You know there are a million of the "Get Even" type of t-files out
there. You know most of them are pretty okay, actually pretty useful
in certain circumstances. But then there are the totally and utterly
useless ones. The ones telling you to "write stupid and crazy messages
on their bulletin board", or "call them on the phone and hang up
when they answer twice every hour". Brainless advice, that is.
That's why this file is called "How Losers Get Even" (well, it isn't
called that, I know, but it would have been called that if I had included
_all_ the ways losers get even, and then you would have complained about
this file taking up too much space on your drive, and I don't have time
for that. Or something.) I got the idea from reading a couple of such
files, and the "good advice" is actually grabbed from a couple of them.
But remember, even though these files are useless, it doesn't mean that
they are humorless, if you think about it. Store them under "humor"
instead of deleting them. Let's see what we have here, deep down in the
fridge...
If someone messes around with me...
1. "I can go and kick the shit out of him/her. But this is only instant
satisfaction, and it will only hurt him/her physically, which is only
temporary, which means that he/she will soon forget about it."
Chief Comment: Sure he/she will forget about it soon. Right after he/she
gathered all his/her friends and kicked the living shit
out of me. Again. Then I gather all my friends and kick
the you-know-what out of him/her. Again. And he/she will
forget about it really soon, again, only this time right
after he/she cocks the gun and takes me out. Yeah, really
good advice there, and totally new to me.
2. "I will lay low for a while, letting my anger boil, and letting
him/her forget about the whole thing. Then after a week, I do some
damage to his/her car, mailbox, house or something. And I will keep
on doing it for a while because he/she will not suspect me. And I
will cause some major psychical as well as physical damage, and
he/she can't think of anyone who could do such a terrible thing
to him/her. This person will start to think that there is something
wrong with him/her instead! A very basic human reaction."
Chief Comment: Yeah, right. This someone will never suspect me of
mutilating his/her car a week after I have been mutilated
myself by him/her... of course not! This person has
forgotten _all_ about it and will not catch or even just
see me on the 5th night when I smash the mailbox for the
5th time, because this person is so stupid that he/she can
not grasp that if it happens several times it is just a
matter of keeping an eye on the mailbox/car/house. He/she
will instead start to question himself/herself in a
Freudian manner, wondering if there might be something
wrong with him/her. Yes, of course. How could I believe
something else even?!! All the really stupid people do
that! And I never knew that these people have really bad
memories either!
3. "I piss in his/her glass of milk when he/she is not looking. And then,
when he/she drinks it, he/she will wonder if the milk was bad or
something and will never suspect me."
Chief Comment: Oh - this sounds like a great idea! First I have to wait
for this person, who kicked my butt, to get some milk and
a glass. Then I have to be sure that I will sit next to
this person who just kicked my butt when he/she will drink
the milk. Then, and this is crucial, _before_ he/she takes
a zip of that fresh milk (or he/she will notice that the
milk was good before, right?) I just say to him/her "look
over there, a bird or something!", make sure he/she looks
at that thing, and then stand up, pull down my pants, pull
out the steel rod and take a leak in his/her glass, tuck
the rod back in there, pull up my pants and sit down again,
while this person looks at the bird or something. Mhmmm.
And then, on top of all this, this utterly stupid person
will not see the strangely colored milk in his/her glass,
drink it, and think that it was bad from the start. Yeah.
I mean... this one isn't even worth a comment really!
