Hey guys, this is Atari John here, and boy do I have the issue for
you! in this issue i will go through and rate all your favorite atari games
by sexual potency! i hope you like it!
Galaga - The pilot from Galaga has the longest penis of any Atari game
available! And boy, does he know how to use it, too! There was
this one night I was dreaming about being out in space shooting
those nasty insect looking things and the pilot grabs me from
behind in the ship and brings me into the back and we have long,
hot, passionate sex until I woke up! The best dream i ever had!
����� Atari John's Rating> 10
Rampage - I've always had this secret fantasy to fuck the monkey from
rampage up the ass! I always wanted to take my little stubby
penis and ram him good and hard! Sometimes i daydream that one
day while I was playing i would be one of the little people running
around and he'd pick me up and give me a blowjob!
����� Atari John's Rating> 9
Pitfall - of COURSE the guy from pitfall is good in bed! I mean, anyone that
can swing from vine to vine must have something going right! The
only problem with Pitfall is he'll only have sex with you if you
give him a money bag or a pile of gold
����� Atari John's Rating> 7
Pac-Man - Pac-Man gives really good blowjobs! but otherwise he isn't that
great. considering he doesn't have legs or a penis.
����� Atari John's Rating> 6
Indiana Jones - Indiana Jones just isn't that great. he's too easy. All you
have to do is find the stupid ankh and shovel and you've
already got him undressing. there's no foreplay with him :(
����� Atari John's Rating> 4
Space Invaders - no fun. the aliens don't have sex organs like we do.
����� Atari John's Rating> 1
Ms. Pac-Man - Just like pac man, only difference is her lipstick gets all
over your penis. if you like that stuff, i guess its a plus,
but i like my penis nice and cleean
����� Atari John's Rating> 5
Asteroids - the asteroids have no genetalia to play with. and all they do
is bruise you all over.
����� Atari John's Rating> 2
Burger Time - now this is a chef that knows how to cook his meat! This is
also one of the most kinky atari characters, because he uses
pepper in every sexual situation possible
����� Atari John's Rating> 7
Kaboom - if you don't remember this was the game you used the paddles <!!>
and had to catch all the bombs. it's pretty kinky too, but the
only problem it's kinda dangerous to screw under these circumstances
����� Atari John's Rating> 4
Atlantis - i only remember the name of this game so there were no horny men
or women in it
����� Atari John's Rating> 2
Riddle of the Sphinx - in this game guys in loin cloths run after you with
rocks and big hard ons! definately a game for the
masocists!
����� Atari John's Rating> 6
Missle Command - there's no one to fuck in this game
����� Atari John's Rating> 0
Combat - there's no one to fuck in this game either unless you count the
pilots of the tanks and planes and boats and they don't count cuz
they're too busy to play poochie
����� Atari John's Rating> 1
Fishing - fish have always turned me on, and the guy in this game is just
so cute! but watch out for that shark, he'll bite your kaka off!
����� Atari John's Rating> 6
Boxing - what can i say, two guys beating on each other, what else makes for
better foreplay? the only problem is the graphics weren't good enuff
to arouse me in this game
����� Atari John's Rating> 3
Adventure - this was the game where you were the knight and you had to find
the flashing chalice! but to get it you had to kill dragons and
stay away from the bat. well the dragons were horny and they
all had HIV so you had to run away from them! it was a great
game but i would have liked it better if at the end you got to
fuck a princess or something
����� Atari John's Rating> 5
Centipede - bugs aren't that arousing
����� Atari John's Rating> 2
Dig Dug - this is a game where you go around BLOWING (up) the bad guys! what
more can you ask for? i used to like to blow them until they were
to explode, then let them gradually calm down, then blow them again!
i hope someone does that to me when i grow up!
����� Atari John's Rating> 9
Moon Patrol - its too bad you cant breathe outside your car otherwise i would
have gotten it on with some moon chicks!
����� Atari John's Rating> 4
Q-Bert - this guy's nose was just MADE for sticking your polish sausage into!
and that snake guy can also make for some great butt slinging action!
the little balls are much fun, but have YOU ever had sex on a little
flying pad that is used to get to the top of the pyramid? it's a
truely orgasmic experience!
����� Atari John's Rating> 8
Jawbreaker - everything in this game is too tough. they all hurt too much
to suck off. i dont like it
����� Atari John's Rating> 4
Mouse Trap - it's too bad it wasn't Gerbil Trap, then it would have been
a great game! but i guess mouses are cool too but i never
tried one they never want to go up there maybe if i stuck a
hunk of cheese up there
����� Atari John's Rating> 5
Breakout! - the only good think about this game is the paddle makes for great
spankings ohh hohhh whap ohh
����� Atari John's Rating> 3
Night Racer - i dont think the title came from that you drive fast, i always
pictured a brunette driving that car that could blow and drive
at the same time or maybe id drive and she'd be in my lap
i dunno i guess im not creative enough
����� Atari John's Rating> 6
Tape Worm - or whatever this game was called, the one where you make the
lines but if you touch your or the other line you die... there
weren't any things with sex organs in this game so it sucked too
but not literally
����� Atari John's Rating> 2
Jungle Hunt - this guy was too active i think he was on steroids because no
mortal man could do all that he did.. swing on vines swim and
jump over boulders all without getting tired! well i know for
a fact he was on sterroids because his penis was all striveled
up!
����� Atari John's Rating> 3
Hero - this guy wasn't really a hero in fact he was rather dissappointing
����� Atari John's Rating> 4
Donkey Kong - this is the first time we got to meat mario, the little stocky
italian guy. and you know what they say about italians... and
you know what they say about stocky guys.. they always have
big and thick ones! i learned this from an experienced woman
who doesnt like that kind but I sure do! thick for me all the
way! anyway, this also has donkey kong in it! and all monkeys
are good in bed its a fact. Ive always dreamed of sucking
mario off while donkey kong banged me from behind
����� Atari John's Rating> 10
Popeye - spinich certainly hasn't helped popeye's penis size. but olive oil
sure can twist herself into some great positions!
����� Atari John's Rating> 6
Defender - too many aliens without big penises
����� Atari John's Rating> 4
Frogger - i never liked toad cock and because of this id play the game just
to get frogger smashed by a truck
����� Atari John's Rating> 2
Pole Position - i think the name says it all! these guys really knew how
to drive their sticks! they liked to accelerate their way
to a screaming climax as the checkered flag was insereted up
their rectums oh oh babie
����� Atari John's Rating> 9
Zaxxon - i liked to rub my penis up against all the walls right before i hit
them it was a fun game but i never was able to cum on one of them
there just isn't enough time
����� Atari John's Rating> 5
well, that's about it for me this time! check in again when i write
Atari John's guide to nintendo games! and also look out for atari john's
guide to mortal kombat - every position possible! see ya!
� � [MiLK] Information
� �
� � [MiLK] Sites:
� �
� � The Obloid Sphere..........(708)965-3098 [14,400]
۲����������� CUM........................(708)961-1220 [14,400]
۲����������� The Asylum.................(908)914-9318 [14,400]
۲����������� (NUP) I LOVE FEDS
۲�����������
۲����������� [MiLK] Issue #040, "The [MiLK] Guide to Atari" by Atari John
������������� This file is Exactly 9625 bytes long
