Acwruecmp.59
net.jokes
utcsrgv!utzoo!decvax!cwruecmp!honton
Mon Apr  5 14:09:32 1982
The secret of immortality
 There once was a physiologist who wanted to find out the secret
of immortality.  Being a rathe competent fellow and realizing no
one would want him to initially experiment with humans, he decided
to use porposes for this purpose.

 Porposes were decided upon rather thatn any other mammal because
of their similarity to humans in aging and eating.

 After long experimentation with porposes, he discovered that
certain nutrients extended their life span measurably.  The unfor-
tunate part of this was that these nutrients were quite expensive.

 He found a cheaper solution: seagulls.  Young seagulls had quite
a bit of that particular nutrient in their blood.  So he started
to use seagulls to feed his porposes.

 Now his neighbors were quite upset when the young scientist
started to trespass across their beaches in the early morning in
his quest for gulls.  They were even more upset when he used his
shotgun at five o'clock in the morning.  The Audubon Society was
really upset that he was scaring the other birds when he shot at
the gulls.  Mothers were worried he might accidently shoot their
brats.

 The beach front owners decided to put an end to his work.  They
met together late one night and put together a nefarious scheme
to rid themselves of their enemy.

 The next day, one of the vigilantes went to the local state zoo.
He asked the zoo keeper, "Could we borrow a lion?  We need it to
scare someone."  The keeper agreed to let them borrow one of his
older lions.

 The next morning, after the Ponce de Leon of modern science
went out shooting, the neighbors brought the lion to his yard and
tied him up on the front porch.  After the scientist shot his brace
of birds, he came back and stepped over the lion on his doorstep.

 When the state troopers arrested him the next day, they charged
him with:

"Crossing state lions with fresh young gulls for immortal porposes."

                               Charles Honton (CWRU)

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