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Laugh through your tears with McSweeney's "Faculty Meeting Icebreakers" [1]

['Jennifer Sandlin']

Date: 2025-08-25

Sigh, it's that time of year again, when faculty gird themselves to get back into the swing of university life. We're prepping classes, getting syllabi finalized, and trying to remember what it's like to wear 'real' clothes. Getting back to the classroom, while definitely an adjustment after summer break (by which I mean "break," as this is when we're supposed to do all of our actual work, i.e. research, while also being off contract, by which I mean, not paid), isn't even the least of our worries, though. The true source of our anxiety (well, maybe I shouldn't generalize, but the reason for most of *my* anxiety, at least) is heading back to the first faculty meeting of the new school year. And if you're an introvert like me, it's even more stressful, argh, so you definitely have to prepare. Lucikly, this hilarious (and depressing) McSweeney's list, "Faculty Meeting Icebreakers" will give you a trial-run of what your first faculty meeting of the fall semester is going to feel like, so you can practice whatever coping mechanisms you think might help (bless your heart).

The list includes activities that truly capture the existential angst of sitting in a conference room filled with fellow faculty members while pondering where and when, exactly, the will to live exited your body. Here are some of my favorites:

Write down the most common intrusive thought that keeps you up at night, but don't include your name. Then choose a table leader to read each thought aloud and take turns guessing the author. Share the longest period of time you've ever wept. Then, as a group, seat yourselves in order from shortest cry to longest cry. When you experience gastrointestinal issues, do you prefer throwing up or shitting as a means of relief? Find a buddy who shares your point of view. Pull out your phones and take a few minutes to research the core beliefs of your childhood place of worship. Find the wildest claim within this theology and share it with the group, along with how you see this having shaped or stunted your early development. Name a place you'd love to travel to but feel pretty sure you'll never have the chance to visit. Who or what do you think will keep you from getting there? As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? When did you first realize that you would not achieve this dream? How do you viscerally experience the feeling of shame in your body—as a wave of heat? As a tingling cold sweat? As a ringing sensation in your ears followed by utter blankness? Share with your elbow partner.

I'm laughing through my terror-fueled and anxiety-ridden tears.

This list of faculty meeting icebreakers is just one of the darkly humorous posts that poet and educator Christy Lee Barnes has written for McSweeney's. Her other pieces in McSweeney's include this list of toddler dissertations (which includes gems like: The Subversive Grapheme: The Letter "A" as Unlikely Martyr in Archambault and Martin's Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, Department: Literature; Advisor: Mama). She's also been published in Prairie Schooner, Spillway, Cream City Review, Freezeray, and in Tin House's "Broadside Thirty" series.

Read all of the icebreakers here. And for faculty heading back to school, good luck. You're gonna need it!

Previously:

• 'It's Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers' is now a book

• New McSweeney's: Hitchcock v Bradbury!

• What your favorite sad dad band says about you

• Genius comedy sketch perfectly captures the feeling of those 'angry professor' videos

• When your professor is dead, but teaches anyway

• Professor Neil educates about toxic masculinity

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[1] Url: https://boingboing.net/2025/08/25/laugh-through-your-tears-with-mcsweeneys-faculty-meeting-icebreakers.html

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