COACHING NOTES: LIVING ON PURPOSE
April 3, 1999
Brought to you by Ann McAllister, Ph.D.
(But you can call me Bubba.)
Happy Easter to all my Christian readers! May this be a time of
renewal for all of us. Welcome to 35 new subscribers since the
last issue. This time the greatest distance prize goes to a new
reader in New Zealand. Wowie! Zowie!
I can only hope that as this huge world becomes more
connected by technology, the sisterhood and brotherhood of all
human beings will become a felt reality. Ethnic "cleansing" and
war will fade away. Perhaps at this time of renewal, each of us
can resolve to live in this world in even more peaceful, loving,
compassionate ways than we have before.
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
1. Resilience
2. A Heartwarming Tale
3. Taking Care of Business: Vocations and Careers
4. Words of Wisdom
5. A Must-See Coaching Movie
6. Shameless Marketing
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RESILIENCE
"Pain and Suffering" was the title of the lead article in the last
issue. In it I wrote about the difference between pain and
suffering. Pain is an integral part of life. We create our suffering
by the interpretations and meanings we superimpose on our pain.
In this issue I want to focus on resilience�what it is and how we
can develop it.
Resilience is the ability to thrive, not just survive, after facing great
adversity. Rather than being diminished by pain and suffering, the
resilient person transcends the pain and becomes a stronger and
better human being, often making a significant contribution to the
lives of others.
How do the resilient do it? They accept the pain and adversity
for what it is�a part of the fabric of human life. They do not see
themselves as unique victims. Their own pain leads them to feel
compassion for all who suffer. The resilient use their own pain
and suffering to more fully discover who they are. They heal
themselves of their neurotic and self-defeating ways of being.
The resilient are determined to grow as human and spiritual
beings.
And out of their compassion and growth, the resilient transform
their own adversity into meaning and purpose for their lives.
Their missions for their lives are forged in the searing heat of
their own pain.
Drs. Sybil and Steven Wolin are directors of Project Resilience in
Washington, D.C. This project works with disadvantaged inner
city youth to discover why some young people can go on to live
meaningful, productive lives and others are destroyed or just
barely survive.
The Wolins have identified Seven Resiliencies:
1. Insight: Asking tough questions that pierce denial and
confusion and establish clarity.
2. Independence: Distancing emotionally and physically from
trouble to keep yourself safe.
3. Relationships: Establishing ties to others that provide stability,
nurturing and love.
4. Initiative: Rising to the challenge of problems to give yourself
a sense of effectiveness and being in control.
5. Creativity: Representing your inner pain and hurtful experiences
in art forms to turn ugliness into something beautiful and of
value to others.
6. Humor: Laughing at yourself in order to minimize pain and
trouble.
7. Morality: Acting on the basis of conscience to give yourself
a sense of "goodness" when you are surrounded by
"badness."
The beauty of breaking down the broad concept of resilience into
The Resiliencies is that people who are willing can be coached
in the resiliencies. These are all learnable skills.
Which of The Resiliencies have you developed well?
Which ones need work?
Which one are you willing to begin strengthening today?
Go for it. Life really is worth living!
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A HEARTWARMING TALE
(Warning: This is long, but well worth it.)
An old man lived with his hound-dog, Mace, in a run-down
shack on the outskirts of town. He had no family and only a
few meager possessions: a table and chair, a bed, a bag of
hand tools, and his dog.
He used the tools to do odd jobs in town, for which he
usually would be paid enough to get food for the next day.
Mace and his master lived from one day to the next on what
little these jobs would bring in.
The dog was just a normal hound, with one exception: while
most dogs like to chew on grass occasionally, Mace loved it.
When the old man was in town, Mace would spend the day in the
yard in front of the house, chewing away on the lawn.
One bright, sunny day the old man said good-bye to his dog and
headed into town to work. He had a plumbing repair job in
one of the homes there that would take him most of the day
and would probably pay enough for food for the remainder of
the week, if he managed the money carefully.
He headed for town with a spring in his step and a whistle
on his lips. Inside the house and ready to start, the old
man reached in the bag for his wrench. To his surprise, he
didn't feel it. He dug around again, but there didn't seem
to be any wrench.
He looked in the bag, then dumped its contents on the floor,
but still no wrench. Reality set in. Without a wrench he
couldn't finish the job, and without the pay he couldn't even
buy food for that night's supper, let alone for tomorrow.
When he finally came to grips with reality, he told the lady
who hired him what the situation was. While she sympathized
with his situation, the job needed to be done. If the old man
couldn't do it, she would have to hire someone else.
The old man packed up his tools and headed home, head bowed
and shoulders stooped. The whistle was gone and no longer was
there a spring in his step. A walk that normally took 15
minutes seemed to last forever.
But finally the old shack came into view, and there was Mace
in the distance, munching away as usual on the lawn. When
the dog saw his master, he came running, tail wagging,
telling the old man how glad he was to see him.
Kneeling beside the hound, the man began to pet him, and
through tear-filled eyes told the dog that there would be no
supper tonight and no food for tomorrow. What's more,
without money to buy a new wrench, he had no idea what the
future held? It was the loneliest, most helpless feeling he
ever had!
Then he caught a glimpse of something shining in the grass.
As the old man went over to see what this piece of shining
material was, his despair turned in an instant to joy! It
was the wrench! The old man had dropped it on his way out
that morning, and it would have been lost forever had Mace
not been eating farther away from the house than he usually
did! The old man grabbed the dog, gave him a hug that almost
suffocated him, and ran into the house.
Reaching for a stub of pencil and the only piece of paper he
had, he wrote a moving tribute to his canine companion. Few
people have ever heard these words-until now, that is. One
man who did happen to read them changed them a bit, and has
his name recorded in music history.
The old man never did get the credit he deserved. But, now
you are privileged to read the opening line of his original
poem, which began:
"A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound that saved a wrench
for me."
OK! OK! This is the humor section.
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TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS: VOCATIONS AND CAREERS
Did you know that the word vocation comes from the Latin
"vocare" meaning "to call"? Your vocation is your calling, your
mission in life. It is something you have to listen for and, when
heeded, gives meaning and purpose to your existence.
Did you know that the word career comes from the Latin word for
cart and later from the Middle French word for racetrack? Career
means going around and around in circles for a long time and
never getting anywhere. Hmmmmm!?!
I know that in today's usage "career" doesn't mean that, but the
distinction between vocation and career is a very useful one
to make. If your career is not in alignment with your vocation,
you will be going around in circles getting nowhere.
Are you listening for and heeding your calling? If not, when will
you begin? Life is too precious and short to be going around in
circles. The cost to yourself, your family, your friends, even
society, is too high.
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WORDS OF WISDOM
I've learned-
that regardless of how hot and steamy
a relationship is at first, the passion fades
and there had better be something else
to take its place.
I've learned-
that heroes are the people
who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.
I've learned-
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I've learned-
that my best friend and I can do anything
or nothing and have the best time.
-Source unknown
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A MUST-SEE COACHING MOVIE
The audience applauded when the movie was over. How many
times has that happened when you've been to see a movie?
The movie? October Sky. This is the true story of Homer
Hickam heeding his calling when he saw Sputnik traveling
across the October night sky in 1957.
Despite ridicule and obstacles from family and towns people in a
dying West Virginia coal mining town, Homer and three other
focused and determined high school seniors launched a rocket
and�.well, I won't spoil the story. Suffice it to say October
Sky is a wonderfully crafted story of people following their dreams,
despite major setbacks, and achieving great things.
By the way, Homer, a boy who was destined to spend his life in
a coal mine, became a NASA scientist.
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SHAMELESS MARKETING
Great athletes have coaches. Great musicians have teachers.
Great leaders have advisors. Isn't YOUR life just as important?
For a complimentary introductory session to see if
coaching is for you, call me at 770-399-6619 or email
me at
[email protected]. I am available for individual
and group coaching.
Who is Ann McAllister, Ph.D., you ask? Well, she
has been helping people achieve the lives they really,
really want for 26 years as a psychologist and more
recently as a Success Coach. She is a member of the
International Coach Federation and the Coach Training Program
of Coach University. Ann works with professionals, executives
and business owners to work less, accomplish more and still
have fun in the process. Ann considers herself a recovering
psychologist. When she is not "working," you can often find her
strolling through her estate (a small perennial garden) admiring
the beauty of nature.
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Copyright 1999 Ann McAllister, Ph.D. All rights reserved.
Permission is granted to reproduce, copy or distribute
Coaching Notes: Living on Purpose so long as this copyright
notice and full information about contacting the author is
attached. Ann McAllister, Ph.D., can be contacted at
[email protected] or 770-399-6619.
