TOPICS: FOREVER MARRIAGES CROSS CULTURALLY,
FORMAL AND INFORMAL CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE,
COMMON LAW MARRIAGE, CHRISTIAN DIVORCE,
CHRISTIAN REMARRIAGE, CHRISTIAN CONCUBINES,
CHRISTIAN POLYGYNY (POLYGAMY), RACISM,
ETHNOCENTRICITY, AND THE SWEARING OF OATHS
TITLE: DIVORCE, REMARRIAGE, CONCUBINES, & JESUS;
Another Look for Christians.
COPYRIGHT � JANUARY 14, 1995 All rights reserved.
Copyright � 01/14/'95; 01/12/�96 (Revised)
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By L. Tyler P.O. Box 620763, SanDiego, CA 92162-
0763
[email protected]
This work is dedicated with love and honor to Carol
Lynn McIntyre of Camelot (3/24/'49), Beverly
Landers Tyler(4/11/'52), Keith Adams, Diane Tava
Lovelady, Lua Nguyen, Marilyn Tyler (7/27/'49) and
Paula Dugas.
It is also dedicated to all those who have suffered
through divorce and the complexities of remarriage,
and to all of the following:
1. The shattered African polygynist husbands and
their families who are made to feel like second class
citizens in the local church because of their polygyny,
made to feel less loved by Christ and made to feel
less a child of God by the local "Christians".
2. The broken hearted Chinese polygynist wives and
their children in their local churches who are shunned
by the proper members and made to feel less
welcome and spiritually inferior because of their
polygynous families.
3. The devastated Burmese polygynist husbands who
believe in and have received the Lord Jesus Christ,
but who are rejected and shunned by the local
"Christian" church/leader because they love their
wives too much to divorce them.
4. The grieved, stumbled, offended and broken
hearted born-again and Spirit sealed Indian wives
and children of the born-again and Spirit sealed
husband who loved his wives and children too much
to renounce and repudiate them in order to be
baptized and accepted by the local"Christian' church,
and so now live in Christ, denied fellowship by their
local congregation of "Christians".
5. The discouraged Mid-Eastern polygynist husbands
who genuinely wanted to know Christ and the
fellowship of the saints but who were embittered and
kept from saving faith by the campaign of "Christian"
leaders/churches against them and their polygyny. It
would be no surprise if they were the most active in
the community in resisting the Gospel and those who
preach it. Talk about closing a door and making an
enemy of the Gospel!
6. The troubled Liberian polygynist wives and
children who genuinely wanted to know Christ and
the fellowship of the saints but who were embittered
and kept from saving faith by the campaign of
"Christian" leaders/churches against them and their
polygyny. It would be no surprise if they were the
most active in the community in resisting the Gospel
and those who preach it. Talk about closing a door and
making an enemy of the Gospel!
7. The broken hearted, stumbled, offended and
grieved Kenyan polygynist wives and their children
whose husbands and fathers were forced to reject and
renounce them in order to be baptized and join the
local "Christian" church.; especially in the case where a
carnal husband used the church rule as an excuse to
get rid of a wife and children he didn't want.
8. The disconsolate Pakistani polygynist husbands
who are stumbled, grieved, offended and broken in
their faith and love for the Lord Jesus Christ because
of how badly they and their loved ones have been
treated by the local "Christian" leader/church.
9. The grief stricken Bengali polygynist wives and
children who are stumbled, grieved, offended and
broken in their faith and love for the Lord Jesus
Christ because of how badly they and their loved ones
have been treated by the local "Christian"
leader/church.
10. The miserable Thai polygynist husbands who,
with grave doubts and troubled hearts, succumbed to
"Christian" pressure to renounce and reject (Malachi
2:13-17) all of their wives except one to satisfy the
demands of some misguided "Christian" leader, or
association of "Christians".
TABLE OF CONTENTS ( Everybody's computer is
potentially different, and if you Select All Font to
"clean it up", reducing it to Palatino 12 or Geneva 10,
you should probably use Find to find, by chapter
number, any particular chapter/appendix you are
interested in.)
I. INTRODUCTION: PRIORITIES RECONSIDERED. P. 4
II. DIVORCE! A PLAGUE AND ITS CONSEQUENCES. P. 8
III. DIVORCE DEFINED. P. 23
IV. VARIETIES OF MARRIAGE IN THE BIBLE, OLD
AND NEW TESTAMENTS -- LET THE WORD SPEAK
ABOUT POLYGYNY AND CONCUBINES! P. 25
V. WHAT DO CHRISTIAN LEADERS SAY ABOUT
CONCUBINES & POLYGYNY? P. 50
VI. ADULTERY DEFINED: A SURPRISE! ISN�T
POLYGYNY ADULTERY? P. 66
VII. SO, WHAT ABOUT CONCUBINES & POLYGYNY
TODAY IN MY COUNTRY? P. 73
VIII. ARE POLYGYNISTS AND CONCUBINES LIVING IN
ERROR TODAY? P. 82
IX. MARRIAGE, CONCUBINES, CIVIL LAW, PERSONAL
LIBERTY AND A LOVING CONSCIENCE! P. 87
X. DOES GOD FORGIVE BROKEN VOWS, DIVORCE AND
ADULTERY? P. 91
XI. CAN YOU COME BACK TOGETHER & REMMARY
AFTER ADULTEROUS REMARRIAGE? P. 99
XII. WHAT ABOUT THE HEALTH QUESTIONS
INVOLVED IN SUCH REUNIONS? P. 108
XIII. CAN ADULTERY, DIVORCE, VOWS AND
REPENTANCE RESULT IN
POLYGYNY/CONCUBINAGE? P. 112
XIV. ADULTERY, DIVORCE, CONCUBINES, POLYGYNY
AND THE UNSAVED. P. 119
XV. THE MARRIED MAN WHO WOULD ADD
WIVES/CONCUBINES TO HIS "HAREM". P. 121
XVI. ARE POLYGYNY & CONCUBINES OPTIONS FOR THE
ABANDONED MAN? P. 126
XVII. POLYGYNISTS, CONCUBINES AND THE LEADERS
OF GOD'S PEOPLE. P. 129
XVIII. POLYGYNY & CONCUBINES AND THE WESTERN
CHRISTIAN WOMAN. P. 130
XIX. WHAT'S WRONG WITH POLYANDRY? P. 134
XX. HUSBAND RULE OVER THE WIFE? IF SERVANT-
TEACHERS RULE .P. 137
XXI. THREE CHEERS FOR MONOGAMY! THE BEST FOR
MOST! P. 141
XXII. LISTEN TO THE WORD! P. 145
XXIII. BIBLIOGRAPHY P. 147
APPENDIX ONE -- WHAT ABOUT INTERRACIAL AND
INTERETHNIC MARRIAGE? P.150
APPENDIX TWO -- WHAT DO YOU THINK? THE
FEEDING OF TWO LEGGED OXEN. P.157
APPENDIX THREE -- A WEDDING COVENANT FOR
NONSWEARERS - P. 159
APPENDIX FOUR -- WHAT MAKES A
WEDDING/MARRIAGE? - P. 161
APPENDIX FIVE -- MARRYING THE UNSAVED AND
"SAINTS" LIVING IN ERROR. - P.163
APPENDIX SIX -- WHEN DO I HAVE TO MARRY? - P.
167
APPENDIX SEVEN -- THE ERRR OF SWEARING, OF
OATHS AND SWEARING OATHS. -P.182
APPENDIX EIGHT--BLACK POLYGYNY RESOURCES
I. INTRODUCTION: PRIORITIES RECONSIDERED
This study is the result of my own marital
experience where I was divorced from my wife and
both of us claimed sincerely and earnestly that we
were born again believers in the Lord Jesus Christ. I
was faced with the question, "What does a Christian
do about his/her need to marry when in a divorced-
from-one and wanting-to- marrry-another situation,
and he believes that he/she and the Christian exmate
are bound to each other maritally by the Lord until
death parts them?" Or ---- "What does a Christian do
in a divorced-from-one and remarried-to-another
situation, and he/she believes that he/she and the
Christian exmate are bound to each other maritally by
the Lord until death parts them?" And the moral
question: "Is it adultery or is it something else?"
Our relationships with our mates and our children are
second in importance and emotional intensity only to
our relationship with Jesus. In San Diego's Union-
Tribune several months ('95) ago they reported on a
study of the effects of divorce that involved
thousands and lasted over 20 years. The social
scientists screened the participants so that they had
two groups that basically differed as follows, one
whose parents had divorced or separated and the
other group whose parents did not divorce or
separate. They found that the average life expectancy
was five years longer for the group whose parents did
not divorce. Divorce made a five year difference in
the life expectancy of the two groups.
Dr. Griffith Banning conducted a study of 800
Canadian children.
It was reported that their parents' divorce, death or
separation, resulting in the children's felt lack of love
and affection, did greater damage to their growth and
development than disease and all other factors
combined.>a
[>a Love, by Leo Buscaglia, Fawcett Crest,
NY,1972,p.78
What we do with our marital relationships has a
profound effect not only on us, but on our children,
for a lifetime. We already know that a divorce,
statistically, usually results in serious health problems
ranging from ulcers and cardiovascular problems to
hormonal and emotional problems. Divorce can
devastate us and our loved ones. How can we afford
to let our marriages, which Jesus intended to arenas
filled with love and testimonies of His life changing
all-sufficiency, become instead arenas of suffering,
bitterness and hatred --- trophies for the enemy of
our souls?
Yet look at the relationship most of us have with our
loved ones and our God. Most of us live our lives
devoid of the life changing power and compassionate
cherishing of our living and reigning God. Most of us
are falling short of compassionately cherishing our
mates and children. We wonder why we don�t see the
power of God in our lives. Yet how can Jesus bless us
miraculously and and powerfully intervene in our
lives when we have let ourselves become so
entangled in the cares and affairs of our daily lives
that the Spirit in us is chocked and rendered fruitless.
It is not just a matter of seeking first the Kingdom of
God and His righteousness, which most of us fall short
of by letting TV or other personal pleasures rob us of
the time we could spend with Jesus. It goes even
beyond that.
For many of us the question is , �Why is our
relationship with our living and powerful God so
lifeless and embarrassingly weak?� �Why is there
such a great discrepancy between the the life
changing power of God we believe in, and the
disastisfying mediocrity and ineffectiveness of most
of our lives?� We know that if we walk in His will
and do those things that are pleasing in His sight, He
hears our prayers and supernaturally intervenes in
our lives (1Jn3:21-24; 5:14,15), so when we fail to
walk in His will and fail to do those things that are
pleasing to Him we should not be surprised at the
spiritually impotent lives and testimonies we have.
What a tragedy to lose the battle for the souls of our
children and loved ones because we stuck with bad or
foolish choices.
Specifically with this study I try to discover and share
what I understand to be His will for us maritally. I
try to show that an adulterous marriage, an
adulterous remarriage, and or an adulterous divorce
can gut our walk in the power of our God, leaving us
with an impotent and sterile life and testimony that is
bad enough in and of itself; but when you add the
chastening of our God to an impotent and sterile life,
it can be enough to break your heart and spirit. But
isn�t that why He sends the chastening of weakness
and sickness (1 Cor. 11) or the chastening of poverty,
strife, diseases and animal attacks (Ezek 14) ---- to
break our stiff necks and hard hearts so He, as the
potter, can remake us in our confession and
repentance? Are you experiencing this chastening?
Do you think it might be due to an ungodly divorce or
marriage? Do you wonder what you should do about
it? Please read this study.
This study is written as a wake up call to Christians
who have fallen into marriages, divorces and
remarriages that are contrary to the will of God and
now want to know what they should do. A child of
God wants to do the will of God (1Jn2:3,4,5).We know
that our God has told us in 1 Pet. 3 that if we fail to
live wisely with our wives, our prayers will be
hindered. He has told us that in Isaiah 59:1,2 that he
wont hear our prayers if we fall into disobedience and
fail to be Ambassadors of His Love. This study is for
the person who is not sure about the will of God
facing a divorce, marriage or remarriage. This study
is for the divorced, the married and the remarried
who find themselves in a situation that neither
affords them the peace nor the joy of the God who
longs to fill their lives with both. Hopefully this study
will be used of God to shed some light on those
heartbreaking and unfulfilling situations. Please hear
the Word in this study, and be brave in the Lord to do
His will, no matter what the cost.
Dear reader, I exhort you to test, try, prove,
examine, scrutinize and check against the Word every
idea or concept in this document that seems
questionable, doubtful or radical. Stay with what you
understand the Word to say. What you will read is
where I have arrived in the quest for His will. It is
very controversial and I believe it is controversial
because I came to this quest as a scholar, an anthro-
pologist and a child of God who earnestly wants to
know his Father's will. So "Here I stand!" ---- until
further enlightenment from the Father.
This study is based on the understanding of the Word
of God that a godly marriage of two godly people is
for life, and that they are bound by God to each other
maritally until death dissolves the marriage. It is an
attempt to catch the mind of the God who hates
divorce and who hates the breaking of wedding
covenants. It is an attempt to understand the marital
will of the God who doesn�t want us to be foolish vow
breaking fools in whom he has no pleasure. This
document is written from a "Christian", fundamental,
evangelical, dispensationalist, etc. point of view for
those who understand that point of view. The
followers, or disciples, of Jesus Christ are called
"Christians", and for them loving obedience to their
Lord and King is the paramount issue in all matters of
human life.
What does "Christian" mean? Who is the God of one
who is called a "Christian"? Jesus is God revealed in
the flesh-blood-bone body, God's only incarnate Son,
physically begotten of the virgin Mary, God's Mediator
of the New Covenant, Savior and Redeemer of all who
obediently believe, King of Kings, Lord of all soon to
return visibly, Creator of all things that have ever
existed (including Michael, Lucifer, Satan, Gabriel),
and Judge of all humans soon to return visibly in His
resurrected flesh and bone body. What is a
"Christian"? Without controversy the Word is clear
that we are saved and born again Spiritually as a
result of the following:
(1) His unearned compassion He had for us even
before we know Him, which compassion moved Him
to give His only begotten Son to bear our sins and die
in our place.
(2) His enlightening us about who He is,
convincing us of our sins and His righteous judgment
of sin, and constraining us to accept Him while we are
still spiritually dead in our sins. [John 1:9,12; 16:7-11]
(3) His giving us the gift of belief/faith in God
(revealed as Jesus Christ, His miraculous birth, His
holy life, His undeserved and substitutionary death,
and His resurrection demonstrating His victory over
death and sin) in spite of our spiritual blindness and
death [James 1:17]
(4) Our willingness >1 to accept and use His gift
of belief is met with His enabling >2 us to have and
exercise genuine faith in Him as our King, God and
Savior in every area of our life.
[>1 2 Corinth. 8.; >2 Phil. 2:13; 4:13.]
(5) Since all our righteousnesses are as filthy
rags there is no work or deed that we can do to earn
God�s salvation. Our part is to genuinely believe in,
accept and submit to His gracious gift in Jesus Christ.
Okay, so that is what a Christian is . What�s
next? I believe that it is obvious that a Christian
should not lean to his own understanding>3 and
should not just do that which seems right to
himself>4. I believe that those who are born of God
are led by the Spirit of God Spiritually>5 and by the
Word>6 I believe that the believer must acknowledge
Christ's Lordship in
every area of his/her life for Christ to be the real and
actual LORD/KING of that believer>7. I agree with the
Bible that a Christian's obedience is his birthmark, the
vital and critical proof of having been truly born
again of God>8 . Besides all of that, Jesus said that if I
loved Him, I would obey Him, showing my love by my
obedience>9 so of course I want to show my love for
Him and show proof of my rebirth in Him by obeying
Him.
[Footnotes:>3 Prov. 3:5,6; >4 Prov. 16:24; >5
Romans 8:13,14.; >6 Psalm 119:9,11,24,32,72,89,
93,101, 104,105 ,166,167; >7 Prov. 3:5,6; Romans
12:1,2; 1 Cor. 6:19, 20 etc; >8 (1John 2:3,4,5; 3:10,
24; 5:2,3; Hebrews 5:8,9); >9 (John 14:15,21).]
Yes, I realize that obeying Him is not necessarily
obeying Christian leaders and teachers because if they
teach the traditions and commandments of men>10
instead of or along with the commandments and
traditions of God, they make the Way of God null, void
and ineffective. Yes, I know that God can use godly
men and Christian leaders/teachers to show us His
Way>11 but surely it is our responsibility to be like
the Bereans>12, testing-trying-examining-
scrutinizing>13 all of their teachings and leadership
to see if it conforms to the Word of God, holding fast
to what we find to be true/good. We need to
diligently search the Word to find the will of God,
especially in the matter of controversial and
questionable things.
[Footnotes:>10 (Matthew 15:1-9; Mark 7:1-15);
>11 (Hebrews 13:7; >12 of Acts 17:11.31; >13 1
John4:1-4 and 1 Thess. 5:21.]
Finally, why does God allow us to experience
such heart breaking and soul-rending experiences as
those that accompany divorce, separation, and
adultery? Please consider the point about 1 Cor.
10:13. He doesn't allow you to be tried more than you
can bear, because you are stronger, have a better
understanding of spiritual warfare and a deeper faith,
the trials will be greater--but never more than you
can bear. Consider the