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� � � � � � � Issue Number 11, Volume 1, Chapter 1, Epic 1 �
���� � � � � � Released on the date: Feb. 23, 1993. �
� � � � � � PUD serving the modem public since Febuary 22, 1993! �
� ���� ��� � For help and actual info, look elsewhere. �
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۰� "Squeeze my lemon till the juice runs down my leg..." � �
۰ -Led Zepplin �
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� �
� � Mail �
� �
� Fuck it. I am sick of including this section, besides there is �
� no mail yet. Woopidty. �
� �
� � The Anatomy of a Krystal. �
� �
� The krystal is by far the strangest life form on this planet. �
� Known to most people, the krystal, called sliders in the wild, are �
� the most ferocious and vile mammals to roam the sewers of Beverly �
� Hills (90210). They are also quite common in the heights section �
� of melrose place and by 1996 they are expected to graduate into �
� the most dominant species in all of lower Florida. �
� �
� Cut-Away of a Krystal Cut-Away of a Slider �
� �
� bbbbbbbbbbbbbbb -BUN bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb -BUN �
� bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb �
� ooooooooooooooooo -ONION mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm -CANDY SHELL �
� mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm -CANDY SHELL MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM -BRAINS �
� MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM -BRAINS oooooooooooooooooo -ONION �
� bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb �
� bbbbbbbbbbbbbbb -BUN bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb -BUN �
� �
� Note the extreme genetic differences in the two species. The �
� more docile Krystal has the chewy chocalety candy shell on top of �
� it's brains. Where as the much more aggresive Slider has the chewy �
� chocalety shell on top of it's brains. Notice, by the extreme �
� detail of the cut-away's the differences in the sex organs in the �
� two species. See how much more enlarged the ovaries of the Slider �
� are than that of the Krystal. Legend has it that on the third �
� saturday of every month Sliders for some unknown reason take to �
� commiting mass genocide by rudely casting themselves at country �
� tour buses full of fat women. Note that this is strangly like that �
� H0T nEw WaReZ in huntsvegas, Pc Lemmings. �
� �
� � How to steal a toaster. �
� �
� By: The BRaVE LItTlE TOaStER �
� �
� Theft of toasters can be a very worth while and profitable �
� occupation. But be forewarned toaster theft is extremely �
� dangerous, what with large of rash of mysterious taster thief �
� slayings. These slayings are rumored to be by a one fReD tHe �
� tOaStEr iS mInE SmItH. He is currently on the SPA top ten hit �
� list and is wanted for questioning in 62 states. Anyway I digress �
� let me get back to the TFiLE. To begin with you must make sure �
� have a valid and great plan. The planning stage is by far the most �
� important part of the whole process. �
� Part 1, the plan. Making you plan is the key to your toaster �
� thievary success. Make sure you have a place to steal a toaster �
� from. Next make sure you have a get-away vehicle, a 747 would be �
� suitable. Last make sure you have plent of weapons, machine guns �
� are not suitable for toaster thievary, but various anti-aircraft �
� weapons will be. �
� Part 2, the Execution. Now here is where you kill all your �
� accomplises. �
� Part 3, Stealing the Toaster. To steal the toaster simply walk �
� in, carefully concealing your anti-aircraft weaponry under your �
� arm. If anyone notices, kill them instantly, but quitely. The key �
� to stealing a good toaster is avoiding ones with flowerdy prints, �
� as they are usually cheap and just don't cook your toast right. �
� Hide the toaster in the crotch of your pants and walk out the �
� store. �
� Part 4, The get away. The second you leave the store you must �
� quickly turn and destroy it, cover your tracks! Next take any �
� suitable vehicle in the parking lot and head for your plane. Be �
� sure to destroy all oncoming traffic as you near the airport, no �
� use in leaving any witnesses alive. When at the airport pick 3 or �
� 4 attractive stewardesses and maim them seriously. Why? Just for �
� fun of it. Now board your plane and fly away. The end. �
� Look for more articles on toaster professions from me, soon. �
� �
� � Closing. �
� �
� Did I mention, you still fucking suck. �
� �
� � Mail! �
� �
� Keep your sorry-attempts at mail coming! �
� Baphomet the Limbo King WWIVNET 2506@14 �
� NO COURiER WWIVNET 2506@36 �
� �
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� End of PUD 1:11, "...and shake it all about..." �
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