Octothorpe Productions    Written By:The Cruiser   Date:2/26/87  Approx size:5k

/^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v\
\     The Guide to Real Works Users    /
/   By The Real Works Sysop, J. Scott  \
\   As unmercifully edited by a Real   /
\   Works User, The Cruiser...         /
\____________________________________/

Sorry Jason, I just had to make a slightly edited version for users by users..
Please disregard this text-file.

Real Works Users worship The International House of Pancakes.

Real Works Users think Pancake Weeble is the antichrist.

Real Works Users read all of the Octothorpe files.  Especially the ones written
                by The Cruiser.

Real Works Users say "B00g" when someone calls them a jerk.

Real Works Users think Jolt Cola is the best thing since gerbiling.

Real Works Users own Ferrets.

Real Works Users are related or associated with a band, preferably garage or
                basement.

Real Works Users don't believe Dow commercials. (Better living through
                Chemistry!)

Real Works Users want to put a bomb on "The Love Boat" so they can watch
                pieces of "Your Crew" get splattered into the ocean.

Real Works Users don't have uppercase-only computers.

Real Works Users don't have uppercase, period. They rip out the shift key.

Real Works Users think Terror Ferret exists. (They're right.)

Real Works Users noticed that the number 238-8195 plays "Yankee Doodle" on
                a touch-tone keypad.  They also know that 312-410-7013 is The
                Cruiser's personal answering service.

Real Works Users have noticed that Milk-Bone commercials refer as if the dog
                is listening ("It freshens your breath!")

Real Works Users came up with a least ONE good space shuttle joke.

Real Works Users have samplers and scream into them.

Real Works Users collect textfiles.... LOTS of textfiles.

Real Works Users have READMACS if they own an IBM.

Real Works Users call phreak and hack boards, regardless of what c0mpyooter
                they own.  "Oh, I'm on this real elite rad hack/phreak pirate
                long distance board.  Oh, it's Apple only.  Real elite."  Sure.

Real Works Users have played at least a FEW rounds of "Let's see what happens
                when we put it in the microwave!"

Real Works Users know what Anarchy Inc., Neon Knights, and Metal Comm. Are..

Real Works Users call the works about once a week, but stay on the full 100
                minutes to download textfiles like a maniac.

Real Works Users freak out at family gatherings.

Real Works Users aren't afraid to leech.

Real Works Users like (understatement) Rock 'n' Roll.

Real Works Users have and worship their Works Business Cards. [Jason--I never
                got mine... what's wrong with your secretary!]

Real Works Users thrive on Doritos, Diet Pepsi and dial tones.

Real Works Users can get school cancelled by rubbing methalane blue [as stolen
                from the Chem lab] all over everyone's locks, so when everyone
                wakes up the next morning their hands will be blue.

Real Works Users loved "G.I. Joe" when they were 13, but now they find it
                plotless and childish.

Real Works Users don't watch weekday cartoons.  They're either practicing their
                riffs, jamming with the band, or leeching from The Works.

Real Works Users like fire.

Real Works Users have/lust for a hard drive with 4 or more levels of
                subdirectories.

Real Works Users don't shovel snow - they blow it up.

Real Works Users kan spel verie phine.

Real Works Users consider suicide an alternative to bobsledding.

Real Works Users watch "Carrie" for laughs.

Real Works Users are intrigued by rubik's magic - for about 3 minutes, and then
                they throw it out a 4 story window.

Real Works Users don't like RBBS. (Understatement).

Real Works Users like to watch the weather channel for 10 hours straight.

Real Works Users watch MTV on Sunday nights (the only useful shows are on at
                that time.)

Real Works Users watch suicide programs to see what type of idiots say they
                intend to kill themselves to a camera.

Whenever they're in Cleveland, Real Works Users listen to WNCX 98.5, because it
                has the best DJs in the nation.  They also listen to WUJC 88.7
                late at night because college radio seems to fit in with late
                night phreaking.  Finally, they listen to WMMS 100.7 because
                Rolling Stone magazine voted it best rock station in the
                nation, even though it is over-rated.

Real Works Users make their mecca to Cleveland at least once in a lifetime,
                and head straight for the Flats.

Real Works Users own a 4 head stereo VCR, and have worn out 2 copies of
                "Back to the Future" on it.

Real Works Users made themselves immortal by putting their name in an already
                written textfile.


Thank You.

--The Cruiser. . .



Wait a second.  What about the poor people who are reading this and don't have
                the number to The Works?  Don't fret.  Give it a call at
                <914>/238-8195.



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