Table of Contents
=================
1.0 (vee-pee) Tip Of The Month
2.0 Gross Overexageration - B187
3.0 Inside danoZANO's Skull - danoZANO
4.0 Remote From The Ruckus Palace - Sistah Ruckus
5.0 Noid's Little Ditty - Noid
6.0 Finer Art Of Beer Drinking - Xor
1.0 (vee-pee) Tip Of The Month
==============================
Tip Number 12:
"Drink 6 cups of coffee before reading, we did before editing."
B187 Presents - Why this month's VP is late... Reason Number One
Fucker. Three days late and lacking so much shit it ain't funny. This
issue was intended to be a compilation of articles written at the Digital
Decay (vee-pee's world headquarters) BBQ. But people left, were too tired,
too busy socializing or passed out. Oh well.
Anyways, we got two new members. Lemme introduce them to you...
Rancid - New (vee-pee) artist. Will be doing a good bulk of the net.VP
art. I forgot to ask him if he will write stuff... I guess
we'll all find out.
Sistah Ruckus - The resident Ruckus Ninja. Not the Ruckus Queen as it
states in the Ruckus Ninja webpage, but she's still the
queen of this geek.
However, It's time to progress with the ish. Have fun you fuckers.
The Penis -- Convenient Reproductive Organ, or Satan's Staff?
The human penis is a menace to society as we know it and should be regulated
and licensed to within an inch (or so) of its very existence. The penises
already available to the general public have caused an increase in general
violence, mayhem, and discord in our culture -- the stigma of being a penis
user can follow a person through their entire career and change their life.
Take for example the story of Jimmy, not his real name, and the troubles
he's had with his penis. "My penis gets me in trouble everywhere I go!" he
complains. "Every time it pops its little head out, there's another
situation. I can't take it out anywhere without people noticing and shying
away, and all I want to do is be their friend!" (Johnny is currently serving
out the remainder of his sentence in an undisclosed location.)
And from the other end of the spectrum, a story from Wanda (also not her
real name) and how the fun she used to enjoy with penises got out of
hand. "It all started when my boyfriend hit me in the eye with a misfire,
we were up late and there was nothing on TV so there we were. He got me
square in the eye and I still haven't picked out the last of the make-up,
which dissolved as I frantically scrubbed at my face with a hanky. I was
in tears, inside and out. Someday, the pain of my tragedy may help
others avoid the same bitter fate, and that's why I'm petitioning for full
registration of the penis as a dangerous tool which cannot be used by just
any Tom, Dick, or Harry who happened to be born with one." Wanda seeks both
licensing and proficiency testing, as well as designing a series of special
tamperproof restraints which deny service to those without a special
centrally-monitored key card.
4.0 Remote From The Ruckus Palace
=================================
Volume One - Hunting and Escaping
LIST OF NECESSARY ITEMS FOR THE GLAM NINJA
------------------------------------------
1. Snappy barettes - keeps the hair out of your face when you're
fighting bad guys; 3 or 4 clipped together make cute ninja
stars. Sharpen the points with a nail file. But what ninja
doesn't always carry a complete arsenal of lock knives, faux
lipstick knives, and ready made ninja stars (suction cup and
metal)?
2. Straight edge beads and 2 lipsmackers make small, but stylish
nun-chuks.
3. Herbal essence spray gel - smells great, doubles as mace.
4. Pussy
5. Mirror - send secret ninja messages and periodically check ninja
makeup.
6. Rice - for the asian, duh.
7. Cigarettes - of course, all cool people smoke, and essential for
improvised ninja smoke tactics.
8. Tiny camera - take pictures under girls' skirts and send them to
"Big Brother" magazine for big bucks.
9. Scissors - how else would you turn the bottom of your too-long
sweater into a nifty turban?
10. Black eyeliner - essential for disguises. add moles, birth marks,
mustaches, goatees, etc.
11. Adidas shell toes - the only pair of shoes that goes from prom
ruckusing to hardcore kicking to breakdancing.
12. Small can of potato chips with a camoflage-print-phallic-looking-
thing-that-pops-out-instead-of-tiny-potato-chips - if I have to
tell you what that's for, you're not a real ninja.
13. Realistic rubber peanut - the old fake rubber peanut trick, gets
them every time.
14. Spice Girls tape - this is the only other item besides a video
tape of Grease II that will get the boys going, and it never gets
old and boring. My Babydaddy also works.
15. Whiteman's firewater - for the drunk Indian
16. Ruckus business cards - integral for getting the rukus brothers
(and sister) hopping mad.
17. Bra - doubles as a high-powered sling shot. well, ONE of our's
could.
18. A telephone - strike that, sally ruckus doesn't answer it.
19. A cute polo dress that doubles as a shirt that you never wear.
20. A video camera - to use all of the above in a ninja home movie
The Ruckus Rap
--------------
i'm a ruckus ninja and a asian girl too
i like to eat rice and my favorite color is blue
i have a camo belt with a buckle that says "D"
i just moved home, my parents suck cheese
i wear the shell toes and i'm good at giving blows.
jobs.
word.
i wrote this verse from end to first.
if you don't want to listen, quit your bitchin.
awww yeah.
asian girl in full effect.
rhondah ruckus in full effect.
Various Ruckuses
----------------
Sexual ruckus: RODEO - Someone dresses up in a clown suit and hides
in the closet. You have sex with your boyfriend or
girlfriend, making sure to position them in front
of a camera. Then you grab a hold of your "partner"
and yell,"Rodeo!". The rodeo clown jumps out, and
tapes it all. The point is to see who holds on the
longest.
Big she-ninja ruckus: Get all the she-ninjas to dress in short shorts,
leg warmers, tube tops-eighties clothes-and
roller skates. Go to the skate(board) park and
take over the place. Do the limbo and shoot the
duck.
Simple car ruckus: For passenger - when the driver brakes, pretend to
slam into the windshield. Scares the crap out of
the driver and random pedestrians.
For driver - When passengers piss you off, slam on
your brakes and say, "Bow to the ruckus queen."
Easy ruckus: Fall down. Anywhere. A public place with lots of people
scores extra ninja points.
Beginning ruckus: Point out something up high to victim. When they
look up, ninja chop their throat and yell a ruckus
exclamation. (i.e. keeyah, hiyah, ahso, aii, waahh.)
I have balls ruckus: Dress really crazy. Wear a wig and sunglasses. Go
to the airport to greet strangers.
Official Ruckuc Ninjas Member List
----------------------------------
- Rufus Ruckus: Gay boy. Excels at exposing his genitals in public
places, and lip syncing with his penis.
- Sally Ruckus: Drunk Indian. Founder of the ninjas, proficient in
accesorizing
- Buffy Ruckus: White girl. Specializes in oppressing the minority
ninjas
- Massajahrhonda Ruckus: Sexy Asian. Weapons and falling expert.
5.0 Noid's Little Ditty
=======================
Noid!!!!!!! You bastard!!!! You owe me an article... Oh well... The show
must go on without ya...
6.0 Finer Art Of Beer Drinking
==============================
The quest for beer starts in Fullerton @ the Digital Decay BBQ.
Nitro decides that he wants beer, so we head to the Lucky's and found
crapola. After that a corner liqour and we found even less. But they had
King Cobra... YEAH!!!
After much searching at many other liquor stores, our trip ends at Thomas
Liquor on Orangethorpe.
Besides being quite parched, Nitro and I are rather frustrated at the
selection of beer in Fullerton.
So I decide I that will we get whatever they have at this place, providing
they have more than just crap. Low and behold, we come across a spotlight
in the fog: Mississippi Mud. Mississippi Mud is the Famous Slow Brewed
Black & Tan Beer (plug). So we buy B187 his Sam Adams and roll out
victorius.
When we rolled up, we became the life of the party!!!! :) People saw the
cool shaped bottle (like a redneck jug of booze) and wanted a drink. Here's
a couple of reviews that we could coax out of guests at the party.
Reviews of THE MUD - By Party Attendees
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
-- "It's robust." - B187
-- "It's lighter than Guiness, but smoother." - Nitro
-- "It makes me think like I'm in the midwest, and My name is Zeek, and I'm
hanging out with Bubba. " - Xor
-- "It's like there's a party in my mouth and everyone's invited." - noid
-- "Satan's placenta be upon you all, lest ye ingest the fish tacos and beer
of the Lord!" -- danoZANO
-- "9 out of 10 modem sluts can't be wrong!" - Vanna Vinyl
