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JD Vance had Army Corps adjust river levels for personal boat ride [1]

['Ellsworth Toohey']

Date: 2025-08-06

Remember when Marie Antoinette built a fake peasant village to play poor? Our boy JD Vance just had the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers rejigger an entire river system for his special birthday boy boat ride.

As reported in The Guardian, Vice President Have-You-Said-Thank-You-Once demanded the Army adjust water levels in Ohio's Caesar Creek Lake to ensure optimal conditions for his August 2nd paddling adventure.

You know, just like every working-class family does.

The Secret Service claims this aquatic manipulation was for "safety." That's what the North Korean Ministry of State Security says when Kim Jong Un does the same thing. Dear leader mustn't have the bottom of his boat scraped.

This taxpayer-funded (or rather, T-bills-purchased-China-funded) extravagance comes while National Park budgets are getting slashed and frackers circle like shale-oil-starved vultures. Working-class families are finding their vacation spots understaffed or closed, but hey — at least Little Lord Fauntleroy got his perfect birthday party. But did it even wipe the supercilious smirk off his face?

Former White House ethics czar Norm Eisen said he'd never approved such a request during the Obama years. But that administration was clearly lacking in imagination. Why settle for a motorcade when you can have a whole river bend to your will?

Next time you're planning a kayak trip, just ring up the Army Corps of Engineers. I'm sure they'll be thrilled to help you too, fellow commoner.

Previously:

• Usha Vance defends husband's weird 'cat ladies' insult on Fox News

• You can finally read the Trump campaign's dossier on J.D. Vance. Boy does J.D. Vance hate Trump.

• 'Trump makes people I care about afraid — I find him reprehensible' — JD Vance's tweet resurfaces after 8 years

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[1] Url: https://boingboing.net/2025/08/06/jd-vance-had-army-corps-adjust-river-levels-for-personal-boat-ride.html

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