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Choke on it: Ohio Supreme Court confirms that boneless chicken can contain bones [1]
['Rob Beschizza']
Date: 2024-12-11
Boneless chicken doesn't have to be, ruled Ohio's Supreme Court, siding against a diner who choked on a bone and sued the restaurant that served it. The court affirmed its earlier judgement that landed on the same absurd justification: "Boneless" refers not to the bones of the chicken but to a "cooking style." Birds tossed flapping and squawking into industrial shredders, voilà, boneless chicken a la Ohio.
The plaintiff asked the court for reconsideration and a ruling announced Monday handed back the same decision — but not without pointed dissent from Democrats and a citation of cleveland.com's Editorial Board. Wrote Democratic Justice Michael P. Donnelly: "If the public cannot trust the judiciary to be faithful in small things — like whether 'boneless' can reasonably be understood as not including bones — how can the judiciary be trusted with greater things?"
You can appreciate this as an absurd illustration of what courts are good for. You can't really know for sure what drives the thinking—ideology? corruption? lead poisoning?—though the party-line nature of the 4-3 verdict seems like a hint. What you can do is free yourself from whatever constraints trust or hope ever placed upon you and (to borrow one of the legal system's inane sacraments) govern yourself accordingly.
Another way of putting it: if the chicken is bad, everything is bad.
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