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The Former Criminal Announces run for President to avoid Jail Time [1]

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Date: 2022-07-04

Please clean up after your dog!

The walls are closing in like a bad acid trip for Big Daddy Chump. The music tastes funny and repetitive and a tentacled hedgehog monster that usually lives underwater is casually strolling down the street looking for him door to door. (DINSDALE!) The adrenal glands are working overtime. His face is flushed with rage that has nowhere to go. His ears are hot and his fingers have turned into chopsticks. Wild images surge behind his eyelids, and when he opens them to stop the madness, bats are flying everywhere. “This place is getting to me… I think I’m getting the FEAR...” He starts looking for his bottle of ether to calm down his jangled nerves.

“Double down, double double! I’ve been knocked off on my perch and I need to play offense, not defense! I have to silence the RINO’s and hire lawyers for my lawyers! I just need a couple more hundred thousand dollars and I can run this country as long as I live.”

Chump, if nothing else, has become entirely predictable. His old vaudeville schtick is a reality show that ran out of gas in season one. He can’t do anything else because he doesn’t know anything else. And now the contract is up for renewal. The most pertinent thing in his mind is “How can I make tons of money off of this?”

This is the crossroads he finds himself at this point: either fade into obscurity or triple down. What do you think he will choose? If he announces his candidacy now he can go back to bathing in that sweet green water that the rubes so willingly throw at him. He can claim that the select committee is interfering in a presidential race. He can dismiss detractors as political enemies. He can dominate the news cycle once again with daily mouth farts that chew up all the political air around him. In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity.

I predict he will announce his candidacy today, because it is the perfect day to pretend he is an American Patriot. He loves this country so much that he truly believes half of us shouldn’t even live here. I may be right or I may be wrong, and at the end of today we will all know one way or another. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow. I don’t have to be right, I’m not the President. But to me, in a scene where nobody with any ambition is really what he appears to be, there’s not much risk in acting like a King-Hell Freak. That’s how he gets attention. He already lost: what is he going to do? Lose more? Naw, he’s going to fleck his spittle with rants and high crimes to get the attention he obviously craves like a two-year-old until his capillaries burst.

[END]
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[1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2022/7/4/2108307/-July-4th-2022-Prediction-The-Former-Criminal-Announces-run-for-President-to-avoid-Jail-Time

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