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It's been a while since we made fun of Aaron Rodgers, so let's take a look at his new tattoo [1]
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Date: 2022-07-06
Far be it from me to criticize anyone else’s appearance. On my best days I look like a 6-foot-tall hobbit with a Boone’s Farm hangover. And while tattoos certainly aren’t my bag—I’m deathly afraid of needles, for one thing—I have no problem with the liberally inked among us, so long as they’re not excessively coy and smug about it.
Enter Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers. The vaccine-avoiding, freedom phlegm-expectorating, 2020 election-doubting perennial playoff choke machine just got his first tattoo, and it’s a mystery wrapped in an enigma covered in a 1960s late-night TV test pattern.
So let’s unveil it, shall we?
x Aaron Rodgers got his first tattoo 😅
Thoughts on his new ink?
(via @BBdisconnected) pic.twitter.com/91gYzk8Wvd — Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) July 6, 2022
I’ve been staring at this thing for two hours now, and I think I saw it move. I averted my gaze just as the lion on the left started screaming at the lion on the right for running the wrong route.
Of course, I still don’t know quite what to make of it. My best guess is that it’s a detailed map to the Packers’ upcoming 2023 NFC Championship Game loss, but what do I know? The all-seeing chickenpox scar on my arm has been utterly silent on the matter.
For the record, this is how Rodgers himself described the tat on his Instagram account, where he unveiled this sexy beast:
First tattoo. From the 🐐 himself @balazsbercsenyi
Grateful for his mastery and friendship 💪🏼❤️ 🇭🇺
There’s a deep and meaningful story and connection to absolutely each element of this art piece, and I’ll share a little more about that one day. For now, just thankful for @balazsbercsenyi and his patience and artistry. #tattoo #astrology #theelements #
Yes, I’m sure it’s very deep and meaningful. Or maybe it’s yet another nostrum for warding off deadly disease and/or foul spirits. I assume you’ll have to listen to more Joe Rogan than is healthy (i.e., any amount of Joe Rogan) to fully unspool this mystery, and most of us don’t have that kind of time.
So how about this, Aaron? Why don’t you just tell us what the tattoo means? Or not. I know how you hate being needled—unless it’s for a good cause, of course. Like being a mysterious weirdo with a cryptic, totally pointless secret and a seriously infectious smile.
Full disclosure: I’m a lifelong Packers fan.
x YouTube Video
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