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File #008: Satern (By James Hetfield)          �
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       So, you want to be cool?  You've got your KMFDM CD's, you've
been reading about Eastern Religions, and, of course, you have your own
band that refers to your genetalia in every song.  You use the words
"nigger" and "Jew" in every other sentance.  And yet, you
still really don't feel "Cool".  What's to be done?
       Well, first off, you're obviously forgetting a
trenchcoat.  Everyone who is cool has a black trenchcoat.
Also, if you really want to be cool, you can't forget to wear
lots of eyeliner, whether you are male or female, lots of
eyeliner dripping off your face puts on a totally new
"cool"ness about you.  You just HAVE to run a BBS to be cool.
Some good names for BBSes are things like "Jew-Slayers
Anonymous" or "Poisoned Wench BBS".  Oh, obviously you have to
live in Wilmette, Illinois to be cool.  That's a given.
                       You have to watch "A Clockwork Orange"
               Or "Rocky Horror" to be cool.  You have to be
               in the mafia to be cool.  You have to smell like
               sewage to be cool.  You don't wash your hair or
               shave your legs if you're cool.  You
                                                       order
                                                water
                                       and
                               nothing
                       else
                    at
               restaurants
       when
                       you're
                               cool

       You carry lots of things around with you when you're
cool.  Like your favorite books that no one else has read and
you get to think of them as peons and unintellectual because
they haven't.  Or loaves of bread.

                       When you're cool
                          you use the word
                       ignorance a lot

when you're cool you own the internet

                       Cool people were Shades and Yamakas at
Rave concerts

               Cool people talk about Sex

                       a lot

                               ... but don't get any

Cool people read Samuel Beckett ... and understand it

       Cool people think _Tommy_ is crap

Cool people don't do lunch

                               Cool people... don't exist


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�                                                                            �
� .nfo:           File: #008          Author: James Hetfield                 �
�                 Size: 4363 Bytes    Title: "Satern"                        �
�                                                                            �
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