HOW ARE HUSBANDS AND WIVES SUPPOSED TO RELATE TO
EACH
OTHER IN MARRIAGE ETC. ?
COPYRIGHT � JANUARY 14, 1995 All rights reserved.
Copyright � 01/14/'95; 01/12/�96 (Revised)
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By L. Tyler P.O. Box 620763, SanDiego, CA 92162-0763
[email protected]
What is the nature of the relationship that Jesus wants the
husband and the wife to have.
MKJV GENESIS 1: 26 � �And God said, Let Us make man in
Our image, after our likeness. . . . 27 And God created man in
His image; in the image of God He created him. He created
them male and female. 28 And God blessed
them. And God said to them, Be fruitful, and multiply and fill
the earth, and subdue it. . .�
MKJV GENESIS 2: 20 �And Adam gave names to all the cattle,
and to the birds of the air, and to every animal of the field.
But there was not found a suitable helper for Adam. 21 �
And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and
he slept. And He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh
underneath. 22 And the LORD God made the rib (which He
had taken from the man) into a woman. And He brought her
to the man. 23 And Adam said, This [is] now bone of my
bones and flesh of my flesh. [She] shall be
called Woman because [she] was taken out of man. 24
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and
shall cleave to his wife and they shall be one flesh.�
MKJV GEN. 3:16 � �To the woman He said, I will greatly
increase your sorrow and your conception. In pain you shall
bear sons, and your desire shall be toward your husband,
and he shall rule over you.�
MKJV 1 CORINTH. 11: 1 � �Be imitators of me, even as I also
[am] of Christ. 2 But I praise you, brothers, that you
remember me in all things, and you keep the doctrines as I
delivered [them] to you. 3 But I would have you know
that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the
woman [is] the man; and the head of Christ [is] God. 4 Every
man praying or prophesying with [his] head covered
dishonors his Head. . . . 7 For a man indeed ought
not to have [his] head covered, because he is the image and
glory of God. But the woman is [the] glory of [the] man. 8 For
the man is not of the woman, but the woman of the man. 9
Nor was the man created for the woman, but the
woman for the man. . . . 11 But neither is the man without
the woman, nor the woman without the man, in the Lord. 12
For as the woman [is] of the man, even so the man [is] also
by the woman; but all things ofGod. �
Those passages make it very clear that the wife is under the
authority of her husband even though he is no better no
godlier than her. If she joins herself to another while he
lives >114 it is adultery, even if she has a perfectly legal
divorce decree from the government since God�s laws are the
final word. So why the double standards (e.g. 1. the wife
can separate herself chastely from her husband, but he may
not separate himself from his wife at all; 2. The wife
may not rule over the husband, but the husband must take
the lead as her servant and she must make the choice
whether or not to follow him)?
[Footnote: >114 (l Cor. 7:39 and Romans 7:1-5; Mark 10:1-
20).]
This does not mean that women are second class citizens in
the Kingdom of God, because the Word is clear>115, that
even now in the spiritual realm -seated with Christ now in
the heavens- there is no difference between males
and females in their rights, privileges and responsibilities. In
terms of the spiritual warfare and influence seen in Daniel
10 and Ephesians 6:10-20, females and males have equal
opportunities to be used of God mightily and
effectively.
[Footnote: >115 in Galatians 3:26,27,28; Ephesians 2:6, 19-22
and Matthew 19:10-12 and 1 Peter 3:7.]
So there is now no difference between the sexes in spirit in
Christ in the heavens. But our spirits are also now in our
bodies on earth in the realm of Satan, the prince of the
power of the air, the spirit that now works in the
sons of disobedience. Our reborn spirits, the Holy Spirit, now
lives in our flesh and blood bodies, which flesh and blood
bodies cannot receive our inherit the Kingdom of God and are
at war >116 with the Spirit in us. When our bodies are
transformed by Jesus they will not have blood and they will
obviously have transformed flesh no longer under the
influence of hormones, germs etc.
[Footnote: >116 (Romans 7:13- 8:11; Galatians 5:16-26).]
There is nothing in the Bible that says women are inferior to
men. "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond
nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one
in Christ Jesus.">5 What does it mean to be
in Christ Jesus? "But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great
Love with which he Loved us, even when we were dead in
sins, has made us alive together with Christ . . . and has
raised [us] up together, and made [us] sit together in the
heavenlies in Christ Jesus . . . for through Him we both have
access by one Spirit to the Father." >6 In terms of what is
real, spiritually right now we who are His children have a
presence in His very presence right now where sex is totally
irrelevant and inconsequential. "Therefore, from now on,
we know no one according to the flesh. . .">7 Our sexuallity
is not a legitimate basis for knowing each other or relating to
each other. Our sexuality is like a temporary "uniform" we
wear during a short period of our eternal life with God, or
like an instrument we temporarily play in
God's orchestra.
[Footnote: >5 Gal 3:28. >6 Ephes. 2:1-18. >7 2 Cor.
5:16]
Our Father decided>8 which of us would wear female
"uniforms" and which would wear male "uniforms", which of
us would play female instruments and which of us would
play male instruments during our pilgrimage on earth. As
the Grand Conductor of his orchestra, He decides where we
should be and when we should play our "instrument" or
wear our "uniform". All are uniformed musicians in God's
orchestra and all are musicians with an instrument to play.
There are varying degrees of skill and varying degrees
of importance in His orchestra>9 We know that everyone in
the orchestra must be harmonious and unified in their effort
because it takes only one musician to make one sour note to
mess up the performance, so clearly all
are important and are all under the command of the
Conductor.
[Footnote: >8 Eph. 1:11; Rom. 8:28. >9 Rom. 12; 1 Cor. 12.]
For some of us life means we are males, for some of us life
means we are females, all under the same Conductor. His
males and His females must be harmonious and unified in
their effort because it only take one member to be grieved
for the whole Body of Christ to be hurting>10 . The females'
part in the symphony of life is spelled out in Bible
passages>11 and the males' part in the symphony of life is
spelled out in Bible passages>12. They are not the same
parts, but under the grand Conductor the parts can and
should be harmonious and unified, blending to produce a
wonderful work for the benefit of all.
[Footnote: >10 Rom. 12:5; 1 Cor. 12:26,27. >11 Gen. 2; 1
Cor. 11:1-16; 14:34,35,36; Ephes. 5; 1 Tim. 2 & 5 and Titus 2.
>12 Gen. 2; 1 Cor. 11:1-16; Eph. 5; 1 Tim 3 & 5; Titus 1 & 2.]
If that means the Conductor wants the male to play the lead
violin and the female to play the lead viola in a duet
(marriage), then He knows best and can draw out of us in
that relationship beautiful harmonies for the delight
and benefit of all. The female is not inferior to the male,
but while they are male and female, He has laid down some
rules how we are to relate in His Church when we assemble
in one place, and He has laid down some rules when we come
together in marriage/sex. If we Love Him, we will obey His
rules in those settings>13 . If we love Him, we will
compassionately cherish each other, male and female, in
obedience to Him. Sacrificial and self-denying compassionate
cherishing results in no victims, not tyrants, no dictators, no
slaves and no abuse. It means seeking the best for the
object of such Love and cooperating with them to achieve
that best.
[Footnote: >13 John 14:15, 21; 1 John 2:1-5; Heb. 5:8,9]
So being in the body now has its problems and limitations.
Being in the body on earth is a real handicap in terms of the
Spirit because we daily have to practice Romans 6:1-14,
crucifying the flesh daily>117 . The woman's body was
designed and created to help/assist man>118 . Adam needed
no spiritual companion because he had spiritual communion
with Jesus daily in the garden. His body needed a female
body and the female body needed a compatible spirit to be
the kind of flesh-spirit helper Jesus designed her to be.
They were completely equal in the garden, like we will be in
the spiritual realm of the heavens with Christ, especially
when we reign on earth with Him for a thousand years after
the tribulation. But they failed to obey in the
garden and ruined that wonderful arrangement so
temporarily we have the �double standards�.
[Footnote: >117 (Colos. 3:5). >118 (Gen.2:18; l Cor. 11:1-
10).]
Genesis 3 and l Corinthians 11 show the tragic consequen-ces
of their sin. Yes, their sin. I really like the radio preacher�s
idea that Adam knew that she would die for eating that fruit,
so being compelled by his love and need for
her he decided to die with her rather than to lose her and so
he also ate the fruit. His fear of God was still greater than
his love for her, yet not great enough to keep him from
eating the fruit, so he blamed her when he was confronted
by Christ. Maybe that is why Jesus made such a big deal in
Luke 14 etc. that we must love Him more than we love our
loved ones. See St. Augustine>.n95 who makes the same
points.
[Footnote: >.n95 A Select Library of the Nicene and Post-
Nicene Fathers of The Christian Church, Vol. V; W.B.
Eerdmans Publishing Co., pp. 267ff.]
God created the wonder of woman for the delight of man.
The wonder and beauty of the females God created was so
powerful that even demonic angels lusted for them,
incarnated and married them, bringing on God's
fierce wrath (Genesis 6:1-8). Women, in this writer's
opinion, are the most beautiful objects on earth, greater in
beauty grace than any other thing or being created by God or
made by man. The male was the rough draft, the
female is the masterpiece----to be handled with tender
loving care and thanksgiving to God.
So what is this to Eve that her desire and longing would be
for her husband and that the husband shall rule over his
wife? To me that's like giving a gorilla the care of the statue
of the Ephesian Diana or the painting of the
Mona Lisa, but God know better than I. The husband who is
said to "rule" over his wife, is the same husband who is
commanded over and over again in Eph. 5 to compassion-
ately cherish her. A ruler-husband who compassionately
cherishes his wife? Big words, but what do they mean?
They mean that when he "rules over" his wife he--------
1. Meekly (Spiritually controlling his superior strength so as
to be gentle) chersihes her without envy or jealousy.>9
2. Patiently bears ill treatment from her.
3. Is kind and gentle to her.
4. Mellows that which would be harsh or austere for her.
5. Does not brag or show off with her. He is not haughty to
her.
6. Does not act unbecomingly with her, free of arrogance or
bad manners.
7. Is unselfish and selfless with her, not insisting on his own
personal rights or way.
8. Does not become touchy, resentful, irritated, provoked,
exasperated, angry with her.
9. Does not take into account any evil she may do to him,
holding no grudges.
10. Does not take pleasure or delight in her evil or what is
evil for her.
11. Rejoices with her in the truth.
12. Endures all her things.
13. Optimistically believes her and in her.
14. Hopes for the best for and in her.
15. Courageously bears up under all her trying ways.
16. Is committed to let Christ's Love in him for her never
fail.
17. Intelligently and wisely conducts his home life with her.
18. Holds her in particular honor, considerately showing all
due respect.
19. Renders to her what Christ says is due her, recognizing
her sexual authority over his body, not denying her intimate
marital affection.>9
THIS MAKES A GREAT CHECK LIST FOR SELF EVALUATION.
Examining yourself in the light of this check off list and
making the necessary corrections might save you a great
deal of grief (1Corinth. 11:28-32) [Footnote: >9. See Wuest's
Expanded New Testament and the Amplified Bible for 1
Cor.7, 13; Ephes. 5; Luke 22:25,26,27 and 1 Peter3:7]
Such a ruler would be welcome in any sane and god-fearing
realm, with great enthusiasm by the subjects. If the
husband is like this to the wife, then the wife would be
encourage to behave similarly to her children, and then
the children would be encouraged to behave similarly to
each other ------ and the world would be a better place. Of
course any saint knowledgable in the Word knows that it is
impossible for us to generate this behavior on our own. As
we reckon our selves indeed to be dead to sin/evil, we yield
our minds and bodies to Him and trust Him to work His will
in us by His Holy Spirit, inspiring and enabling us to yield
ourselves to Him so He can rule and live that way in us
(Romans 6; Phil.2:12,13; 4:13; Heb. 13:290,21).
The husband "rule" over the wife?!?! "How primitive and
barbaric!" But didn't God say to the woman " your desire
shall be to your husband, and he shall rule over you"?
"That's just the Old Testament! It's irrelevant and out
of date, besides being primitive and barbaric!" -------- Well
what does God say about people who feel that way?
1 CORINTH. 14:34 " Your wives should keep silent in the
assemblies, because they are not permitted to be speakers;
but they are to bring themselves into submission, as the Law
also says. 35.And if they want to learn something, let them
ask their own husbands at home; for it is shameful for wives
to be speakers in the assembly. . . .37. If anyone thinks to be
a
prophet, or a spiritual one, let him recognize the things I
write to you, that they are a commandment of the Lord. 38
But if any is ignorant, let him be ignorant.�
MKJV 1 THESS. 4: 8 �Therefore he who despises does not
despise man, but God, who also has given us His Holy Spirit.�
MKJV ACTS 7:51 � �O stiff-necked and uncircumcised in
heart and ears! You always resist the Holy Spirit. As your
fathers [did], so you do.�
MKJV ROMANS 9: 19 �You will then say to me, Why does He
yet find fault? For who has resisted His will? 20 No, but, O
man, who are you who replies against God? Shall the thing
formed say to Him who formed [it], Why have you made me
this way? 21 Does not the potter have power over the clay,
from the same lump to make one vessel to honor and
another to dishonor?�
MKJV 2 TIMOTHY 3: 8 �But as Jannes and Jambres withstood
Moses, so these also resist the truth, men of corrupt mind,
reprobate concerning the faith. 9 But they shall proceed no
further. For their foolishness shall be plain
to all, as theirs also became�.
The husband should not lord it over (exercise lordship) or
tyrannize/suppress the wife, according to the following:
MKJV 1 PETER 5: 5 � �Likewise, younger ones, be subject to
older ones, and all being subject to one another. Put on
humility. For God resists proud ones, but He gives grace to
the humble. 6 Therefore be humbled under the mighty
hand of God, so that He may exalt you in due time . . .�
MKJV LUKE 22: 25 �And He said to them, The kings of the
nations exercise lordship over them. And they who exercise
authority on them are called benefactors. 26 But you [shall]
not [be] so: but the greater among you, let him be as the
lesser, and he who governs, as [one] who serves.�
1 TIM. 2: 9� In the same way also, I desire that wives adorn
themselves in decent clothing, with modesty and sensible-
ness, not [adorned] with braiding, or gold, or pearls, or costly
clothing, 10* but with good works, which becomes wives
professing godliness. 11* Let the wife learn in silence with
all subjection. 12* But I do not allow a wife to teach, or to
exercise authority [over] a husband, but to be in silence.
AND 1 CORINTH. 14:34 Have your wives keep silence >a in
the churches, for it is not permitted to them to speak >b , but
[they are commanded]to be subjecting >c themselves , as also
says the Law. 35. And if they will learn
anything, have them ask their husbands at home, for it is a
shame for wives to speak in the church.
[Footnote: See the Greek for this interpretation: wife and
woman is the same Greek word, man and husband is the
same Greek word, it is the context that shows what the word
means. >a See l Cor. 14:28,30; Acts 12:17; 15:12 for the
Greek usage. >b See 1 Cor. 14:27,28,29; Eph. 5:19; Acts
26:26; John 8:44; 9:21. >c See Arndt & Gingrich and
Thayer Lexicons]
A wife should not obey her husband if and when he tells her
to do something that is contrary to the explicit, plain and
uncontested Word of God. By "explicit, plain, and
uncontested" I mean that the majority of fundamental,
orthodox, evangelical and traditional Christian Bible
teachers/preachers/ authors agree on the meaning of that
portion of scripture, e.g. "Honor your parents!". I don't mean
those portions of scripture that are characterized by
parables, allegories or symbolism where you find so much
disagreement. I mean that if her husband tells her to steal,
lie, fornicate or blaspheme, she knows that such conduct is
contrary to the will of God for her so she doesn't obey him.
On what grounds?
Throughout the Bible God makes it plain that we are to obey
our parents and the ssocial/civil authorities over us>^. God
makes it very plain that if our parents or the social/civil
authorities over us tell us to disobey the clear and explicit
will of God, we must disobey>* them in order to obey God.
This is true of the state over the citizen, parents over
children, and husbands over wives. If the one occupying
your culture's place of authority over you tells
you to do that which is contrary to the clear, explicit and
plain Word of God, then you must disobey the one in
authority in order to obey God. So the husband who tells his
wife not to go to church, pray or read her Bible-----
that husband has to be disobeyed, with all due respect,
humility, grace and amiability and without preaching,
teaching or lecturing>``.
[Footnote: >^=(Romans 13; Heb. 13:7,21 etc.). >*Ezek.
20:17,18; Daniel 3:13-18; 5:21; 6:7-11; Deut. 1:13-18; 17:8-
13; Acts 4:15-21; 5:20,29,40,42; 23:5. >`` (Luke 6:27-36;
Galat. 6:1; 2Tim.2:24-26 and 1 Peter 3:1-6).
The husband exercises his authority as "head" of the wife by
humbly teaching>119 her what she should do/say and by
being a good example of how she should act/speak >120 .
THE HUSBAND HAS NO RIGHT TO MAKE HIS WIFE DO WHAT
HE WANTS HER TO DO AND HE HAS NO
SCRIPTURAL RIGHT TO BOSS OR ORDER HER ABOUT>121 . If
his wife resists his lead and authority, or just rebels outright,
he can compassionately but firmly admonish and rebuke
her humbly and gently according to the following:
[Footnote: >119 2 Tim. 2:24-26. >120 (Hebrews 13:7, 17,).
>121 (Luke 22:25,26;1 Peter 5:5).]
MKJV GALATIANs 6: 1 � �Brothers, if a man is overtaken in
a fault, you the spiritual ones restore such a one in the spirit
of meekness, considering yourself, lest you also be tempted.
2 Bear one another's burdens, and so you will fulfill the law
of Christ.�
MKJV 2 TIMOTHY 2:24 �But the servant of [the] Lord must
not strive, but to be gentle to all, apt to teach, patient, 25 in
meekness instructing those who oppose, if perhaps God will
give them repentance to the acknowledging of [the] truth, 26
and [that] they awake out of the snare of the Devil, having
been taken captive by him, so as to do the will of that one.�
MKJV LUKE 17: 3 �Take heed to yourselves. If your brother
trespasses against you, rebuke him. And if he repents,
forgive him. 4 And if he trespasses against you seven times
in a day, and seven times in a day turns again to you, saying,
I repent, you shall forgive him.�
MKJV MATTHEW 18: 15 � �But if your brother shall trespass
against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him
alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 But
if he will not hear [you], take one or two more with you, so
that in [the] mouth of two or three witnesses every word
may be established. 17 And if he shall neglect to hear them,
tell [it] to the church. But if he neglects to hear the church,
let him be to you as a heathen and a tax-collector.�
MKJV 1 CORINTH. 5: 3 �For as being absent in body but
present in spirit, I indeed have judged already [as though I
were] present [concerning] him who worked out this thing; 4
in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, when you are
gathered together, with my spirit; also, with the power of our
Lord Jesus Christ; 5 to deliver such a one to Satan for the
destruction of the flesh, so that the spirit may be saved in
the day of the Lord Jesus. 8 Therefore let us keep [the]
feast; not with old leaven, nor with the leaven of malice and
wickedness, but with the unleavened [bread] of sincerity and
truth. . . 11 But now I have written to you not to associate
intimately, if any man called a brother [and is] either . . . or
an idolater, or a reviler, . . . with such a one not to eat.�
After having done all of the above, when his wife is
uncooperative or rebellious, he has to leave the results to the
Lord/Spirit even if she is difficult and defiant. THE
HUSBAND HAS NO RIGHT OR AUTHORITY FROM GOD TO
FORCE, COERCE OR INTIMIDATE HIS WIFE IN ORDER TO MAKE
HER GIVE IN UNWILLINGLY AND DO WHAT HE WANTS HER
TO DO>122 His business and duty is to compassionately
cherish her.
[Footnote: >122 (Luke 22:25,26;1 Peter 5:5; Eph. 6:9; Col.
4:1)]
When her husband is verbally or physically abusive,
dictatorial, tyrannical, unkind, harsh and/or wicked, the
Godly wife FIRST>^ should fast and pray for her husband who
spitefully abuses her, do good to her husband who hates her,
bless him when he curses her>^, humbly and meekly tell him
privately what he is doing that offends and grieves her>`,flee
for her life as she offers her cheek (from a safe distance) to
the dog-husband who strikes her>*; and SECONDLY get her
local fellowship group to do Matt. 18:15-20 and/or 1Cor.5:5-
14. Then she has to leave the results to the Lord/Spirit if he
is difficult and defiant. Her business and duty is to
compassionately cherish him and show respect to him even
if he has failed the Matt. 18 test and she now relates to him
as to an unsaved person>�.
[Footnote: >^ Luke 6:27-42. >` Matt.18:15-18;Gal.6:1;
2Tim.2:24-28. >*Matt. 10:23; 1Cor.7:10,11; Prov.1:10-19; Prv.
2:10-22. >� Eph.5:22-34; Matt.18:17]
What a shame most women have no idea of what the
average male's testosterone sex drive does to him. Granted
about half of males have low mid-range to low testosterone
levels as well as nocturnal emission, so they have little or no
problem turning off or on their sex lives. The low
testosterone level males may have a great deal of difficulty
turning on their sex lives.
Women have no idea that the sex drive in that half of the
male who have mid to high testosterone levels in their blood
is as strong and compelling as the hunger drive when the
stomach is growling and cramping for lack of food; or as the
thirst drive when the tongue, throat and mouth are so dry it
is even difficult to talk; as the rest drive when it is
impossible to keep the eyes open or the body erect due to
utter exhausion. These same women would not normally
ignore such hunger/thirst signs, nor say that they would
take cold showers and exercise to overcome such hunger/
thirst signs. If they chose to fast, go without food and drink,
by the second day they would be too weak to do their daily
work and chores, and by the third day they would be too
weak walk far or stand for long periods of time. As one who
has fasted and prayed three days without food or drink, I
know.
Yet they fault the mid to high testosterone blood level male
for not being able to ignore his compelling sex drive and do
without. When the men who are not blessed with natural
nocturnal emission (wet dreams) have gone without
sexual release for several days, the prostrate becomes so
congested that it begins to squeeze shut the uretha so they
cannot urinate normally and the effect on the brain is that
those males are so distracted and distractable,
especially by anything female, that quite literAlly their
minds could be said to be weakened in that it is very
difficult to concentrate or focus on necessary tasks. If
women could think of their nasal sinuses being so congested
that they cannot breath, or of the problems with urination
that a woman has with urination when 8 or 9 months
pregnant, then maybe they could understand the problems
prostrate congestion can cause. Without release, ejaculation,
they could become so distracted and distractable by
anything that, as with too much alcohol, their judment and
thinking is impaired and foolish (risky), dangerous
(AIDS,HIV) or irrational behaviour results.
To help his wife or daughter understand the effect of
testosterone on a male in relationship with his woman whom
he loves and desires passionately, a man might do the
following. (1) Take his lady out to eat her favorite meal.
Order the meal, talking it up to maximize her anticipation
and desire for it (2). When the meal is served, ask her take
a minute to look carefully at each item (how it is arranged,
how it appears). Ask her to smell each item. Ask her to take
one fork/spoon serving of each item and eat it, one at a time.
Ask her if she is pleased and still wants it (3). If she replies
that she is ready and eager to eat and wants no more delay,
then gently, sweetly, carefully ask/beg/entreat her to trust
you in what you are about to do and that she go
along with what you are about to do. If she will cooperate,
ask the waiter/waitress to doggy bag the meal(4). She will
probably need a lot of reassurance at this point, so tell her
that if she will go along with you it will significantly improve
her marriage. Hopefully she will believe you,
reluctantly. Ask her to carry the bagged food in the car on
her lap, or on the floor at her feet. Turn on the heater of
your car with a little floor heat so the smell of the food will
rise to her face(5). When you get home, ask her to carry
it and put it in the refrigerator (6). She will probably need
more encouragement to do this. Ask/beg/entreat her to
trust you and cooperate. Ask her if she likes the way that
the evening has gone so far. Ask her how she feels about
her favorite meal, cooling off in the refrigerator. Sit her
down and gently, compassionately and wisely explain to her
what follows next.
The �favorite meal� to him is HER (1). He approaches,
anticipates, and awaits her with eager expectation(2). Tell
her that everytime he sees, smells, hears, touches and/or
tastes her lips/skin, it is what she felt above (3). Explain
that the bagging of the food in front of her (4) is what he
feels when she says to him �Honey! Not tonight.�, �I have a
headache and I just don�t feel like it right now.�, �All you
think of is sex! Chill out baby! Not tonight!�, �What have you
done lately to deserve it, baby?�. Explain to her that the
carrying of the pleasantly aromatic food home on her lap in
the car is like when he is near her but can�t feast on her,
can�t fully enjoy her(5). Explain that her putting the nice
warm and delicious food in the refrigerator is what
he experiences when he has to go to bed or part from her
without having had the honor, the privilege, the delightful
pleasure, the soul fulfilling experience of feasting on her and
her many delectables (6).
Explain patiently and gently and that for him his sexual
drive is an appetite, and his appetite is for her - his favorite
feast. Explain that to be near her is like ordering and
receiving his favorite meal, her. Explain that when he is
denied his compelling hunger and thirst for her, it is painful
and hard to bear. Explain that it is a soul wrenching
experience. Explain that he NEEDS he even more than he
WANTS her. Appeal to her experience with the deferred
meal to understand how frustrating and emotionally
troubling it is to be denied her. If nothing else, lay the Word
on her----how it is the will of God for her to feed the hungry,
and seeing his need and her ability to meet it -- pray that
she will be moved with compassion and meet his need. And
explain that his responsibility is to receive the wonderful
and gracious gift that she is and has, is to gently and kindly
and thoughtfully enjoy her---seeking to give her as much
pleasure as possible. If he doesn�t do that, then
he is the swine that had pearls thrown before him, the fool
who has no idea of the value of his precious possession and
hides it away from all, even from himself. If the smile and
expressions of delight on her face and the utterances of
fulfillment and ecstasy on her lips are not as important to
him as his hunger for and need of her, then he is unworthy
of her. Perhaps such an unworthy one could show genuine
repentance (2Cor7) and humble himself under the mighty
hand of His God and under the authority He has given his
wife over his body, and become a learner of how to please
and delight his woman. A man who acts like Nabal with his
wife, will surely face the fate of a Nabal.
As a male with mid to high testosterone and no nocturnal
emission when I was in high school, my Urologist (Vital
Haynes,MD), told me I had a few options to prevent my
recurring prostrate congestion. He said that I, at age
17, could either get married and be intimate frequently, be
promiscuous frequently, self-stimulate quite frequently,
become homosexual (the penis in the anus squeezes the
seminal fluid out of the prostrate), or come into his
office two to three times a week for him to massage/press
the seminal fluid out of my prostrate (too expensive and
embarassing). Cold showers, exercise and being spiritual
just did not empty the prostrate so I could urinate normally
and have my mind clear of testosterone distractions. For
the mid to high testosterone male, sexual release is just as
much as physical need as food, drink, and sleep.
The question such men have to deal with is, "How can I have
the testosterone release I need so I can take care of daily
business and be acceptable to Jesus?" The obvious answer is
marriage (1 Cor. 7:1,2,5,9) with a wife who understands his
sexual needs and is committed to ministering to him in his
need in Christ, and as unto Christ (Matt. 25:34,35,36), so that
his physical need of the release/ejaculation can be met and
they can get on with
their lives. The closest the female comes to this experience
is in her PMS where her mind is bombarded with hormones
etc. making many to be quite distracted and temporarily not
their normal selves. It is extremely difficult for a woman to
understand that testosterone can make a godly man
REALLY NEED (not just want) the physical marital love
making of a godly wife. It is not just a matter of the will and
the mind, just like the physical needs for food, drink and
sleep. It is the wise man who is very good and attentive to
the person who has what he needs, and needs to be
encouraged to give it to him.
THE SONG OF SOLOMON
>>The Shulamite
"He should kiss me with the kisses of his mouth----
for your loving is better than wine! . . . .
I am BLACK [AS A RAVEN], but lovely . . .
because the sun has looked upon me. . . ."
>>The Shulamite
"He should kiss me with the kisses of his mouth----
for your loving is better than wine! . . . .
I am black [as a raven], but lovely . . .
because the sun has looked upon me. . . ."
>>Solomon
Behold, you are fair, my beloved companion!
Behold, you are fair!
You have dove's eyes.
>>The Shulamite
Behold, you are handsome, my beloved!
Yes, pleasant! . . . .
His left hand is under my head,
And his right hand embraces me. . . .
>>Solomon
How fair is your loving,
My sister, my spouse!
How much better than wine is your loving,
And the fragrance of your perfumes
Than all spices!
Your lips, O my spouse,
Drip as the honeycomb;
Honey and milk are under your tongue;
And the fragrance of your garments
Is like the fragrance of Lebanon.
A garden enclosed
Is my sister, my spouse, . . . .
>>The Shulamite
My beloved should come to his garden
And eat its pleasant fruits.
>>Solomon
I have come to my garden,
my sister, my spouse . . .
>> The Shulamite
My beloved is WHITE AND RUDDY,
Chief among ten thousand.
His head is like the fines gold;
His locks wavy,
And BLACK AS A RAVEN. . . .
>>Solomon
How fair and how pleasant you are,
O love, with your delights!
This stature of yours is like a palm tree
And your breasts like its clusters.
I said 'I will go up to the palm tree,
I will take hold of its branches.'
Your breasts should be like clusters of the vine,
The fragrance of your breath like apples,
And the roof of your mouth like the best wine.
>>The Shulamite
I am my beloved's
And his desire is toward me.
Come, my beloved,
We should get up early to the vineyards;
There I will give you my loving. . . .
His left hand is under my head,
And his right hand embraces me. . .
[Beloved], set me as a seal upon your heart,
As a seal upon your arm;
For love is as strong as death, . . . .
Many waters cannot quench love,
Nor can the floods drown it.
If a man would give for love
All the wealth of his house,
It would be utterly despised. . . .
I am a wall,
And my breasts like towers;
Then I became in his eyes
As one who found peace. . . " Song of Solomon
"Your fountain should be blessed, and rejoice with the wife
of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, her
breasts should satisfy you at all times; and always be
intoxicated-orgasmic-enraptured with her loving. Proverbs
5:18,19
"Go, eat your bread with joy, and drink your wine with a
merry heart; For God has already accepted your works. Let
your garments always be white, and let your head lack no
oil. All the days of your vain life which He has given you
under the sun live joyfully with the wife whom you love, all
your days of vanity; for that is your portion in life, and in
the labor which you perform under the sun." Ecclesiastes
9:7,8,9
"Wives, submit [yourselves] to your own husbands, as to the
Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ
is head of the church . . . Husbands, compassionately cherish
your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave
Himself for it . . . each one of you in particular should so
compassionately cherish his own wife as h imself, and let the
wife see that she respects her husband."Ephesians 5:22-33
St. Augustine (4th Century AD) had the following good word
on this subject in the following:
�That the holy fathers of olden times after Abraham, and
before him, to whom God gave His testimony that "they
pleased Him," [Heb. 11:4-6] thus used their wives, no one
who is a Christian ought to doubt, since it was permitted to
certain individuals amongst them to have a plurality of
wives, where the reason was for the multiplication of their
offspring, not the desire of varying gratification. . .In the
advance . . . of the human race, it came to pass that to certain
good men were united a plurality of good wives, --- many to
each; and from this it would seem that moderation sought
rather unity on one side for dignity, while nature permitted
plurality on the other side for fecundity. For on natural
principles it is more feasible FOR ONE TO HAVE DOMINION
OVER MANY, THAN FOR MANY TO HAVE DOMINION OVER
ONE.�
[Footnote: >..67 A Select Library of the Nicene and Post-
Nicene Fathers of The Christian Church, Vol. V; p. 267]
Were polygyny and concubinage a form of female abuse?
Without even discussing cases like that of OJ Simpson's, there
is a very well documented serious and growing problem of
spousal abuse in monogamous America. There is still an
internationally known serious and abiding problem of males
killing their wives either to free them so they can get the
dowry of a new wife, or just because they don't love their
wives, in India where open polygyny has been illegal for
some time. You will find spousal abuse in every form of
marriage known to and practiced by humans because their
sinful nature>3 or because of the involvement of evil
spiritual beings>4. The problem is not the social form of the
marriage. The problem is in the humans who exercise that
social form of marriage. Mates will abuse mates whether it
be polygyny or monogyny.
[Footnote: >3 Rom 3:23. >4 Eph. 2:1,2; 6:12.]
Did polygyny and concubinage unfairly or unjustly give a
male the advantage over his women? The husband is still
commanded to live wisely and respectfully>14 with his wife
and we know that the beginning of wisdom is the fear of the
Lord resulting in obedience to the Lord>15 . The husband is
still commanded to compassionately cherish his wife as
Christ compassionately cherishes the Church. The advantage
over women? It sounds more like the male is given
additional and solemn responsibilities for the loving of his
woman.
[Footnote: >14 1 Peter 3:7. >15 Psalm 19:9; Prov. 1:7;
Hebrews 5:6,7,8,9; Prov. 4:20-22]
I submit to you that, as most Christian messengers have said,
monogyny is the ideal and preferable form of marriage for
most people. Most of us do not live in an ideal and preferred
world. Most of us do not have first class tickets for the trip
of life. Most of the Christian leaders told us that our
ancestors were wrong in their practice of polygyny, so most
of us stopped practicing it. Courageous saints, like St.
Augustine, have held that polygyny and concubines were not
sinful and were the will of God for some of His chilldren. In
the document below I submit that, for us who find ourselves
in such a less than perfect world, we need to know our
options and know them better. I try to show in the
document below, that polygyny and concubinage are neither
sinful nor displeasing to God, and that there is a way for the
godly in Christ Jesus to live in polygyny or concubinage that
today is acceptable to God and allowed by society, whether
you are in Africa, Thailand, Paris or Los Angeles. As with
any controversial thing>16 in life, one must search out the
will of God in the matter and, with His wisdom and enabling,
walk in it as He leads and provides. Hopefully this paper will
help you move in that direction, if it is His will.
[Footnote: >16 Romans 14]
DIVORCE, REMARRIAGE, CONCUBINES AND JESUS
TABLE OF CONTENTS (These page numbers are correct with
Palatino 14
,left and right margins of 1.25"each, and top and bottom
margins at 1" each.
Everybody's computer is potentially different, and if you
Select All Font to
"clean it up", reducing it to Palatino 12 or Geneva 10, you
should probably
use Find to find any particular chapter/appendix you are
interested in.)
I. INTRODUCTION: PRIORITIES RECONSIDERED. P. 4
II. DIVORCE! A PLAGUE AND ITS CONSEQUENCES. P. 8
III. DIVORCE DEFINED. P. 23
IV. VARIETIES OF MARRIAGE IN THE BIBLE, OLD AND NEW
TESTAMENTS -- LET THE WORD SPEAK ABOUT
POLYGYNY
AND CONCUBINES! P. 25
V. WHAT DO CHRISTIAN LEADERS SAY ABOUT CONCUBINES
&
POLYGYNY? P. 50
VI. ADULTERY DEFINED: A SURPRISE! ISN�T POLYGYNY
ADULTERY? P. 66
VII. SO, WHAT ABOUT CONCUBINES & POLYGYNY TODAY IN
MY
COUNTRY? P. 73
VIII. ARE POLYGYNISTS AND CONCUBINES LIVING IN
ERROR
TODAY? P. 82
IX. MARRIAGE, CONCUBINES, CIVIL LAW, PERSONAL
LIBERTY AND
A LOVING CONSCIENCE! P. 87
X. DOES GOD FORGIVE BROKEN VOWS, DIVORCE AND
ADULTERY? P. 91
XI. CAN YOU COME BACK TOGETHER & REMMARY AFTER
ADULTEROUS REMARRIAGE? P. 99
XII. WHAT ABOUT THE HEALTH QUESTIONS INVOLVED IN
SUCH REUNIONS? P. 108
XIII. CAN ADULTERY, DIVORCE, VOWS AND REPENTANCE
RESULT IN POLYGYNY/CONCUBINAGE? P. 112
XIV. ADULTERY, DIVORCE, CONCUBINES, POLYGYNY AND
THE
UNSAVED. P. 119
XV. THE MARRIED MAN WHO WOULD ADD
WIVES/CONCUBINES
TO HIS "HAREM". P. 121
XVI. ARE POLYGYNY & CONCUBINES OPTIONS FOR THE
ABANDONED MAN? P. 126
XVII. POLYGYNISTS, CONCUBINES AND THE LEADERS OF
GOD'S PEOPLE. P. 129
XVIII. POLYGYNY & CONCUBINES AND THE WESTERN
CHRISTIAN WOMAN. P. 130
XIX. WHAT'S WRONG WITH POLYANDRY? P. 134
XX. HUSBAND RULE OVER THE WIFE? IF SERVANT-TEACHERS
RULE
.P. 137
XXI. THREE CHEERS FOR MONOGAMY! THE BEST FOR
MOST! P. 141
XXII. LISTEN TO THE WORD! P. 145
XXIII. BIBLIOGRAPHY P. 147
APPENDIX ONE -- WHAT ABOUT INTERRACIAL AND
INTERETHNIC MARRIAGE? P.150
APPENDIX TWO -- WHAT DO YOU THINK? THE FEEDING OF
TWO
LEGGED OXEN. P.157
APPENDIX THREE -- A WEDDING COVENANT FOR
NONSWEARERS - P. 159
APPENDIX FOUR -- WHAT MAKES A WEDDING/MARRIAGE? -
P. 161
APPENDIX FIVE -- MARRYING THE UNSAVED AND "SAINTS"
LIVING IN ERROR. - P.163
APPENDIX SIX -- WHEN DO I HAVE TO MARRY? - P. 167
APPENDIX SEVEN -- THE ERRR OF SWEARING, OF OATHS
AND
SWEARING OATHS. -P.182
XXIII. BIBLIOGRAPHY
>1. A Select Library of the Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of
The Christian
Church, Vol. IV; edited by Philip Schaff (D.d., LL.D.); W.B.
Eerdmans
Publishing Co., Grand Rapids Mich; 1956
>2. A Select Library of the Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of
The Christian
Church, Vol. V; edited by Philip Schaff (D.d., LL.D.); ; W.B.
Eerdmans
Publishing Co., Grand Rapids Mich; 1956; p. 267
>3. A Select Library of the Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of
The Christian
Church, Vol. VIII; edited by Philip Schaff (D.d., LL.D.) and
Henry Wace
(D.D.) ; W.B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., Grand Rapids
Mich; 1956
>4. A Select Library of the Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of
The Christian
Church, Vol. XIV; edited by Philip Schaff (D.D., LL.D.) and
Henry Wace
(D.D.) ; W.B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., Grand Rapids
Mich; 1956
>5. Amplified Bible, The; 1965, Zondervan Publishing House
>6. ANALYTICAL GREEK LEXICON, THE: Harper & Brothers,
New York
>7. Arndt & Gingrich: A GREEK-ENGLISH LEXICON OF THE
NEW
TESTAMENT and Other Early Christian Literature ; By
W.F.Arndt & F. W.
Gingrich; The Univ. of Chicago Press, Chicago, Ill.; Cambridge
at the Univ.
Press.; 1957
>8. ASV: The Holy Bible, American Standard Version 1901 &
1929; Thomas
Nelson & Sons, New York
>9. Gold Cord, by Amy Carmichael, Christian Literature
Crusade, Fort
Worthington, Penna.; London's Society for the Promotion of
Christian
Knowledge, Holy Trinity Church, Marylebone Rd., N.W. (N.Y.
The
Macmillan Company).
>10. CUSTOMS AND CULTURES, Anthropology for Christian
Missions,
by Eugene A. Nida1954, Harper & Brothers, New York
>11. Darby's 1890 translation: Most of the scriptures quoted
in this work, if
not otherwise indicated, are from the a modernized version
of J. N. Darby's
translation, the OnLine Bible computer program of "Online
Bible f ", Ken
Hammil 1-908-741-4298; [E-Mail:
[email protected]].
>12. DIVORCE, John Murray, Presbyterian and Reformed
Publishing Co. \
>13. G. Duty's book on divorce and remarriage , Downers
Grove, Ill.
>14. HASTING'S DICTIONARY OF THE BIBLE; 1989,
Hendrickson
Publishers, Inc., Peabody, Mass;, Editor James Hastings, DD.,
>15. I LOVED A GIRL; Walter Trobisch, Inter-Varsity Press,
Downers
Grove, Ill.
>16. INTERNATIONAL BIBLE COMMENTARY, THE; Editor,
F.F.Bruce;
1979; Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids
Michigan.
>17. Jay Adam's� book on divorce and remarriage
>18. JEWISH: The Holy Scriptures according to the Masoretic
Text, 1955,
The Jewish Publication Society.
>19. KINSHIP & MARRIAGE, Robin Fox, 1967, Penguin Books,
Inc., USA &
England
>20. LAMSA: The Holy Bible from Ancient Eastern
Manuscripts, 1940,
Holman Co., by G. Lamsa.
>21. MARRIAGE EAST AND WEST; David & Vera Mace, 1960,
Dolphin
Books, Double Day & Co., Inc. Garden City, NY
>22.MARRYING AGAIN; David Hocking, 1977, Fleming H.
Revell Co.
>23. MKJV: MODERN KING JAMES VERSION, 1993, by Jay P.
Green Sr.,
in Online Bible 2.5.1; the OnLine Bible computer program of
"Online Bible f
", Ken Hammil 1- 908-741-4298; [E-Mail:
[email protected]].
>24. MY WIFE MADE ME A POLYGAMIST; Walter Trobisch,
1971, Inter-
Varsity Press,
>25. NASB: Holy Bible New American Standard; Broadman &
Holman
Publishers, Nashville Tenn.; The Lockman Foundation, 1977
>26. NEB: NEW ENGLISH BIBLE, 1970; Oxford/Cambridge
University
Press
>27. NEW BIBLE DICTIONARY, THE; Editor J.D.Douglas Ph.D;
1962; W.
B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., Grand Rapids, Mich.
>28. NEW TESTAMENT GREEK FOR BEGINNERS, By, J. Gresham
Machen, D.D, Litt. D.,1959
>29. NIV: "Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW
INTERNATIONAL
VERSION. Copyright @ 1973, 1978, 1984 International Bible
Society." Used
as required by Zondervan Bible Publishers.
>30. NKJV: New King James Version, 1984, Thomas Nelson,
Inc.
>31. OnLine Bible computer program of "Online Bible f ", Ken
Hammil 1-
908-741-4298; [E-Mail:
[email protected]].
>32. PLEASE HELP ME! PLEASE LOVE ME!; Walter Trobisch,
Inter-
Varsity Press,
>33. St. Augustin: On The Trinity; translated by Arthur West
Haddan, B.D.;
W.B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., Grand Rapids Mich; 1956
>34. Strong�s Lexicon, Open Bible "Online Bible f", Ken Hammil
1-908-741-
4298. Also Baker Book House, Grand Rapids, Mich.
>35. Thayer: Greek English Lexicon of the New Testament;
Joseph Henry
Thayer, D.D.; American Book Co., New York, 1889
>36. The Septuagint of the Old Testament and Apocrypha
With an English
Translation; Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids,
Michigan; 1972;
Samuel Bagster & Sons, Ltd. London
>37. WOMEN'S LIVES IN MEDIEVAL EUROPE - A
SOURCEBOOK;
Edited by Emile Amt; Routledge, Chapman, Hall; NY, NY;
1993
>38. Wuest's THE NEW TESTAMENT, An Expanded
Translation, Kenneth
S. Wuest, 1961
>39. YLT; Young's Literal Translation, 1898: OnLine Bible
computer
program of "Online Bible f ", Ken Hammil 1-908-741-4298;
[E-Mail:
[email protected]].
