Foolish doomsayers claim that the sky is falling. It's not of course;
however, THE EARTH IS CAVING IN. The pesticides Grandpa used are leaving
their brands on the new babies' genes. The kids get better drugs in grade
school now than you did in college. There are cities of 30 million each
all over the world, full of people who are starting to want back what they
think YOU TOOK, and yet you have to work like a dog just to keep what you
THINK you have. On top of all that, the Russians have a cocked and loaded
gun pointed at your head right now -- but don't feel bad, you've got one
at somebody's head over there too!
THERE IS A HELL, alright -- and YOU'RE ALREADY IN IT!
Of course, this is merely the TOP FLOOR of hell, the EASY part.. the HELL
where you don't even know you're in HELL. The part where you THINK you're
in "Real Life". HA!
Now, it doesn't always fell like Hell, some of the time you have slack --
sort of -- and other times it's drawn up TIGHT. But it keeps getting
TIGHTER and TIGHTER, no matter how much partying you do, no matter how
much "fun" you buy, no matter how much money you spend. So now there's
this internal perpetual motion machine of slight disquiet..like somethings
MISSING, like something was amputated but you don't know what... OH YEAH,
you realize... THAT slack!
Right -- that slack. The Conspiracy's got YOUR SLACK, and you're in HELL
NOW, and you don't even KNOW it, because life on Earth is hell, without
"bob".
But it could be worse. You could suddenly be crawling out from underneath
radioactive rubble with your finger falling off! You could be head-on-ed
by a drunk driver tomorrow on the freeway -- but NOT BE COMPLETELY KILLED.
So you should console yourself, through everything that befalls you, with
the thought that things could always be MUCH MUCH WORSE than they are now.
Don't kill yourself yet; wait and see what worse fate awaits you!
Most slack abuse comes from the system buckling under the weight of its
own normalcy, and taking you with it. Something's got to give -- and YOU
are that something! You'll have to go crazy, to stay sane! You'll be
forced to stop being normal. But, in return for saving the world, the
world OWES YOU A LIVING. YES -- IT'S TRUE!
The True SubGenni, the Chosen Ones, the High Unpredictables, shall be
rewarded in the great Rupture of 1998, X-Day, when the Men from Planet X
will come; and we shall be LIFTED UP, in Power and Glory, to the Escape
Vessels of the Sex Goddesses, fleeing the cataclysms on Earth while being
TRANSFORMED into OverMen and UberFemmes, SUPERIOR MUTANTS who will lead a
NEW RACE ( the MASTER RACE, because it comes in ALL COLORS ) to the
PROMISED LAND, the Pleasure Dimension of ETERNAL SLACK AND CYTORSPASMIC
OOZQUIRT.
Will you let yourself be manipulated like a puppet by the vile, demonic
ELDER GODS into freeing them from their aeons-old banishment, to RULE
this planet in their SIZELESS GRIP, or will you CLEAVE to "Bob" and be
manipulated like a puppet by his Master, JEHOVAH-1 (aka WOTAN and RA,
Destroyer of the Unclean), and his galactic "sidekicks", the REBEL GODS:
They Whom men call ERIS DISCORDIA (ISIS, Kali -- the mad pagen goddess of
giggling Chaos), the inutterbly ancient SEX CODDESSES, NUNU and NARNINI or
G'BROAGFAN, the Unpronounceable or BANONO the vindictive goddemoness who
delights in cruelly dashing the plans of fools ??
Will you join the Conspiracy's mindless atheistic unknowing servitude to
the "Elder Bankers of the Universe" and their MINIONS in some hideous
One-World Government, or will you GET SLACK and FIGHT FOR FREEDOM as a
zeal-crazed Priest-Warrior for "Bob" and the TRUE ORIGINAL FERTILITY CULTS
that will someday instigate an eye-wateringly orgasmic One-World RELIGION
of endless, delerious pleasures?? EH?? EH??
What you decide may not mater. If you are a true SubGenius, if through
your veins courses the blood of the Yeti, then IT - JEHOVAH-1 - the STARK
FIST OF REMOVAL - will get you SOONER or LATER no matter how GODLESS to
try to be!!
Church of the SubGenius
P.O. BOX 140306
DALLAS, TEXAS 75214
MEMBERSHIP/ORDAINMENT/SUBSCRIPTION $20
Twist the Church for your own ends!! Become an ordained SubGenius Minister
and attain the secrets.
PAMPHLETS: $5
4 - like this note, all 16 pages. Excellent for leaving in friends houses,
bar restrooms, granny's purse, etc. INSTANT SALVATION FOR A BUCK.
WARNING: sending us money could be a beautific experience. the greatest
thing that will ever happen to you -- or it could be your WORST MISTAKE,
a one-way ticket, into an insane universe from which ther is NO ESCAPE.
Just hope that you really are a SubGenius.
You don't even have to mail it. Just hold it near a mailbox, touch your
genitals and THINK DALLAS -- and "bob" will answer your prayer.
YOU'LL BE WAVING TO THOSE PINKS FROM THE X-SHIP ON YOUR WAY TO PARADISE
WHILE THEY COOK BELOW IN A HELL OF THEIR OWN MAKING.
