I believe Jesus because of the historical and physical evidence, because of the spiritual evidence, because He save me from self-destruction, because He has repeatedly saved my life, because He forgives and heals the broken hearted,
and because He cherishes orphans, widows, prisoner, outcasts, losers, and the needy.
Why I believe Jesus!
COPYRIGHT � by L. Tyler 1997
[email protected]
[email protected]
P.O.Box 620763, San Diego, CA 92162-0763
Hello!
I don't belive in God and I don't belive that Jesus died for me!
I belive in 2 things, LOVE and myself and that's it!
So, I understand that you belive in God, why?
/ TEZZ
***Where do I begin? He is my life, the reason I am still alive today, my
ultimate reality. But let me try. I'll send my reply to you in several segments
so as not to overwhelm you. Most of it you have already read in the large file I
originally sent to you, but this time I would like to share more of my life with
Jesus withyou.
Let's start where I started. As a student of history and archaeology I knew and
know that there is more concrete confirming secular evidence for the people
and places found in the Bible than there is evidence for all of the Roman
Ceasars combined, than there is evidence for Socrates and Plato, than there is
evidence for Anthony and Cleopatra, than there is for the Egyptian pharaohs,
than there is for Shakespeare or El Cid. I've seen it, studied it and I am persuaded that Jesus actually lived and died when the Bible said He did.
Of course secular history cannot confirm His miraculous birth or His
miraculous resurrection because all we have is eye witness acounts to events
that can only be accepted by faith, or rejected by disbelief. But I have long
known that the supernatural is very real and not a function of mental
telepathy or ESP. The mother of one of my high school sweethearts was a
practicing witch/medium using ouiji boards with her spirits moving the ouiji, making windows open and shut, making things fly across the room and crash. My brother is a practicing New Age channeler/medium/ sorcerer who invokes his "spirit guides" (demons) to speak through him, to roll up solid silver knives and
spoons in front of friends and his classes, doing Tarot cards etc. And then
there are my own encounters with the unseen powers of darkness that were as
real as my body, my car , my house etc. So I know for a fact that there are
unseen, invisible, powerful and intelligent beings involved in our lives.
Knowing that they are real leads to the question, "What and who are they?" If
you know that spirit beings are real, then it is no problem to believe in the
possibility of a spirit being who calls himself God, and who says he revealed
himself as Jesus; or to believe in the existence of angels and demons and
spiritual powers and entities.
Believing in the supernatural yet fully aware of the science of statistics and probability, I am persuaded of Jesus' realness by the way He miraculously answers prayer. The most credible case that was documented for decades was the George Mueller Orphan Homes of Bristol England. Between Mueller's own documentation, his accounting books, the public press and news media,
it is conclusively shown that George Mueller rarely, if ever, let anyone but his
immediate associates and family know of his needs and the needs of the thousands of orphans under his care. For over twenty years God, in answer only to prayer, miraculously provided for their needs and Mueller's needs without Mueller getting any money from the government, from fundraising activities, from church solicitations, from public appeals, from public notices of need.. The local press, churches and charities rarely knew the needs of Mueller and his orphans. It is possible still today to examine his books, his records and the public record of his activities with the orphanages. It is supernatural and miraculous, far beyond luck and probabilities, that tens of millions of dollars went through Mueller's hand for the orphans in answer only to his prayers and the benevolence of God. There is no comparable record for any other "god" on earth, not Allah, not Buddha, not Krishna-------no other "god" has such a record of miraculous provision for orphans, widows and the needy.
But why do I believe in Jesus instead of the other spiritual beings out there that
manifest themselves in Religious people, Islam, Hedonism, Krishna, Buddha
etc. worship? First because I believe that the Way, the Life, the Unselfish and
Compassionate Cherishing and the Truth offered by Jesus is the best in the
World. I delight in the fact that way of Jesus has no victim class, no group of
people designated to be treated unlovingly and unkindly. Religious people,
Islam, Existentialism, Hedonism, Krishna, Buddha, Marx, Nitche and etc. teach
that there are those who are destined to be poor and oppressed and that that is
their lot which they must accept and you have no continuing responsibility to
help them apart from token charity.
I delight in the fact in Jesus all human life is precious and of value and is
designated to be loved. Religious people, Islam, Existentialism, Hedonism,
Krishna, Buddha, Marx, Nitche and etc. teach that some human life is better
than others, some human life (the unwanted unborn, disabled, aged etc.) is
better off dead because of their "inferior quality of life" ----- better dead than a
burden on society.
I delight in the fact that all people ( of all races, of all ethnicities, of all
backgrounds, of all persuasions, of all socio-economic classes) are to be
unselfishly and compassionately cherished according to Jesus. Religious
people, Islam, Existentialism, Hedonism, Krishna, Buddha, Marx, Nitche and
etc. teach some races/ethnicities/ classes are better than others and deserve
favoritism and special treatment; and maintain that is good to deny the
undesriables such treatment on the basis that they are inferior or unworthy, or
just different from those in power.
I delight in the awesome unconditional nature of the Love of Jesus for those
who choose Him and His Love. He offers His eternal and unconditional
compassionate cherishing to all in fairness so that those who want to share in
His eternal and unconditional compassionate cherishing, Enlightenment and
Truth may enter into the fullness of His joy and be with Him forever. He will
not force His way on anyone. He will not force His Heaven and Life on
anyone. In fairness and justice He has prepared a place for those who don't
want Him, His Truth, His enlightenment, His eternal life, and His unselfish
and compassionate cherishing. He respects everyone's right to choose and He
gives everyone a chance to choose in their lifetime. He wants those who
choose Him to be whith Him forever in a forever Love feast of mercy,
compassion, peace, harmony, unity and beauty.
� Because He delivered me from suicide and gave me a rich and abundant life
filled with Love and joy.
By the age of twelve (just finished seventh grade) I was almost 5'
10" tall and weighed about 140 lbs. and I had a pretty bad record in the
community. I had a "D" average for grades K - 6. I was spanked at
least each month by the principal for misconduct and I was either
suspended or expelled each semester starting with the fourth grade
through the sixth grade. In the seventh grade I had a "C-" average
with a lot of "D's" in conduct and I was getting into trouble with the
girls. I had been kicked out of my church's youth group because I kept
on breaking up the meetings by goofing off and clowning around. I
believed in God and the Bible, but I sure didn't know Him personally
and I figured He was unhappy with me like everybody else. I figured,
at 12, that there was no Love in the world, that every body only had
user unfriendly conditional love, selfish love, and I decided I didn't
want to live in a world where there was no Love. I didn't believe there
was any Love on earth and for sure I didn't believe that my mom and
dad loved me. My mom was so desperate to salvage her first born son
that she decided to force me to go to the church's September Palomar
camp in hope of a miracle. On the way to Palomar on the church bus, I
decided that since there was no Love on earth, I would either jump off
Laurel St. Bridge in Balboa Park or join the local street and motorcycle
gang, drinking, smoking marijuana and fooling around with the girls
until I got killed like some I knew.
That night at camp I saw people doing something I had never
seen before, consistently and sincerely loving on each other and joyful.
I wanted what they had desperately so I decided I would imitate them
so maybe I could fit and they would accept me into their joyful and
loving society. I knew what they had was real when I got up that next
freezing morning on Mt. Palomar, walked into the men's room and
saw guys really joyful and really loving each other, heart to heart and
eye to eye. All the more I decided that I wanted what they had and
tried to imitate them so I could at least be accepted by them, if I couldn't
have what they had.
On a noon hike that Saturday I was hanging out on the edge of
the group, trying to fit in and catch what they had. I tripped over a
Manzanita root and meant to say "shoot" but said "sheet" instead, and
said it loud enough for THEM to hear. I knew that "sheet" was "shit"
with a Mexican accent to THEM and I felt I had totally blown my cover
and that THEY all now knew that I wasn't really one of them, but a
faker. I blew up over that Manzanita root, kicking it and hitting the
bush while verbally overflowing with stuff like "Doggone it! What's
wrong with me! I can't do anything right! I always mess up! Just
about the time I think I got it right, then I mess up! What the heck is
wrong with me!"
Now I don't know if she was an angel or not. I never saw her
before or after that encounter with the bush. I never got her name.
Later when I tried to figure out who she was, I thought that maybe it
was a young lady at church who looked a lot like her, but she denied
that it was her. Well whoever she was, she came gently over to me as I
was kicking the root and hitting the tree and verbally dumping. She
quietly stood beside me and asked me if I would like to know why I do
things like I was doing, why I mess up. Well you know that I wanted
to know that, because I was sick and tired of messing up, especially after
messing up in the presence of the first real joyful and loving people I
ever knew. So she asked me to sit down on a big rock over looking
Don Valley on Palomar Mt. and she proceeded to explain to me why I
messed and how Jesus could still Love a jerk like me. For the next
three hours she showed me, gently and patiently, how and why Jesus
Loved me.
I believed Jesus was real, but I sure didn't think that He Loved
me. The proof that persuaded me that God not only could but actually
did Love me was that Christ died for me. I could argue with most
other points, but I couldn't deny that Jesus died. Even unbelievers
believed Jesus lived and died. To me that was a historical fact that few
disputed. So when I saw that I had solid historical evidence that Jesus
died, I was ready to seriously consider that just maybe He Loved me
enough to really die for me. I respected and believed the Bible, so
when she showed me book after book, chapter after chapter, verse after
verse that plainly stated that the reason Jesus died (that solid historical
fact), was because God so Loved me and the world and because He
wanted to Love me as Father, as Shepherd, as King, as Deliverer in a
very intimate and personal relationship, - - - - my eyes began to see,
my mind to understand my heart wanted that Love. When she
showed me why He let them kill Him, that it was His choice, that He
died to take my place in the court of Divine Justice------- well she had
me. I couldn't deny that he died, and she persuaded that God so Loved
me that He sent His only begotten Son to die in my place so that I could
be His child ------- Eureka! Yahoo! I had discovered the Love I was
looking for, a Love that I could live for, a Love to give my life to and
for. I already believed that He rose from the dead and was coming
back. Now I could have a relationship with the GOD who was Love.
I believed her, accepted Him and got all excited. I told her that I
had to check all of this out with the youth sponsor, Chuck Hill, to
make sure that all that she told me was right on. If she were an angel,
then I can see why I had to check it out with Chuck, because the Bible
makes it plain that soul-winning is the work, not of angels, but of the
Spirit and his human servants. After Chuck confirmed everything the
woman had told me, I tanked him and went up the other hill side to
pray my prayer of thanks, believing, receiving and trusting Jesus as my
God and Saviour. I was such a babe I didn't realize that I had been born
again as soon as I talked to Chuck, because
I believed and had faith in Jesus and His Word as soon a Chuch
confirmed it all. I believed and was born again even before I made my
big formal acceptance prayer.
Talk about a radical life change! Within a month of my 8th grade
year (Oct. or Nov.) my grades averaged "B", I was a leader in my church
youth group, my school's Bible club (the girls had a hard time believing
I had changed), and I determined to do what I could do for my messed
up family, especially my mom and dad.
I don't know if that young lady was an angel, but I never saw her
again at that camp after that three hour talk. I never saw her again
anywhere at anytime. Nobody else knew about her. But God used her
to keep your Dad from jumping off the Laurel St. bridge or dying with
the street and motorcycle gangsters, perhaps so I could be your dad.
� Because He has miraculously saved my life so many times. I have searched
and meditated on these and there is no other explanation acceptable to me ----
He miraculously and mercifully saved my life. Luck couldn't even come close
to explaining what happened, according to the science of Statistics and
Probability.
DELIVERED FROM ELECTROCUTION
Then there was the time my dad told me to cut the electric wire with
the all metal scissors and bare hands (no insulation at all). I asked if the
current was off and he said he had turned it off. Well he hadn't and
instead of me getting the shock of my life, the flaming electric current just
blew a 3/16ths" hole through the cutting blade of the steel scissors in my bare
hands.
DELIVERED FROM MY DEADLY BAD DRIVING
The driving miracles are the ones I like the best. There was the
convenient driving miracle. I was helping drive a medical
"missionary" and his large family from Sacramento CA to the county
of Belize (British Honduras). We arrived a Laredo Texas with some
tire problems. The garage mechanic, unfriendly from the start, told us
we needed two new front tires and inner tubes (1962). He and his crew
were sullen and unfriendly and seemed to resent the Christian stuff
the medic had on his big bus and on the little van I was driving. So
they put two new tires and inner tubes on the front of the van I drove.
We were glad to leave such hostile people and spent the rest of the day
driving into Mexico and Ciudad Victoria of Tamaulipas.
Just before sunset and after a long hot day driving over very
rough road and rough country (with no AAA help available) I began
to drive up a bridge that arched over another highway on the outskirts
of Cd. Victoria. With a full load of kids and luggage I slowed to under
30 mph going up the arch, probably the safest driving situation all day,
when both front tires popped and went flat. There I am at the top of
this arch bridge with two flat front tires. What to do? Providentially
there were nice motel accommodations 100 yds further along and one
block from the "motel" was a tire factory. I love the good Lord's
planning. So it was easy and convenient to get the tire fixed and get
some rest.
The next morning the guys at the tire factory changed the tires
and were perplexed by what they found. They found that the inner
tubes were at least three sizes too big for those tires, that that had
caused there to be creases in the inner tubes and that there were 3 to 5
cracks in the creases big enough to slip a 50 cent piece through. He
didn't understand why any mechanic would put such large inner tubes
in our tires,and he didn't understand how we had managed to drive so
far before having any problems. If the tires had given out at any other
time that day at high speeds on rough roads the results could have
been tragic, or at least very inconvenient and difficult to deal with. We
thanked Jesus in amazement.
#5 DELIVERED FROM MORE OF MY DEADLY BAD DRIVING
Then there was Mexico's Yucatan jungle driving miracle of 1962. See
the picture page.I was driving vehicle #3 and the medic was driving #1
in the same direction. When we came to this stretch of dirt highway
under construction suddenly I became confused and drove on into the
dust of his bus #1. I knew that what I had seen before the dust was a
straight stretch of three lane wide dirt road elevated about 6' above the
surrounding swamp. I did the dumb thing of deciding that I should
try to catch up to the bus in the dense dust and keep it in sight. I was
driving blind and getting more alarmed by the moment. I didn't know
for sure where I was on the road going that fast (35 mph +).
(sorry the picture was lost when I changed this to text only)
Suddenly I see this large dirt moving diesel truck #2 directly in
front of me headed right at me---- head on collision imminent.
Instinctively I turned hard to the right only to realize that would send
me and the kids into the swamp, so in terror I made a hard left and
slammed on the brakes because I had no idea where I was on the road
which I couldn't see because of all the dust. My heart was racing and I
was praying hard trying to regain my composure so as not to alarm the
kids. My hands were sweaty and trembling as I waited for the dust to
clear. After what seemed to be forever, I could see our predicament. I
had parked perfectly parallel to the edge of the dirt road with only 2" or
3" from my right side tires to the drop off! I could not have parked that
well even if I could have seen the edge of the road! I can't park parallel
that well even today! And if I could have seen what I was doing, I
would never have parked so close to the edge of the road. So I figure
Jesus used my foolish, panicky and sweaty hands driving blind to miss
the truck and park perfectly with no damage to vehicles and no injury
to persons.
So I sat there waiting for my heart and breathing to slow down,
and began to realize I had another problem. This dirt soft shoulder was
so soft it even looked soft and I realized that with the rear drive wheel
on that soft shoulder just 2" from the drop off, that soft shoulder could
give way under the weight and the van still fall into the swamp.
Afraid to do anything on the swamp side of the van, we all got out the
driver's door. The dirt truck #3 came back to see what happened to us
and the medic #1 came back to see what was the problem. They agreed
with the assessment of the problem and tied tow ropes to the side of
the van and the dirt truck so that when I drove the van away from the
edge, the van would not fall into the swamp even if the soft shoulder
gave way. This experience gave the idea of "leaving the driving to
Him" a whole new meaning and made me learn the hard learned
lesson to never drive blind again.
#7. DELIVERANCE FROM MORE OF MY DEADLY BAD DRIVING
It was in the mid 1970's. The road out of Valley Center to Escondido
was just a two laner, one lane each way. I had had a long had day at my
job on Mt. Palomar at the La Jolla Indian Reservation. I wanted to get
home to my wife and kids. I had just driven out of the flat area of
Valley Center and was at the top of the two lane two way descent to
Escondido. There was a big diesel milk truck with two full milk trailers
followed by three passenger cars and lastly myself. Real quick I realized
that the truck was using his gears to brake his speed down the hill and
he was going to be very slow going all the way down. I couldn't figure
why none of the other passenger cars passed the truck since the
oncoming lane was clear.
Full of stupidity and impatience I decided to pass all three
passenger cars as well as the milk trailers and diesel. Just as I pulled
out to make my pass, the car in front of me pulled out in front of me to
pass all the others. I had to swerve hard to the left to avoid hitting that
car. The last thing I saw was the retaining 2' wall and the drop off
about 6'-8' in front of me closing very fast. I don't recall ever making
any move to avoid hitting the wall and going over the cliff. The next
thing I knew was that I was about 100 yards ahead of the diesel, milk
trailers and the three passenger cars which were still behind the milk
truck. I have no idea why I didn't hit the wall and go over. I have no
idea of how I got in front of the milk truck and cars. I never cease to be
amazed at how Jesus can drive my car when I am asleep, have fainted
or whatever. I am unable to doubt this kind of Jesus who rescues even
the stupid from their own deep pudding. Doesn't it make you afraid to
be on the road with me? It does me! Thank God for God!
#9. DELIVERANCE FROM MORE OF MY DEADLY BAD DRIVING
Then there is my Home Federal miracle. Perhaps this added to the
demise of Home Federal????? :) :) I worked three 12 hour graveyard
shifts each week as a mail and message courier driving company
vehicles. It was my third shift and I used everything to keep me awake
(coffee, coca cola, hamburgers, chocolate, etc.) to help me stay awake
because I was so very tired. It didn't work. One morning after my shift,
I drove my wife to work and then tried to drive my self and my three
daughters home. The sun was rising and was in my exhausted eyes as I
tried to drive us east to El Cajon from downtown San Diego. The sun
was too much for my exhausted eyes so I had to stop at 70th/Lake
Murry Dr. and sleep in Denny's parking lot until I could drive the kids
and I home. It was very hard for them to understand but they watched
over sleeping me for almost two hours before they woke me up
because they were worried what the Denny's employee in the parking
lot was thinking (he was staring at us for so long).
It was 5:30 am and sunrise (the sun finished off my eyes). I was
driving the 1/2 ton pick up Toyota truck south on 163 going downtown
with a full load of mail, tapes, microfiche, print outs and reports for
branches up the coast. I had just cleared Hwy 8 heading south on 163.
The next thing I remember or knew was that the left front wheel and
the left rear wheel were on top of the elevated center divider and I was
somewhere on 163 under Washington or University or Robinson. I
can't believe what I see or where I am. The fence on the elevated
divider is angled so that you can't drive on the divider. I'm going
about 50+mph and the fence is closing on me giving me the choice of
hitting it at 50+ mph or driving off of the divider at 50+mph with
traffic all around me. I shout-prayed JESUS!!! , held on to the wheel for
dear life, and drove off of the center divider before hitting the fence.
The truck rocked hard but miraculously amateur driver (not stunt
driver) me managed to maintain control and come out of the whole
incident with no damage to the truck, the contents or me. You
couldn't pay me enough to try that trick again awake driving anything
but a stunt car with big roll bars, safety gear and no more than a quarter
gallon of gas. Again I left the driving to Him.
��� Because He heals and restores to wholeness the brokenhearted, enabling
them to find forgiveness and Love again.
*************AND THEN THERE WAS LYNN*********************
���������������������������������������
A DEDICATION: CAROL LYNN MCINTYRE
She is black and so many delicious shades of brown. Her skin
looks more delicious than anything I have ever eaten. She
moves gracefully with strength and purpose in her steps,
unaware of her awesome beauty. I call out her precious name,
almost to make sure she's real and not a dream. She turns and
looks me in the eye and then suddenly smiles so radiantly I
almost lose my breath. It seems as if she glows! I drink her in
as she flows towards me with her arms open wide. The face I
see is Love.
How I love her eyes and her mouth, filled with
kindness and gentleness----from which I fear no hurt or
unkindness. She laughs and it sounds like music. We
touch and my heart soars. We embrace and I put my lips on
her delicious skin. She is so delicious it is hard to keep my
mouth off of her. As the Sun shines on her clean, soft and
oiled skin I'm fascinated by the tiny tints of red, orange,
yellow and all the browns that twinkle up at me. She is
sooooo soft and firm, so full of life!
We look into each others' eyes, hers sparkling----we look long
and deep and our souls touch---and then suddenly it seems a
cloud of uncertainty, self-doubt, personal fears, or haunting
memories moves across her face and the lovely pools of her
eyes are troubled. I kiss her passionately and hold her ever so
close, wishing I could pull right into my heart and soul and
bathe her in my love, wanting to make it all right for her.
Hesitantly I look again hoping her radiance has returned and
Yes! the cloud has passed and her face is radiant again. What I
see in her face fills my heart. All is well. We two as one set
out together to face and deal with our world.
We faced our world together so much in love. I thought she
was so incredibly wonderful moving there before me bare and
beautiful that honeymoon night. I thought I had been given
the most wonderful queen for my heart to love. I worshipped
her in her dark beauty. How could I be so blessed? In ecstasy
she said she could make love all night long that Halloween
weekend. Halloween darkness and death covered my eyes
and blinded me. It polluted my mind and it whispered "You
are not good enough for her. She will find out that you aren't
good enough for her and she will leave you for another." The
hissing lie believed, my heart deceived, my soul backed off and
the work of death began. My queen now became my torment,
her excellence rebuking me for being so presumptuous
as to dare to mingle with the gods by loving one of their own.
My heart was chilled with fear that my wonderful goddess
would suddenly see me as I really was and her passionate
desire would turn to loathing. Couldn't she see I was all
crippled and broken inside?
She said she loved me for my voice before we met.
When we met I was so amazed my mouth hung open in
amazement and my eyes couldn't open wide enough to behold
her glory. Her laughter rang like bells and chimes all about us.
She flowed to me and into my life. My heart opened wider
than my eyes and welcomed her in, pouring my love upon her
in every way I could imagine. She felt more loved than she
had ever felt before. She gave herself to me in our engagement
and our bodies merged into oneness as our souls had. I
accepted her love without reservation and gave her my love
without reservation. She blessed me in the same manner. I
felt my soul could fly no higher.
The golden spell that had blessed our courtship was
cracking apart as some dark frozen glacier, one small piece at a
time. I forgot she was a mere mortal with a tender heart and a
history of adversities. I forgot that her heart was as tender as
her breasts. I forgot that though she was bold and out going
like her breasts, she was as sensitive as they and in need of
support and protection. Blinded by unreasoned love I thought
her to be a goddess and worshipped her, when she wanted me
to lead her in the worship of my Jesus. Blinded by unreasoned
love she thought me above weakness and fear. So when that
Halloween darkness crept into my soul, and in its brokenness
and open wounds the darkness found a hiding place, a place for
it to root and grow. By that honeymoon night my soul became
the prisoner of the fear of losing her love, fear of failing her,
fear of not being enough for and fear of losing her to another.
All she wanted me to do was just to keep on loving her as we
had since our engagement. I stepped from the glorious light of
our love into the wretched darkness of my fear. My darling
Carol Lynn couldn't believe that her prince charming was dying
within. She didn't feel the chill and darkness that had just
entered the room.
Fear leaves such devastation. In her torment she felt she was
to blame for the cold iceman that I was becoming. She sought
counsel, tried to provoke me, tried to make me jealous---each
resulting in a veil of tears for her. Then my tormented goddess
sought to kill herself if our love could not be restored. I asked
her parents to come and get her since I was afraid to leave her
alone----------they dragged her away from me as she wept
and wailed begging me not to let them take her. I just stood
there and watched. Oh God have mercy on my soul!
The damned darkness of damned divorce crept between us.
I begged her to return, begged for forgiveness and apologized
for failing her-------but when she didn't answer for a week I
sought the loving I yearned for in the arms of another
wonderful dark queen. I had given up. I thought she would
never come back to one so unworthy as I. I felt I had to have
the love of a wonderful dark queen so that I could know that I
was still lovable, that I could know the love of a wonderful
dark queen again. My Lynn came that night and found me
with the other. Her last words were "Oh no, Ron!!!!!!!! I never
had another chance with her.
Hollywood got her and messed her up so badly she had to have
a total hysterectomy and was in pain daily taking powerful
pain killers. She sought shelter and help in her childhood home
with her parents. She built her nest in her childhood bedroom,
her heart broken, her spirit twisted, her soul so gravely
wounded that no one knew if she could ever fly again-------my
Lynn who had soared in the heights with eagles and falcons.
Her pain. The pain wouldn't stop.
"Oh please make this pain stop! Let me take my pills. I have
eaten and I'll just take these pain pills and lie down to rest.
Oh! My soul is so weary! When will the pain stop? To sleep,
yes sleep. I'm so tired. I'll just sleep a little. It's so good to be
home where I can feel safe, with Dad here. I love him so
much." And my beloved Carol Lynn McIntyre laid herself
down to sleep in the bed of her childhood bedroom----so safe--
--safe at last.
"What's wrong! I can't think---I feel so groggy. What's
happening?! Oh God, I'm going to vomit! Help!----------"
And as she inhaled that last time-----My queen! My goddess!
My darling young wife-------------she inhaled her vomit and
died. Oh God! Dear God! Would that it were I! Oh turn back
the clock and take my soul instead! Oh God------my heart is
broken! Why should I be above the ground and my brilliant
and beautiful young Lynn, my dark queen, be there beneath
the ground? Oh God be merciful to me! I feel the millstone
around my neck. I don't deserve your forgiveness but I
would die without it.
Yet she lives and is loved in the deepest depths of my
soul though the grief and pain wont let me dwell on my
wonderful memories of her and us--- My Scotch-Irish-Welsh
heart grieves over my dark Queen. God gave me a daughter
who could pass for Lynn's sister, a wonderful woman, a
daughter upon whom I can pour out all the love I feel for Lynn.
And God showed me what I did wrong with Lynn and taught
me how not to make those terrible mistakes again. My three
wonderful daughters are the products of His Love working
through me. I lost my dark queen, and He gave me three
wonderful dark queens to help heal my grief. Thank you, Jesus!
Dear God, please heal the hearts of Lynn's family.
���������������������������������������
**************AND THEN THERE WAS BEVERLY*****************
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A DEDICATION: BEVERLY DIANE LANDERS TYLER
She is black and so many delicious shades of brown. Her skin
looks more delicious than anything I have ever eaten. She
moves gracefully with strength and purpose in her steps,
unaware of her awesome beauty. In fact she didn't even think she was
beautiful and she was mystified by my desire of her. At first she
couldn't even believe that I felt such deep romantic and affectionate
love for her. She was so gentle, so humble, so sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet I
could hardly keep my mouth and hands off of her. To the world she
wasn't a cover girl beauty, but to me the beauty in her eyes flooded out
and over her so that she walked in beauty to me. She filled up my heart
and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.
She turns and looks me in the eye and then suddenly smiles so
radiantly my heart leaps for joy. It seems as if she glows! I drink her
in as she flows towards me with her arms open wide. The face I see is
Love.
How I love her eyes and her mouth, filled with
kindness and gentleness----from which I fear no hurt or
unkindness. She laughs and it sounds like music. We
touch and my heart soars. We embrace and I put my lips on
her delicious skin. She is so delicious it is hard to keep my
mouth off of her. As the Sun shines on her clean, soft and
oiled skin I'm fascinated by the tiny tints of red, orange,
yellow and all the browns that twinkle up at me. She is
sooooo soft and firm, so full of life!
We look into each others' eyes, hers sparkling----we look long
and deep and our souls touch---and then suddenly it seems a
cloud of uncertainty, self-doubt, personal fears, or haunting
memories moves across her face and the lovely pools of her
eyes are troubled. I kiss her passionately and hold her ever so
close, wishing I could pull right into my heart and soul and
bathe her in my love, wanting to make it all right for her.
Hesitantly I look again hoping her radiance has returned and
Yes! the cloud has passed and her face is radiant again. What I
see in her face fills my heart. All is well. We two as one set
out together to face and deal with our world.
We faced our world together so much in love. I thought she
was so incredibly wonderful moving there before me bare and
beautiful that honeymoon night. I thought I had been given
the most wonderful queen for my heart to love. I worshipped
her in her dark beauty. How could I be so blessed? In ecstasy we
celebrated and enjoyed each others body, soul and spirit. Every part of
her body was a delight and I delighted in celebrating her and pleasing
her. She was my perfect sexual helpmeet. I had learned in losing Lynn
that as long as she was happy I should just keep on loving her in every
way I could, not worrying about my inadequacies. She rejoiced in our
loving and our loving filled my heart.
I accepted her love without reservation and gave her my love
without reservation. She blessed me in the same manner. I
felt my soul could fly again.
I learned that she was sensitive and in need of support and
protection, that she had a heart breaking childhood. Though I loved
her dearly, affectionately and passionately, I failed to accept her just as
she was. I failed to accept the fact that somethings I wanted her to do,
she simply could not do. I felt that she was being stubborn and
uncooperative and I began to resent this in her. Our love became
clouded by my failure to accept her just as she was and her heart began
to hurt. The seeds had been planted that would break her heart and
drive her to leave me. Oblivious to the pain I was causing her, I
thought we would be together for ever. Her broken heart became an angry,
bitter and hardened heart in our last years together. She finally left me
12/26/'87.
���Because He Loves the orphan and the widow; the outcasts and rejects of
society. He cares about the prisoner, the oppressed, the sick, the weak, the
unloved.
#6. AN "ORPHAN" FINDS A LOVING HOME Then there is the
Felicia miracle. God didn't save my life but He used me to save
Felicia's life. She was a hippie run away from an Arizona foster home.
Her parents didn't want her. She ran away to LA and she landed up at
the Christian Communal Home that three Christian "Hippies" got
after they were born again in Jesus. They wanted a place where they
and their hippie friends who were coming to Jesus could come, stay, be
comfortable, meet and grow in Jesus. It was a big house with about 8
bedrooms.
The police knew about this hippie half-way house and approved
of runaways like Felicia staying there. After about a week or two,
Felicia got mad about one of the rules of the house, had a temper
tantrum and stormed out of the House during a Bible lesson with
about 25 people present. She said she was leaving and not coming
back!
It was dark and it was an integrated neighborhood with a lot of
prostitution, drugs and violence. She was a small white hippie girl
walking out into the darkness and all of that Darkness. I tried to
decide what I should do since she wouldn't listen to reason.
I figured either I could stick with her and keep on trying to reason with
her, but I was concerned that we'd both land up in a situation where
we would both be in danger. So I decided the best place for her was the
Christian Hippie House. So I ran after her, tried one more time to
persuade her to stay, but when she refused I just picked her up and put
her across my shoulder with her screaming, hitting my back and trying
to kick loose of my arms all the way back to the House, through the
evening Bible Lesson and into the prayer room where the House elders
were having a meeting. I still don't know why the neighbors didn't
call the cops and how they were ab le to continue that Bible lesson. I set
her down in their midst and told them what had happened. We talked
and we prayed until Felicia was passed her crisis and was willing to
stay.
A couple of months later, a much more godly and spirit-filled
Felicia announced to us that she felt let to go back to Arizona, end her
run away status, turn herself in to her social worker and trust God for
the consequences. The few elders who were present said they agreed
with her and had peace about it. A little later that Saturday evening
she said she felt she HAD to go that night and asked if I could drive her
over to Hollywood to catch the last Greyhound bound for Arizona that
night. I said sure, gathered some of the brothers and sisters to see her
off that night. We got to the bus stop shortly before the bus arrived.
She tried to buy the ticket but found she didn't have enough money.
We all chipped in everything we had but we still didn't have enough
money to get her to her social worker. She felt she HAD to go on that
bus at that time, so we prayed and decided that she would buy a ticket
to get her into Arizona Sunday morning and then she would have just
enough change to call her social worker and have her pick her up
sometime later. We all prayed for and over her and our sweet 16 year
old little bare-foot hippie girl in a granny dress with flowers in her hair
got on the bus and left in a cloud of prayers and tears.
Later we got her letter and "the rest of the story". She arrived
in a small Arizona town around 9am Sunday morning. She had only
enough money for the phone call and her social worker didn't answer
her phone. So she decided to walk around town, bare foot in a granny
dress with flowers in her hair, that bright sunny Sunday morning. A
little into her walk she hear people singing and she thought she knew
the song. She came up to a small town steepled church and realized it
was church time and church was just beginning. So little Felicia
walked her little barefoot self into the back of that church with some
flowers in her hand and joined in the service.
After the service was over, the pastor asked her what she was
doing in town and where she was staying. Felicia told him the whole
story of parents not wanting her, running away from foster home,
living on the streets of L.A. and being born again in a Christian Hippie
House. The pastor and his wife asked her if she would like to come
home with them for lunch and until her social worker could come. By
the time lunch was over, the pastor and his wife told Felicia they
would love to have her as their daughter and would she please let
them be her parents. She could hardly believe it, her social worker
approved, they adopted her and sent her through Bible college and she
went in to full time Christian service.
The little broken girl, unwanted by her parents and foster
parents, who ran away to find Love and Life, found Love, Life and a
home with parents who loved and cherished her dearly. If I hadn't
brought her back that night ----- if she hadn't obeyed that leading to
leave that Saturday night ---- if I hadn't been able to drive her that
night ------ if we had had more or less money and she had landed up in
a different town ----- if her social worker had answered her first phone
call ------- but the miracle happened and the homeless, unloved,
grieved and lonely little girl found a home, Love, Joy and family.
What a wonderful miracle.
���I cannot help but believe after all of this. I hope you also will come to
believe.
What do you think of this?
Do you know exactly where you stand with the
God and Creator of the universe? Have you asked Him to be your
Father in the Heavens? Have you believed/trusted/relied/depended
on the Lord/King Jesus Christ ---the God anointed Saviour King of
Israel ----to save you from your faults, failures and mistakes?
Salvation from personal faults/failures/mistakes belongs to the
poor in spirit. Matt. 5:3 says, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is
the kingdom of heaven." If you recognize that you are spiritually
destitute---totally incapable of deserving or earning salvation from
your errors in any way, you are poor in spirit-- you are humble. The
poor in spirit, the humble, understand that they are sinners, totally
impotent to please or to serve God.
To acknowledge that you are a sinner unable to save yourself is
humility. Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners (1 Tim.
1:15). Isaiah said, "When You make His soul an offering for sin, He
shall see [His] seed. He shall prolong [His] days and the pleasure of the
Lord shall prosper in His hand. He shall see the distressing travail of
His soul, and be satisfied. By His knowledge My righteous Servant
shall justify many, for He shall bear their iniquities."
Poverty of spirit (humility) is interwoven in the act of
repentance, the life-altering change of mind about you, your sin and
God. When you repent (change your mind), you see yourself as you
really are and you change your mind in respect to your relationship to
God the Father and to His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ. The act of
repentance brings you to see your sin as ugly as it is, as God sees it, and
you come to a point where you want to be free from it.
Of course, freedom from sin comes only by believing/trusting/
relying on the Lord Jesus Christ. The one who is regularly committing
sin is the slave of sin. However, if the Son shall set you free from
regularly committing sin, you shall be free indeed (John 8:334,36)
The poor in spirit see their impotence to free themselves from
sin/failures/faults/errors. They see that freedom is possible only
through Christ's death for us as our substitute. They recognize that
salvation/deliverance comes by God's act of undeserved and
unmeritted kindness and mercy alone. They choose to believe God
and His Word about themselves and their relationship with Him.
One cannot speak of the Crucifixion apart from the Resurrection.
It is the resurrection that gives us newness of life. Christ's resurrection
testifies to two vital truths. One, it shows that God was propitiated, or
satisfied, with the substitutionary death of Jesus Christ. Jesus became
the bearer of our sins. Isaiah's word is "But he was wounded/pierced
for our transgressions, bruised/crushed for our iniquities; The
chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes (from the
cutting whips) we are healed." In Romans 4:25 we read, "[He] who was
delivered up because of our transgressions, and was raised [from the
dead] because of our justification." "Raised because of our justifica-
tion" means that because Jesus' payment (the death of His body) for our
sins was adequate to satisfy the demands of justice and a Holy God,
God could then declare us righteous, justified and made acceptable in
His sight. Jesus was raised from death because His death for us satisfied
the righteousness of our Holy God.
His resurrection shows us that Jesus Christ conquered death.
Death had a holdover man because of his sin/error/failures/faults.
However, once the death penalty of sin was paid for by the death of
Christ's body, death no longer had any holding power. "The sting of
death is sin, and the power of sin is the law" (1 Corinth. 15:56). Jesus
paid the price of redemption, redeeming us from the curse of the Law,
having become a curse for us ---for cursed was everyone who was hung
on a tree/stake (Deut. 21:23; Gala. 3:13).
His death took away the power of sin. Jesus also took the stinger
out of death by paying for our sin so that we need have no fear of what
awaits us in and after death. Because our sin debt is paid for in full by
Christ, death has no power over us.
Dear reader, have you come to the end of yourself? Have you
seen your total impotence, your total unworthiness? Have you seen
your nothingness apart from God? And have you seen Jesus, God the
Son who took upon Himself flesh and blood that He might die for you
and for all people? Have you decided that you want His Way and Will
in and for your life instead of your own will and way?
Do you believe that? Do you believe He died in your place? Do
you believe that He was made sin for you, so that you, a helpless and
hopeless enemy of God, might have His righteousness and His life?
Have you repented---turned away from self-will to believe on the Lord
Jesus Christ----the God anointed Saviour King of Israel? Out loud with
your mouth agree with God about the God anointed Saviour King of
Israel, and you will be saved, "for with the heart man believes,
resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses [Jesus],
resulting in salvation." Romans 10:10-13.
Joel 2: 32 And it shall be, whoever shall call on the name of the LORD
shall be saved; for salvation shall be in Mount Zion and in Jerusalem,
as the LORD has said, and in the remnant whom the LORD shall call.
Ps 119:6 Then I shall not be ashamed, when I have respect to all Your
commandments.
Ps 119:80 Let my heart be sound in Your statutes, so that I may not be
ashamed.
Ps 119:116 Uphold me according to Your word, that I may live; and let
me not be ashamed of my hope.
The preceeding Good News presentation is a paraphrase of K. Arthur's "Lord
Heal My Hurts" K. Arthur may neither subscribe to, nor endorse my files
described below, but the Lord uses her teaching mightily in the mending,
healing and restoring of broken lives, and in the nurturing of believers. For
more helpful information to help you with your decision and walk in Christ,
write K. Arthur at
Precept Ministries
P.O. Box 182218
Chattanooga, Tennessee 37422
(423) 892-6814
Other resources for your walk in Christ:
http://www.emmaus.edu/
http://www.insight.org
http://www.freedominchrist.com
***********************************
Peace, Tyler
