So, you want to be cool? You've got your KMFDM CD's, you've
been reading about Eastern Religions, and, of course, you have your own
band that refers to your genetalia in every song. You use the words
"nigger" and "Jew" in every other sentance. And yet, you
still really don't feel "Cool". What's to be done?
Well, first off, you're obviously forgetting a
trenchcoat. Everyone who is cool has a black trenchcoat.
Also, if you really want to be cool, you can't forget to wear
lots of eyeliner, whether you are male or female, lots of
eyeliner dripping off your face puts on a totally new
"cool"ness about you. You just HAVE to run a BBS to be cool.
Some good names for BBSes are things like "Jew-Slayers
Anonymous" or "Poisoned Wench BBS". Oh, obviously you have to
live in Wilmette, Illinois to be cool. That's a given.
You have to watch "A Clockwork Orange"
Or "Rocky Horror" to be cool. You have to be
in the mafia to be cool. You have to smell like
sewage to be cool. You don't wash your hair or
shave your legs if you're cool. You
order
water
and
nothing
else
at
restaurants
when
you're
cool
You carry lots of things around with you when you're
cool. Like your favorite books that no one else has read and
you get to think of them as peons and unintellectual because
they haven't. Or loaves of bread.
When you're cool
you use the word
ignorance a lot
when you're cool you own the internet
Cool people were Shades and Yamakas at
Rave concerts
Cool people talk about Sex
a lot
... but don't get any
Cool people read Samuel Beckett ... and understand it
Cool people think _Tommy_ is crap
Cool people don't do lunch
Cool people... don't exist
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