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Obstacle parenting: Making kids' lives harder in order to build resilience [1]

['Ellsworth Toohey']

Date: 2025-09-04

In an era of helicopter parenting and AI-powered shortcuts, some parents are intentionally making life a little harder for their kids. Michelle Cyca, writing for The Walrus, explains her approach of "obstacle parenting" — deliberately allowing children to struggle with challenges rather than swooping in to solve problems for them.

Cyca argues this method helps cultivate crucial skills like focus and endurance that are being eroded by overuse of technology. She cites concerns about social media's impact on youth mental health and the cognitive costs of relying on AI writing tools. By contrast, obstacle parenting aims to build self-reliance and critical thinking.

Practical examples include letting kids play with old-school computer games that require patience, or resisting the urge to immediately help with difficult tasks. "I just want her to figure something out by herself, especially if it's hard or boring," Cyca writes of her daughter.

Cyca shares an anecdote about a screen-free flight with her daughter:

Four hours into the flight, I walked down the darkened aisle to the bathroom at the rear of the plane; it seemed like every silent face, adult and child, was lit by the glow of a screen. I returned to my seat. Our games were exhausted. "I'm bored," my daughter said. "Sometimes you have to be bored," I replied. We opened the window to look at the clouds outside. She leaned on my shoulder, and we waited together to land.

Previously:

• Minimalist Parenting: Getting Things Done meets childrearing

• My Mother Wears Combat Boots — kick-ass punk-parenting book

• A User's Guide to Neglectful Parenting, by Guy Delisle

• Utah passes America's first 'free-range kids' law

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[1] Url: https://boingboing.net/2025/09/04/obstacle-parenting-making-kids-lives-harder-in-order-to-build-resilience.html

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