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-version 1.0-
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU PLAY TO MUCH DOOM
<< DOOM HUMOR >>
Compiled by
Bryan Sather & Joey Cato
If you want to add your own pearls of wisdom to this compilation, just send
your suggestion to
[email protected]. And I will subsequently update
the file. I'm hoping this ball of yarn gathers enough lint. :)
-J.C.
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YOU KNOW YOU'VE PLAYED DOOM TOO LONG WHEN....
1. You think you can solve all the worlds problems with a rocket
launcher in one hand and a shotgun in another.
2. You can do impersonations of all the characters pretty damn well.
3. You watch National Geographic and wonder how many plasma gun shots
it will take to blow away that elephant on the screen.
4. You wonder how long it will take before the world's archeologists
find a portal to Hell so you can take on the devil himself.
5. You insist on staying up all night and day playing the first level
just so you can discover every secret passage.
6. You try to find the Gamma Correction switch while walking around in
the dark in the middle of the night.
7. You think that your own house pets are out to get you.
8. The guy working at the local pawn shop stares at you funny when you
ask for the waiting period on a BFG-9000.
9. When you hear a car pass you, you think a rocket is whizzing by your
head.
10. You think the neighbor's pets are out to get you.
11. You hang out at the local street corner waiting for a guy that looks
just like you, so you can blow them away.
12. You and a couple of friends go to a local football field and play
live-action Doom using real weapons.
13. You get your war stories mixed up with doom battles when you tell you
grandkids of the good ol' days.
14. You still want to play deathmatch after about a couple of hours of just
trying to get connected! ( Then Then somebody calls on call waiting!
What a bummer! )
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Doom Battle Cries
The original, "Aaeeeii!"
"Shhh! I'm hunting wabbit." -Greg Moore
"I tawt I taw a space marine!" <Blam! Blam!> "I diddddddd....." -Joey Cato
"Frag you!" -Anonymous
"Bite me" -Bryan Sather
"Death becomes you!" -Joey Cato
"Get some!" -Chuck Crawford
"Come out and play!" -Joey Cato
"Heh heh heh" -Joey Cato
"Lucky!" -Mike Ricketts
"My lebon!" -Wolfenstein memory
"Wow! I just found a secret room and it has the Mother-of-God Nuclear
DoomsDay Bazooka with unlimited ammo!" ( separate lines ) -Joey Cato
"May Your Fireballs Be Castr*ted!" -said to Imp, -Greg Moore
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Famous last words:
"Hey man, where are you?" <BLAM>
"You're saying if I punch a barrel, i get 100% health?"
"I got a rocket launcher now, Oh yeah which button SEARCHES the walls?"
"Hey it's dark in here!"
"Something's growling..."
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TIPS & STRATEGIES ON DOOM
1: Don't fire the rocket launcher at close range!
2: Shooting walls is ineffective.
3: Never insult your opponent if you're out of ammo.
4: Chat only after you die, never during battle!
5: Barrels are not great shields.
6: Don't chase your rockets if you're in turbo mode.
7: When in a tight situation with rocket launcher, do
what the Japanese do.
8: No two objects can occupy the same space at the same time, one guy
will turn into goo.
9: Trick your opponent into going into the CyberDemon's lair!
10: After you die, subtlely hang up without informing your opponent.
11: When bored try these doom variations; dancing, fist fight, hide n seek
12: When you hear the whizz of a rocket, MOVE! Think whizz=move!!!!!!!
13: When all else fails, punch a barrel.
14. Taunt the other guy by closing the door everytime he opens it.
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DOOM JOKE SECTION:
Q: How many space marines does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, just push F11!
Q: Why couldn't the doom space marine board a flight for Tahiti?
A: He couldn't get his chainsaw, pistol, shotgun, gatlin gun, rocket launcher,
BFG, and plasma rifle through the metal detector!
