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> EDiTED BY NO COURiER � WWiVNET 2506@36 <
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[PgDn � Contents]
��� A RuDE TaBLE OF CONTeNTS ���
�����������������������������������������������������Ŀ
� ��-��������������������������������������������������Ŀ
�� ~Welcome Back!~ �
�� ~Llama & Spam Stir-Fry~ ��-��ͻ Mmm-Mmm G00D! ���
�� ~Hacking Your Favorite Llama~ � For You Unix-Hackers ���
�� ~Spanish-Sounding Names For Your Llama~ � T� madr� es en stufa. ���
�� ~The Llama's Affiliation With the FBI~ � I'm the KGB, d00D! ���
�� ~Why I Prefer Llamii to VNet~ � I MAiM VBBS SYSoPS! ���
�� ~Why Necrocixelsyd Prefers his Llama to his Wife~ � I would too... ���
�� ~The Llama is our friend~ � Both of your friends. ���
�� ~Why the Plural Form of Llama is "Llamii"~ � Why? 'Cuz we love you.���
�� ~Phun with Satan's Mutt~ ��-��ͼ *ADDeD PuD BONuS!* ���
�� ~Closing, Addresses, & GR@@TS~ ���
� ��-���������������������������������������������������ٰ�
������������������������������������������������������ٰ������������������������
������������������������������������������������������
END:MAIN
-------------------------
Welcome Back! INCLUDE statements
TOPIC:Welcome Back!
WINDOW:3,0,0,7,13,0,1,2,78,21
� WELCoME BaCK, K0TTeR
Welcome back to PuD. In this issue I, NO COURiER, plan to bless
you all with one of the finer things in life. Llamas. Finer pets,
finer dining, finer sex for you Unix hacking freaks, and above all;
finer ungulates.
I plan to put the Llama on a pedestal, and crack on Necrophiliac at
the same time. Of course, this isn't his true name, just an all-too-true
variation of his alias. This isn't Dragnet, but names are often changed
to protect the innocent, and the Unix-hacking freaks of nature.
- NO COURiER
���� Quote of the day: ۲��
"If I knew that much about ~Unix hacking~, I would probably fuck llamas too!"
D�SCL��M�R
�����������������������������������������������������������������������������
TH� PiZZA UNDeRGROuND DiGEST ASSuMES N0 LIaBILiTY F0R ANY ABD0MiNAL CRAMPiNG,
BODiLY DISFiGURATiON OR MENTaL DISSENTiON CAuSED BY THE TEXT CONTAINED HEREiN.
Thank you.
�����������������������������������������������������������������������������
END:Welcome Back!
-------------------------
Unix hacking INCLUDE statements
TOPIC:Unix hacking
WINDOW:11,0,0,2,4,0,4,4,71,3
~Unix�hacking~ is something that keeps Necrocixelsyd's empty head busy.
"I HATE them... Really, really, HATE them!"
- Edwin Meese, Director, FCC
� The Newest Addition to the Roman Catholic Church's Index!
"Why, those evil sinners are worse than Sin�ad O'Connor!"
- Pope John Paul II
END:Tô� PiZZA UNDeRGROuND DiGEST
-------------------------
TOPIC:Llama & Spam Stir-Fry
WINDOW:1,0,13,5,11,0,9,10,62,11
� Llama & Spam Stir-Fry
This is one of my personal favorite llama recipes.
Unlike Beavers, Woodchucks, and other such stupid rodents,
the llama is an animal WoRTHY of your attention.
Llamii evolved with one ambition: to be a cult animal.
~The Llama is our friend~.
OPTiONS:
� ~ACQUIRiNG THE LLAMA~
� ~INGREDiENTS~
� ~DiRECTiONS~
END:Llama & Spam Stir-Fry
-------------------------
TOPIC:ACQUIRiNG THE LLAMA
WINDOW:1,0,12,4,10,0,8,10,65,10
� ACQUIRiNG TH� LLaMA
There are two routes you can take to acquiring a tasty llama.
Both of these methods will be fully documented. As always, wild
llamas are much tastier than domestic llamas, so METHoD 1 is
recommended.
END:ACQUIRiNG THE LLAMA
---------------------
METHoD 1 INCLUDE statements
TOPIC:METHoD 1
WINDOW:9,0,0,7,13,0,9,9,62,14
���METHoD 1���
Materials needed:
� 33,459 loyal, adventurous friends
� 1 Sawed-off Shotgun
� 33,458 Boy-Scout-Approved Buck Knives
� 500 A-10 Tanks
� 120 Patriot Missile Truck Stations
� 33,459 Stylish Pairs of Sunglasses and Tweed Hats
� A Mascot, such as a llama
� A big trash bag
� An Awful Lot of Gall
<MoRE>
Fly to Peru ~coach~, carrying your war machines as luggage.
Security should be no problem. Once you land in Peru, flee
the airport immediately. They may be on to you. Set up camp
in a secluded area, such as in the streets of Lima. Put all
of your tanks on guard, as well as your Patriot launchers.
The wild llamii are very fiesty, and may attack first.
At dawn, attack the Peruvian frontier, yelling a war cry
like "Remember Last Night's Beans and Jelly!" or something
of that nature. Upon sighting of a llama, tackle it and put
it in the trash bag. Go home.
���METHoD 2���
Materials Needed:
� A Ball-Peen Hammer
<MoRE>
Find out where Necrocixelsyd lives.
While he is asleep, grab his llama, hit it over the head
with your hammer, and leave. Don't forget to take the llama.
Add Hot Oil to gong-sized wok. Slice llama filets in to
strips, and cook stirring vigorously on high. Mush up Spam
in to a dog-foodlike consistency. Add to llama, and continue
stirring. After five minutes, or when meat turns a light
golden-brown, add onions and garlic, ginger to the taste.
Continue to cook stirring vigorously until smoke alarm
goes off.
Serve on cheap paperplates with rice and Lucky Charms.
Serves 33,459 in small portions.
END:DIRECTiONS
------------------------
Hacking Your Favorite Llama INCLUDE statements
TOPIC:Hacking Your Favorite Llama
WINDOW:0,1,3,0,4,3,6,12,68,10
� HACKiNG THE LLaMA Y0U LoVE
Llama hacking is a relatively new concept. The `sport' has
yet to even touch with the idiotic LaMeR CyberJokes in most areas.
When ~Mondo 2000~ documents it, I will talk. I am just too ahead of
my time for my own good. This is the new world order in T/FiLEZ.
Long live the PiZZA UNDeRGROuND DiGEST! May all Huntsville-based
cheap imitations written by potato farmers rot in there own
swill-infested cowardly sties of self-created pity! HA!
END:Hacking Your Favorite Llama
------------------------
TOPIC:Mondo 2000
WINDOW:13,0,9,1,4,0,18,8,44,6
A. The Fieldguide for Uncreative CyberLosers
B. A Valuable Commodity for Lamers
C. A Waste of Time and Money
D. All of the Above
END:Mondo 2000
---------------------
TOPIC:Spanish-Sounding Names For Your Llama
WINDOW:0,7,11,3,4,0,12,5,56,5
� �Llamo Espa�ol mi Llama!
Everybody should name their llama before they eat it.
The following is a collection of good, Spanish-sounding
names for your phun pet.
� Gordo - Means "fat," I think. Sounds good.
� Tonto - Means stupid. The Lone Ranger was not
as nice as he seemed.
� Tu madre es un pupitr� - Your mother is a Desk.
"Tumad" for short.
� Feliz Navidad - Call him Felix.
� Taco Belgrande - Leave out the "Taco"
and it will sound
convincing.
� SoCKS - What it is!
� Margarita - You knew that was coming.
Go away.
END:Spanish-Sounding Names For Your Llama
---------------------------------
TOPIC:The Llama's Affiliation With The FBI
WINDOW:0,5,11,3,5,0,13,0,54,23
� The llama's affiliation with the FBI
What the fuck do you care about the FBI?
Get a life, loser. Those guys have better things to
do than look for 40 meg 2400 bps 0-7 day wArEz boardz.
They could, for example:
Download something smooth from a SuperBBS board;
Try out a new game they downloaded from
Rusty & EDDDDDDDDDDDDDie's;
Wash their car which they drive legally, because
they exceed 13 years of age;
Trim their toenails;
et cetera.
The list goes on and on. Give these guys a break.
Sure they want to be feared like all cops do, but
they aren't PuD. What's to be scared of?
END:The Llama's Affiliation With The FBI
--------------------------------------
TOPIC:Why I Prefer Llamii to VNet
WINDOW:0,1,12,4,13,0,18,8,44,7
� Why I Prefer Llamii to VNet
1) Llamii do NOT ask completely irrelevant,
STUPiD questions when you try to sell
a peripheral.
"Is the hard drive external?"
Are you serious!?!?!
2) Llamii do not whine and cry more
than Sally Struthers
3) Llamii can be moderated
4) Llamii don't wish they were WWiVNet
5) Llamii have mailing addresses
that exceed 4 characters
6) Llamii are useful
7) Llamii are tolerable
8) Llamii are not the EPITOME of LAMeNESS.
I hope ALL of you VirtualNet GEEKS
either find a REAL net, or die of
some strange tropical disease!
I HATE YOU! > I -=��=- YOU! <
END:Why I Prefer Llamii to VNet
----------------------------------
TOPIC:Why Necrocixelsyd Prefers his Llama to his Wife
WINDOW:5,0,13,5,3,0,9,8,62,7
� Why Necrocixelsyd prefers his Llama to his Wife
Alright... this named local-bashing (in good fun of course)
is getting boring, lame even. Hell, this entire issue is just
circumloquating Syd's love of llamas.
Why? Because it's a _LLAMA_! Is there really any further
explanation required? NO!
END:Why Necrocixelsyd Prefers his Llama to his Wife
----------------------------------------
TOPIC:The Llama is our friend
WINDOW:9,0,9,1,3,0,21,2,38,18
� The llama is our friend
Pretty llama
Walkin' down the street
Pretty llama
Kind I'd like to meet
Pretty llama
Your muy bonita, and pretty too.
Nobody stir-fries like you do.
Groovy.
Pretty llama
Fryin' in my wok
Pretty llama
Killed you with a rock
Pretty llama
Your so tasty, I can't be wrong.
Please won't you pass the Grey Poupon?
Yummy.
END:The Llama is our friend
-------------------------------
TOPIC:Why the Plural Form of Llama is "Llamii"
WINDOW:4,0,13,5,10,0,17,7,46,6
� WHY THE PLURaL F0RM oF LLAMA IS "LLAMII"
Because I said so. It sounds Latin.
Technically, you would use the word llamii in
the same way you use "viruses" and "virii,"
"fishes" and "fish."
Llamii, Virii and Fish:
Refers to members of one decendance,
family species, variant, or whatever.
You know.
Llamas, Viruses, and Fishes:
Refers to a mixed population of
different species, families,
ancestries, or whatever.
END:Why the Plural Form of Llama is "Llamii"
---------------------------------
Phun With Satan's Mutt INCLUDE statements
TOPIC:Phun With Satan's Mutt
WINDOW:0,5,8,0,3,0,4,2,65,20
� LeT'S BaSH SATaN'S MuTT
A little while back, Baphomet and I stumbled across what we
thought would be an exception to Huntsville's 110% LaME rule.
Well, he seemed c00l at first, but let us examine the idiotic
Satan's Mutt, or Intruder. He has proved to be the lamer to
end all lamers - VBBS SysOps for miles around are proud of him.
I first talked to Intruder via his BBS, where he instinctively
pulled me in to ~chat as soon as the modems connected~.
Anyway, I talked to him for a little while.
He was running ~ViSiON v.83~.
Anyway, he was pretty cool for a little while - he seemed to
know his shit better than most of the protazoa that disgraces
Huntsville's modem community. I soon talked to him voice, and
he was ~bragging about his Sony BetaMax~.
He spoke of all the K/RaD k00l things he did in Ft. Worth,
and how he was a major phreak and hacker and evrything.
He knew what a ~PBX~ was. I was almost proud of sad-ass
Huntsville for once. Approximately .00001 of it's population
now knew what a ~PBX~ was. However, he soon came to bragging
about how fast his ~keyboard refresh rate~ was.
Baphomet was nice enough (for once) to give the kid a copy
of the new ViSiON/X. Of course, Intruder was still running
a sad-ass copy of ~FrontDoor v2.01 Unreg'ed~.
Baphomet was also nice enough for a little while to help out
Intruder with his Pascal coding. Soon enough,
~Intruder couldn't clear the screen in Turbo Pascal~ without
asking Baphomet for a toolkit.
At this point, Baphomet and I realized that he was prone to
fits of lameness. If only we knew that he would soon take the
cake. Baphomet and I would crack on him often while speaking
with him voice, but I don't think he realized we were serious.
We started cracking on his very existance.
"So, you want to form an alliance named after your rude
attempt at a software development company? HA! Get a life you
fuckin' lamer. Why don't you form your own alliance of fags
with your ~suck-buddy VBBS friends~."
That was what the conversations started to amount to.
He didn't seem to get the point.
Eventually, he began to see that we really didn't like him
very much. Boo fuckin' hoo, mama's boy. He started to get
pissed when we wouldn't take him or his BBS seriously.
He dropped carrier on us for joking around on his big bad
~InfoForms~.
One day, the loser decided to be all slick and try to hack
a local WWiV board Shade's, after I told him REPEATeDLY N0T to.
I soon heard of all the bullshit, and the fuckin' idiot tries
to tell me it was a joke, and he was just seeing if the new WWiV
could be hacked like that, with the LAME-ASS ~pkunzip.bat~.
The lamer continued to deny it, as I chatted with him via one
of his lame-ass ViSiON chat screens, and was being fed true
information from Baphomet voice at the same time. He said he
did it under his real name. "Is `~Satan's Mutt~' on your birth
certificate?" I asked. I then had the decency to tell him that
if he EVER, EVER, pissed me off AGAiN, I would knock him out,
'cuz momma said so.
I'll have to jump to that soon.
Now I hear NecroPixieStik need's Intruder's nose surgically
removed from his ass. Somehow, Syd was groveled to enough to
where he was specified as Co-SysOp of Intruder's board.
Well Necro, I though you were pretty cool. A good source of
free food. I must have been wrong...
Soon enough, Intruder will see his ~IDE drives lose cylinders~,
and his .EXE and .COM files mysteriously disappear.
Yeah, I'll do this under my REaL FUCKiN' NaME, T00.
> True Story...
>> Intruder pronounces warez as "WAR-EZ."
>>> Die lamer... die, die, die.
- NO COURiER
END:Phun With Satan's Mutt
------------------------------
TOPIC:PBX
WINDOW:9,0,13,5,4,0,25,6,26,5
PBX: Pretty Blue Xylophone
or
Peanut Butter Extra
END:PBX
------------------------------
TOPIC:chat as soon as the modems connected
WINDOW:4,0,4,0,13,0,10,3,61,3
> I should of known from right there that he was quite lame.
END:chat as soon as the modems connected
-------------------------------
TOPIC:ViSiON v.83
WINDOW:4,0,4,0,13,0,10,4,61,3
> I should of known he was lame.
END:ViSiON v.83
------------------------------
TOPIC:bragging about his Sony BetaMax
WINDOW:4,0,4,0,13,0,10,5,61,3
> I should of known he was very lame.
END:bragging about his Sony BetaMax
------------------------------
TOPIC:keyboard refresh rate
WINDOW:4,0,4,0,13,0,10,6,61,3
GR@@TS
�����������������������������������������������������������������������������
~Greets and Thanx~ in this issue go to:
� Intruder � Shadow I)ragon � DeRrIcK � Mr. Brownstone � Spirit � Viper �
� The Ethereal Plane � The File Dimension � Perfect Anarchy � The Sanitarium �
� TNT � ~O/P/K~ � SAGA � SCA �
�����������������������������������������������������������������������������
� WaNT TO SuBMIT YOUR BEST RECoRDED LAMeNESS?
E/Mail all responses, submissions, contributions, and h0t nEw PC LemmingZ
WaReZ to:
NO COURiER - WWiVNeT 2506@36
Baphomet The Limbo King - WWiVNeT 2506@14
>> Get your shit together McAfee... SPaMDiNAViAN SoftwareZ comin' to ToWN! <<
END:Closing, Addresses, & GR@@TS
--------------------------
Greets and Thanx INCLUDE statements
TOPIC:Greets and Thanx
WINDOW:0,2,12,4,5,0,12,20,55,3
That was a joke. Those listed SuCK, ESPECiALLY ~O/P/K~!
END:Greets and Thanx
-------------------------
TOPIC:O/P/K
WINDOW:9,0,13,5,4,0,33,3,14,6
O/P/K:
O.bscene
P.lagiaristic
K.00L
END:O/P/K
`�* �L$eI I hJ�� TOPICS.DOC ��b HyperText Version of the CRITiCALLY ACCLAiMED PuD #14!/PUD_1_14.hyp
`�
