TITLE: Why Divorce, for Followers of Jesus, is Hell and How to Survive It.
COPYRIGHT � JANUARY 14, 1996 All rights reserved.
Copyright � 01/14/'95; 01/12/�96 (Revised)
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By L. Tyler P.O. Box 620763, SanDiego, CA 92162-0763
[email protected] ---
[email protected]
I. INTRODUCTION: PRIORITIES RECONSIDERED
This study is the result of my own marital experience where I was divorced from my wife and both of us claimed sincerely and earnestly that we were born again believers in the Lord Jesus Christ. I was faced with the question, "What does a Christian do about his/her need to marry when in a divorced-from-one and wanting-to- marrry-another situation, and he believes that he/she and the Christian exmate are bound to each other maritally by the Lord until death parts them?" Or ---- "What does a Christian do in a divorced-from-one and remarried-to-another situation, and he/she believes that he/she and the Christian exmate are bound to each other maritally by the Lord until death parts them?" And the moral question: "Is it adultery or is it something else?"
Our relationships with our mates and our children are second in importance and emotional intensity only to our relationship with Jesus. In San Diego's Union-Tribune several months ('95) ago they reported on a study of the effects of divorce that involved thousands and lasted over 20 years. The social scientists screened the participants so that they had two groups that basically differed as follows, one whose parents had divorced or separated and the other group whose parents did not divorce or separate. They found that the average life expectancy was five years longer for the group whose parents did not divorce. Divorce made a five year difference in the life expectancy of the two groups.
Dr. Griffith Banning conducted a study of 800 Canadian children.
It was reported that their parents' divorce, death or separation, resulting in the children's felt lack of love and affection, did greater damage to their growth and development than disease and all other factors combined.>a
[>a Love, by Leo Buscaglia, Fawcett Crest, NY,1972,p.78
What we do with our marital relationships has a profound effect not only on us, but on our children, for a lifetime. We already know that a divorce, statistically, usually results in serious health problems ranging from ulcers and cardiovascular problems to hormonal and emotional problems. Divorce can devastate us and our loved ones. How can we afford to let our marriages, which Jesus intended to arenas filled with love and testimonies of His life changing all-sufficiency, become instead arenas of suffering, bitterness and hatred --- trophies for the enemy of our souls?
Yet look at the relationship most of us have with our loved ones and our God. Most of us live our lives devoid of the life changing power and compassionate cherishing of our living and reigning God. Most of us are falling short of compassionately cherishing our mates and children. We wonder why we don�t see the power of God in our lives. Yet how can Jesus bless us miraculously and and powerfully intervene in our lives when we have let ourselves become so entangled in the cares and affairs of our daily lives that the Spirit in us is chocked and rendered fruitless. It is not just a matter of seeking first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, which most of us fall short of by letting TV or other personal pleasures rob us of the time we could spend with Jesus. It goes even beyond that.
For many of us the question is , �Why is our relationship with our living and powerful God so lifeless and embarrassingly weak?� �Why is there such a great discrepancy between the the life changing power of God we believe in, and the disastisfying mediocrity and ineffectiveness of most of our lives?� We know that if we walk in His will and do those things that are pleasing in His sight, He hears our prayers and supernaturally intervenes in our lives (1Jn3:21-24; 5:14,15), so when we fail to walk in His will and fail to do those things that are pleasing to Him we should not be surprised at the spiritually impotent lives and testimonies we have. What a tragedy to lose the battle for the souls of our children and loved ones because we stuck with bad or foolish choices.
Specifically with this study I try to discover and share what I understand to be His will for us maritally. I try to show that an adulterous marriage, an adulterous remarriage, and or an adulterous divorce can gut our walk in the power of our God, leaving us with an impotent and sterile life and testimony
that is bad enough in and of itself; but when you add the chastening of our God to an impotent and sterile life, it can be enough to break your heart and spirit. But isn�t that why He sends the chastening of weakness and sickness (1 Cor. 11) or the chastening of poverty, strife, diseases and animal attacks (Ezek 14) ---- to break our stiff necks and hard hearts so He, as the potter, can remake us in our confession and repentance? Are you experiencing this chastening? Do you think it might be due to an ungodly divorce or marriage? Do you wonder what you should do about it? Please read this study.
This study is written as a wake up call to Christians who have fallen into marriages, divorces and remarriages that are contrary to the will of God and now want to know what they should do. A child of God wants to do the will of God (1Jn2:3,4,5).We know that our God has told us in 1 Pet. 3 that if we fail to live wisely with our wives, our prayers will be hindered. He has told us that in Isaiah 59:1,2 that he wont hear our prayers if we fall into disobedience and fail to be Ambassadors of His Love. This study is for the person who is not sure about the will of God facing a divorce, marriage or remarriage. This study is for the divorced, the married and the remarried who find themselves in a situation that neither affords them the peace nor the joy of the God who longs to fill their lives with both. Hopefully this study will be used of God to shed some light on those heartbreaking and unfulfilling situations. Please hear the Word in this study, and be brave in the Lord to do His will, no matter what the cost.
Dear reader, I exhort you to test, try, prove, examine, scrutinize and check against the Word every idea or concept in this document that seems questionable, doubtful or radical. Stay with what you understand the Word to say. What you will read is where I have arrived in the quest for His will. It is very controversial and I believe it is controversial because I came to this quest as a scholar, an anthro-pologist and a child of God who earnestly wants to know his Father's will. So "Here I stand!" ---- until further enlightenment from the Father.
This study is based on the understanding of the Word of God that a godly marriage of two godly people is for life, and that they are bound by God to each other maritally until death dissolves the marriage. It is an attempt to catch the mind of the God who hates divorce and who hates the breaking of wedding covenants. It is an attempt to understand the marital will of the God who doesn�t want us to be foolish vow breaking fools in whom he has no pleasure. This document is written from a "Christian", fundamental, evangelical, dispensationalist, etc. point of view for those who understand that point of view. The followers, or disciples, of Jesus Christ are called "Christians", and for them loving obedience to their Lord and King is the paramount issue in all matters of human life.
What does "Christian" mean? Who is the God of one who is called a "Christian"? Jesus is God revealed in the flesh-blood-bone body, God's only incarnate Son, physically begotten of the virgin Mary, God's Mediator of the New Covenant, Savior and Redeemer of all who obediently believe, King of Kings, Lord of all soon to return visibly, Creator of all things that have ever existed (including Michael, Lucifer, Satan, Gabriel), and Judge of all humans soon to return visibly in His resurrected flesh and bone body. What is a "Christian"? Without controversy the Word is clear that we are saved and born again Spiritually as a result of the following:
(1) His unearned compassion He had for us even before we know Him, which compassion moved Him to give His only begotten Son to bear our sins and die in our place.
(2) His enlightening us about who He is, convincing us of our sins and His righteous judgment of sin, and constraining us to accept Him while we are still spiritually dead in our sins. [John 1:9,12; 16:7-11]
(3) His giving us the gift of belief/faith in God (revealed as Jesus Christ, His miraculous birth, His holy life, His undeserved and substitutionary death, and His resurrection demonstrating His victory over death and sin) in spite of our spiritual blindness and death [James 1:17]
(4) Our willingness >1 to accept and use His gift of belief is met with His enabling >2 us to have and exercise genuine faith in Him as our King, God and Savior in every area of our life.
[>1 2 Corinth. 8.; >2 Phil. 2:13; 4:13.]
(5) Since all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags there is no work or deed that we can do to earn God�s salvation. Our part is to genuinely believe in, accept and submit to His gracious gift in Jesus Christ.
Okay, so that is what a Christian is . What�s next? I believe that it is obvious that a Christian should not lean to his own understanding>3 and should not just do that which seems right to himself>4. I believe that those who are born of God are led by the Spirit of God Spiritually>5 and by the Word>6 I believe that the believer must acknowledge Christ's Lordship in
every area of his/her life for Christ to be the real and actual LORD/KING of that believer>7. I agree with the Bible that a Christian's obedience is his birthmark, the vital and critical proof of having been truly born again of God>8 . Besides all of that, Jesus said that if I loved Him, I would obey Him, showing my love by my obedience>9 so of course I want to show my love for Him and show proof of my rebirth in Him by obeying Him.
[Footnotes:>3 Prov. 3:5,6; >4 Prov. 16:24; >5 Romans 8:13,14.; >6 Psalm 119:9,11,24,32,72,89, 93,101, 104,105 ,166,167; >7 Prov. 3:5,6; Romans 12:1,2; 1 Cor. 6:19, 20 etc; >8 (1John 2:3,4,5; 3:10, 24; 5:2,3; Hebrews 5:8,9); >9 (John 14:15,21).]
Yes, I realize that obeying Him is not necessarily obeying Christian leaders and teachers because if they teach the traditions and commandments of men>10 instead of or along with the commandments and traditions of God, they make the Way of God null, void and ineffective. Yes, I know that God can use godly men and Christian leaders/teachers to show us His Way>11 but surely it is our responsibility to be like the Bereans>12, testing-trying-examining-scrutinizing>13 all of their teachings and leadership to see if it conforms to the Word of God, holding fast to what we find to be true/good. We need to diligently search the Word to find the will of God, especially in the matter of controversial and questionable things.
[Footnotes:>10 (Matthew 15:1-9; Mark 7:1-15); >11 (Hebrews 13:7; >12 of Acts 17:11.31; >13 1 John4:1-4 and 1 Thess. 5:21.]
Finally, why does God allow us to experience such heart breaking and soul-rending experiences as those that accompany divorce, separation, and adultery? Please consider the point about 1 Cor. 10:13. He doesn't allow you to be tried more than you can bear, because you are stronger, have a better understanding of spiritual warfare and a deeper faith, the trials will be greater--but never more than you can bear. Consider the trials of John the Baptist and all the apostles except John. They all died violent deaths at the hands of those who hate them, but never more than they could bear. An exercise is no exercise if it doesn't challenge you at the point where you have to strain and go aerobic, sometimes painful. The same with "spiritual" muscles, the trial has to produce stress, strain and even pain for you to become stronger, more capable, more useful and fruitful. The fruitful vine looks terrible when it is pruned, and it would feel terrible if it could feel, but because it is pruned it has the potential of being more fruitful, and I know you want more fruit of the Spirit in your life. I know that you want to compassionately cherish God and others even more than you do now, and that's how you get there.
This life is boot camp and the war, which, thank God, is shortened for our sakes. Our resurrected life with Jesus Christ is worth the struggle. To rule the earth with Him enthroned in Jerusalem for a 1000 years (Rev. 20: 2-7), to walk around as His agents enabled to raise the dead, open the eyes of the blind, to bind up the broken limbs and hearts, to counsel the broken hearted with wisdom inspired of God, to feed the hungry, to clothe the naked, to teach in power the lost how they can be found etc etc etc etc. I can hardly wait!
Please consider attending a Christian divorce/grief recovery support group. You are still deeply grieving inside over your ex and those "saints" that so deeply and carnally broke your heart. I know that I desperately needed and greatly benefited from the free one I attended at Del Cerro So. Bapt. Church. It was critical in my recovery and in my readiness to be healed and in my learning how and where I needed to grow, to forgive my ex, and to prepare my heart for my next. Most denominations have free support groups that are usually extremely helpful, it taught by qualified staff and anointed of the Lord. Please call around for times and places and pray about attending and let the Lord minister to you through the saints.
But why does He allow us to suffer, to grieve so deeply and have hearts so broken than you can feel the pain throughout your chest? Here are some reasons that I have become aware of and they are all for our good. Please consider them and, in each, ask if its goal was accomplished in your life.
WE HAVE SUFFERED ----
1. So that we can know that we belong to Christ. 2 Tim 3:12; 1 Pet. 2:19,20; Mat. 13:21,22,23
2. Because we are followers of Christ. John 15:19,20
3. So that evil doers will not come to God just to escape from Hell and suffering in this life. He wants sinners to come to Him because they love Him who first loved them, not because they forgot to join the Noah's Ark Club. Noah's flood + Rev. 21:27
4. So that we wont miss (be homesick, want to look/go back like Lot's wife did) this social system when we are in Heaven or ruling with Christ. To love the world's social system is to be God's enemy. 1 John 2:15; Heb. 11:l3- 19 .
5. So that we can know how and why to choose -between the good and the evil. Deut. 30:15-20
6. Because of our own sins. 1 Cor. 5 and 1 Cor. 11:30- 32; Hebrews 12.
7. To cause us to learn to be humble. 2 Cor. 12:7-10
8. To caution us against arrogant or ignorant presumption in our prayers and to exhibit to us His all-sufficiency in the affairs of our personal lives. 2 Cor.12: 7-10; Rom5:3,4
9. To learn and acquire patience, experience and hope in the compassionate cherishing of God. Rom. 5:3,4
10. Because of His Name- Because of His Truth - Because of His Life - Because of the shining Light of His Truth, an honor to be counted worthy of suffering with and for Him if God permits. Acts 5:41; Rom 8:17
11. So that we may have the honor of being glorified together with Him. Rom. 8:17
12. So that we may be perfected, completed, and matured. Heb. 2:10; 1 Pet. 5:10
13. So that we may learn to Love Jesus and His Way enough to obey Him even when it hurts. Heb. 5:8,9; Psalm 15:4
14. So that we may be established, strengthened and settled in Christ. 1 Peter 5:10
15. Because they hated and killed Jesus they will hate and try to kill the Jesus in us. Lk. 6:22; John 15:18,19
16. To end the cycle of hate and violence in our lives at us, we being shock absorbers for the evil around us, so that it will stop at us and we will learn not to pass it on. He has called us to turn the cheek, go the second mile and bless and pray for those who curse and abuse us. Matt. 5; Luke 6; Romans 12; 1 Cor. 6
17. So that our enduring and genuine faith may bring praise, honor and glory at His appearing in the presence of all the angels, demons, cherubim, seraphim and those with Christ. 1 Pet. 1:7
18. So that we could experience God's solutions and faithfulness and comfort for our griefs and trials so we will have learned how to share His comforting solutions with the others He leads us to who are experiencing similar grievous trials. It is preparation for ministry now and in the 1000 year reign of Christ on earth. 2 Cor. 1:3-5 ; Revelation20:1-6
II. DIVORCE! A PLAGUE AND ITS CONSEQUENCES .
St. Augustine (4th Cent AD) had a powerful way of stating the permanent nature of the marriage of two who married after being born again, lovingly obedient to Jesus and fruitful in the Spirit---
�To such a degree is that marriage compact entered upon a matter of a certain sacrament, that it is not made void even by separation itself, since, so long as her husband lives, even by whom she hath been left, she commits adultery, in case she be married to another: and he who hath left her, is the cause of this evil. . . Seeing that the compact of marriage is not done away by divorce intervening; so that they continue wedded persons one to another,
even after separation; and commit adultery with those, with whom they shall be joined, even after their own divorce, either the woman with a man, or the man with a woman. . . But a marriage once for all entered upon in the City of our god>14, where, even from the first union of the two, the man and the woman, marriage bears a certain sacramental character, can no way be dissolved but by the death of one of them. . . Therefore the good of marriage throughout all nations and all men stands in the occasion of begetting, and faith of chastity: but, so far as pertains unto the People of God, also in the sanctity of the sacrament, by reason of which it is unlawful for one who leaves her husband, even when she has been put away, to be married to another, so long as her husband lives, no not even for the sake of bearing children: . . . not even where that very thing, wherefore it takes place, follows not, is the marriage bond loosed, save by the death of the husband or wife.�>15
[Footnotes:>14 This footnote mark etc. is not St. Augustine's or Arthur Haddan's. I insert it just in case the reader is not aware of the fact that all marriages between real saints take place "in the City of our god" not according to St. Augustine, but according the the Holy Spirit in Hebrews 11:10,13-19, where they are already seated with Christ in the Heavenlies according to Eph. 1 & 2. >15 St. Augustin: On The Trinity; pp. 402, 406, 412.]
In Matt. 5 Jesus made it plain divorce was permitted for the hardness of human hearts and Malachi 2 makes it plain that God hates the treacherous breaking of marital covenants that results in divorce. In Matt. 5 Jesus permits the husband to divorce his wife is she is guilty of fornication, but does not command it. There is no command to divorce one's mate for fornication, but after Acts 1 there is the command to separate (not divorce) yourself from a saved mate who is snared in sexual sin>16. Before Acts 1 Jesus allowed divorce for the hardness of hearts >17. The compassionate heart of the Spirit filled Christian would respond to a mate's fornication according to the Word>18. . The goal of such compassion for one's mate snared in sexual sin would be the goal of godly sorrow described in the following:2 Cor. 7 and 1 Corinthians 5:5 . . . deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction [ruin , damage] of the flesh, so that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.
[Footnotes:>16. 1 Cor. 5:9-11; 2 Thes. 3:6-14; 1 Tim. 6:1-5; 2 Tim. 3:1-5; >17. Mat. 19:6-9; >18. 1 Corinth. 5:5-11; Matthew 18:15-18; Gal. 6:1; John 8: 1-10; 1 Tim. 5:20,21; 2 Th. 3:6-14]
MKJV 2 CORINTHIANS 2: 5 � 6 This punishment by the majority [is] enough for such a one; 7 so that, on the contrary, you should rather forgive and comfort [him], lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with overwhelming sorrow. 8 So I beseech you to confirm [your] love toward him. 9 For to this end I also wrote, that I might know the proof of you, whether you are obedient in all things. 10 But to whom you forgive anything, I also [forgive]. For if I forgave anything, for your sakes I forgave [it] to him in the person of Christ; 11 so that we should not be overreached by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his devices.
MKJV 2 CORINTHIANS 7: 8 For even if I grieved you in the letter, I do not regret; if indeed I did regret; for I see that that letter grieved you for an hour. 9 Now I rejoice, not that you were grieved, but that you grieved to repentance. For you were grieved according to God, so that you might suffer loss by nothing in us. 10 For the grief according to God works repentance to salvation, not to be regretted, but the grief of the world works out death. 11 For behold this same thing (you being grieved according to God); how much it worked out earnestness in you; but [also] defense; but [also] indignation; but [also] fear; but [also] desire; but [also] zeal; but [also] vengeance! In everything you approved yourselves to be clear in the matter. 12 � Then, though I wrote to you, [it was] not on account of the one who did wrong, nor on account of the one who suffered wrong, but for the sake of revealing our earnestness on your behalf, for you before God.
Even though Jesus apparently allows a genuinely believing husband to divorce his wife snared in adultery and then go ahead and remarry, I wouldn't want to stand before the judgment seat of Christ and tell the God of Love I divorced my wife for fornication because of the hardness of my heart. The motivation of a hardened heart doesn't square with Eph. 4 or I Cor. 13 or Romans 15.
MKJV EPHES. 4: 15 But that you, speaking the truth in love, may in all things grow up to Him who is the Head, [even] Christ; . . 25 Therefore putting away lying, let each man speak truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. 26 Be angry, and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down upon your wrath, 27 neither give place to the Devil. . . . 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you are sealed until [the] day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and tumult and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you.
1 CORINTH. 13: 4 � Compassionate cherishing has patience, is kind; compassionate cherishing is not envious, is not vain, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave indecently, does not seek its own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil. 6 Charity does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth, 7 quietly covers all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 � Compassionate cherishing never fails.
MKJV ROMANS 15: 1 � Then we who are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves. 2 Let every one of us please [his] neighbor for [his] good, to building up. 3 For even Christ did not please Himself; but as it is written, "The reproaches of those who reproached You fell on Me." 4 For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, so that we through patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope. 5 � And may the God of patience and consolation grant you to be like minded toward one another according to Christ Jesus, 6 so that with one mind [and] one mouth you may glorify God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. 7 � Therefore receive one another as Christ also received us, to [the] glory of God.
Being forgiven by God for sins worthy of death (Rom. 1) how can we not forgive our mate if he/she falls in adultery and then repents? How can we say anything besides "Go on with your life and sin no more!">19 if the Godly repentance described in the following is evident? That's the example He left for us (1Pet.2:20,21). There is no greater Love than to lay down and deny your life/will for another's good.
[>19. John 8:1-10.]
MKJV 2 CORINTHIANS 7: 8 For even if I grieved you in the letter, I do not regret; if indeed I did regret; for I see that that letter grieved you for an hour. 9 Now I rejoice, not that you were grieved, but that you grieved to repentance. For you were grieved according to God, so that you might suffer loss by nothing in us.10 For the grief according to God works repentance to salvation, not to be regretted, but the grief of the world works out death. 11 For behold this same thing (you being grieved according to God); how much it worked out earnestness in you; but [also] defense; but [also] indignation; but [also] fear; but [also] desire; but [also] zeal; but [also] vengeance! In everything you approved yourselves to be clear in the matter.
MKJV 2 CORINTHIANS 2: 6 This punishment by the majority [is] enough for such a one; 7 so that, on the contrary, you should rather forgive and comfort [him], lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with overwhelming sorrow. 8 So I beseech you to confirm [your] love toward him. 9 For to this end I also wrote, that I might know the proof of you, whether you are obedient in all things. 10 But to whom you forgive anything, I also [forgive]. For if I forgave anything, for your sakes I forgave [it] to him in the person of Christ; 11 so that we should not be overreached by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his devices.
When I have approached Christian leaders here in my area, most of them fall back on a rationalization of scripture to defend or at least conform to the worldly norms of separation/divorce/ remarriage in contemporary society. So they accept divorces, where those put together by God are put apart by man, and remarry "believers" who have been divorced or separated from "believers". They are sincerely and earnestly concerned about stumbling the weak and are reluctant to ask of the saints what seems to the world's eyes to be impossible for many saints, to accept the Word that genuine believers are bound maritally as long as both live.
The particular case in point is the situation caused by the plague of divorce among Christians. I understand the following scriptures to indicate that genuine believers in the Lord Jesus Christ who were free to marry each other in the Lord and did marry each other are bound maritally to each other as long as both live -------
1 CORINTH. 7:10* � And to the married I command (not I, but the Lord), a woman not to be separated from [her] husband. 11* But if she is indeed separated, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to [her] husband. And a husband is not to leave [his] wife. 12 But to the rest I speak, not the Lord, If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is pleased to dwell with him, do not let him put her away. 13 And the woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is pleased to dwell with her, do not let her leave him. . . .15 But if the unbelieving one separates, let [them] be separated. A brother or a sister is not in bondage in such [cases], but God has called us in peace. 39* � The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband lives, but if her husband is dead, she is at liberty to be remarried to whom she will, only in the Lord.
MKJV ROMANS 7: 2* For the married woman was bound by law to the living husband. But if the husband is dead, she is set free from the law of [her] husband. 3* So then [if], while [her] husband lives, she is married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress. But if the husband dies, she is free from the law, [so that] she is no adulteress by becoming another man's wife.
MKJV MARK 10: 6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. 7 For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife. 8 And the two of them shall be one flesh. So then they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let not man put apart. . . . 11 And He said to them, Whoever shall put away his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. 12 And if a woman shall put away her husband and marries to another, she commits adultery.
I believe they state that a Spiritually reborn man and a Spiritually reborn woman who are free to marry each other in the Lord and do marry each other are bound to each other by the Word of the Lord as long as both their bodies are alive. What is the case in the Bible?
Gen. 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh.>20. There are three acts described here:
[Footnote>.(20. The Holy Scriptures According to the Masoretic Text]
(1) From the following it is clear that it means leaving the parents' presence, authority and control;
MKJV PSALM 45:10 � Listen, O daughter, and look; and bow down your ear; and forget your own people and your father's house. 11 And cause the King greatly to desire your beauty, for He [is] your Lord, and you shall worship Him. . . . 13 The king's daughter [is] all glorious within; her clothing [is] trimmed with gold. . . . 16 Your sons shall be in the place of your fathers; you will make them princes in all the land. 17 I will make Your name to be remembered in all generations; therefore the people shall praise You forever and ever.
(2) Cleaving is the act of the will making marital covenants and vows that bind them maritally before God>21;
[Footnote:>21 Ezekisl 16:7,8; Malachi 2; Matt. 1:18-25 where Mary and Joseph are declared to be husband and wife even before the actual wedding and cohabitation. "Cleave" in the Hebrew means "cling or adhere; . . . abide fast, cleave (fast together), follow close (hard after), be joined (together), keep (fast), overtake, pursue hard, stick, take." (Strong''s Exhaustive Concordance.) J. Thayer's Greek-English Lexicon says it means "to glue upon, glue to" ]
(3) Becoming one flesh is the sexual act of coitis or sexual penetratio and one can become one flesh with one's wife or with an adulteress or with a harlot>22. Becoming one flesh is not what makes a relationship a marriage. For the permanence of the relationship of marriage the focus is on the word "cleave" which in the Hebrew means "cling or adhere; . . . abide fast, cleave (fast together), follow close (hard after), be joined (together), keep (fast), overtake, pursue hard, stick, take.">23. Thayer says it means "to glue upon, glue to">24. If God commands the husband to conduct himself as if he were being joined together with her, clinging, adhering, cleaving and glued to her in this manner towards his wife, then he had better do it if he wants a good future with God, because to disobey would be death>25 . Being under this command would certainly bind a man to his wife as long as both lived.
[Footnotes:>22 1 Cor. 6:13-20; >23. Strong''s Exhaustive Concordance; >24. Greek English Lexicon of the New Testament; Joseph Henry Thayer, D.D.; American Book Co., New York, 1889;
>25 Rom. 6:23; 1:31,32; Malachi 2:14-17.]
The Jewish Septuagint (third century B.C.) for Gen. 2:24 uses the same word for "cleave" that Jesus uses in Matt. 19:5. The word used for cleave in the LXX's Gen. 2:24 and Jesus' Matt. 19:5 means the following: 1. According to Thayer --- "to join one's self to closely, cleave to, stick to"; and 2. According to Arndt & Gingrich ---"adhere closely to, be faithfully devoted to, join tini someone". The Greek tense in both is future indicative passive which means that this is what they shall have themselves doing in the future on a regular basis. Some say that it is not a command. Jesus seems to differ with them both in Malachi 2, where He says the husband who breaks his marital agreement with his wife is under His wrath, and in Matt 19:6 where Jesus says "So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, man must not separate."
It is the marital commitments and covenants between the husband and wife that is the glue that binds them, and it is the solemn and disciplined honoring of those commitments that reinforces and maintins that glued bond that binds them.
Every legal>26 and moral>27 marriage of two who are morally free in Christ to marry is ordained or allowed by God and takes place under His control>b, so indeed God has joined them, based on the truth of the following:
[Footnote: >26 Legal= recognized and accepted as legal by one's culture and law enforcers Rom. 13; 1 Pet. 2:13-17; >27 moral= free from all others maritally and free in the Lord's kingdom to marry according to His Word. >b Eph. 1:11; Rom. 8:28]
MKJV Romans 8: 27 And He searching the hearts knows what [is] the mind of the Spirit, because He makes intercession for the saints according to [the will of] God. 28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to [His] purpose.
MKJV ROMANS 13: 1 � Let every soul be subject to the higher authorities. For there is no authority but of God; the authorities that exist are ordained by God. 2 So that the one resisting the authority resists the ordinance of God . . .
MKJV Ephes. 1:10. . . to head up all things in Christ, both the things in Heaven, and the things on earth, [even] in Him, 11 in whom also we have been chosen to an inheritance, being predestinated according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His own will, . . .
That's why we can trust God that we are to remain married to the person we are married to when we are saved. He gave Adam his Eve, and if you are His child, He worked in you to want to marry your mate>c, He lead you to marry your mate>d, and He worked all things so that you did marry you mate>e. So you can understand why 1 Cor. 7 speaks of the binding nature of marriage.
[>c Phil. 2:12,13; Heb.13:20,21. >d Romans 8:9,14; Acts 16:6,7; Isa. 30:21. >e Eph. 1:11; Rom. 8:28; Mt. 10:29; Prov. 16:1,9; Isa. 46:9-13; Neh. 9:6]
MKJV 1 CORINTHIANS 7:17 � But as God has distributed to each one, as the Lord has called each one, so let him walk. And so I ordain in all churches. 18 [Was] any called having been circumcised? Do not be uncircumcised. Was anyone called in uncircumcision? Do not be circumcised. . . . 20 Let each one remain in the calling in which he was called. 21 Were you called as a slave? It does not matter to you, but if you are able to become free, use [it] rather. . . . 24 Each in whatever way he was called, brothers, in this remain with God.
So Jesus makes binding>28 the cleaving >29 and the one flesh experience that we know as marriage. Since the only terms of divorce are given in Deut 24:1-4 (which were superseded by Matt. 19:1-15 and 1 Cor. 7:10-15,39), it is clear that marriage is a life long relationship based on the covenants of the couple and on God's command not to be put asunder or put asunder the relationship. Rather than abide by this believers-married-for-life principle, most Christian churches/ pastors today are telling their divorced and divorcing communicants that they should forget the things that have happened in the past trusting God's forgiveness to cover it all and press on into the future with their new mates and lives.
[Footnotes:>28 (Mt. 19:6); >29 (Mt. 19:5) ]
They say it would do more harm than good to tell Christian mates that they need to leave their new mates, married in adultery, and new kids and go back to the Christian mates they divorced contrary to the Word>f. I believe that we are to live by every Word of God, and not by unscriptural traditions of men that put asunder what God said must not be put asunder, that tell couples they are loosed from each other when God says they are bound for life>30 . How dare we say "You are loosed" when God Himself says she is "bound as long as her husband lives"?
[Footnotes:>f in 1 Corinth. 7; Romans 7 and Mark 10 >30 (Matt. 19:5; Rom. 7:1-5; 1 Cor. 7:10,11,39)]
What are the responsibilities of still being bound to someone when you have loosed yourself according to human law but remain bound according to the Law of Christ? Wouldn't they be responsible for parenting both their children by the mates to whom they are bound by the Lord, as well as their children by their adulterous>31 new marriage. Wouldn't they be responsible for keeping whatever promises they made and can keep in the Lord--that they made to their mates in the Lord and to their mates in adultery>32 ? They can't keep their adulterous promises of marital intimacy with their adulterous mates, but they can keep the promise to Agap� Love them, cherish them, honor and respect them, pray and fast earnestly and fervently for them, and clothe and feed them if they are destitute and in need. Jesus instructs us to do these things even to our enemies>g.
There is no question that they are responsible for the parenting, provision and care of any children by their adultery, as God and man's law allow(Eph. 6; 1 Tim. 5:8; Heb. 12; 1Jn.3:16,17).
[Footnotes:>31. Mark 10:11,12; >32 (Psalm 15:4; Ezek. 17:15;Eccles.5:1-7) >g Luke 6; Mt 5; Isa. 59; 1 tim. 2; James 2; 1 Peter 2,3,4]
I submit that the commandment of God in Romans 7:1-3 and the following passage below (binding the saved husband to his saved wife until death separates them) is laid aside to hold man�s tradition, making of no effect the Word of God.:
MKJV MARK 10:6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. 7 For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife. 8 And the two of them shall be one flesh. So then they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let not man put apart. . . . 11 And He said to them, Whoever shall put away his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. 12 And if a woman shall put away her husband and marries to another, she commits adultery.
MKJV 1 CORINTH. 7: 4 The wife does not have authority over [her] own body, but the husband. And likewise also the husband does not have power [over his] own body, but the wife. 5 Do not deprive one another, unless [it is] with consent for a time, so that you may [give yourselves to] fasting and prayer. And come together again so that Satan does not tempt you for your incontinence. . . . 7 For I would that all men were even as I myself am. But each has his proper gift from God, one according to this manner and another according to that. 8 I say therefore to the unmarried and the widows, It is good for them if they remain even as I. 9 But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn. 10* � And to the married I command (not I, but the Lord), a woman not to be separated from [her] husband. 11* But if she is indeed separated, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to [her] husband. And a husband is not to leave [his] wife. . . . 39* � The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband lives, but if her husband is dead, she is at liberty to be remarried to whom she will, only in the Lord.
I submit that those passages mean exactly what they say, that the obediently believing wife is bound by law as long as her obediently believing husband lives. No qualifiers! No exemptions! Instead many Christian leaders tell the saved divorced that if they just confess the sin of the divorce to God, God will forgive them and they are no longer bound to their departed saved mate so they can go on and remarry someone new. So they set aside God�s command to keep their own tradition. Can God bless and anoint with His miraculous power a person, a couple or a church sets aside His will and Word so they can keep their own tradition? Not the Jesus I know.
Yes Jesus allowed the Jews under Moses to divorce their mates (Mt. 5) but it was for the hardness of their hearts and you can be sure that a just and holy God chastened the hard of heart. If I were an insurer, I sure wouldn't want to sell them any life insurance (1Cor.10). He never commanded a genuine believer to divorce a genuine believer. It just is not in the Word. He never commands His child to divorce His other child after He has put them together. But there is a commanded separation or standing back or break in fellowship that is required by Jesus when one's mate is snared in the sins described below ----- not a divorce, but some form of separation. Consider the following about sinners (for those married to the unsaved) and about "saints" snared in sin:
MATTHEW 5: 32* But I say to you that whoever shall put away his wife, except for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery. And whoever shall marry her who is put away commits adultery.
Romans 16: 17. . . mark them who cause divisions and causes of offense contrary to the doctrine which you have learned, and avoid them.
1 Timothy 6:1-5 If any man. . . . consent not to . . . . the Words of our Lord Jesus . . . withdraw yourself from such.
2 Timothy 3:1-5: For men shall be lovers of their own selves.........avoid such.
1 CORINTH. 5: 9 � I wrote to you in the letter not to associate intimately with fornicators; 10 yet not altogether with the fornicators of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or with idolaters; for then you must go out of the world. 11 But now I have written to you not to associate intimately, if any man called a brother [and is] either a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such a one not to eat.
2 THESSALONIANS 3:6 � Now we command you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you withdraw yourselves from every brother who walks disorderly, and not after the teaching which he received from us. . . . 14 And if anyone does not obey our word by this letter, mark that one and have no company with him, that he may be ashamed. 15 Yet do not count [him] as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.
Yes there is an avoiding or withdrawing from such spouses but we will see below how 1 Cor. 7:10-15 and Mark 10 etc. exclude the option of marital separation or divorce except under very specific conditions. He never said that they were no longer bound to each other as Christian husband and Christian wife according to the scriptures>33 . You and I know that a married couple can avoid or withdraw from each other in many ways without getting a divorce. They withdraw emotionally or socially. A saint can't join the sinning spouse in the sin, so right there is a withdrawal or avoidance.
[Footnote: >33 (Matt. 19:5; Rom. 7:1-5; 1 Cor. 7:10,11,15,39)]
According to 1 Cor. 5 it is a whole different ball game if the spouse is often doing, practicing, regularly or habitually doing any of the following: adultery, fornication, sexual perversion (sodomy, homosexuality, bestiality, incest), greediness or covetousness, the worship of false gods, reviling (verbal abuse), drunkeness or intoxication, robbing, swindling, and/or extorting. The saved spouse is under command NOT to associate, keep company or be intimate with a spouse who does the above and is claiming to be genuinely saved, a genuine believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, a born again child of God. This may take the form of the husband divorcing such a "believing" wife and remarrying (Matt: 19:9) or it may take the form of the wife chastely and maritally separating herself from such a "believing" spouse (1 Cor. 7:10,11). The reason for this difference in options will be discussed in the chapter dealing with adultery and its definition.
I believe the saved wife of an unsaved husband, who is involved in the sins listed above in this section, has the same chaste separation option, from the context of 1 Cor. 7:10-15. I understand this kind of separation from such sinning mates involves the cessation of sexual intimacy, until either the sinning spouse repents as in 2 Cor 2 & 7 or the Lord takes the life of the sinning spouse so as to save his spirit.
Let's take another look at this. What do you do about your spouse who is snared in adultery, fornication, lesbianism, sodomy, bestiality, incest or etc.? Consider the following:
MKJV JOHN 8: 4 they said to Him, Teacher, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act. 5 Now Moses in the law commanded us that such should be stoned. You, then, what do you say? . . . 7 But as they continued to ask Him, He lifted Himself up and said to them, He who is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone at her. . . .
MATT.5:32* But I say to you that whoever shall put away his wife, except for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery. And whoever shall marry her who is put away commits adultery.
9 And hearing, and being convicted by conscience, they went out one by one, beginning at the oldest, until the last. And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. 10. . . Did not one give judgment against you? 11 And she said, No one, Lord. And Jesus said to her, Neither do I give judgment. Go, and sin no more.
MKJV 1 CORINTH. 5: 1 � Everywhere [it is] reported [that there is] fornication among you, and such fornication as is not named among the nations, so as one to have [his] father's wife. . . . 3 For as being absent in body but present in spirit, I indeed have judged already [as though I were] present [concerning] him who worked out this thing; 4 in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, when you are gathered together, with my spirit; also, with the power of our Lord Jesus Christ; 5 to deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus. . . .
MATT. 5:32* But I say to you that whoever shall put away his wife, except for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery. And whoever shall marry her who is put away commits adultery.
7 � Therefore purge out the old leaven so that you may be a new lump, as you are unleavened. . . . 11 But now I have written to you not to associate intimately, if any man called a brother [and is] either a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such a one not to eat. 12 . . . Do you not judge those who are inside? 13 . . . Therefore put out from you the evil one.
These show that such a separation can be an exercise in Church discipline, delivering the Christian offender's body for the destruction of the flesh (chastening) to the end that the erring saint should be effectively chastened and stop sinning and in godly sorrow repent of the fornication. The sinning saint is chastened>34 into weakness, sickness or sleep (death) by the Lord. If weakness or sickness results in godly sorrow and repentance, then the repentant one is restored as in the following:
[Footnote: >34 (1 Cor. 5 &/or 11; Heb.12)
MKJV 2 CORINTHIANS 7: 8 For even if I grieved you in the letter, I do not regret; if indeed I did regret; for I see that that letter grieved you for an hour. 9 Now I rejoice, not that you were grieved, but that you grieved to repentance. For you were grieved according to God, so that you might suffer loss by nothing in us.
MKJV 2 CORINTHIANS 2: 6 This punishment by the majority [is] enough for such a one; 7 so that, on the contrary, you should rather forgive and comfort [him], lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with overwhelming sorrow. 8 So I beseech you to confirm [your] love toward him. . . 10 But to whom you forgive anything, I also [forgive]. For if I forgave anything, for your sakes I forgave [it] to him in the person of Christ; 11 so that we should not be overreached by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his devices.
They would both still be saved and both still be bound to each other maritaly no matter who else they married or how many kids they might have had in the meantime. There is nothing in scripture that would indicate the the marital bond between two genuine Christians is broken by sexual immorality. If adultery required a marital-bond breaking divorce/separation, then Matt 5:32 would read as follows:
But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced for any other reason than sexual immorality commits adultery.
This would imply that it would NOT be adultery to marry a woman divorced/separated for sexual immorality. But what did Jesus say to genuine believers? He said "... whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.">h He gives no qualifier or exception except for 1 Cor. 7:12-15 in the case of the believer divorced/ desserted by the unsaved mate. No matter what the reason for the divorce except 1 Cor. 7:15, including sexual immorality, "whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery." "And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery." (Mk.10:12). It is adultery to marry a woman divorced from her legitimate husband except in the case of 1 Cor. 7:15, in which case God has loosed her from her husband. It is adultery to marry a genuinely believing woman divorced from her genuinely believing man if they were free to marry in the Lord when they married, because when they married they became maritally bound to each other until death parts them (1Cor. 7:39)
Later in this study we will deal with the issue of why the Word does not say ".....whoever divorces her husband, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.......".
In the other cases presented in this chapter that require a separation because of the misconduct of one's mate, I believe the believing mate has to avoid/withdraw from the erring spouse in such activities and usually can do so without leaving their house. We'll see below that the avoidance/ withdrawal does not include marital intimacy and affection (1 Cor. 7:1-15). Dealing with the adulterous mate is discussed below, so please be patient and read on.
What should be the spouse's attitude be when married to one to whom she/he is commanded to be manifesting some form of avoidance or withdrawal? The key is in 2 Thess 3:15 above where we enjoined to "not count [him] as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother." or in 1 Pet. 3:1 where the wives are instructed to "be submissive to your own husbands so that, if any obey not the Word, they also may without a word be won by the behavior of the wives . . . . ". Consider the following:
Luke 17:3 Take heed to yourselves. If your brother wrongs you, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.
Galatians 6:1 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, you who are spiritual restore such a one in the Spirit of meekness . . .
John 13:10-15 . . . . you also ought to wash each other's feet, for I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you.
Ephes. 4:15 . . . speaking the Truth in Love . . . .
Ephes 5:6-11 . . . because of these things comes the wrath of God upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore don't be partakers with them. . . .And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness but, rather, reprove [them].
1 Tim. 5:20,21 Them that sin rebuke before all, that others may fear. . 2 Tim. 2:24 And the servant of the Lord must not strive, but be gentle unto all, able to teach, patient, in meekness instructing those that oppose them . . . . .
1 Pet. 3:1 . . . be submissive to your own husbands so that, if any obey not the Word, they also may without a word be won by the behavior of the wives . . . .
The command is "Man must not put apart what God has put together". Even if they are divorced/separated, people "must not put apart what God has put together." The genuine Christian wife is maritally bound to her genuine Christian husband as long as they both live>i .
[>h Mat.5:32; 19:9. >i (1Cor.7:39;Mark 10).]
There is a parallel in the relationship of the Body of Christ to Christ. When a brother becomes part of the Bride of Christ Jesus is bound by His own Word in the relationship, not to put apart what God has put together (John 17:2, 6, 9, 10, 20, 21).So when a brother stumbles into fornication>35, instead of cutting off the relationship and disowning him, Jesus Loves him and has promised to chasten him in that Love>36. There is a break in fellowship, a separation, in that Jesus doesn't respond to his usual prayers>37 and releases his body to Satan for the destruction of his body>38 in order to save his spirit>39. He still belongs to Jesus because he shows that his spirit will be saved even if the chastening doesn't result in repentance>40. No one, neither himself nor Jesus, can take him out of Jesus hand>41. So the brother is chastened>42 and genuinely repents>43, resulting in his restoration to good standing and fellowship in the Bride of Christ and with Jesus.
[Footnote: >35. 1 Cor. 5; 2 Tim. 2:24,26. >36. 1 Cor.5; Hebrews 12. >37. Isaiah; Mat. 6:16; 1 Pet. 3:7; 1 Jn. 3:22,23. >38. 1 Cor. 5:5; 11:27-32; Heb. 12. >39. 1 Cor. 5:6; 11:27-32 >40. 1 Cor. 5:5; 11:27-32. >41. John 10:28,29. >42. 1 Cor. 5 & 2 Cor. 2. >43. 2 Cor. 2 and 7].
Another parallel is Jesus and the nation Israel. Israel became the bride of Jehovah/Jesus>44. When Israel misused their bodies/temple, Jehovah/Jesus allowed their bodies to suffer>45. He didn't end His relationship/promises with the nation Israel, even though He allowed many of them to suffer/die and allowed the temple to be destroyed. When Israel repented genuinely, He restored His fellowship and blessings to the genuinely repentant, even allowing them to rebuild the temple for full fellowship>46. Jehovah/Jesus' bond with the nation Israel was not annulled and broken by their sin nor the chastening He allowed>47.
[Footnote: >44. (Ex. 20; Ezek. 16:7; 23:1-6). >45. 1Cor. 10:9,10 >46. Ezra, Nehemiah. >47. Ezekiel 16 and 23; Hosea]
In American reality, because of the wretchedly poor Bible teaching today Christians, divorce and remarry almost as much as J.Q Public. The Christian wife divorces her Christian husbandand remarries in adultery reaping the chastening of the Lord until she dies>48 or repents in reconciliation or celibacy if she is genuinely born again. The Christian man divorces his Christian wife and remarries. If he really repudiates his Christian wife for another and marries another he commits adultery>49 and reaps the Lord's chastening. At this point we need to define our terms.
[Footnotes:>48. (1 Cor 5 and 11:29-32); >49 (Mark 10, Luke 16, Matt 5, 1 Cor 7)]
III. DIVORCE DEFINED.
Let me try to clarify the word "divorce" at this point since it has so many definitions in our current culture. The Greek word apoluo >1 used by Jesus in Mark 10:11 & 12 means TO SEND OR PUT AWAY, DISMISS (FROM ONE'S PRESENCE), RELEASE AND REPUDIATE. It could be done informally or formally and legally as divorce.
[Footnote: .>III.1 See also Matt. 1:19; 5:31; 19:3,7-9.]
The Greek word choridzo >2 , used in Mark 10:9 of the saved couple and in 1 Cor. 7:10 &11 of the saved wife , and in v. 15 of the unsaved mate, means TO SEPARATE ONESELF FROM ANOTHER, BE SEPARATED; LEAVE, PART OR DEPART FROM, PUT ASUNDER AND DIVIDE. It could be done informally or formally as a divorce. God allows the Christian wife to choridzo her husband as second best but still affirms that she is bound maritally to her husband as in v. 39.
[III. footnotes: >III.2. See also active: Matt. 19:6; Mark 10:9; Rom. 8;35,39;---passive: 1 Cor. 7:10,11,15;Acts 1:4; 18:2]
The Greek word afeeaymee >141, used of the man in l Cor. 7:11 and 12 and of the woman in v. 13, means TO SEND AWAY, ASK TO GO AWAY OR LEAVE, TO RELEASE, AND TO LEAVE. This can be done informally or as a formal divorce. So the word divorce can mean many different things depending on one's culture, society, motivation, intent and purposes. But the bottom line is that the husband is commanded not to send his wife away, nor to ask his wife to leave, nor release her nor leave her. Even if she asks or commands him to leave, He is under the Lord's command not to leave. Even if she gets a court order, he is under God's order not to leave her voluntarily.
If the marshals/officials remove him and his belongings, then he didn't leave voluntarily. He was removed, but he did not relase or leave her. Separate rooms, sleeping separately or etc. is not leaving or releasing her as long as he is obeying 1 Cor. 7:1-5 with her.l
[Footnote: .^141 See also Mat. 13:36;; Mark 4:36.]
In summary we see the following:
(1) the Christian husband must not divorce/send away/release [See apoluo or afeeaymee above] his Christian wife to whom he is bound as long as they both live. 1 Cor. 5:10,11 and 2 Thess. 3:6 & 14 may require a separation that doesn't involve sending her away, asking her to go away or leave, releasing her from their marriage bond, or leaving her ---- but they are still bound for life. I experienced such a separation without leaving with the mother of my children. The last two years we were together we slept inthe same king size bed but she never let me touch her, kiss her, hold her or make love with her. Now that is separation without leaving. But for the male under 1 Cor. 5:ll and 2 Thess. 3:6,14 commands to "stand apart" from his sining wife would still be bound by the commands in 1 Cor. 7:2,3,4,5 which could require him to be maritally intimate with her, so the "separation" would have to be in other areas ---- always in the Spirit of 2 Tim. 2:24-26; Galat. 6:1,2,3; and Luke 6 ---- like not eating together, not hanging out together, not dating, not socializing together , not spending your leisure time together or etc.
(2) the saved husband must not divorce/send away/ask to leave/leave [See afeeaymee above] his unsaved wife as long as she agrees or consents or is willing to dwell/live /house with him.
(3) the Christian wife must not divorce/send away/dismiss/repudiate[See apoluo above] and should not (but may) divorce/separate from/leave/put apart [See choridzo above] her Christian husband. The saved wife must not divorce/send away/ask to leave/leave [See afeeaymee above] her unsaved husband as long as he agrees or consents or is willing to dwell/live/house with her. Because of the definition and 1 Cor. 7:11 some believe that the saved wife also can divorce/separate from/leave/put apart [choridzo] her unsaved husband in faithful separation, but still not divorce/send away/ask to leave/leave [afeeaymee] him, in the event of spousal abuse, fornication or etc. These actions find many different legal and informal forms and expressions in many different cultures and subcultures. So when you see the word �divorce� in your Bible, it at least means �send away, release�, "leave" or �be separated, put asunder, divide� informally or formally.
If Mark 10:8-12; 1 Corinthians 7:10,11,39 and Romans 7:1-3 are taken quite literally, a genuinely saved Elias who legally married (with no vow of exclusivity such as �forsaking all others� & �keeping yourselves only to each other until death do you part�) and was legally divorced by several genuinely saved Jane Does who just wanted to live as singles again>142 would have to deal with the question, "Are they still my wives in God's eyes?". They all divorced him exercising their scriptural option and whatever he felt or wanted would be irrelevant in terms of 1 Cor. 7:11,39. What if these genuinely saved but carnal Jane Does became engaged to others and maritally vowed to forsake all others including their Elias and to keep themselves only to their new mates until death part them? It would be adultery and their vows would be the sin because those vows would be invalidated by God's statement in Mark 10:8-12 and 1 Corinth. 7 :11,39 that they are bound to Elias as long as they both live.
[Footnote: >142 (1 Cor. 7:11) ]
VI. ADULTERY DEFINED, A SURPRISE! ISN�T POLYGYNY ADULTERY?
Some say �The same laws apply to both male and female. This is an issue of nature, not role. Therefore all are equal: male and female.� Some Bible interpreters are more zealous for unisex doctrines and practices than the bleeding heart liberals who encourage unisex restroom and coed dorms. God made males and females very different for a reason, and we miss the mark when we fail to recognize the differences He made and instituted. Mary leave/divorces Elias. Some say that this forsaken Elias commits adultery when he marries Sally but the Biblical definition of adultery>143 in Matt. 5:32 and 19:6-9; Mark 10:1-11; Luke 16:18; 1 Thess. 4:4-6 and Romans 7:1-3>143 plainly states the double standard in the definition of adultery. There really are different scriptural laws for men than for women governing marriage and remarriage, and there are different scriptural laws for men than for women defining adultery.
Adultery for the woman:
1. "Whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery">144. The reason being that she is still bound to him as wife.>145.
[Footnote: >144 Mat. 5:32; 19:9; Luke 16:18; except in the cases of 1 Cor. 7:12-15,39; 1 Tim. 5:14. >145. 1 Cor. 7:10, 11, 39; Romans 7:1-3. ]
2. The husband "causes her to commit adultery" when he divorces her for any reason other than sexual immorality>146. The reason being that she is still bound to him as wife.>147 In 1 Corinth. 7:5 we see that her husband "causes her to commit adultery" because her husband is failing to meet her marital needs and the enemy of her soul tempts in her burning need. (On the other hand: The wife is not said to cause her husband to commit adultery when she divorces him for any other reason than sexual immorality, probably because he is free to be a polygynist.)
[Footnote: >146. Matt. 5:32; 19:9. >147 1 Cor. 7:10, 11, 39; Romans 7:1-3.]
3. "And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.">148. The adultery consists of both divorce AND remarriage. The reason being that she is still bound to him as wife.>149.
[Footnotes:>148. Mark 10:12. >149. 1 Cor. 7:10, 11, 39; Romans 7:1-3.]
4. "if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man.">150
[Footnote: >150. Romans 7:3.]
Adultery for the man:
1. "Whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery", obviously because she still is bound to the husband from whom she is divorced.
[>.^151. Mat. 5:32; 19:9; except in the cases of 1 Cor. 7:12-15,39; 1 Tim. 5:14.]
2. "Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery." The adultery consists of divorcing his wife for something else besides sexual immorality AND then remarrying. If he stayed married to his wife and married another, he became a polygynist. On the other hand, it is implied here that if he divorces his wife for sexual immorality and marries another, he does not commit adultery. His divorcing her does not cause her to commit adultery because she is already immorally sexually involved with someone else. His refusal to meet her sexual needs (1 Cor 7:2-5) does not cause her to be immoral because she is already being immoral. He is commanded not to be intimate with her (1Cor.5:11) but his lack of her intimacy will cause him to be tempted (1 Cor.7:5). If the temptations overcome him and he is faling to control himself, burning with marital desire, he comes under command to marry (1Cor.7:9) and so remarries in the Lord. [Footnote: >152. Matt 19: 9: Mark 10:11; Luke 16:18.152.]
3. "You shall not covet your neighbor's wife.">153. "You shall not lie carnally with your neighbor's wife�>154. "For this is the will of God. . . ..that no one should take advantage of and defraud/cheat his brother in this matter.�>155. A genuine Christian wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives and she becomes an adulteress when she marries another while he still lives.
[Footnotes:>153. Exod. 20:17. >154. Leviticus18:20. >155. 1 Thess. 4:3-6.]
Adultery for the female is sexual intimacy with anyone else besides her own husband/mate. Adultery for the male is when (1) he is married to a new wife and had left/rejected/divorced his former wife in order to marry this new wife>99 . ; or (2) is sexually intimate with some one else�s wife. It is this double standard that allowed Abraham, Jacob, David and Joash to be godly polygamists, but declared a woman to be an adulteress if she was intimate
with anyone but her own mate. It is a double standard for the man and the woman, just like polygyny was/is a double standard for the man and the woman. The same sin is defined differently for the woman and differently for the man. See more on this below.
[Footnotes:>99 It is the combination of divorcing one's mate in order to marry another and then marrying that other. If he both dutifully keeps his own wife and then marries another woman, it is polygyny and not adultery. If the wife dutifully keeps her own husband and marries another it is adultery (Romans 7:3) The double standard is clearly laid out in Matt. 5:32 and 19:6-9; Mark 10:1-11; Luke 16:18; 1 Thess. 4:4-6 and Romans 7:1-3; 1 Corinth. 7:39]
It is this double standard that results from the man being the designated the head of the family (Gen 2; 1Cor. 11), that results in what appears to be another inequity. In Mt. 5:32 Jesus apparently allows the genuinely believing husband to divorce his wife because she is snared in sexual immorality. Not only is he allowed to divorce her, he is allowed to remarry. If she is genuinely saved, she is still bound maritlly to him as wife before the Lord, even though she is snared in sex sin and Jesus hasn't finished his Mat. 18;15-18 & 1 Cor. 5:5-11 work with her yet. He remarries with a free-in-the-Lord-to-marry genuinely believing woman and is now bound before the Lord to two wives. If the one involved in sex sin survives 1 Cor . 5 and repents according to 2 Cor. 2 & 7, he must accept her back as his wife along with his new wife, being bound to both as long as he and they all live. But what about the genuinely saved wife whose "believing" husband is involved in sex sin so she is commanded to separate from and not be intimate with him.
Such a wife separates from him according to 1 Cor. 7:10,11 but after a while she finds herself being tempted according to 1 Cor.7:5. Then she falls to the temptation and is afraid she might fall to it again, finds herself maritally burning and under command be married and have marital sex (1Cor.7:5,9). Hopefully Jesus has finished his 1 Cor. 5:4,5-11 work and the guy has either died and his spirit is with the Lord, if he were really saved, or he has repented according to 2 Cor 2 & 7 and is ready to be reconciled to her. Or in the case of Matt. 18:15-18 she has learned that she is to relate to him as an unsaved person, an unsaved person who no longer wants to live with her, no longer wants her as his wife(1Cor7:13,15), so she is free from him and free to obey the Lord and get married in the Lord.
Will God intervene in behalf of His fasting and praying but maritally burning and sorely tempted daughter, who as wife is separated from her husband because of his 1 Cor. 5 sin, and because of that separation is burning with marital desire and sorely tempted? If He took out the rich and unloving believers in 1 Cor. 11 for the shabby way they stumbled and offended their poorer brethren in the celebration of the Lord's supper, don't you think He will give her a 1 Cor. 10:13 out or make a quick end the husband causing her the grief?
The God who promised 1 Cor. 10:13 and Phil. 4:6,7,13,18,19 will not break those promises.
Let's look at some hypothetical examples. Elias was divorced/ rejected/abandoned by Jane (with his never repudiating or rejecting Jane as wife) his new marriage to free-to-marry Sally may violate no scripture, may not be what the Bible calls adultery and may seem to put him in the Old Testament position of having and being bound to more than one wife. I understand he would still be bound by the Lord to the saved wife who left him.
But the way is narrow. If saved Jane leaves/divorces her saved Elias and marries Harry, it is adultery as long as both Jane and Harry are married and Elias lives. If saved Elias leaves/divorces saved Jane for Sally and marries saved Sally, it is adultery as long as Jane lives and Elias and Sally are married and repudiating Jane. If Elias's wife Sally is sexually intimate with someone else it is adultery. If Elias is sexually intimate with Pete's lawful wife, it is adultery. If married Elias is sexually intimate with single/ unmarried Susie who is playing the harlot (having sex without being married), it is fornication>156 If American and legally married-to-Jane Elias
also legally marries free-to-marry Betty, it is a sin because Elias is under command>157 to obey the laws of the government authorities which forbids official/legal bigamy and polygyny and he would have to live with the legal consequences.
[Footnotes:>156 (Ezekiel 16 and 23 and 1 Corinth. 6. >157 Romans 13; 1 Peter 2:12-14]
Mark 10 ; 1 Cor 7:10,11, 12, 13-15,39; and Rom 7 seem to state rather clearly that a Christian marriage lasts and is binding on both as long as both live. That being the case I often wondered why God gave the Christian wife the second best option of departing and remaining unmarried and possibly being reconciled with her saved husband later. The husband is given no such second best option. He must not leave his wife, period! Because of spousal abuse I can understand why God would allow a wife to separate herself while still bound to the abuser in marriage in order to allow the exercise of church discipline>158 to have an effect. But what about that poor turkey of a husband who is warned by God>159 that being deprived of his wife will result in Satanic temptations to immorality and that he is explicitly forbidden to leave her, send her away or ask her to leave>160. No qualifications or exceptions. Why the double standard? See below.
[Footnotes:>158 (Matt 18 and l Cor 5). >159 (1 Cor. 7:1-5). >160 (Greek of l Cor. 7:11,12 and Mark 10)]
The scriptures above make it plain that if Jane Dovany exercised her 1 Cor 7:11 repentance option, having left/divorced Elias, and then Elias repudiated/ rejected Jane in order to marry Sally, Elias's rejection/repudia-tion of Jane coupled with his marriage to Sally constitutes Biblical adultery. It would be adultery if saved Jane divorced/ rejected saved Elias and married Harry because Biblical adultery in the scriptures above is saved Jane divorcing/ rejecting saved Elias and marrying some one else. According to all of those scriptures, adultery for the male is either (1) the act of marrying or being intimate with someone else's wife, (2) or the act of leaving one wife and taking another wife. Adultery for the wife is having sexual intimacy with anyone else except her husband to whom she is married for life. If you very carefully examine those scriptures you will see that the Bible does not say it is adultery for Elias to recognize AS WIFE his self-separated Jane and at the same time take as wife another saved and free-to-marry (unbound/ unmarried) sister. See the discussion on polygyny.
Yes, that�s right, there is a double standard going all the way back to Genesis. It was not adultery for a married man to marry another woman free-to-marry under the laws of God throughout the whole Old Testament. It was legal and divinely permitted polygyny , if the scriptures are understood correctly. Under the same Word of God, a woman who was sexually intimate with another besides her own husband was an adulteress. The double standard started in Genesis 3:16, restated in 1 Corinth. 11 and 1 Timothy 2 appear to allow a godly man to be a polygamist but does not allow a godly woman to be a polyandrist.
The woman's repentance option explains the �double standard� and apparent inequity of 1 Corinthians 7:10,11 where it appears that the woman who has left her husband has the repentance option of remaining single but the man must never leave his wife. If a wife left her husband according to 1 Cor. 7:11, he would immediately be put in the hazardous position of 1 Corinth 7:1-5, being tempted to sin because his wife will not give him the marital sexual outlet since she is gone. It seemed to me to be quite unfair that she could leave him and live unmarried, and he, knowing he is still bound to her for life, has to struggle with the burning temptations predicted in 1 Corinth. 7:1-5, 9 with no legitimate sexual outlet.
Then I realized that 1 Corinth. 7:1-5 predicted his need of marital intimacy, how Satan would use the wife's absence to tempt him, how marital intimacy is the prescription to avoid Satan's temptations, and then the command in verse 9 plainly commands the one to marry who is failing to have successful self-control>100 . Then I realized that the polygyny option balanced the equation. The wife could leave her husband and remain single and the husband who was still bound to such a departed wife seems to have had a Biblical option of polygyny / concubinage, (depending on the laws of his land) if he found himself tempted and burning as in 1 Cor. 7:5, 9,12. She could leave and he could remarry becoming a polygamist and the inequity was gone. She could separate and remain single, and he could remarry as long as he recognized that he was still bound to his separated wife.
[Footnote: >100 See Appendix Six.]
Now consider the case where the wife, claiming to be a Christian, refuses for years to obey 1 Cor. 7:1-5 with her saved husband and then finally leaves, abandons, rejects ,separates herself , and dismisses him from her presence. She doesn't care about getting a formal divorce but feels free to date and get involved with another man. Her abandoned husband is faced with the question, "Is she saved and is it a case of 1 Cor. 7:11 & 39 or is she unsaved
and is he free according to l Cor. 7:12 & 15?" Her abandoned husband wants to do Matt. 18:15-17 to clarify the situation and get an answer to his question but can find no Christian body willing to do the following:
MKJV MKJV 1 CORINTH. 5: . . . �I indeed have judged already [as though I were] present [concerning] him who worked out this thing; 4 in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, when you are gathered together, with my spirit; also, with the power of our Lord Jesus Christ; 5 to deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus. . . . 11 But now I have written to you not to associate intimately, if any man called a brother [and is] either a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such a one not to eat. 12 . . . Do you not judge those who are inside? 13 . . . Therefore put out from you the evil one.�
MKJV MATTHEW 5:32* �But I say to you that whoever shall put
away his wife, except for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery. And whoever shall marry her who is put away commits adultery.�
MATTHEW 18: 15 � �But if your brother shall trespass against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not hear [you], take one or two more with you, so that in [the] mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. 17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell [it] to the church. But if he neglects to hear the church, let him be to you as a heathen and a tax-
collector.�
5:32*� But I say to you that whoever shall put away his wife,
except for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit
adultery. And whoever shall marry her who is put away commits adultery. . . .�
18 �Truly I say to you, Whatever you shall bind on earth shall occur, having been bound in Heaven; and whatever you shall loose on earth shall occur, having been loosed in Heaven.�
This means he is unable to clarify the status of both himself and his departed wife. He is unable to determine if she is unsaved and he is free to remarry>161, , or if she is saved and he is bound maritally to her for life>162 So without sending her away, dismissing , repudiating, leaving, releasing or separating himself from her, he gets a legal divorce (on the grounds of irreconcilable differences) for state and federal tax and inheritance purposes but reaffirms in writing to her what he believes may be the binding nature of their relationship>163 .
[Footnotes>161 1 Cor. 7:12,13,14,15. >162 1 Cor. 7:10,11, 39; Mark 10; Rom. 7:1-5. >163 (1 Cor. 7:39)]
So the divorce is only a legal recognition of the wife's departure and
unwillingness to be reconciled, while he still publicly recognizes the binding nature of their relationship. Then he remarries another Christian because his burning and his 1 Cor. 7:5 predicted failures to control himself bring him under the command to marry in l Cor. 7:9,36 (NIV & Amplified "they should marry"),
1 Cor. 7:36 (NIV "They should get married);
1 Tim 5:14 (NIV "So I counsel younger widows to marry.."
Amplified "So I would have younger [widows] marry..") and
1 Thess 4:3-8 (NIV "that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable . . ..") >101
[Footnote>101 Please see Appendix Six; NIV , NEW INTERNA-TIONAL VERSION. ]
He has entered the realm of American polygyny . Legally divorced and remarried but openly acknowledging his marital ties to two "sisters-in-Christ", he is an American polygamist. The departed wife could remarry in adultery or remain single the rest of her life while he continues in his new marriage. If she repents and opts for reconciliation after he has married again, all of her rights and privileges as in 1 Cor. 7:1-5 & 39 are in force and the husband faces the complex dilemma described next. How do you have two wives in America where it is illegal to officially and "legally" have more than one wife of official public record with tax and inheritance rights granted and protected by the government? Please see the discussion of polygyny in chapter 4.
XI. CAN YOU COME BACK TOGETHER AND REMARRY AFTER ADULTEROUS REMARRIAGES?
Ezekiel 16: 3 . . . �Thus says the Lord Jehovah unto Jerusalem: Your birth and Your nativity is of the land of the Canaanite: your father was an Amorite, and your mother a Hittite. 8 And I passed by you, and looked upon you, and behold, your time was the time of love; and I spread my skirt over you, and covered your nakedness; and I SWORE UNTO YOU, AND ENTERED INTO A COVENANT WITH YOU says the Lord Jehovah, and you became mine. . . . 15 � But you did confide in your beauty, and played the harlot because of your renown, and poured out your whoredoms on every one that passed by: his it was. . . . . 32 O adulterous wife, that takes strangers instead of her husband. 59 For thus says the Lord Jehovah: I will even deal with you as you have done, WHO HAVE DESPISED THE OATH, AND BROKEN THE COVENANT. 60 � Nevertheless I will remember MY COVENANT with you in the days of your youth, and I will establish unto you an everlasting covenant. 61 And you shall remember your ways, and be confounded, . . . I will give them unto you for daughters, but not by virtue of YOUR COVENANT. 62 And I will establish MY COVENANT WITH YOU, and you shall know that I [am] Jehovah; 63 that you may remember, and be ashamed, and no more open your mouth because of your confusion, when I forgive you all that you have done, says the Lord Jehovah.�
Should I go back to my godly mate from whom I, a born again believer, was
divorced while we were both in the Lord? What does the Word say? Consider God's example, the model he sets for us.
Hosea 9: 1 � �Rejoice not, Israel, exultingly, as the peoples; for you have gone a whoring from your God, you have loved harlot's hire upon every corn-floor. 11: 7 Yea, my people are bent upon backsliding from me: though they call them to the Most High, none at all exalts [him]. 8 � How shall I give you over, Ephraim? [how] shall I deliver you up, Israel? how shall I make you as Admah? [how] shall I set you as Zeboim? My heart is turned within me, my repentings are kindled together. 9 I will not execute the fierceness of mine anger . . . 14:1 � O Israel, return unto Jehovah your God; for you have fallen by your iniquity. 2 Take with you words, and turn to Jehovah; say unto him, Forgive all iniquity, and receive [us] graciously; so will we render the calves of our lips. . . . neither will we say any more to the work of our hands, [You are] our God; because in you the fatherless finds mercy. 4 � I will heal their backsliding, I will love them freely; for mine anger is turned away from him. 5 I will be as the dew unto Israel: he shall blossom as the lily, and cast forth his roots as Lebanon. . . . 7 They shall return and sit under his shadow; they shall revive [as] corn, and blossom as the vine: . . . 9 Who is wise, and he shall understand these things? intelligent, and he shall know them? For the ways of Jehovah are right, and the just shall walk in them; but the transgressors shall fall therein.�
Gen. 2:24 �Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh.>104. For the permanence of the relationship the focus is on the word "cleave" which in the Hebrew means "cling or adhere; . . . abide fast, cleave (fast together), follow close (hard after), be joined (together), keep (fast), overtake, pursue hard, stick, take.">105. Thayer says it means "to glue upon, glue to">106. If God commands the husband to conduct himself in this manner towards his wife, then he had better do it if he wants a good future with God, because to disobey would be death>176 . Being under this command would certainly bind a man to his wife as long as both lived.
[Footnotes>104. King James Version. The Holy Scriptures According to the
Masoretic Text agrees with the meaning. >105. Strong''s Exhaustive
Concordance. >106. Greek English Lexicon of the New Testament; Joseph
Henry Thayer, D.D.; American Book Co., New York, 1889 . >176 Rom. 1:28-32; 1 Cor. 5:5-11; 11:30,31,32.]
The Jewish Septuagint (third century B.C.) for Gen. 2:24 uses the same word
for "cleave" that Jesus uses in Matt. 19:5. The word used for cleave in the
LXX's Gen. 2:24 and Jesus' Matt. 19:5 means the following: 1. According to
Thayer --- "to join one's self to closely, cleave to, stick to"; and 2. According
to Arndt & Gingrich ---"adhere closely to, be faithfully devoted to, join �tini�
someone">107 . The Greek tense in both is future indicative passive which
means that this is what they shall have themselves doing in the future on a
regular basis. You say that it is not a command? Jesus seems to differ with
you both in Malachi 2, where He says the husband who breaks his marital
agreement with his wife is under His wrath, and in Matt 19:6 where Jesus
says "So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has
joined together, man must not separate." Based on the truth of Ephes. 1:11 (He "works all things according to the counsel of His own will") and Rom. 13:1-3 ("For there is no power but of God; the authorities that be are ordained by God"), every legal and moral marriage is ordained or allowed by God and takes place under His control, so indeed God has joined them. That's why we can trust God with 1 Cor. 7:17-28, that we are to remain married to the person we are married to when we are saved. So in this case, even 1 Cor. 7 speaks of the binding nature of marriage. So Jesus makes binding >177 the cleaving>178 and the one flesh experience that we know as marriage.
[Footnotes:{>.{n107 A GREEK-ENGLISH LEXICON OF THE NEW TESTAMENT and Other Early Christian Literature ; By W.F.Arndt & F. W. Gingric. >177 (Mt. 19:6). >178 (Mt. 19:5).]
What do the experts say? There is no controversy that marriages, divorces,
and remarriages that happened before one was saved are not binding on the
new convert to Christ. The case of the one who is saved while married to an unsaved person has some controversy>179 . But what is the Word for those Christians who have married, divorced and remarried all since they were genuinely and fruitfully saved and walking in loving obedience to the Savior? Consider the following:
[Footnote: >179 1 Corinth. 7:12,13,14,15]
�In the present modern tangle of marriage, divorce, and remarriage the
Christian Church, in dealing with converts and repentant members, is often
compelled to accept the situation as it is.�>108
[Footnote: >..n108 The New Bible Dictionary, J.D. Douglas Ph.D. p..790.]
�In the NT divorce seems to be forbidden absolutely. . . Our Lord teaches that the OT permission was a concession to a low moral standard, and was opposed to the ideal of marriage as an inseparable union of body and soul. . . But remarriage also closes the door to reconciliation, which on Christian principles ought always to be possible; cf. the teaching of Hosea and Jer. 3; Hermas [2nd Cent. AD] (Mand. iv.1) allows no re-marriage, and lays great stress on the taking back of a repentant wife.�>109
[Footnote: >..n109 HASTINGS DICTIONARY OF THE BIBLE; p. 586.]
�To such a degree is that marriage compact entered upon a matter of a certain sacrament, that it is not made void even by separation itself, since, so long as her husband lives, even by whom she hath been left, she commits adultery, in case she be married to another: and he who hath left her, is the cause of this evil. . . Seeing that the compact of marriage is not done away by divorce intervening; so that they continue wedded persons one to another, even after separation; and commit adultery with those, with whom they shall be joined, even after their own divorce, either the woman with a man, or the man with a woman. . . But a marriage once for all entered upon in the City of our god, where, even from the first union of the two, the man and the woman, marriage bears a certain sacramental character, can no way be dissolved but by the death of one of them. . . Therefore the good of marriage throughout all nations and all men stands in the occasion of begetting, and faith of chastity: but, so far as pertains unto the People of God, also in the sanctity of the sacrament, by reason of which it is unlawful for one who leaves here husband, even when she has been put away, to be married to another, so long as her husband lives, no not even for the sake of bearing children: . . . not even where that very thing, wherefore it takes place, follows not, is the marriage bond loosed, save by the death of the husband or wife.�>75
[Footnote: >. 75 St. Augustin: On The Trinity; pp. 402, 406, 412. ]
Since the only terms of divorce are given in Deut 24:1-4 which was
superseded by Matt. 19:1-15 and 1 Cor. 7:10-15,39, it is clear that marriage
is a life long relationship based on the covenants of the couple and on God's
command not to be put asunder or put asunder the relationship. What about
Deut. 24:1-5? Does it set some kind of precedent or establish some kind of
principle that would loose a godly couple from the binding nature of their
relationship before God?
Deut. 23:13 = �and you shall have a trowel on your girdle; and it shall
come to pass when you would relieve yourself abroad, that you shall dig with it, and shall bring back the earth and cover your {nuisance}. 14 Because the Lord your God walks in your camp to deliver you . . . and your camp shall be holy, and there shall not appear in you A {DISGRACEFUL THING}>111. , and so he shall turn away from you. . . �
[Footnote: >111. {caps mine}; same Hebrew words in both Dt. 23:14 as in Dt 24:3 in LXX.]
Deut. 24:3= �And if any one should take a wife, and should dwell with her, then it shall come to pass if she should not have found favour before him, because he has found some {UNBECOMING THING} >111. in her, that he shall write for her a bill of divorcement and give it into her hands, and he shall send her away out of his house. 4. And if she should go away and be married to another man; 5. and the last husband should hate her, and write for her a bill of divorcement; and should give it into her hands, and send her away out of his house, and the last husband should die, who took here to himself for a wife; 6. the former husband who sent her away shall not be able to return and take her to himself for a wife, after she has been defiled; because it is an abomination before the Lord your God, and you shall not defile the land which the Lord thy God gives you to inherit.�>112. [Old English updated]
[Footnote: *>111. ditto: caps mine; same Hebrew words in both Dt. 23:14 as in Dt 24:3 in LXX. >112. Please see The Septuagint Version; 1972; Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids, Mich.]
Deut. 23:15. . . � that He see no {UNSEEMLY THING}>113. in thee, and turn away from thee.� Deut. 24:1-4 . . . �because he hath found some {UNSEEMLY>114. THING}>115. in her, . . .�>116.
[Footnote: (>113. caps mine; same Hebrew word in Deut 23:15 as in Deut 24:1. >114. "unseemly thing" = American Standard Version; Thomas Nelson; 1901. >115. {caps mine}; same Hebrew word in Deut 23:15 as in Deut 24:1. >116. The Holy Scriptures According to the Masoretic Text]
Deut. 23:14 . . . �He must not see anything {INDECENT}>117. among you lest He turn away from you. . .� Deut. 24:1-4 . . . �he has found some
{INDECENCY}>118. in her. . �>119.
[Footnote: >117. {caps} mine; same Hebrew word in Deut 23:14 as in Deut 24:1. >118. ditto:{caps} mine; same Hebrew word in Deut 23:14 as in Deut
24:1. . . >119. Holy Bible New American Standard; 1977.]
Thank God for the originals so that we can see that the Hebrew word used in Deut 23 is the same as used in Deut. 24, and that it apparently means
anything deemed or decreed by God to be unholy, a sin or an abomination. In Deut 23 that includes human feces and excrement which God made know by law to His people that it was unclean and defiling in His eyes. Using the Word the way the Spirit used the Word would enable us to understand that whatever the husband found in the wife that was "unseemly" or "indecent", was something expressly and explicitly declared by God to be unholy and defiling in His Word. This included any of the bodily ailments that resulted in an unnatural excretion or flow of bodily fluids, things like leprosy, running
sores, and figurative things that made you unholy like idolatry and breaking
the commandments of God through Moses.
The word rendered "indecency" in the phrase "he has found some indecency"
means something expressly and explicitly declared by God to be unholy and
defiling in His Word, including any of the bodily ailments that resulted in an
unnatural excretion or flow of bodily fluids, things like leprosy, running
sores, and figurative things that made you unholy like idolatry and breaking
the commandments of God through Moses. The word rendered "defiled" in the phrase " not allowed to take her again to be his wife, since she has been
defiled" is used by God of sexual defilement>180 , spiritual defilement >181
defilement by death or bodily emissions>182 .
[Footnote: >180 (Gen. 34:5,13; Lev. 18:24; Num. 5:13-29). >181 (Lev. 19:31; Ezek. 22:4; 23:7). >182 (Lev. 15:32; 21:1-3).]
This means that the "indecency" or "unseemliness" that led Benhadad to
divorce Lohana could be the same "defilement" that makes the situation so
that he cannot remarry her. Specifically, Lohana could either have been an
unbelieving Jewess or a Jewess with an abnormal external flow of bodily
fluids, both of which were unseemly, unholy and indecent according to the
Sinai Law of Moses. If Lohana was divorced by Benhadad for this unholy
indecency, remarried Abdullah while still unholy and indecent and then
divorced again or widowed by Abdullah-----still all the while an unbelieving
Jewess or a Jewess with the abnormal external flow of bodily fluids. The
problem that led Benhadad to divorce Lohana is still her problem after the
remarriage and the divorce, a problem that makes her and marriage to her
unholy, unseemly and/or indecent according to the Law of Moses.
For him to remarry her would be the fulfillment of Prov. 26:11 and 2 Pt. 2:22
where " . . . 'A dog returns to his own vomit', and, 'a sow, having washed, to her wallowing in the mire.'". This is not and would not be acceptable to God. This fits well with the after-Moses OT precedents found in Ezra and Nehemiah where God commanded that the people divorce those whom they disobeyed Him to marry, who were idolaters and lived in disobedience to His Word, people with whom God had forbidden marriage. For a Jew to have remarried one of these wives would have been the unholiness of flagrant disobedience. That the disqualifying thing in these wives was their spiritual heritage rather than their race is obvious by the fact that God did not forbid marriage to believing Egyptians (Joseph), Philistines (Samson), Syrians, Assyrians or Ethiopian Cushites (Moses), etc.
The same principles work in the Church of today. We know that it is unholy
and therefore unacceptable to marry a "saint" living in sin>183 , or to marry
an unbeliever>184 . Now if I married someone who called herself a believer, but because of problems that surfaced after the wedding we had to do Matt. 18:15-17-20 and she turned out to be a "heathen", I would have had grounds to divorce her in OT times according to Deut 24, but now under the Law of Christ in 1 Cor. 7: 12-15 I am not free to divorce her unless she is unwilling to live with me or has left me. If she became unwilling to live with me and then left me, I would be free from her maritally and free to remarry. For me to remarry her still in her "heathen" unholiness/defilement would be a sin in violation of the Scriptures120 , and an abomination to God.
[Footnote: >183 1 Cor. 5; 2 Thess. 3:6-14; 2 Tim. 3:5; 1 Tim.6:5. >184 (2 Cor. 6:14-7:1). >.n120 Please see Appendix Five.]
If you can accept the preceding understanding of Deut. 23 & 24, a woman
divorced for unholiness is not to be taken back by her husband in her
unholiness, then there is no problem from these passages for a godly brother
to remarry his godly wife who, in ignorance or in a snare by the enemy >185,
divorced him or was divorced by him and had gone on and married someone
else.
[Footnote: >185 2 Tim. 2:24-26; Gal. 6:1; 1 Cor. 5:5-11 + 2 Cor 2).]
If you understand the unholy indecency of the woman in Deut. 24 to be some
specific violation of God's Law of Moses, an unholy indecency which caused
her to be divorced and forbids her former husband from remarrying her
because such a remarriage would violate some specific Law of Moses -----
then there is no application of this passage to two born again and godly saints today who, in ignorance or in a snare by the enemy>186 , were divorced and had gone on and remarried others, but now, acknowledging the Word of God that they are bound as husband and wife for life (1 Cor. 7 & Rm. 7), want to remarry in repentance.
[Footnote: >186 2 Tim. 2:24-26; Gal. 6:1; 1 Cor. 5:5-11 + 2 Cor 2)]
Some Christians say you �cannot go back, once you�ve remarried�>187 . They cite Deuteronomy 24:1-4 as their proof text. First of all, we know that we are not under that command according to Ephesians 2:14,15,16; Colossians 2:13-17 and Acts 15. Secondly, it cannot be argued that it is a "higher-than-the-law-of-Moses" principle of defilement and uncleanness. Yes God did keep the king from defiling Abraham's Sarah. But the same God blessed the marriage of the very defiled harlot Rahab so that she became a direct ancestor of both King David and Jesus. His Word in Deut. 24:1-4 is followed by his Word in Deut. 25:5-10 that the defiled-by-former-husbands widows were to be married to their brother-in-laws etc>. Ruth, a defiled-by-former-husband widow, was blessed in her marriage with Boaz so that she also became a direct ancestor of King David and Jesus. Jesus commands the church defiled-by-former-husband widows to remarry in the Lord in 1 Timothy 5.
[Footnote: >187 Deut. 24:1-4; Matt. 5:17-20; Luke 16:17.
No where in the Word of God does it say that your remarriage in adultery
looses you from God�s binding Christian-you to your Christian mate for
life>188. Jesus plainly states that Deut. 24:1-4 was given because of the
hardness of their hearts>189 not because it was the best thing to do.
Christians have been given �new hearts� and were released from Deut. 24:1-4 by the Lord in Ephes. 2:14,15 and Colos.2:13,14. So what do Christian-you do about the Christian mate that Christian-you divorced and you married another in adultery>190 , or about your Christian mate who divorced Christian-you and then married another in adultery>191 ?
[Footnote: >188. Romans 7:1-5; 1 Corinth. 7:3-11,39. >189 (Matt. 19:8). >190 Mark 10:11,12; Luke 16:18; 1 Cor. 7:10,11. >191 Mark 10:11,12; Luke
16:18; 1 Cor. 7:10,11.]
While still being bound to your Christian mate, you may have to separate
from, or perhaps even divorce, your Christian mate as part of the Church�s
discipline of your �Christian� mate who is living in sin>192 Since the
purpose of Church discipline is to result in repentance and reconcilia-tion>193 , the separation/divorce should be seen as a temporary measure, unless the Lord puts the sinning saint to �sleep� in death>194 , or turns out to be an unbeliever>195 If there is repentance by your adulterous and remarried Christian mate, should you be reconciled to your repentant mate? Since you two are bound maritally for life by the Lord, I would hope so. What does God say? Because of John 8 and Eph. 2 and Colos. 2 we don�t stone to death adulterers and adulteresses. Because of 1 Corinth 7:10-15,39; and Romans 7:1-5 we don�t just walk away and disown our mates. In the Church's Ecumenical Council, the African Code of A.D. 419 stated that "It seemed good that according to evangelical and apostolical discipline a man who had been put away from his wife, and a woman put away from her husband should not be married to another, but so should remain, or else be reconciled the one to the other. . .">121
[Footnote: >192 Romans 16:17;1 Corint. 5:9-11; Eph. 5:11; 2 Thess. 3:6-14;1Tim. 6:3-5; 2 Tim. 3:1-5; Matt. 18:15-20. >193 (2 Corinth 2 and 7). >194 1 Corinth. 5:4-8; 11:28-32. >195 Matthew 18:15-18. >.n121 A Select Library of the Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of The Christian Church,Vol. XIV; p. 493.]
King David took his wife Michal back after she had been given in marriage to another, with God�s blessing>.196. Some might say that he took her back but wasn't intimate with her, as he did with the wives/concubines that his son raped>197. That doesn't seem to be the case with Michal because the Holy Spirit made a point of the fact that He caused her to be barren AFTER she had returned to David from her other husband-in-adultery>.198 If he brought Michal back but was not intimate with her there would have been no point to God making her barren. So apparently David was being intimate with Michal after her adultery but God made sure she was barren after her sin.
[Footnote: ~>.~196. 1 Sam. 25:44; 2 Sam. 3:13-16. >197. 2 Sam 16:21,22; 19:5; 20:3. #>.#198. 1 Sam 25; 2 Sam 6:16-23.]
Hosea the prophet was told by God to marry an unfaithful woman and then to take her back as wife after she had been unfaithful to him. In Ezekiel 16 and 23 God presents Himself as a husband who takes back his unfaithful wife. So there is a place for reconciliation and reunion of two obedient believers who are bound for life but who sinned by divorcing and remarrying. There are grounds for leaving an adulterous marriage and going back to the Christian mate to whom you are bound for life.
So why the Word in Deut. 24:1-4 about not taking back your ex-wife after she has remarried? Jesus tells us that Deut. 24:1-4 was given because of the
hardness>199. of their hearts, not because it was God's best for them. Jesus
overruled Deut. 24 and restored His Law that made divorce itself just as much an abomination>200. as the "abomination" of taking back your ex-wife after she had been married to somebody else. Perhaps Deut. 24 and it hardness-of-heart rule was a temporary attempt by God to discourage divorce, at least frivolous divorce. Whatever the reason, it wasn't just a defilement issue, because the Deut. 25:5-10; Rahab & Ruth 4; David & Michal, Hosea passages make it clear that there is and was no sin or defilement in marrying a woman who had been "defiled" by her former husband (David and Abigail, Ruth and Boaz) or some other man (Rahab the harlot) before the current marriage.
[Footnote: >199. Matthew 19:1-19. ^>.^200. Malachi 2.]
The Holy Spirit did not restate or reinstate the hardness-of-heart rule in the
cases of 1 Tim. 5:10-14, or 1 Cor. 7:15, 39 or Romans 7:1-5. The only
restrictions on remarriage were that they be "in the Lord", which at least
means within the Lord's explicit will and marrying someone who is in the
Lord. Everything in John 8; Gal. 6:1; Mat. 18:15-18; 2 Cor. ch. 2 and ch. 7;
Hosea, Ezekiel etc. all call for accepting back the repentant and believing
mate who fell in adultery and has heard Jesus say, "Go and sin no more!"
XII. WHAT ABOUT THE HEALTH QUESTIONS INVOLVED IN SUCH REUNIONS?
What if the saved mates want to reunite, acknowledging their bound-for-
life status before God, after they have sinfully separated, been adulterous,
divorced or remarried? With so many sexually transmitted diseases (STD) out and about today, it is a pressing question. What if the couple who wish to reunite still have small or dependent children so that they must make sure
that at least one of them lives to care for them?
If one of the two has acquired genital warts, it's only annoying for the
husband but the wife would have to deal with the fact that reunion with full
marital intimacy could expose her to cervical cancer, a leading killer of
women. There are diseases that only affect fertility but if the couple has had
no children yet, then that is a major decision for them to make with possible
remedies like artificial insemination or etc>. What if one of them has genital
herpes? For some people, usually the woman, that results in great discomfort periodically, sometimes even temporarily disabling. Would the reuniting mate be willing to be exposed to that if the other mate had it? What about HIV and AIDS? It's a death sentence with a heart break, and an ugly painful death at that. What do you do if saved you and your saved mate wish to acknowledge the reality of your bound-for-life status before God but you are staring an STD right in the face as a possible consequence?
Some would run right back to Deut. 24 and say that reconciliation is out since one or both have been "defiled". But defilement under the law included
everything from nocturnal seminal emissions, running sores, blood, touching a dead body, eating the wrong food, touching or associating with gentiles (non Jews) or a woman's menstrual flow. The patriarch married Rahab the harlot of Jericho, who certainly had been defiled, and became an ancestor of Mary and Jesus. Under Deut. 25, every brother who married his brother's widow married a woman who had been defiled by another man (the dead brother). I don't think that is the issue.
What does being bound-for-life-maritally-in-the-Lord mean when one or both have STD's? When one or both have STD's that could end or severely handicap life? I have some idea of what this means because I was engaged to a dear saint whose deceased husband of 20 years had been repeatedly unfaithful to her, exposing her to whatever his whores had, and then after their divorce she backslid in depression and was seduced by a felonious excon, and we know of the homosexual diseases to which excons are exposed. A brother I know became engaged to a church going "Christian" lady and then found out that before they met she had been a prostitute with over 100 other men, some in refugee camps in utter poverty where her pay was food for her and her children. He worried about what he had exposed himself to just by kissing her.
Again, what does being bound-for-life-maritally-in-the-Lord mean when one or both have STD's? If we really believe that the "wife is bound by the law [of God] as long as her husband lives">201 , then we must also believe the commands and truths of Prov. 5:18,19; and 1 Cor. 7:2,3,4,5 where your marital partner's rights and responsibilities are described. Are you ready and willing to repent of wrongfully leaving or divorcing your saved mate and marrying another (or just being intimate with another)? Are you, the abandoned/ divorced/rejected mate, ready to grant 2 Cor. 2 forgiveness to your mate has demonstrated 2 Cor. 7 godly repentance for his or her 1 Cor. 5 offense against you and God? The blessing is on those who hear and obey. The sin lies at the door of the one who knows to do right and does not do it.
[Footnote: >201 (1 Cor. 7:39).]
But what about STD's? Do you expect me to resume full marital intimacy
with my saved and repentant mate who now has genital herpes and/or
penicillin resistant gonorrhea? Yes these are very inconvenient and genuine
concerns and the Old Testament Law would have forbidden you to touch people with such issues. But according to Acts 15, Eph. 2 and Colos. 2 we are not bound by the Mt. Sinai Law given to Moses now. That infected and repentant mate, bound to you by God as long as you both live, still has 1 Cor. 7:2-5 authority over your body and you still are under 1 Cor. 7:4,5 authority to meet her needs in marital intimacy so that mate wont be dangerously tempted by the enemy of your souls. The physical peril is greater than the spiritual peril.
You have what your mate needs>202 in marital intimacy, the precedents>203 show that it is your responsibility to meet those needs that only you can meet. You are not being asked to lay down your life for your mate>204 . You may land up bearing the burden>205 of the ailment with your mate but that is godly and rewarded/blessed in the Lord. The one who seeks to save his life is the one who looses it before the Lord, whereas the one who lays down his life for another is the one who receives it again anew forever from the Lord.
[Footnote: >202 (1 Jn. 3:17). >203 Luke 3:11; Acts 20:36; 1 Tim. 6:17-19; Eph. 4:28; 2 Cor 8 & 9; James 2:14-17; Deut. 15;7;Prov. 3:27,28; 21:13; Job 31:16-23. >204.(1 Jn. 3:16; Jn. 15:13; Rom. 16:4; Mk. 8:35). >205 (Ga. 6:2; Rom. 15:1-6).]
Creativity is not a sin. The two may mutually decide that their needs in
marital sex could be met by mutual petting to orgasm, or erotic massage,
erotic bathing, or etc. so that there is no genital to genital contact, no
exchange of infectious fluids. Condoms are little or no protection with even
the best of them failing to protect 30% of the time in federal tests that
involved no motion on an artificial penis>#. The latex gloves that surgeons
use offer some protection. They both can pray for wisdom and receive it from God on how to wisely meet their marital sex responsibilities to each other in a godly and loving manner without infecting the other. But the bottom line is that the love of God constrains them both to meet each other's marital sex needs in order to obey God and deliver their partner from life threatening temptations>206 .
[Footnote: ># Dr. Loraine Day, surgeon. >206 (1 Cor. 7:2-5; Prov. 5:18,19,20)]
What if my repentant and returning mate has HIV or AIDS? If you have
dependent children to raise, you have some hard planning and decision making ahead of you. I can only offer my untried opinions. You must seek the Lord in fasting and prayer in this. The thought that comes to my mind is that of St. Francis of Assisi ministering to the lepers to the risk of himself and his beloved brethren. I think again of the beloved saint in Hawaii who ministered to the lepers in his leper colony and finally contracted it and died himself as a leper. And I think of Christ who fleshed Himself in this world of leprous sin, lived with we spiritually leprous sinners, and then voluntarily died, taking all our leprous sin into His own pure and sinless body.
Isn't He our Master? Isn't that His way? Aren't we called to follow in His
footsteps>207 ? Did He dodge and forego the suffering He was called to for
us? Can we do any less as His Ambassadors? Isn't He the same Christ who
indwells us and lives in us, our very life, and would He shrink from laying
down His life in you for your mate who has AIDS but needs your marital sex
according to 1 Cor. 7:2,3,4; and Prov. 5:18,19,20 in order to avoid the deadly
temptations>208 that will come if you don't meet you mate's needs? They
knew Him by the nail prints in His hands. Would it be too much for Him to ask you to be known by the AIDS of your needy mate in whom He also dwells? Is not His grace sufficient in every need and crisis? Can't you depend on Him to keep His Word to not let you be tried in this life more than you are able to bear>209 ? Read your Bible, Amy Carmichael's Rose from Briar, Amy's Gold Cord, Corrie Ten Boom's writings! Our God is able and we are a people called to take up our cross daily, laying down our lives for our brethren. I believe the same scriptures that compelled Peter Elliot to risk his life and be martyred in Ecuador - compel the saved mate to respond according to 1 Cor. 7:2,3,4,5 to the genuine marital sex needs of their saved, repentant and returning mate.
[Footnote: >207 (1 Peter 2:21,22,23,24). >208 (1Cor. 7:5). >209 (1 Cor. 10:13)]
Of course if the infected wife had the gift of continence, having no need of
marital sex and was free from temptation, and so was able to deny herself
her right so that her beloved mate need not be exposed, that would be the way to go for them. Sometimes something as easy as asking and endocrinologist to help a Christian male medically lower his testosterone level to the lowest safe level can so lessen the intensity of the aching needs and appetites that they cease to be a problem. But he would need to do it with the doctor monitoring him since we now know that hormonal imbalances can result in tumors and cancers. But we each have our gift>210, and even AIDS doesn't change those marital gifts which physically and mentally express themselves powerfully as aching needs and compelling appetites, as 1 Cor. 7:9 & 1 Tim. 5:11-14 and the practicers of Prov. 5:18,19,20 can tell you.
[Footnote: >210 (1 Cor. 7)]
XIII. CAN ADULTERY, DIVORCE , VOWS AND REPENTANCE RESULT IN POLYGYNY OR CONCUBINAGE?
We are called to speak Truth to each other (Eph.4) by the God Who is the Truth.We are called to serve the God who cannot lie. Our God calls us to be a people whose mouths reflect His Light and Truth. The passages below show us that He expects us to be honorable and honest in the agrteements, understanding and contracts we have and make with each other. If we want His blessing, we will provide honest things in the sight of all so as not to give the adversaries an opportunity to blaspheme God or God's work in your life. Consider the se:
MKJV PSALM 116:13 �I will take the cup of salvation, and call on the name of the LORD. 14 I will pay my vows to the LORD now in the presence of all His people.�
MKJV PSALM 66:13 � �I will go into Your house with burnt offerings; I will
pay You my vows,14 [those] which my lips have uttered and my mouth has
spoken in my trouble.�
DBY PSALM 15: �Jehovah, who shall sojourn in your tent? . . . 2 He that walks uprightly . . .who, if he have sworn to his own hurt, changes it not; . . �
YLT ECCLES 5:4 � �When thou vowest a vow to God, delay not to complete it, for there is no pleasure in fools; that which thou vowest--complete. 5 Better that thou do not vow, than that thou dost vow and dost not complete. 6 Suffer not thy mouth to cause thy flesh to sin, nor say before the messenger, that `it [is] an error,' why is God wroth because of thy voice, and hath destroyed the work of thy hands?�
MKJV EZEKIEL 17:13 �And he has taken of the king's seed and has made a
covenant with him, and has taken an oath from him. He has also taken the
mighty of the land, 14 so that the kingdom might be low, that it might not lift
itself up, [but] that by keeping his covenant it might stand. 15 But he rebelled
against him in sending his ambassadors into Egypt, to give him horses and
many people. Shall he be blessed? Shall he who does such [things] escape? Or
SHALL HE BREAK THE COVENANT AND BE DELIVERED? 16 [As] I live, says the Lord Jehovah, surely in the place of the king who made him king, WHOSE OATH HE DESPISED AND WHOSE COVENANT HE BROKE, even with him in the midst of Babylon he shall die. . . . 18 And HE HAS DESPISED THE OATH BY BREAKING THE COVENANT. And, behold, HE HAD GIVEN HIS HAND, AND HAS DONE ALL THESE, HE SHALL NOT ESCAPE. 19 Therefore so says the Lord Jehovah: [As] I live, surely MY OATH THAT HE HAS DESPISED, AND MY COVENANT THAT HE HAS BROKEN, I WILL EVEN REPAY IT ON HIS OWN HEAD. . . . I WILL JUDGE HIM THERE WITH HIS SIN WHICH HE HAS SINNED AGAINST ME�.
KJV ROMANS 1:28 . . . �God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; . . . covenantbreakers, . . . 32 Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.�
If American and legally married John legally marries free-to-marry Betty,
it is a sin because John is under command>211 to obey the laws of the
government authorities which forbids official/legal bigamy and polygyny and he would have to live with the legal consequences but I don't believe that
would nullify the covenants he made with Betty. The covenants that are not covenants-to-sin could still be binding for the two in the Lord. So bigamy is illegal, Christians divorce Christians who are bound by the Lord to each other as long as both live, and Christians go on and marry others while still bound by the Lord to their ex�s under the banner of forgiveness. This combination has very complicated outcomes, consequences and effects which may include marriage, separation, polygyny , concubinage, adultery and/or fornication. Please read on.
[Footnote: >211 (Romans 13; 1 Peter 2:12-14)]
What about this saved but separated and chaste wife? It seemed to me to be
quite unfair that she could leave him and live unmarried, and we have seen
that he, knowing he is still bound to her for life, has to struggle with the
burning temptations predicted in 1 Corinth. 7:1-5, 9 with no legitimate sexual outlet. The double standard of male polygyny seems to favor the male, while the double standard of the wife�s ability to separate (remaining chaste while the male may not separate) seems to favor the female.
St. Augustine (4th Cent AD) had a powerful way of stating the permanent
nature of the marriage of two who married after being born again, lovingly
obedient to Jesus and fruitful in the Spirit---
�To such a degree is that marriage compact entered upon a matter of a certain sacrament, that it is not made void even by separation itself, since,
so long as her husband lives, even by whom she hath been left, she commits
adultery, in case she be married to another: and he who hath left her, is the
cause of this evil. . . Seeing that the compact of marriage is not done away by
divorce intervening; so that they continue wedded persons one to another,
even after separation; and commit adultery with those, with whom they shall be joined, even after their own divorce, either the woman with a man, or the man with a woman. . . But a marriage once for all entered upon in the City of our god>122, where, even from the first union of the two, the man and the woman, marriage bears a certain sacramental character, can no way be dissolved but by the death of one of them. . . Therefore the good of marriage throughout all nations and all men stands in the occasion of begetting, and faith of chastity: but, so far as pertains unto the People of God, also in the sanctity of the sacrament, by reason of which it is unlawful for one who leaves here husband, even when she has been put away, to be married to another, so long as her husband lives, no not even for the sake of bearing children: . . . not even where that very thing, wherefore it takes place, follows not, is the marriage bond loosed, save by the death of the husband or wife.�>123
[Footnotes:>122 This footnote mark etc. is not St. Augustine's or Arthur
Haddan's. I insert it just in case the reader is not aware of the fact that all
marriages between real saints take place "in the City of our god" not
according to St. Augustine, but according the the Holy Spirit in Hebrews
11:10,13-19, where they are already seated with Christ in the Heavenlies
according to Eph. 1 & 2. >123 St. Augustin: On The Trinity; pp. 402, 406,
412.]
If she divorces him so she can live alone>212 , and he remarries a �sister�
without rejecting/repudiating/denying/ forsaking her who divorced him (so
there is no adultery, see Mark 10:9-11), then yes it is legal in America and
both she who wants to be alone and she who married him are both bound to
him as long as he lives. She who divorces him to be alone is bound by Law as
long as he lives, and she who married this rejected and abandoned man is
bound both God�s Law and the law of man to him>. Under God�s Law the two are bound to him as long as he lives. There is nothing in scripture that
contradicts this. We have seen that polygyny is not a sin and an evil. It is
against the law and tradition of America and a saint must obey the laws of
America>213 as long as they don�t require us to disobey God. That is man�s
tradition, not God�s.
[Footnote: >212 (1 Cor. 7:11). >213 (Rom. 13).]
In the Old Testament and New Testament times (4000 B.C. to 100 AD)
polygyny and concubinage were practiced by Israel, Egypt, Babylon, Greece
and Rome according to Jewish historians like Josephus. Yes, officially being
married to two women in America is illegal by man's laws and those laws
have to be obeyed if possible, but an informal/private covenant relationship
between a married man and another woman besides his wife is concubinage, a practice as old as Jacob, Lea and Rachel in Genesis 22 (Lea's and Rachel's
handmaidens/ concubines with whom Jacob fathered the heads of the 12
tribes) and is not illegal in America and is practiced on every continent on
earth. A "mistress" is not a concubine in Biblical terms because a concubine is
maritally bound to her husband by covenants and by the same scriptures as
bind a wife to her husband, while a mistress is what the Bible calls a harlot
in Ezekiel 16 and 23. Please see the full polygyny discussion enclosed.
Keeping one's marital vows/covenants can indeed result in polygyny,
especially if done in repentance to a sinful divorce or an adulterous
remarriage on the part of one or both of the saved marital partners who abide by God's Word, that they are bound by God maritally as long as both of them live. The foundation for believing that you or your mate is saved would be the following fruits of the Spirit, produced in the believer by the empowering of Christ: (1) They were legally and honorably married, before the divorce etc.; (2) They both had consistent public testimony of their salvation; (3) Their lives were consistent with the Word at home and away from home; (4) They both were compassionately and effectively involved in nurturing and shepherding Christian fellowship; (5) They were both characterized by the fruits of the Spirit instead of the works of the flesh; (6) They were faithfully in the Word in a life changing way; and (7) They were faithfully in prayer on a regular basis. If any of the above are missing, you have good cause to question the salvation of the person in question, which should move you to intercessory prayer and Matt. 18: 15-18. One of the best ways to resolve the question of a persons salvation is to exercise the Mat. 18:15-18 procedure in the manner of 2 Tim. 2:24-26. It would clarify the situation by showing you if your case was that of 1 Cor. 7:10,11,39 or that of 1 Cor. 7:12-15.
How can vows result in polygyny for a genuinely saved brother? His vows
could lead to his polygyny. He marries Sophia, both genuinely saved and free to marry in the Lord, and they vowed/covenanted to have each other to be husband and wife to each other, pledging their troth in all honor, love, duty, service, faith and tenderness, to cherish and live with each other according to the ordinance of God, honoring and keeping each other in the holy bond of marriage. Before God and other witnesses they promised and covenanted to be each others comforting, loving and faithful mate; in plenty and in lack, in joy and grief; in infirmity and health; as long as they both live.
Then Sophia decides to exercise the sin/repentance option of leaving him and living chastely separated from him>214 as long as he lives. He comes under the tormenting temptation predicted in 1 Cor. 7:5 & 9, and so finding himself burning and or failing to control himself, he obeys God's command to marry and marries genuinely saved Serena. Serena accepts him even though he and Serena both know that he is still bound before the Lord to Sophia as husband. For him to reject, repudiate and forsake his marital bond to Sophia in order to marry Serena would make him an adulterer and his marriage to Serena, adultery>215 . Acknowledging his marital bond with both Sophia and Serena he becomes a polygynist, not an adulterer. Sophia has a change of heart and wants to be married to him again, but in the USA he can legally be married to only one wife, so he has to accept her back as his concubine, fully honoring his vows both Serena and Sophia. If Serena doesn't want to be married to an active polygynist, she can sin by leaving him and repent by remaining chastely single as long as he lives. In thought, word and deed he must love each according to his vows, since separation or polygyny do not release him from his vows>124 .
[Footnote: >214 1 Cor. 7:11,39. >215 (Mark 10:11,12; Luke 16:18). >124 See Appendices 4 and 7; (see the pages and scriptures just before the
Bibliography).]
What if Sophia disobeyed God, left her husband, Eli, and married Raj? Since
she is bound to Eli as long as he lives, she has committed adultery>216 . She
makes the same vows to Raj as to Eli, in her adultery. After experiencing
God's promised chastening>217 she repents, forsaking her adulterous
relations with Raj and either returns to marital relations with Eli or chastely
lives alone. Raj and Serena would have to do the sin of adultery to keep their vow to have and live with each other as husband and wife, so that vow is nullified (Numbers 30; we are the purchased bride of Christ = 1 Cor. 6:19,20 --so He nullifies our sinful vows, our vows to sin.). Their vows to cherish each other in all honor, love, duty, service, faith and tenderness are not sinful and therefore are not nullified but would have to be exercised chastely and free of any adulterous elements, at least in fervent intercessory prayer for each other. The same would hold true for Eli if he married Poona, Sukkur's lawful wife, in adultery and then repented of it, forsaking the adultery of his marital relations with Poona. Their vows to cherish each other in all honor, love, duty, service, faith and tenderness are not sinful and therefore are not nullified but would have to be exercised chastely and free of any adulterous elements, at least expressed in fervent intercessory prayer.
[Footnote: >216 (Mark 10:11,12; Luke 16:18; Rom.7:1-5). >217 (1 Cor. 11; Heb. 12).]
What if Kure and Toegu Ohtani, a genuinely saved couple, had made the
wedding vow that they would forsake all others, to keep themselves only to
each other as long as both live? Dear little Toegu is overwhelmed by the
strains of married life, sins by separating herself from Kure but repents by
living chastely and unmarried>218 . Kure comes under the tormenting
temptation predicted in 1 Cor. 7:5 & 9, and so finding himself burning and or
failing to control himself, he obeys God's command to marry>125 and marries genuinely saved Kasai, who accepts Kure even though he, Kasai and Toegu know that he is still bound before the Lord to Toegu as her husband.
[Footnote: >218 (1 Cor. 7:10, 11). >.n125 See Appendix #6.]
But what about his vow to forsake all others, keeping himself only to Toegu?
He finds himself under God's command to keep his word>219 , and he also
finds himself under God's command to marry>220 . Toegu refuses to be wife
to him so he could beat the predicted temptations caused by her not obeying 1
Cor. 7:2-5 with him. He's bound by their vow but, as predicted, he is being
taken advantage of by the Enemy, burning and sometimes failing to control
himself. I believe that Kure, who is not his own but the purchased bond slave
and member of the Bride of Christ, is released by his Spiritual Lord and
Husband from his "forsaking all others" vow and released>221 to obey God's Word>222 to let the loving comfort of marital intimacy drown his burning.
[Footnote: >219 (Eccles. 5:1-5; Psa. 15). >220 (1 Cor. 7:5,9,36). >221 (Numbers 30). >222 (1 Cor. 7:4,5,9.])
Any vow to sin is nullified for the believer according to Numbers 30 and 1
Cor. 6:19,20. You are not your own so you have no authority to promise
yourself to anything except your Master's will. You would not allow your five year old son to keep his foolish promise to rob a bank. Your boss, hopefully, would not let you use his luxury car to rob the bank you promised to rob using his car. It would be sin on sin to keep sinful vows (Rom.6:1-5). It would not be sin to keep a vow that is in agreement with the Word of God. You have no authority to yield your self to keeping a vow to sin even if your good intention is to keep your word, especially when keeping your word in and of itself would be sin, because what you vowed to do is sin.
The best plan is to obey Jesus in Deut. 23:22; Eccles. 5:2,5; Matt. 5:33-37 and
James 5:12A>#7 . Instead of vows/promises/covenants/ swearings/oaths,
we should obey Jesus in James 4:13-17 and Matt. 5:33-37, making solemn
declarations and affirmations of marital intentions, aspirations and hopes
instead of making presumptuously arrogant and boastful marital vows about what we are going to do and not do in the future, which belongs to God and not to us. Please see the appendices 6 & 7 for a sample of such marital declarations and affirmations.
[Footnote: >7 See Appendix #7]
For Kure to reject, repudiate and forsake his marital bond to Toegu in order to marry Kasai would make him an adulterer and his marriage to Kasai,
adultery>223 . Acknowledging his marital bond with both Toegu and Kasai he becomes a polygynist, not an adulterer, even if Toeguy can only be his
informal and unofficial contracted concubine because of the laws of the land.
He keeps all righteous vows to both.
[Footnote: >223 (Mark 10:11,12; Luke 16:18).]
If the saved husband, Ndola, has divorced his saved wife, Lusaka, and married another saved wife, Serowe, his repentance for the adultery of both divorcing his wife Lusaka and marrying Serowe -- should at least result in his seriously trying be to reconciled to the Lusaka he left>224 . Then he would have to deal with the question of his vows/covenants>225 he made with his new saved wife, Serowe. He would have to decide whether or not his covenants, if any, were binding and whether or not that results in him being a polygynist with two wives before the Lord (two wives, or a wife and a concubine before his community).
[Footnote: >224 (Prov. 28:13; 1 Cor. 7:11,39). >225 (Psa. 15:4; Prov. 20:25;Ezek. 17:15; Malachi 2:13-17; Rom. 1:31).]
The situation could come to pass another way. If Lusaka has gone through a
divorce from her saved husband Ndola, and she has married Ankora, her
repentance should at least result in her leaving Ankora to either be reconciled to Ndola or live in celibate separation from him>226 . If Lusaka exercised her second best option and gets a divorce separating herself from Ndola in celibacy>227, subjecting Ndola to the temptations of 1 Cor. 7:5 so that his burnings and failures to control himself>228 bring Ndola under God's command to marry>126 and so he marries Serowe and is now bound before God to two saved wives as long as they both live>229. If Lusaka divorced and separated herself and later chooses to be reconciled to Ndola, to whom she is bound by the Lord but who has already remarried Serowe, then they have to decide if they resume their marital relationship with Lusaka being an unofficially contracted concubine in Western monogamous societies, or as either a concubine or a second wife in non-Western polygynous societies. So indeed, adultery, divorce and repentance can result in polygyny and/or concubinage.
[Footnote: >226 (1 Cor.7:10,11,39). >227 (1 Cor. 7:11). >228 of 1 Cor. 7:9,36 (1 Th. 4:3,4,5). >.n126 See Appendix 6. >229 (1 Cor. 7:39; Rom. 7:1-3).]
XIV. ADULTERY, DIVORCE, POLYGYNY, CONCUBINES AND THE UNSAVED
Okay, I know that God doesn't want saved/believing me to marry one who is unsaved/unbelieving>5 , but what if I am/was married to an unsaved person? There is no question in scripture about the permanence of the marriage of two Christians, but what if you are a Christian and your mate is not a Christian, or at least you are not sure if your mate is a Christian because, even though the mate professes to be born-again, the mate's behavior is so sinful you doubt your mate's salvation. The book of First John 2:3-7 makes it clear that a mate's open and unrepentant continual disobedience to clear and explicit commands in the Word of God shows that he doesn't know God. The book of First John 2:19 shows that a mate who professed to be saved and then rejected Christ and Christians never was really saved in the first place. If you still aren't sure if your mate is saved, then Matt. 18:15-19 tells you what to do and if you do it you will know whether or not your mate is truly saved and then may proceeded according to 1 Corinth. 7:10,11,12,13,14, & 15.
[Footnote: >5 See Appendix #5.]
So what if you have a mate who is plainly unsaved or one who has been found to be unsaved by the Matt. 18:15-18 procedure? The scriptures in 1 Corinth. 7:12,13,14,15 plainly state that as long as the unsaved mate wants to live and/or house with you, you should not leave the unsaved mate. It appears that the saved wife with the unsaved husband probably has the same 1 Corinth 7:10,11 repentance option of separation without remarriage that the saved wife has with her saved husband. The l Corinth. 7:12-15 passages make it clear that (1) if the unsaved no longer wants to live/dwell/ cohabit>127 with the saved, the saved mate may leave the unsaved mate but not be free to remarry since the saved one is free to remarry only if the unsaved departs; and (2) if the unsaved leaves/abandons/ divorces the saved mate, the saved mate may leave/divorce the unsaved mate and be free to remarry.
[Footnote: >.n127 Greek Lexicons: Berry�s Intelinear and Thayer�s: � dwell�; Harpers and Brothers Analytical: �to dwell, cohabit�; Arnndt and Gingrich�s: �dwell, have one�s habitation�.]
What if the believer sinned>230 and left/ divorced the unsaved mate who
wanted to live with and remain married to the believer? 2 Corinthians 7 and
Prov. 28:13 would seem to say that the believer's repentance of the sin ( a
believer leaving the unsaved mate who still wants to live with the believer )
would be to forsake and clear his/herself of leaving/divorcing the unbeliever
and return to the unbeliever. If the believer left/divorced the unbeliever
while he/she still wanted to live/house with the believer and the believer
remarried it would seem to be adultery since the believer wasn't freed
according to 1 Cor. 7. What if the unsaved mate was abusive and cruel to the
believer so the believer left/divorced the unsaved to live as chastely
unmarried? Would the believer still be morally bound to this abusive
unbeliever who sincerely still wants to live/house with the believer? I don't
know but it would appear to be the same as the case as in 1 Cor. 7:11.
Intense believing prayer and fasting>231 can be a big part of the solution for
a saved but separated sister whose unsaved husband is both abusive and
desirous of living with her. The saints should stand with her in this travail
of prayer.
[Footnote: >230 (1 Corinthians 7:12-15). >231 Mat. 17:21; Luke 5:33,34; Acts 10:30;13:3; Ephes. 6:12; 2 Cor. 10:3-7]
Because of Prov. 28:13 and 2 Corinth. 7 and Philemon I can't believe that she
can just say to God, "I goofed and I'm sorry and I know You give the option of separation without marriage to anothe>232 but I don't want to be involved with my abusive unsaved husband anymore so I want you to forgive me for my disobience to Your will (leaving my unsaved husband who still wants to live/house with me) so I can marry somebody else".
[Footnote: >232 (1 Cor. 7:11)]
There is no scripture that I know of that plainly and explicitly says that a
believer who leaves an unbeliever who still wants to live/house with the
believer (and the unbeliever has not left the believer) is still morally bound
to the unbeliever and not free to remarry. I'm not aware of any scriptural
basis for the believer who left the unbeliever to marry someone else if the
unsaved mate still wants to live/ house with the believer and has not
left/abandoned the believer. If I were in that situation I would take the
safest course possible in the absence of any clear scripture and consider
myself morally and maritally bound to my unsaved mate as long as my unsaved mate sincerely wants to live/house with me and has not left/abandoned me. As soon as the unbeliever leaves/ abandons/divorces me, no longer sincerely wanting to live/house with me, then I am no longer bound to that unbeliever and am free to remarry as I understand 1 Corinth. 7:12-15.
XX. HUSBAND RULE OVER THE WIFE? IF SERVANT-TEACHERS RULE . . .?
The husband who is said to "rule" over his wife, is the same husband who is commanded over and over again in Eph. 5 to compassionately cherish her.
A ruler-husband who compassionately cherishes his wife? Big words, but what do they mean? They mean that when he "rules over" his wife he--------
1. Meekly (Spiritually controlling his superior strength so as to be gentle) chersihes her without envy or jealousy.
2. Patiently bears ill treatment from her.
3. Is kind and gentle to her.
4. Mellows that which would be harsh or austere for her.
5. Does not brag or show off with her. He is not haughty to her.
6. Does not act unbecomingly with her, free of arrogance or bad manners.
7. Is unselfish and selfless with her, not insisting on his own rights or way.
8. Does not become touchy, resentful, irritated, provoked, exasperated, angry with her.
9. Does not take into account any evil she may do to him, holding no grudges.
10. Does not take pleasure or delight in evil with her.
11. Rejoices with her in the truth.
12. Endures all her things.
13. Optimistically believes her and in her.
14. Hopes the best for and in her.
15. Courageously bears up under all her trying ways.
16. Is committed to let Christ's Love in him for her never fail.
17. Intelligently and wisely conducts his home life with her.
18. Holds her in particular honor, considerately showing all due respect.
19. Renders to her what Christ says is due her, recognizing her sexual authority over his body, not denying her intimate marital affection.
[Footnote: See Wuest's Expanded New Testament and the Amplified Bible for 1 Cor.7, 13; Ephes. 5; Luke 22:25,26,27 and 1 Peter3:7]
THIS MAKES A GREAT CHECK LIST FOR SELF EVALUATION.
Such a ruler would be welcome in any sane and god-fearing realm, with great enthusiasm by the subjects. If the husband is like this to the wife, then the wife would be encourage to behave similarly to her children, and then the children would be encouraged to behave similarly to each other ------ and the world would be a better place. Of course any saint knowledgable in the Word knows that it is impossible for us to generate this behavior on our own. As we reckon our selves indeed to be dead to sin/evil, we yield our minds and bodies to Him and trust Him to work His will in us by His Holy Spirit, inspiring and enabling us to yield ourselves to Him so He can rule and live that way in us (Romans 6; Phil.2:12,13; 4:13; Heb. 13:290,21).
The husband "rule" over the wife?!?! "How primitive and barbaric!" But didn't God say to the woman " your desire shall be to your husband, and he shall rule over you"? "That's just the Old Testament! It's irrelevant and out of date, besides being primitive and barbaric!" -------- Well what does God say about people who feel that way?
MKJV 1 CORINTH. 14:37 �If anyone thinks to be a prophet, or a spiritual one, let him recognize the things I write to you, that they are a commandment of the Lord. 38 But if any is ignorant, let him be ignorant.�
MKJV 1 THESS. 4: 8 �Therefore he who despises does not despise man, but God, who also has given us His Holy Spirit.�
MKJV ACTS 7:51 � �O stiff-necked and uncircumcised in heart and ears! You always resist the Holy Spirit. As your fathers [did], so you do.�
MKJV ROMANS 9: 19 �You will then say to me, Why does He yet find fault? For who has resisted His will? 20 No, but, O man, who are you who replies against God? Shall the thing formed say to Him who formed [it], Why have you made me this way? 21 Does not the potter have power over the clay, from the same lump to make one vessel to honor and another to dishonor?�
MKJV 2 TIMOTHY 3: 8 �But as Jannes and Jambres withstood Moses, so these also resist the truth, men of corrupt mind, reprobate concerning the faith. 9 But they shall proceed no further. For their foolishness shall be plain to all, as theirs also became�.
The husband should not lord it over (exercise lordship) or tyrannize/ suppress the wife, according to the following:
MKJV 1 PETER 5: 5 � �Likewise, younger ones, be subject to older ones, and all being subject to one another. Put on humility. For God resists proud ones, but He gives grace to the humble. 6 Therefore be humbled under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you in due time . . .�
MKJV LUKE 22: 25 �And He said to them, The kings of the nations exercise lordship over them. And they who exercise authority on them are called benefactors. 26 But you [shall] not [be] so: but the greater among you, let him be as the lesser, and he who governs, as [one] who serves.�
1 TIM. 2: 9� In the same way also, I desire that wives adorn themselves in decent clothing, with modesty and sensibleness, not [adorned] with braiding, or gold, or pearls, or costly clothing, 10* but with good works, which becomes wives professing godliness. 11* Let the wife learn in silence with all subjection. 12* But I do not allow a wife to teach, or to exercise authority [over] a husband, but to be in silence.
AND 1 CORINTH. 14:34 Have your wives keep silence >a in the churches, for it is not permitted to them to speak >b , but [they are commanded]to be subjecting >c themselves , as also says the Law. 35. And if they will learn anything, have them ask their husbands at home, for it is a shame for wives to speak in the church.
[Footnote: See the Greek for this interpretation: wife and woman is the same Greek word, man and husband is the same Greek word, it is the context that shows what the word means. >a See l Cor. 14:28,30; Acts 12:17; 15:12 for the Greek usage. >b See 1 Cor. 14:27,28,29; Eph. 5:19; Acts 26:26; John 8:44; 9:21. >c See Arndt & Gingrich and Thayer Lexicons]
A wife should not obey her husband if and when he tells her to do something that is contrary to the explicit, plain and uncontested Word of God. By "explicit, plain, and uncontested" I mean that the majority of fundamental, orthodox, evangelical and traditional Christian Bible teachers/preachers/ authors agree on the meaning of that portion of scripture, e.g. "Honor your parents!". I don't mean those portions of scripture that are characterized by parables, allegories or symbolism where you find so much disagreement. I mean that if her husband tells her to steal, lie, fornicate or blaspheme, she knows that such conduct is contrary to the will of God for her so she doesn't obey him. On what grounds?
Throughout the Bible God makes it plain that we are to obey our parents and the social/civil authorities over us>^. God makes it very plain that if our parents or the social/civil authorities over us tell us to disobey the clear and explicit will of God, we must disobey>* them in order to obey God. This is true of the state over the citizen, parents over children, and husbands over wives. If the one occupying your culture's place of authority over you tells you to do that which is contrary to the clear, explicit and plain Word of God, then you must disobey the one in authority in order to obey God. So the husband who tells his wife not to go to church, pray or read her Bible-----that husband has to be disobeyed, with all due respect, humility, grace and amiability and without preaching, teaching or lecturing>``.
[Footnote: >^=(Romans 13; Heb. 13:7,21 etc.). >*Ezek. 20:17,18; Daniel 3:13-18; 5:21; 6:7-11; Deut. 1:13-18; 17:8-13; Acts 4:15-21; 5:20,29,40,42; 23:5. >`` (Luke 6:27-36; Galat. 6:1; 2Tim.2:24-26 and 1 Peter 3:1-6).
The husband exercises his authority as "head" of the wife by humbly
teaching>119 her what she should do/say and by being a good example of how she should act/speak >120 . THE HUSBAND HAS NO RIGHT TO MAKE HIS WIFE DO WHAT HE WANTS HER TO DO AND HE HAS NO SCRIPTURAL RIGHT TO BOSS OR ORDER HER ABOUT>121 . If his wife resists his lead and authority, or just rebels outright, he can compassionately but firmly admonish and rebuke her humbly and gently according to the following:
[Footnote: >119 2 Tim. 2:24-26. >120 (Hebrews 13:7, 17,). >121 (Luke 22:25,26;1 Peter 5:5).]
MKJV GALATIANs 6: 1 � �Brothers, if a man is overtaken in a fault, you the
spiritual ones restore such a one in the spirit of meekness, considering
yourself, lest you also be tempted. 2 Bear one another's burdens, and so you
will fulfill the law of Christ.�
MKJV 2 TIMOTHY 2:24 �But the servant of [the] Lord must not strive, but to be gentle to all, apt to teach, patient, 25 in meekness instructing those who
oppose, if perhaps God will give them repentance to the acknowledging of
[the] truth, 26 and [that] they awake out of the snare of the Devil, having been taken captive by him, so as to do the will of that one.�
MKJV LUKE 17: 3 �Take heed to yourselves. If your brother trespasses against you, rebuke him. And if he repents, forgive him. 4 And if he trespasses against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turns again to you, saying, I repent, you shall forgive him.�
MKJV MATTHEW 18: 15 � �But if your brother shall trespass against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not hear [you], take one or two more with you, so that in [the] mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. 17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell [it] to the church. But if he neglects to hear the church, let him be to you as a heathen and a tax-collector.�
MKJV 1 CORINTH. 5: 3 �For as being absent in body but present in spirit, I
indeed have judged already [as though I were] present [concerning] him who
worked out this thing; 4 in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, when you are
gathered together, with my spirit; also, with the power of our Lord Jesus
Christ; 5 to deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so
that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus. 8 Therefore let us
keep [the] feast; not with old leaven, nor with the leaven of malice and
wickedness, but with the unleavened [bread] of sincerity and truth. . . 11 But
now I have written to you not to associate intimately, if any man called a
brother [and is] either . . . or an idolater, or a reviler, . . . with such a one not
to eat.�
After having done all of the above, when his wife is uncooperative or
rebellious, he has to leave the results to the Lord/Spirit even if she is
difficult and defiant. THE HUSBAND HAS NO RIGHT OR AUTHORITY FROM GOD TO FORCE, COERCE OR INTIMIDATE HIS WIFE IN ORDER TO MAKE HER GIVE IN UNWILLINGLY AND DO WHAT HE WANTS HER TO DO>122 His business and duty is to compassionately cherish her.
[Footnote: >122 (Luke 22:25,26;1 Peter 5:5; Eph. 6:9; Col. 4:1)]
What a shame most women have no idea of what the average male's testosterone sex drive does to him. Granted about half of males have low mid-range to low testosterone levels as well as nocturnal emission, so they have little or no problem turning off or on their sex lives. The low testosterone level males may have a great deal of difficulty turning on their sex lives.
Women have no idea that the sex drive in that half of the male who have mid to high testosterone levels in their blood is as strong and compelling as the hunger drive when the stomach is growling and cramping for lack of food; or as the thirst drive when the tongue, throat and mouth are so dry it is even difficult to talk; as the rest drive when it is impossible to keep the eyes open or the body erect due to utter exhausion. These same women would not normally ignore such hunger/thirst signs, nor say that they would take cold showers and exercise to overcome such hunger/thirst signs. If they chose to fast, go without food and drink, by the second day they would be too weak to do their daily work and chores, and by the third day they would be too weak walk far or stand for long periods of time. As one who has fasted and prayed three days without food or drink, I know.
Yet they fault the mid to high testosterone blood level male for not being able to ignore his compelling sex drive and do without. When the men who are not blessed with natural nocturnal emission (wet dreams) have gone without sexual release for several days, the prostrate becomes so congested that it begins to squeeze shut the uretha so they cannot urinate normally and the effect on the brain is that those males are so distracted and distractable, especially by anything female, that quite literAlly their minds could be said to be weakened in that it is very difficult to concentrate or focus on necessary tasks. If women could think of their nasal sinuses being so congested that they cannot breath, or of the problems with urination that a woman has with urination when 8 or 9 months pregnant, then maybe they could understand the problems prostrate congestion can cause. Without release, ejaculation, they could become so distracted and distractable by anything that, as with too much alcohol, their judment and thinking is impaired and foolish (risky), dangerous (AIDS,HIV) or irrational behaviour results.
To help his wife or daughter understand the effect of testosterone on a male in relationship with his woman whom he loves and desires passionately, a man might do the following. (1) Take his lady out to eat her favorite meal. Order the meal, talking it up to maximize her anticipation and desire for it (2). When the meal is served, ask her take a minute to look carefully at each item (how it is arranged, how it appears). Ask her to smell each item. Ask her to take one fork/spoon serving of each item and eat it, one at a time. Ask her if she is pleased and still wants it (3). If she replies that she is ready and eager to eat and wants no more delay, then gently, sweetly, carefully ask/beg/entreat her to trust you in what you are about to do and that she go along with what you are about to do. If she will cooperate, ask the waiter/waitress to doggy bag the meal(4). She will probably need a lot of reassurance at this point, so tell her that if she will go along with you it will significantly improve her marriage. Hopefully she will believe you, reluctantly. Ask her to carry the bagged food in the car on her lap, or on the floor at her feet. Turn on the heater of your car with a little floor heat so the smell of the food will rise to her face(5). When you get home, ask her to carry it and put it in the refrigerator (6). She will probably need more encouragement to do this. Ask/beg/entreat her to trust you and cooperate. Ask her if she likes the way that the evening has gone so far. Ask her how she feels about her favorite meal, cooling off in the refrigerator. Sit her down and gently, compassionately and wisely explain to her what follows next.
The �favorite meal� to him is HER (1). He approaches, anticipates, and awaits her with eager expectation(2). Tell her that everytime he sees, smells, hears, touches and/or tastes her lips/skin, it is what she felt above (3). Explain that the bagging of the food in front of her (4) is what he feels when she says to him �Honey! Not tonight.�, �I have a headache and I just don�t feel like it right now.�, �All you think of is sex! Chill out baby! Not tonight!�, �What have you done lately to deserve it, baby?�. Explain to her that the carrying of the pleasantly aromatic food home on her lap in the car is like when he is near her but can�t feast on her, can�t fully enjoy her(5). Explain that her putting the nice warm and delicious food in the refrigerator is what he experiences when he has to go to bed or part from her without having had the honor, the privilege, the delightful pleasure, the soul fulfilling experience of feasting on her and her many delectables (6).
Explain patiently and gently and that for him his sexual drive is an appetite, and his appetite is for her - his favorite feast. Explain that to be near her is like ordering and receiving his favorite meal, her. Explain that when he is denied his compelling hunger and thirst for her, it is painful and hard to bear. Explain that it is a soul wrenching experience. Explain that he NEEDS he even more than he WANTS her. Appeal to her experience with the deferred meal to understand how frustrating and emotionally troubling it is to be denied her. If nothing else, lay the Word on her----how it is the will of God for her to feed the hungry, and seeing his need and her ability to meet it -- pray that she will be moved with compassion and meet his need. And explain that his responsibility is to receive the wonderful and gracious gift that she is and has, is to gently and kindly and thoughtfully enjoy her---seeking to give her as much pleasure as possible. If he doesn�t do that, then he is the swine that had pearls thrown before him, the fool who has no idea of the value of his precious possession and hides it away from all, even from himself. If the smile and expressions of delight on her face and the utterances of fulfillment and ecstasy on her lips are not as important to him as his hunger for and need of her, then he is unworthy of her. Perhaps such an unworthy one could show genuine repentance (2Cor7) and humble himself under the mighty hand of His God and under the authority He has given his wife over his body, and become a learner of how to please and delight his woman. A man who acts like Nabal with his wife, will surely face the fate of a Nabal.
As a male with mid to high testosterone and no nocturnal emission when I was in high school, my Urologist (Vital Haynes,MD), told me I had a few options to prevent my recurring prostrate congestion. He said that I, at age 17, could either get married and be intimate frequently, be promiscuous frequently, self-stimulate quite frequently, become homosexual (the penis in the anus squeezes the seminal fluid out of the prostrate), or come into his office two to three times a week for him to massage/press the seminal fluid out of my prostrate (too expensive and embarassing). Cold showers, exercise and being spiritual just did not empty the prostrate so I could urinate normally and have my mind clear of testosterone distractions. For the mid to high testosterone male, sexual release is just as much as physical need as food, drink, and sleep.
The question such men have to deal with is, "How can I have the testosterone release I need so I can take care of daily business and be acceptable to Jesus?" The obvious answer is marriage (1 Cor. 7:1,2,5,9) with a wife who understands his sexual needs and is committed to ministering to him in his need in Christ, and as unto Christ (Matt. 25:34,35,36), so that his physical need of the release/ejaculation can be met and they can get on with their lives. The closest the female comes to this experience is in her PMS where her mind is bombarded with hormones etc. making many to be quite distracted and temporarily not their normal selves. It is extremely difficult for a woman to understand that testosterone can make a godly man REALLY NEED (not just want) the physical marital love making of a godly wife. It is not just a matter of the will and the mind, just like the physical needs for food, drink and sleep.
XXI. THREE CHEERS FOR MONOGAMY!! THE BEST FOR MOST!!
�That the good purpose of marriage, however, is better promoted by one
husband with one wife, than by a husband with several wives, is shown
plainly enough by the very first union of a married pair, which was made by
the Divine Being Himself, with the intention of marriages taking their
beginning therefrom, and of its affording to them a more honorable
precedent.� >n128
[Footnote: >.n128 A Select Library of the Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of The Christian Church,Vol. V; p. 267.]
Monogamy is not monotony, no matter what the world may say. Those that
maintain that monogamy is monotony seem to have no idea of loving one's
wife wisely or as Christ loves the Church. If one's love for one's wife is
limited to the physical, the sexual and only a superficial understanding of her personality, then monogamy could be monotonous. That monotony is an
indictment of an uninspired and unloving lover. If you studied your mate,
learned her learning style, mastered her personality type, determined her
spiritual gifts and their possible applications, studied her body's erogenous
zones, mastered personal body massage where she likes it best, perfected
your skills in bringing her to climax, with creativity explored the perfumes
and scented massage oils that delight her, meditated on her goals and needs
and helped her in quest to meet them, diligently listened and questioned her
so as to be able to more effectively pray and intercede for her, fasted and
prayed for her where she is experiencing serious problems or personal defeat, and zealously sought how the two of you can more effectively deal with the household chores, then I doubt seriously that your monogamy will be monotonous.
But that brings up another advantage of monogyny, because we have only so
much time and only so much energy and only so much mental ability. If it is
such a formidable challenge to love one wife well and in a manner well
pleasing to Christ, not many would have the ability to love more than one wife well and in a manner well pleasing to Christ. If you had a choice, a realistic and hard working parent would prefer monogamy simply for the reduced needs and demands. The Christian male who thinks of women, and specifically his own wife, only in terms of sex and erotic pleasures is probably not going to have much of a prayer life since God wont be answering his prayers>233 , is probably not going to live long since God going to be faithful to chasten her with weakness, sickness or death for his insensitive and unwise conduct towards her>234
[Footnote: >233 (1Pet.3:7;1 Jn 3:22). >234 (1 Cor. 11:27-32).]
Look at the energy expended by Solomon and the Shulamite! Right out of the honey moon manual, but only the leisurely rich and famous could have the time to maintain that on an ongoing basis. Most wives would be delighted to be loved in this manner, and once they've experienced it there remains an appetite for it. Your average Elias might be able to pull it off for a while, with more than one wife even, but even if it is only with one wife that peak activity will decline, if from nothing else but fatigue, and then there will be disappointment felt by the wife, and possible frustration and a sense of inadequacy for the husband. These negative emotions don't make for a happy marriage. If a godly man finds himself in a polygamous situation, I'm sure that the 2 Cor. 8 & 9 principle of being accepted based on one's willingness instead of on one's possessions would hold here, and hopefully his wives would be spiritual enough to understand and allow for it, giving him credit for doing the best he can do.
The command that you should have no other gods before Jehovah seems to be one reason from Deut. 17:17 where it is stated that too many wives will
cause the heart of such a lover of many wives to turn away from following
Jehovah with his whole heart. This ties in with 1 Cor. 7:32-35 which shows
that wives distract one from serving the Lord and too many wives distract
the husband too much for the family's spiritual good. A man who is covetous
of having many wives could be guilty of idolatry, loving polygyny more than
Jesus>235 . We should be content with what we have maritally>236 .
[Footnote: >235 (Eph. 5:5,6). >236 (1 Tim. 6:5-9 and 1 Cor. 7:9,26-35).]
The bottom line for the child, being led by the Spirit who works in him to will
and do His good pleasure>237 , is that celibacy, marriage or polygamy is not
really up to him if he acknowledges Jesus as Lord. The Lord is the Lord and He gives the gifts. Celibacy, marriage, or polygamy are gifts from the Lord and the obedient and loving child of God waits on his Father and Lord to give His servant the appropriate gift>238 . If he is called to marriage, God will also call one of His daughters to marry the blessed bloke, also giving her the gift of marriage. If he is called to polygyny, if that is his gift from his Father and Lord, then his wives will also be called to polygyny. God's grace will be sufficient if he is called/saved in monogyny or in polygyny. He doesn't give us impossible callings, since nothing is impossible for Him as He works out His will in us.
[Footnote: >237 (Rm.8:14; Ph 2:13). >238 (1 Cor. 7:7,8,9,17-27).]
Since godly polygyny really requires the Spiritual fruits of unity>239 and
sharing>240 even more so than monogyny, the Spiritual challenge of walking in the Spirit would be even greater requiring a close walk with the Lord. If it weren't His gift and calling for each member of the polygynist family, it would be completely impossible to maintain on a voluntary basis. With His gift and calling, they can do all things in Christ>241 . There is no dispute that marital harmony, sharing and unity would be much easier in monogamy. It's easy to see why God ordained that elders, deacons, bishops, church overseers, deacons etc. had to be monogynists, since they have to deal with all the people and issues in their care in the Church. Polygynists have their hands full with the people and the issues of the church in their home.
[Footnote: >239 (Ep. 4:1-5). >240 (Acts 4:32-37; 2 Cor. 8 & 9). >241 (Ph. 4:13).]
"If a man desires the position of a bishop/overseer, he desires a good
work">242 . Part of that "good work" is a monogamous marriage. We are to follow/imitate their faith>243 and part of their faith is that they believe
they were called to be a Church leader and as such, called to have a
monogamous marriage. We are to support and imitate their walk of faith,
their walk in their calling, and their trust in His leading.
[Footnote: >242 (1 Tm 3:1). >243 (Heb. 13:7).]
So each one of us needs to wait on our Lord for his leading>244 , His
gifts>245 , and His enabling>246 . Our church leaders are monogamous.
Christ presents Himself as the Church's Overseer as the monogamous husband of one wife. In the Old Testament He portrayed Himself as both monogamous >247 and polygamous >248 as husband to Israel. He knows what He can do in us, and being the God of 1 Cor. 10:13 and Ph. 4:13, He knows how much we can handle so He gives the gifts and leadings accordingly.
[Footnote: >244 (Rom. 8:14). >245 (1 Cor.7:7,8,9 etc.). >246 (Ph.2:13;4:13).>247 (Ezek. 16) . >248 (Ezek. 23).]
Our responsibility is obedience and contentment. For His blessing to be upon
us, we must walk in obedience to His calling and leading>249 . For us to be
blessed by Him in our walk, we must be content with what He gives and how
He leads>250 . To go beyond and get more than His will is to trespass and He is faithful to chasten. To know to do right and then not do it is sin, and He is faithful to chasten. Strait is the way and narrow. Few there be that find it.
[Footnote: >249 (Heb. 5:8,9; Jn. 14:15). >250 (1 Tm. 6:3-19).]
�Noah, Isaac, and Joseph had only one wife, and domestic happiness in the
Bible is always connected with monogamy>.n129 (2 K 4, Ps 128, Pr 31, Sir
25,,,). The marriage figure applied to the union of God and Israel. . . .. implied monogamy as the ideal state. Polygamy is, in fact, always an unnatural development from the point of view both to religion and of anthropology; 'monogamy is by far the most common form of human marriage; it was so also amongst the ancient peoples of whom we have any direct knowledge' (Westermarck, Hum. Marr. p. 459). Being, however, apparently legalized, and having the advantage of precedent, it was long before polygamy was formally forbidden in Hebrew society >n130 , though practically it fell into disuse; the feeling of the Rabbis was strongly against it.�>n131
[Footnotes:>.n129 Always? What about the divorce statistics in our modern
and monogamous America? Also, Solomon and the Shulamite seemed to have a great deal of domestic happiness in their polygamy according to the Song of Solomon 6. >.n130 "Polygamy was not definitely forbidden among the Jews till the time of R. Gershom (c. A.d. 1000), and then at first only for France and Germany. In Spain, Italy,m and the East it persisted for some time longer, as it does still among the Jews in Mohammedan counties". HASTINGS DICTIONARY OF THE BIBLE; p.584. >..n131 HASTINGS DICTIONARY OF THE BIBLE; pp. 583-587.]
�Monogamy is implicit in the story of Adam and Eve, since God created only
one wife for Adam. Yet polygamy is adopted from the time of Lamech (Gn. iv. 19), and is not forbidden in Scripture. It would seem that God left it to man to discover by experience that His original institution of monogamy was the proper relationship. . .� >n132
[Footnote: >..n132 The New Bible Dictionary, J.D. Douglas Ph.D ; p.787.]
�The gradual evolution in the OT of monogamy as the ideal is therefore of the highest interest. The earliest codes attempt in various ways to regulate the custom of polygyny. The Deut. code in particular actually forbids kings to multiply wives (Dt 17.17); this is the fruit, apparently of the experience of
Solomon's reign.�>n133
[Footnote: >.n133 HASTINGS DICTIONARY OF THE BIBLE; p.259..]
XXIII. BIBLIOGRAPHY
>1. A Select Library of the Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of The Christian
Church, Vol. IV; edited by Philip Schaff (D.d., LL.D.); W.B. Eerdmans
Publishing Co., Grand Rapids Mich; 1956
>2. A Select Library of the Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of The Christian
Church, Vol. V; edited by Philip Schaff (D.d., LL.D.); ; W.B. Eerdmans
Publishing Co., Grand Rapids Mich; 1956; p. 267
>3. A Select Library of the Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of The Christian
Church, Vol. VIII; edited by Philip Schaff (D.d., LL.D.) and Henry Wace (D.D.) ; W.B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., Grand Rapids Mich; 1956
>4. A Select Library of the Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of The Christian
Church, Vol. XIV; edited by Philip Schaff (D.D., LL.D.) and Henry Wace (D.D.) ; W.B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., Grand Rapids Mich; 1956
>5. Amplified Bible, The; 1965, Zondervan Publishing House
>6. ANALYTICAL GREEK LEXICON, THE: Harper & Brothers, New York
>7. Arndt & Gingrich: A GREEK-ENGLISH LEXICON OF THE NEW TESTAMENT and Other Early Christian Literature ; By W.F.Arndt & F. W. Gingrich; The Univ. of Chicago Press, Chicago, Ill.; Cambridge at the Univ. Press.; 1957
>8. ASV: The Holy Bible, American Standard Version 1901 & 1929; Thomas
Nelson & Sons, New York
>9. Gold Cord, by Amy Carmichael, Christian Literature Crusade, Fort Worthington, Penna.; London's Society for the Promotion of Christian Knowledge, Holy Trinity Church, Marylebone Rd., N.W. (N.Y. The Macmillan Company).
>10. CUSTOMS AND CULTURES, Anthropology for Christian Missions, by Eugene A. Nida1954, Harper & Brothers, New York
>11. Darby's 1890 translation: Most of the scriptures quoted in this work, if
not otherwise indicated, are from the a modernized version of J. N. Darby's
translation, the OnLine Bible computer program of "Online Bible f ", Ken
Hammil 1-908-741-4298; [E-Mail:
[email protected]].
>12. DIVORCE, John Murray, Presbyterian and Reformed Publishing Co. \
>13. G. Duty's book on divorce and remarriage , Downers Grove, Ill.
>14. HASTING'S DICTIONARY OF THE BIBLE; 1989, Hendrickson Publishers, Inc., Peabody, Mass;, Editor James Hastings, DD.,
>15. I LOVED A GIRL; Walter Trobisch, Inter-Varsity Press, Downers Grove, Ill.
>16. INTERNATIONAL BIBLE COMMENTARY, THE; Editor, F.F.Bruce; 1979; Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids Michigan.
>17. Jay Adam's� book on divorce and remarriage
>18. JEWISH: The Holy Scriptures according to the Masoretic Text, 1955, The Jewish Publication Society.
>19. KINSHIP & MARRIAGE, Robin Fox, 1967, Penguin Books, Inc., USA & England
>20. LAMSA: The Holy Bible from Ancient Eastern Manuscripts, 1940, Holman Co., by G. Lamsa.
>21. MARRIAGE EAST AND WEST; David & Vera Mace, 1960, Dolphin Books, Double Day & Co., Inc. Garden City, NY
>22.MARRYING AGAIN; David Hocking, 1977, Fleming H. Revell Co.
>23. MKJV: MODERN KING JAMES VERSION, 1993, by Jay P. Green Sr., in Online Bible 2.5.1; the OnLine Bible computer program of "Online Bible f ", Ken Hammil 1- 908-741-4298; [E-Mail:
[email protected]].
>24. MY WIFE MADE ME A POLYGAMIST; Walter Trobisch, 1971, Inter-Varsity Press,
>25. NASB: Holy Bible New American Standard; Broadman & Holman Publishers, Nashville Tenn.; The Lockman Foundation, 1977
>26. NEB: NEW ENGLISH BIBLE, 1970; Oxford/Cambridge University Press
>27. NEW BIBLE DICTIONARY, THE; Editor J.D.Douglas Ph.D; 1962; W. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., Grand Rapids, Mich.
>28. NEW TESTAMENT GREEK FOR BEGINNERS, By, J. Gresham Machen, D.D, Litt. D.,1959
>29. NIV: "Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. Copyright @ 1973, 1978, 1984 International Bible Society." Used as required by Zondervan Bible Publishers.
>30. NKJV: New King James Version, 1984, Thomas Nelson, Inc.
>31. OnLine Bible computer program of "Online Bible f ", Ken Hammil 1-908-741-4298; [E-Mail:
[email protected]].
>32. PLEASE HELP ME! PLEASE LOVE ME!; Walter Trobisch, Inter-Varsity Press,
>33. St. Augustin: On The Trinity; translated by Arthur West Haddan, B.D.; W.B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., Grand Rapids Mich; 1956
>34. Strong�s Lexicon, Open Bible "Online Bible f", Ken Hammil 1-908-741-
4298. Also Baker Book House, Grand Rapids, Mich.
>35. Thayer: Greek English Lexicon of the New Testament; Joseph Henry Thayer, D.D.; American Book Co., New York, 1889
>36. The Septuagint of the Old Testament and Apocrypha With an English
Translation; Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids, Michigan; 1972;
Samuel Bagster & Sons, Ltd. London
>37. WOMEN'S LIVES IN MEDIEVAL EUROPE - A SOURCEBOOK; Edited by Emile Amt; Routledge, Chapman, Hall; NY, NY; 1993
>38. Wuest's THE NEW TESTAMENT, An Expanded Translation, Kenneth S. Wuest, 1961
>39. YLT; Young's Literal Translation, 1898: OnLine Bible computer program of "Online Bible f ", Ken Hammil 1-908-741-4298; [E-Mail:
[email protected]].
TOPICS: FOREVER MARRIAGES CROSS CULTURALLY, FORMAL AND INFORMAL CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE, COMMON LAW MARRIAGE, CHRISTIAN DIVORCE, CHRISTIAN REMARRIAGE, CHRISTIAN CONCUBINES, CHRISTIAN POLYGYNY (POLYGAMY), RACISM, ETHNOCENTRICITY, AND THE SWEARING OF OATHS
TITLE: DIVORCE, REMARRIAGE, CONCUBINES, & JESUS; Another Look for Christians.
COPYRIGHT � JANUARY 14, 1995 All rights reserved.
Copyright � 01/14/'95; 01/12/�96 (Revised)
This file, in its entirety, may be posted on or copied off of computer networks like Internet or WWW by anyone so inclined.
This is an ASCII text only copy of a Macintosh MicrosoftWord5 file made for non-Macintosh folks, so it is very plain and basic in its form (footnotes, indentation and page layout). The document is 6" wide and Palatino 12 plain font in the original. So when your text only version comes up with Palatino 14, just select all and change it to Palatino 12 or 10. There are no bold or underline options. The distinctions between footnotes of sources and footnotes of reference are lost. So please be patient with the footnote numbering. The footnotes are put at the end of the paragraphs instead of in the text itself, making it more readable. You may find extra >�s and some >�s where r�s should be. Didn�t get to proof that far yet. Please be patient.
By L. Tyler P.O. Box 620763, SanDiego, CA 92162-0763
[email protected] ---
[email protected]
This work is dedicated with love and honor to Carol Lynn McIntyre of Camelot (3/24/'49), Beverly Landers Tyler(4/11/'52), Keith Adams, Diane Tava Lovelady, Lua Nguyen, Marilyn Tyler (7/27/'49) and Paula Dugas.
It is also dedicated to all those who have suffered through divorce and the complexities of remarriage, and to all of the following:
1. The shattered African polygynist husbands and their families who are made to feel like second class citizens in the local church because of their polygyny, made to feel less loved by Christ and made to feel less a child of God by the local "Christians".
2. The broken hearted Chinese polygynist wives and their children in their local churches who are shunned by the proper members and made to feel less welcome and spiritually inferior because of their polygynous families.
3. The devastated Burmese polygynist husbands who believe in and have received the Lord Jesus Christ, but who are rejected and shunned by the local "Christian" church/leader because they love their wives too much to divorce them.
4. The grieved, stumbled, offended and broken hearted born-again and Spirit sealed Indian wives and children of the born-again and Spirit sealed husband who loved his wives and children too much to renounce and repudiate them in order to be baptized and accepted by the local"Christian' church, and so now live in Christ, denied fellowship by their local congregation of "Christians".
5. The discouraged Mid-Eastern polygynist husbands who genuinely wanted to know Christ and the fellowship of the saints but who were embittered and kept from saving faith by the campaign of "Christian" leaders/churches against them and their polygyny. It would be no surprise if they were the most active in the community in resisting the Gospel and those who preach it. Talk about closing a door and making an enemy of the Gospel!
6. The troubled Liberian polygynist wives and children who genuinely wanted to know Christ and the fellowship of the saints but who were embittered and kept from saving faith by the campaign of "Christian" leaders/churches against them and their polygyny. It would be no surprise if they were the most active in the community in resisting the Gospel and those who preach it. Talk about closing a door and making an enemy of the Gospel!
7. The broken hearted, stumbled, offended and grieved Kenyan polygynist wives and their children whose husbands and fathers were forced to reject and renounce them in order to be baptized and join the local "Christian" church.; especially in the case where a carnal husband used the church rule as an excuse to get rid of a wife and children he didn't want.
8. The disconsolate Pakistani polygynist husbands who are stumbled, grieved, offended and broken in their faith and love for the Lord Jesus Christ because of how badly they and their loved ones have been treated by the local "Christian" leader/church.
9. The grief stricken Bengali polygynist wives and children who are stumbled, grieved, offended and broken in their faith and love for the Lord Jesus Christ because of how badly they and their loved ones have been treated by the local "Christian" leader/church.
10. The miserable Thai polygynist husbands who, with grave doubts and troubled hearts, succumbed to "Christian" pressure to renounce and reject (Malachi 2:13-17) all of their wives except one to satisfy the demands of some misguided "Christian" leader, or association of "Christians".
TABLE OF CONTENTS (These page numbers are correct with Palatino 14 ,left and right margins of 1.25"each, and top and bottom margins at 1" each.
Everybody's computer is potentially different, and if you Select All Font to "clean it up", reducing it to Palatino 12 or Geneva 10, you should probably use Find to find any particular chapter/appendix you are interested in.)
I. INTRODUCTION: PRIORITIES RECONSIDERED. P. 4
II. DIVORCE! A PLAGUE AND ITS CONSEQUENCES. P. 8
III. DIVORCE DEFINED. P. 23
IV. VARIETIES OF MARRIAGE IN THE BIBLE, OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS -- LET THE WORD SPEAK ABOUT POLYGYNY AND CONCUBINES! P. 25
V. WHAT DO CHRISTIAN LEADERS SAY ABOUT CONCUBINES & POLYGYNY? P. 50
VI. ADULTERY DEFINED: A SURPRISE! ISN�T POLYGYNY ADULTERY? P. 66
VII. SO, WHAT ABOUT CONCUBINES & POLYGYNY TODAY IN MY COUNTRY? P. 73
VIII. ARE POLYGYNISTS AND CONCUBINES LIVING IN ERROR TODAY? P. 82
IX. MARRIAGE, CONCUBINES, CIVIL LAW, PERSONAL LIBERTY AND A LOVING CONSCIENCE! P. 87
X. DOES GOD FORGIVE BROKEN VOWS, DIVORCE AND ADULTERY? P. 91
XI. CAN YOU COME BACK TOGETHER & REMMARY AFTER ADULTEROUS REMARRIAGE? P. 99
XII. WHAT ABOUT THE HEALTH QUESTIONS INVOLVED IN SUCH REUNIONS? P. 108
XIII. CAN ADULTERY, DIVORCE, VOWS AND REPENTANCE RESULT IN POLYGYNY/CONCUBINAGE? P. 112
XIV. ADULTERY, DIVORCE, CONCUBINES, POLYGYNY AND THE UNSAVED. P. 119
XV. THE MARRIED MAN WHO WOULD ADD WIVES/CONCUBINES TO HIS "HAREM". P. 121
XVI. ARE POLYGYNY & CONCUBINES OPTIONS FOR THE ABANDONED MAN? P. 126
XVII. POLYGYNISTS, CONCUBINES AND THE LEADERS OF GOD'S PEOPLE. P. 129
XVIII. POLYGYNY & CONCUBINES AND THE WESTERN CHRISTIAN WOMAN. P. 130
XIX. WHAT'S WRONG WITH POLYANDRY? P. 134
XX. HUSBAND RULE OVER THE WIFE? IF SERVANT-TEACHERS RULE .P. 137
XXI. THREE CHEERS FOR MONOGAMY! THE BEST FOR MOST! P. 141
XXII. LISTEN TO THE WORD! P. 145
XXIII. BIBLIOGRAPHY P. 147
APPENDIX ONE -- WHAT ABOUT INTERRACIAL AND INTERETHNIC MARRIAGE? P.150
APPENDIX TWO -- WHAT DO YOU THINK? THE FEEDING OF TWO LEGGED OXEN. P.157
APPENDIX THREE -- A WEDDING COVENANT FOR NONSWEARERS - P. 159
APPENDIX FOUR -- WHAT MAKES A WEDDING/MARRIAGE? - P. 161
APPENDIX FIVE -- MARRYING THE UNSAVED AND "SAINTS" LIVING IN ERROR. - P.163
APPENDIX SIX -- WHEN DO I HAVE TO MARRY? - P. 167
APPENDIX SEVEN -- THE ERRR OF SWEARING, OF OATHS AND SWEARING OATHS. -P.182
