COACHING NOTES
December 30,1998
Brought to you by Ann McAllister, Ph.D.
(who in less serious moments is known as Bubba)
Happy New Year to all! Welcome to the first issue of COACHING NOTES, an email
newsletter for those who want to live balanced, fulfilling, successful lives
and are willing to take the steps to make that happen. Each issue will
contain information which, I hope, will be useful, thought provoking, and just
plain fun. I welcome submissions from all of you for the newsletter,
suggestions on what you would like to see in it, constructive criticism on
what you don't like about it, and even messages to unsubscribe because you
don't find it useful. Please feel free to forward COACHING NOTES in its
entirety to friends, family, and colleagues.
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YET ANOTHER ARTICLE ON NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS (well, maybe...)
It's that time of year again. Time to think of New Year's resolutions.
YUCK!! What an exercise in futility! What a great way to get down on
ourselves! Throw the whole idea out!
What a strange thing for a coach to say...don't make resolutions, don't set
goals. Well, that's not exactly what I am saying. What I'm suggesting is
that we often aren't clear on what will make a resolution stick. And until we
are clear, we are just giving ourselves a stick up with which to beat
ourselves. ( I have resolved to never end a sentence with a preposition.
Let's see how long that lasts.)
So, here are 3 principles to keep in mind when you give in and start making
those cursed resolutions.
Principle # 1
If a resolution is designed to cure your self-esteem problems, it won't, and
you likely won't stick to it anyway.
Resolutions won't last if their sole purpose is to make you feel better about
yourself. If you resolve to begin working out so you will have a nicer body
so you can feel good about yourself, it won't work! You may stick with it and
get buff, but deep down you will not feel truly good about yourself. That's a
whole other issue. Rather, exercising needs to be done because you love
yourself and want to take care of yourself (including looking good). That
will keep you exercising. If you improve how your body looks and you feel
proud of maintaining an exercise routine, that is just icing on the cake,
which you can eat more of (oops), if your exercise.
Principle # 2
Resolutions will likely stick when they are steps in the process of getting
your needs met.
Needs are things or qualities we must have in our lives in order to function
at our best. For instance, I need freedom. Another person might need
structure imposed from outside themselves. These needs are different, but
neither is better or worse than the other. We are all different and what will
make us tick smoothly is different for every person.
Examples of needs are 1) to be acknowledged, 2) to have power, 3) to be
comfortable, 4) to be loved, 5) to be dutiful. What do you REALLY need to be
at your best? HONESTLY! What you come up with may be something you have been
taught is not OK. It doesn't matter. There are healthy ways to meet all
needs. If someone has the need to control, a career as a police officer or in
the armed forces would be a possibility as would a hobby of training dogs.
(Training cats would not be a good idea for this person.)
Getting a need met makes a great resolution. I'll share a personal example.
I need to be acknowledged when I compliment someone, give a gift, send a
letter or email, leave a message. I get bothered when I have sent something
out into the universe and nothing comes back. This drains me a little every
time it happens. Sometimes I get angry. I resolved to educate the people in
my life that being acknowledged is important to me; they have cooperated and
my life flows a little more smoothly. I am also being assertive with customer
service reps (a bane of my existence), that I expect an answer promptly. I am
more energized now because my friends are responding, and I enjoy being
assertive with customer service reps. The reps sometimes don't cooperate, but
it sure is fun speaking up(oops). I love the words, "I want to speak to your
supervisor."
If you would like to receive a list of needs and how to work with them, call
or email me. I WILL respond and send one to you. Getting your needs met is a
lot more fun than resolving to be nice to Aunt Lucretia or giving up
chocolate.
Principle # 3
If it ain't fun, don't resolve to do it.
It is easy (or easier) to hang in with something that is fun (duh)!
Resolutions that involve activities that excite or intrigue you are going to
stick. That is how I learned to be computer literate....although there have
been many frustrating hours in the process. We get carried along by this
natural source of energy. Why not make a resolution to incorporate some
activity in your life that you've always wanted to do but never got around to.
Believe me, there are ways to make the time for it, and you will be rewarded
with more energy for those less than fun aspects of your life.
Have a wonderful 1999! I am going to go track down a customer service rep and
be acknowledged.
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REMEMBER THESE WHEN YOU START DOUBTING YOUR DREAMS.....
"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would
pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?"
--David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment
in the radio in the 1920s.
"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better
than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible."
--A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's
paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to
found Federal Express Corp.)
"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"
--H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.
"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not
Gary Cooper."
--Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With
The Wind."
"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say
America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make."
--Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.
"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."
--Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.
"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible."
--Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.
"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The
literature was full of examples that said you can't do this."
--Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M
"Post-It" Notepads.
"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even
built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us?
Or we' ll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll
come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to
Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got
through college yet.'"
--Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and HP
interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.
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AND THE PART OF THIS ISSUE YOU WILL LOVE TO HATE.....
Mahatma Ghandi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that the soles
of his feet became quite thick and hard. Being a very spiritual person,
he ate very little, and often fasted. As a result, he was quite thin and
frail. Furthermore, due to his diet, he ended up with very bad breath.
Therefore: he came to be known as a....
"Super callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis."
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WORDS OF WISDOM
"There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way."
- Christopher Morley
"The amount of luck that comes your way depends on your willingness to act."
- Barbara Sher
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SHAMELESS MARKETING TIP
If your life is pretty good, but somehow you just know there should be more,
you could use a coach. If you are ready to move your business or career to
the next level, you could use a coach. If you have had a lifelong dream but
just can't quite get started on realizing it, you could use a coach. Great
athletes have coaches. Great musicians have teachers. Great leaders have
advisors. Isn't YOUR life just as important? For a complimentary
introductory session to see if coaching is for you, call me at 770-399-6619 or
email me at
[email protected]. I am available for individual and group
coaching.
Who is Ann McAllister, Ph.D., you ask? Well, she has been helping people
achieve the lives they really, really want for 25 years as a psychologist and
more recently as a personal and professional coach. She is a member of the
International Coach Federation and the Coach Training Program of Coach
University. Her current projects include creating VisionBuilding workshops
with colleague Mary Pike, Psy.D.(we call ourselves the Vision Mavens) and
seminars on truly effective financial planning with financial planner Fran
Levine. Watch for more information on these learning opportunities.
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Copyright 1998 Ann McAllister, Ph. D. All rights reserved.
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