reports. It’s their Thursday, 7/7 episode and features a 15 to 20 minute segment that details the lead up to Johnson’s resignation and explains what happens next. I highly recommend it to anyone who is wondering what the hell is going on over there
Happy Caturday, Peeps! Freddie is a loyal supporter of the Pootie Party and he asks that all of you make sure to vote for your local feline.
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