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Our Story So Far:
While studying the phaser burn on the wreckage of Steve Austin's Expiremental
Fighter Jet, Geordi and Data determine, quite serendipitously, that there is
a Starship orbitting Earth. Since Starships are beyond the technology of
Earth at the time, they surmise that it comes from another star system. They
also feel that it was the crew of this Starship that is responsible for the
rescue of Guinan, and perhaps the pilot of the crashed fighter. There is
still no evidence of either.
Meanwhile, in Metropolis, a joint attack on the Justice League of America
nearly succeeds when the combined forces of Cobra, Dr. Doom, the Kingpin,
attack a headquarters guarded only by two teenaged aliens and their pet
Space Monkey. The attack, overseen by Cobra Commander, Destro, Sinestro,
and Professor Moriarity is going well, when the Superfriends arrive. In
order to turn the tide again, Destro fires a bazooka at a nearby volcano,
causing it to enter a chain reaction that will culminate in an eruption.
Thinking correctly that this will cause at least some of the heroes to
divert their attentions to saving the citizens of the nearby village, he
did not count on the timely arrival of several heroes from the Marvel Universe.
While Zan, Jayna, Reed & Sue Richards, Hercules and Thor work to prevent
the volcano from erupting, the Superfriends, with the help of the She-Hulk,
the Sub-Mariner, Spiderman, Captain America, and the Wasp fight off the
attack of the World Crime League. (sounds like the roster from Odysseus,
doesn't it?)
James Bond arrives at M's office, and after the requisite flirting with
Moneypenny, receiving new gadgets from Q, and the unnecessary debriefing
from M, departs for America to look into the problem of the World Crime
League.
However, at the Muppet Theater there is trouble, just as the Intermission
before the 'Secret Agent Sketch' begins, Scooter discovers that their guest
star, Don Adams has disappeared. Kermit reacts badly and puts out an all
points bulletin. Outside in the street, Maxwell Smart, 99, and Hymie
split up to search for Deep Voice (who they think looks like Grover). When
Smart knocks on the back door of the Muppet Theater, he is mistaken for Don
Adams and rushed into costuming, just in time to fall into 'The Most Expensive
Sketch We Have Ever Attempted At The Muppet Theater, Ever'.
On the Bridge of the Enterprise (1701-A), all are in awe as they have spotted
the huge size of the approaching Dreck Star. As if that weren't enough of
a trouble, Chapel calls up, summoning McCoy to Sickbay with a medical
emergency. Karth Gator speaks of a strong presence in the Force approaching,
stronger even than Skywalker, while meanwhile, we see Guinan approaching in
a small interplanetary shuttle. Back on the Enterprise, we see that Guinan,
formally in a coma, is now thrashing about. Spock attempts mind meld and
finally agrees to help Guinan pull Guinan out of her coma with a healing
trance.
The Kingpin is seen using Rock Warriors and Doom Robots in a bank robbery of
amazing proportions. Sam Beckett (as Oscar Goldman) accompanies Gary
Seven to the scene of the Steve Austin crash. While they are talking, they
are approached by the Doctor (who can see Al, and realizes that Sam is not
who he pretends to be), but before they can get beyond preliminary intro-
ductions, they are intercepted by the arrival of a Plymouth Volare' from
out of nowhere.
On board the War Rocket Ajax, Ming's men determine that in order to procede
with their mission, they must locate R2-D2 and return them to the Rebels,
otherwise their planted spy (in the guise of Harry the Bigfoot) will not
be able to get to the secret government base and get a foothold on taking
over the world.
An attack by the Cylons scrambles the Vipers on board the Galactica. Realising
that Slartibartfast has not only encompassed the ragtag fleet, but also
a Cylon Basestar, Adama becomes visibly tense. The last thing Slartibartfast
warns before Starbuck and Apollo leave is not to exit the Bistromathic Field.
"It would be bad."
Deep Voice is seen in negotiations, not only with Davros, but also with
Jabba the Hut. Deep Voice seems to be offering the Earth to the Daleks,
and Han Solo to Jabba the Hut.
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The Universal Science Fiction Parody
(An Epic of Novel Proportions)
[Scene 71. Exterior Shot. Deep Space. The Liberator is approaching some
sort of anomaly. It is twice as big as their ship, and glows a deep shade
of orange.]
[Scene Change. Interior Shot. Flight Deck of the Liberator. The entire
crew is there, at various positions, including Gan.]
BLAKE: Zen, readings?
ZEN: The anomaly is constructed of a form of plasma energy,
readings indicate enormous intensity.
CALLY: Yes, but what is it?
ZEN: No information on that is available at this time.
VILA: I thought Orac had fixed that thing.
AVON: Obviously, the task was too difficult for him. He just
didn't want to admit it.
CALLY: We're getting side-tracked. We still don't know what that
thing is.
BLAKE: Right, let's get some better readings. Move us in closer,
Jenna.
JENNA: Right.
[Scene Change. Exterior Shot. Deep Space. The Liberator moves closer to
the bright orange anomaly. Suddenly, a green beam shoots out, engulfing
the ship.]
[Scene Change. Interior Shot. Flight Deck of the Liberator. Blake and
Crew are not happy campers.]
JENNA: We're being scanned!
AVON: It's going through all of the computer records!
BLAKE: Is there any way to stop it?
AVON: I'm trying.
ZEN: Information.
BLAKE: Not now, Zen. Avon, anything yet?
AVON: No, I'm heading down to the main computer core, perhaps if I
take it off line?
JENNA: But then, we'll have to fly without computer assistance, this
close to an unknown anomaly...
VILA: I don't like it.
AVON: We have no choice.
BLAKE: He's right. Go ahead, Avon, see what you can do.
[Avon starts to head out the door.]
ZEN: Information.
BLAKE: [Whirling about.] What is it, Zen?
ZEN: This unit is receiving a transmission. Origin unknown,
language Terran.
GAN: What?
BLAKE: Avon, hold. On speakers, Zen.
VOICE: [on speakers.] Attention Alien Vessel. Through enhanced
computer scan, you have been identified as the star vessel
Liberator. At this moment, your computer is being programmed
with a set of coordinates. You will remain on these headings
until you have travelled for three hours at speed Standard
by six. Control of your ship will then be returned to you.
Thank you.
ZEN: Coordinates programmed and received. Speed standard by six.
JENNA: Blake, these coordinates take us straight into the anomaly.
BLAKE: Quickly, reset them, to anywhere!
[Jenna begins resetting the coordinates, as she does so, that panel shorts
out.]
VOICE: [on speakers.] You will be unable to change coordinates
until final position has been reached. This is for your
own protection. Out.
[Everyone looks at Zen, in disbelief, then Avon rushes out of the room and
heads for the main computer core.]
BLAKE: Zen, how long for repairs on navigation console to be affected?
ZEN: Approximately two hours.
[The on ship intercom beeps.]
BLAKE: Blake here, what is it Avon?
[Scene Change. Interior Shot. Outside the computer core room. Avon is being
held at bay by a force sheild.]
AVON: There's some kind of force shield outside the computer bay.
I can't get in this way.
BLAKE: [over intercom.] It doesn't matter Avon, the navigational
console won't be repaired for two hours.
AVON: That's ridiculous, the self-repair circuits shouldn't take
more than fifteen minutes to take care of something that
simple.
BLAKE: [on intercom.I suspect it has something to do with the
reprogramming of Zen by that outside force. I guess we'll
have to wait and see where it is we're going.
AVON: I don't like it. I'll be right up. Out.
[Fade to black.]
[Scene 72. Interior Shot. Cockpit of a cargo plane. The captain of the
plane, Roger Oveur, and his copilot, Clifford Landon are flying along, singing
a song, side by side.]
OVEUR: Captain Landon?
LANDON: No, I'm not landing. Are you? It doesn't look it?
OVEUR: No, I just wanted to get your attention Cliff.
LANDON: Oh.
[Pause. Pause. Longer pause. Did I mention pause? Pause.]
LANDON: What?
OVEUR: Huh?
LANDON: What did you want?
OVEUR: Oh, I just wanted to know our fuel standing, I think there
may be a storm up ahead, we may have to reroute our flight
path.
LANDON: Oh, I'll check. [Pause.] Looks like about two-thirds of
a tank on number 2. Ummm... Number 1 almost empty.
OVEUR: Ok, switch us over to tank 2.
LANDON: Roger.
OVEUR: What?
LANDON: Never mind.
[He reaches over to the control panel marked fuel controls. Right next to
it is a panel marked dump cargo. Both have identical switches. He is
reaching for the switch when the plane hits some turbulence. His hand
bounces over to the next switch, and flips it.]
[Scene Change. Interior Shot. The back of the cargo jet. Inside we see
a British-type Double Decker Red Bus. It is just sitting on the floor, not
fastened down in any obvious way. The rear bay door opens, slowly, showing
the daylit sky. The bus begins to slide backwards and out the door. It
drops out, and the bay door closes again.]
[Scene Change. External Shot. The desert sands of New Mexico. Luke, Han,
Flash, Zarkov, et. al. are standing around discussing what to do about the
droids.]
FLASH: Well, we aren't going to get anywhere looking like this?
Maybe if we head for the nearest town, we'll be able to find
them a little bit better.
LEIA: Flash is right, Luke, they're gone. They probably just
wandered off somewhere, they'll turn up soon enough.
[A dark shadow appears over them all. They look up.]
HAN: Everyone scatter!
[They all take off for some point, not under the approaching shadow. The
bus drops out of the sky and lands right about where everyone was. Everyone
comes back, slightly out of breath.]
LUKE: Is everyone all right?
[Yells to the effect that they are fine are heard.]
HAN: Oh no, not again.
[People rush over to Han.]
LUKE: What is it?
[He gestures.]
HAN: Look for yourself.
[Camera pans to show Wedge, crushed under the bulk of the double decker bus.
He is clearly dead.]
HAN: You know, I'm really starting to get tired of this.
[Fade.]
[Scene 73. Interior Shot. The busy detective's room of a Manhattan precinct
of the New York Police Department. A door labelled 'Captain Daley' opens and
a large, overbearing cop steps out, James Bond steps out from behind him.]
DALEY: [Yelling to room.] Columbo, get over here!
[A shortish man with unruly, dark, curly hair and wearing a trenchcoat steps
towards the Captain.]
COLUMBO: Yes, Captain Daley, can I do something for you sir?
DALEY: This is your new partner. Bring him up to date on the case
and get to work!
COLUMBO: Sure thing, Captain. [Captain Daley walks back into his office
and slams the door.] Hi, Columbo here.
BOND: Bond, James Bond. [He shakes Columbo's hand.]
[The two of them walk back to Columbo's desk.]
COLUMBO: You've got an odd accent, you don't sound like you're from
New York.
BOND: I'm an exchange officer from Scotland Yard.
COLUMBO: Really, I find that interesting, because I'm on loan here
from L.A. I've been waiting for a partner, but you'd think
they'd match me up with one of their own.
BOND: Perhaps they'd like to get rid of us both, so they are pairing
us with each other.
COLUMBO: That could be, anyway, the case is unusual. A bank robbery,
but the witnesses are giving us some really bizarre reports...
[They walk off into the fade.]
[Scene 74. Interior Shot. A conference room aboard the Dreck Star.
Commander Sateen and Sub-Commander Tanalak sit at the center of a long
table. They are somewhat nervous and fidgety. On either side of the only
door into the room, a stormtrooper is stationed. They stare straight ahead.
The door between them slides open. Karth Gator and Admiral Hastings walk
in. the admiral turns to the stormtroopers.]
HASTINGS: Wait outside.
[The stormtroopers look at each other, shrug, and step out the airlock.
Pan to window to show at least twenty stormtrooper bodies, hanging lifeless
in space.]
HASTINGS: Stupid idgets. [He walks to intercom panel on the wall.]
Security! Send two stormtroopers to conference Room DS,
Level 9.
SECURITY: [On Intercom.] Aye sir, two troopers to DS9. Got it.
[Admiral turns back to the room.]
KARTH: Now, you two, what are you doing here?
TANALAK: You're the one who had those armored buffoons escort us
here.
[Sateen makes gestures to calm down his impetous sub-commander.]
KARTH: Do not test my patience! [Calming down a bit.] I meant,
what are you doing in this sector of space?
SATEEN: We are emissaries sent here to surrender this system to
your forces.
KARTH: And where are you from?
SATEEN: We are denizens of the third planet. It is called Terra.
[Karth considers.]
SATEEN: If you like, our ship can serve as escort for your fleet.
KARTH: Most interesting. We shall consider your offer. [He turns
to leave, the door slides open and two stormtroopers walk
in.] Keep watch on them.
[The two salute. Karth and Admiral Hastings walk out. As the door slides
shut, one of the stormtroopers begins doing a 'hammy' impression of Gator
(heavy breathing, comments about the force, etc...) The other is laughing.
Suddenly, the first seizes up and begins choking. The laughing stormtrooper
stops and tries to help. He throws off his helmet and moves to help his
friend. Then he stops short, and his mouth opens. He speaks in Karth's
voice.]
KARTH'S VOICE: I heard that! The Force is not a power to be trifled with.
Perhaps, henceforth, you will remember that.
[The choking stormtrooper rises up in the air, hits his head on the ceiling
several times, then he is tossed across the room and hits the other wall.
Meanwhile, the laughing stormtrooper is knocked to the floor. His
possession ends and he looks about a bit confused. He then goes to help
his partner.]
[Scene Change. Interior Shot. A corridor in the Dreck Star. Karth and
Admiral Hastings are walking along it.]
HASTINGS: You don't believe them do you?
KARTH: Of course not. Our best information says that the people
of the third planet don't even have interplanetary space
flight. Besides, they look nothing like the preliminary
photos of the natives.
HASTINGS: So, what do you think they're up to?
KARTH: Obviously, either they plan to lead us into a trap, or
they want to use us as a trap to lead someone else into.
Either way, I think we can handle whatever they've got
planned.
[Fade.]
[Scene 75. Interior Shot? The Circuits of Time. Bill, Ted, and Rufus are
rocketting through the circuits. They plummet towards an opening...]
[Scene Change. Interior Shot. Bridge of the Starship Enterprise, as seen
from inside a phone booth placed between Science and Communications. The
scene appears abruptly, rising from the bottom of the picture. Sulu sits
at the command chair.]
BILL'S VOICE: Rufus, where are we dude?
RUFUS'S VOICE: Not where I expected to be. Hold on, I'll check the
number.
[CUT TO: Yellow Pages, hands flipping through.]
RUFUS'S VOICE: There it is.
[CUT TO: Buttons on phone, fingers dialing.]
[Scene Change. Interior Shot. Bridge of the Enterprise. All present stare
at the phone booth in confusion. It begins to glow, the disappears into the
floor, only to be replaced immediately by an exact duplicate appearing from
the ceiling.]
SULU: [Still staring.] Signal the Captain.
[Scene Change. Interior Shot. Sickbay of the Enterprise. McCoy, Kirk,
Spock, Chapel, and Guinan gather around Guinan's bed looking at her. A
whistling sound is heard.]
UHURA'S VOICE: Captain Kirk to the bridge.
[Kirk gives McCoy a sideways glance and walks to the wall panel containing
the intercom.]
KIRK: [Activating switch.] Kirk here.
SULU: [over intercom] Sulu, Captain. There's something here you
should see.
KIRK: Is it the fleet?
SULU: No, sir, they're holding position. It's something on the
bridge.
KIRK: On my way, Kirk out. [He cuts the communicator] Everything
at once, eh Mr. Spock? I've got a feeling I'll need your
help on this.
SPOCK: I believe that to be a valid assumption.
[They leave sickbay.]
[Scene Change. Interior Shot. Bridge of the Enterprise. Sulu, et. al.
still stare at the phone booth. The door opens, Bill, Ted, and Rufus
step out just as the turbolift doors open to admit Kirk and Spock.]
BILL & TED: Whoa! An alien!
[Spock raises an eyebrow in a manner which has been represented in some
books as <?>.]
RUFUS: Excuse me, can anyone tell me where we are?
KIRK: Aboard the Federation vessel U.S.S. Enterprise
RUFUS: What year?
SPOCK: That would depend on your calendar.
AUSTIN: [You'd forgotten he was there, hadn't you?] On Earth, it's
1969.
RUFUS: Well, in that case, what are all of you doing here?
[Just then, the turbolift doors open and admit Guinan (in hospital gown) and
Past-Guinan (in sixties garb), followed by Dr. McCoy.]
GUINAN: That's easy. They're here to prevent the destruction of
their timeline. A destruction which I inadvertantly
caused.
KIRK: Would somebody please tell me when I lost control?
CHEKOV: [At navigation.] Keptin! The alien fleet is moving.
KIRK: What?
[He rushes to his chair. Sulu vacates and takes his place at Ops. Spock
rushes around the phone booth to his station.]
SPOCK: Velocity, 1/10th Impulse.
KIRK: Sulu!
SULU: Matching speed now, Captain.
KIRK: Spock, where are they headed?
SPOCK: Triangulating now...[Close on Spock's face.] Their
destination is...[Spock stands upright and faces the
captain.] Earth.
[Dramatic chord.]
[Scene 76. Interior Shot. Conference Room inside the Justice League of
America. It is quite crowded. Not only are all the heroes from the most
recent battle here, they are joined by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,
various leaders of the GI Joe team, members of Team Banzai, and of course,
Buckaroo himself. The lights are dimmed, and Buckaroo is making a
presentation.]
BUCKAROO: As you can see, the whole world is in a heap of trouble.
The leaders of the greatest criminal organizations of
all time have joined forces. Each and every one of us
in this room has an arch enemy represented by someone
in this picture.
[He gestures at the screen, which shows a bit of the board meeting from
Scene 9.]
BATMAN: Excuse me, where did you get this footage?
BUCKAROO: The recent announcement made by the World Crime League was
taped over this footage. I borrowed the tape from a friend
at Network 23, and found this footage underneath.
[Camera zooms on picture of World Crime League meeting. Focuses on Spectre
symbol and then pulls back to reveal an actual board meeting already in
progress.]
KINGPIN: My boys are not foot soldiers! These frontal assaults just
aren't their style.
DOOM: And I do not enjoy wasting valuable robots on bank robberies.
KRANG: Yes, have you any idea how much energy it takes to bring
Rock Warriors across dimensions? I think that their
talents are being wasted.
VOICE: Believe me, I understand the complex energies involved in
dimensional transfer. I grow weary of reassuring you all
of the validity of my plans.
ZIGFRIED: You promised us great changes for evil, yet, we have seen
--nothink.
VOICE: No results! Let me show you something.
[He adjusts some controls and a picture of Vietnam appears on the screen.
Soldiers are fighting, it's a standard war in the jungle scene.]
VOICE: You are all aware of the current conflict in Southeast
Asia. My information tells me that the UN had plans to
step in and call a halt to the conflict. That is, until
I put my plan into operation, with the help of all of you.
KRANG: What good does that do us?
[Krang looks around, and sees that many of the other world crime leaders
are considering the possibilities of continued arms deals involved in an
extended Southeast Asian land war.]
VOICE: Ask your fellow crime leaders. I think they see the
possibilities. Now, gentleman, believe me when I tell
you that things are moving ahead as planned, and that
by the time all of this is over, we will all be incredibly
wealthy and powerful.
[Scene Freezes. Fade out to Justice League meeting...]
SUPERMAN: Ok, it strikes me that working together, as Mr. Banzai
suggests is not a bad idea at all. We are all fighting
on the sides of Truth and Justice after all, and even
if our means are different our ends are the same. As my
mother used to say "It couldn't hurt."
BUCKAROO: Thank you, Superman, does that mean I can count on all of
you heroes to help?
[Nods of ascent all around.]
BUCKAROO: Good, now here's the plan...
[Fade out.]
[Scene 77. Interior Shot. (sort of) Inside the gutted out bank. A
portly gentleman in a bowler and a tall, lean man in a deer stalker hat
and cape examine the wreckage. The man in the cape bends down and peers
through a magnifying glass.]
BOWLER: What have you found?
CAPE: Perhaps, the clue which will break open the case.
[The man in the cape picks up a matchbook and places it in his pocket. A
policeman walks up. It's T.J. Hooker!]
T.J.: Hey! This is a restricted area! You aren't supposed to
be here.
BOWLER: Very sorry, we got lost. We're just visiting here you know,
quite sorry, really. Come along.
[The larger man rushes the caped man out of the room. From the other
direction, Columbo and Bond enter.]
T.J.: Ah, Inspector Columbo. Is this man with you?
COLUMBO: Yes, this is my partner, Bond. Could you tell me?
Hast the tech crew set up the video recorder in the
back room yet?
T.J.: Yes, Inspector, I believe they have. [A car's tires
squealing is heard. T.J. gets anxious.] If you'll
excuse me, I have to get that.
[T.J. rushes past Columbo and Bond and out of the bank. Camera follows. He
runs out to the street where a red camaro squeals around the corner. T.J.
braces himself, ticket book in hand, and leaps onto the hood as the car
drives by.]
[CUT BACK to Columbo and Bond.]
BOND: Interesting method of stopping speeders you have here.
COLUMBO: New to me. Let's check that video.
[They walk off.]
[Scene Change. Interior Shot. Lobby of a bank seen from an unusual angle.
In fact, it is a replay of the earlier bank robbery scene. As the Rock
Warrior turns and fires at the camera...]
BOND: Stop! Play that back again.
[The tape stops and rewinds a bit.]
BOND: Hold. Can you zoom in on the barrel of that gun?
GPO:* I'll try sir.
[The camera closes in a bit, showing an octopus shaped logo clearly visible
on the barrel of the Rock Warrior's gun.]
COLUMBO: What is it? What do you see?
BOND: That is the logo of one of Europe's most nefarious criminal
organizations. My superiors suspected that they might be
involved.
COLUMBO: Does this mean you'll be going home now?
BOND: On the contrary, they'll be expecting me to stop them.
GPO2: Excuse me, Inspector Columbo? A call from the station just
came in. There's been another theft, and they think the
WCL might be involved.
COLUMBO: Where?
GPO2: The airport sir.
BOND: Shall we go?
[They rush out.]
{* Note: GPO is an acronym for Generic Police Officer, in much the same
way that in the Battlestar Galactica scenes, GMO and GFO stood for Generic
Male Officer and Generic Female Officer respectively. It is used to indicate
that the character is basically unimportant, and is merely there to move the
plot along. Thank you.}
[Scene 78. Exterior Shot. Outer Space. Cylon forces are attacking the
Battlestar Galactica. Lasers are being heatedly exchanged. No viper fighters
have emerged to do battle as yet. Behind it all, a subtle red glow marks
the edge of Bistrospace.]
[Interior Shot. Fighter deck of the Galactica. Viper pilots scramble to get
to their vipers. Camera closes on Starbuck climbing into the cockpit of
his fighter. His engineer straps him in.]
ENGINEER: Be careful out there.
STARBUCK: I will, Dollface.
[The view sheild begins lowering while the fighter moves into launch position.
Apollo's fighter moves up next to his. Apollo and Starbuck give each other
the thumbs up signal.]
[Interior Shot. Cockpit of Starbuck's fighter.]
VOICE OF
CONTROL: Captain Starbuck, you are go for launch.
STARBUCK: Roger.
[He pushes the second button on his control stick and is thrust back into
his chair.]
[Switch POV. Starbuck's view of speeding down the launch tube...]
[Time passes.]
[Exterior Shot. Cylons are still attacking.]
[Interior Shot. Starbuck streaking down launch tube.]
[Exterior Shot. Galactica's lasers are keeping the Cylons at bay. Barely.]
[Interior Shot. Starbuck's tube. No end in sight.]
STARBUCK: This is taking forever.
[Interior Shot. Command Deck. Adama paces about. Various and sundry other
officers man computer consoles. Slartibartfast quitely sips a chardonnay.]
ADAMA: How much longer can we hold out?
ATHENA: Perhaps another thirty minutes.
ADAMA: Where are those vipers?
[Interior Shot. Starbuck's launch tube, still going by at about Warp Nine.]
[Exterior Shot. Two cylons destroyed, three more join the fray.]
[Interior Shot. Starbuck's tube. Something pink approaches. Camera stays
with it as the Viper passes. It's the Energizer bunny, huffing, puffing, and
clearly too tired to go on.]
[Interior Shot. Command Deck. Adama stalks over to Slartibartfast.]
ADAMA: Isn't there anything you can do?
SLARTIBARTFAST:What would you suggest?
ADAMA: Perhaps you could reduce the size of the Bistromathic field?
Shrink it enough to keep the cylons out.
SLARTIBARTFAST:Well, I could except a) There's a pitched battle going on
outside and I'm working like the dickens just to maintain
the status quo of the field, and b) what you're asking me
to do is impossible.
[Interior Shot. Starbuck's launch tube. You know.]
[Interior Shot. Command Deck.]
ADAMA: What?!
SLARTIBARTFAST:I said, it's impossible.
GMO: Commander! Shields are buckling!
[Exterior Shot. Outer Space. Cylons are regrouping for final attack run.]
[Interior Shot. Inside the Cylon lead ship. Two pilots and a leader type.]
LEADER: Prepare for final asault. Go.
[Exterior Shot. Outer Space. Cylons are diving on the Galactica for the
final kill.]
[Interior Shot. Starbuck's launch tube. Oh my! The end is in sight! In
fact, it's rapidly approaching! Could it be that the vipers will finally
emerge to fight? Just in the nick of time, of course.]
[Exterior Shot. Outer Space. It looks like this is the end for the
Galactica. Suddenly, from the other side of the ship, Three Vipers emerge.
They are quickly followed by even more Vipers who engage the Cylons.]
[Interior Shot. Command Deck.]
ATHENA: The Vipers are out sir!
TIGH: Yes!
[Exterior Shot. The Cylons are quickly forced away from the Galactica. They
break down into groups of two or three to hunt down Vipers. The Vipers give
good chase, but the odds are against them.]
APOLLO: [Voice only.] This could be a problem. They outnumber us
at least four to one. So, while three chase us down, there's
still at least one Cylon for each Viper to attack the
Galactica.
STARBUCK: Wait a minute! I think I have an idea.
APOLLO: What is it?
STARBUCK: What if we force them outside the Bistromathic Field.
Slartibartfast said it would tear us apart and destroy
us instantly. The same should apply to Cylons, right?
APOLLO: Good plan. All units, try and force the Cylons outside the
red field.
[One Viper (probably Apollo's or Starbuck's) suddenly dives downward. Three
Cylons follow. They start firing, but the Viper zigs and zags enough to
avoid getting hit. The Viper also is working its way toward the edge of
Bistrospace. As he nears it, he slows down, allowing the Cylon ships to close
on him. As they are nearly on him, and targetting him for destruction, the
Viper shoots upward, using full thrust. The Cylons are caught by surprise
and collide with the field.]
[Exterior Shot. Outside the Bistromathic field. Stars streak by as
multi-colored lines of light. A red glowing, somewhat elongated and curved
sphere dominates the view. Camera pans towards a spot on the top, and the
very faintest hint of Cylon fighter ships can be seen emerging. They begin
to melt, and variously self-destruct, looking a lot like that house hit by
the atomic wind in _The Amazing Colossal Man_. They are destroyed.]
[Exterior Shot. Inside the BistroField. The Vipers are turning the tide of
the battle. With their new strategy, the Vipers have already destroyed nearly
half of the Cylon attack force. The rest of the Cylons have stopped attacking
the Battlestar, and appear to be in retreat, towards the basestar at the other
end of the field.
Two Vipers escort the last of the Cylons out of range, destroying one of them
in the process and then all return to base.]
[There is much rejoicing.]
[Scene 79. Exterior Shot. White Sands, New Mexico. A Police Box stands next
to a 'slightly' modified DeLorean. All around is a desert. A set of tire
tracks leads off into the distance, and several people have walked over. If
you've been paying attention (or if you have back issues to check), you know
who they are, but just in case...
Getting out of the DeLorean . . . Doc Emmet Brown
Marty McFly
Spin Tannen
'Einstein'
Approaching by foot . . . . . . . The Doctor
Leela
Adric
K-9
Lady Romana
Sam Beckett (still as Oscar Goldman)
Albert Calavicci (still a hologram)
Gary Seven
Roberta Lincoln
The Doctor is carrying Emmet Brown's copy of the New York times (with the
story of the dismantling of the last Apollo rocket).]
DOCTOR: We can cross-reference this paper using the TARDIS computer
and figure out where everything went ...
LEELA: Screwy?
DOCTOR: [Somewhat annoyed.] Exactly.
[The Doctor begins to open the door. Al goes to walk through the TARDIS wall
but bounces off instead.]
AL: Hey, what gives?
DOCTOR: I was afraid that might happen. You won't be able to join
us inside. Once the TARDIS doors are closed, she is completely
impervious to most forms of energy.
AL: Well, what am I supposed to do?
DOCTOR: I would suggest you talk to that computer of yours, um,
Ziggy, is it? [Sam and Al nod.] See what you can find
out about Steve Austin. I expect it will be important.
LEELA: Um, Doctor?
DOCTOR: [Turning.] Yes, what is it Leela?
LEELA: Who are you talking to?
DOCTOR: Mr. Calavicci, he's a friend of Dr. Beckett's here. You
probably can't see him, because he's only a hologram. Don't
worry about it.
[The Doctor turns and opens the TARDIS door. Al punches buttons on his
handlink and the door to the imaging chamber opens. Al steps out and the
door closes. The doctor ushers everyone inside.]
[Interior Shot. Inside the Main Control Room of the TARDIS. It is possible
to see out the door from this camera angle. Most of the party is inside,
only Sam Beckett and the Doctor remain outside. As Sam steps across the
threshold, the blue "leap" effect engulfs him. He is startled for a moment,
but the effect subsides once he is inside.]
LEELA: [Drawing a knife and assuming an attack position.] Who are
you? What have you done with Doctor Beckett?
[Sam is visibly startled, mostly because no one else is moving to stop her.
In fact, they seem to be lining up on her side. The Doctor steps in.]
DOCTOR: Leela, what are you doing?
LEELA: Look out Doctor, someone has replaced Dr. Beckett.
[The Doctor looks Sam up and down.]
DOCTOR: What are you talking about? He's right here.
GARY: I'm sorry Doctor, but that is not the man that you have been
referring to as Doctor Beckett?
DOCTOR: What are you all talking about?
SAM: Wait a minute! Doctor, have you got a mirror?
DOCTOR: Um, yes, right over there by the hat rack.
[Sam moves to walk towards the hat rack and the mirror. At first Leela
blocks him, but the Doctor signals her to move aside. Sam walks to the
mirror and looks into it. He sees his own face.]
SAM: Doctor, I've lost my disguise. Up until know, only you,
Al, and I have been seeing me as I really look. The rest,
I would presume have been seeing my outer guise of Oscar
Goldman. Somehow, crossing into the TARDIS has disrupted
the disguise.
DOCTOR: Hmmmm. Probably a side effect of the Transcendental
Dimensionality of the TARDIS. Look, everyone trust me, this
is the man that has been with us from the start, and whether
you know him as Dr. Sam Beckett, or Oscar Goldman, it's the
same man. Understand?
LEELA: [dejectedly putting her knife away] Yes, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Now, as large as this room is, it's a bit too small to
accomadate all of us. I suggest we adjourn to the main
computer room, which is much larger, and much more
comfortable.
[They all head off through the TARDIS with the Doctor in the lead.]
[Scene 80. Interior Shot. Captain's Ready Room on board the Starship
Enterprise (NCC-1701-D). Sitting at the table are Beverly Crusher (dressed
pretty much the same as she is in the actual series), Tasha Yar, Deanna
Troi, Jean-Luc Picard, Reg Barclay, Miles O'Brien, and Wesley Crusher.
Wesley has a small device with him of unknown description.]
PICARD: Well, what have we got on the situation down on the planet.
It certainly isn't making us any profit just sitting here
and waiting.
O'BRIEN: Unfortunately, we have no data on the Guardian at all. We
don't know whether it will take a few minutes or a few hours
for the Away Team to come back with Guinan.
BARCLAY: [Still nervous, that much, at least, has not changed.] It
could even take days, Sir.
PICARD: This will not due. Do we know when in Earth history the away
team has gone? Would it be possible to follow?
TASHA: Data's Tricorder was broadcasting to ship's computers when
Guinan leapt into the Guardian. We can pinpoint within a few
moments when she jumped, but unfortunately, we cannot hope
to duplicate jumping at the exact moment.
TROI: But, the Away Team managed it.
TASHA: They had Data to do the timing for them. There's no way we
could hope to duplicate that feat.
WESLEY: I have something that...
PICARD: Shut up, Wesley!
WESLEY: But...
PICARD: I said, 'Shut up, Wesley!'
WESLEY: [Sulking.] Yes sir.
PICARD: So, what you're all telling me is that we have no choice but
to sit here and wait, hoping that in the meantime, neither our
Away Team nor Guinan do something to wipe us from existence.
BARCLAY: [Stuttering.] Ess-ess-essentially that's it, y-y-y-es sir.
PICARD: Very well, dismissed. I want you all working on this problem.
If any of you has any ideas, feel free to come to me with
them.
[Wesley looks up, expectantly.]
PICARD: *Except* you, Wesley.
[Wesley sulks again. Everyone gets up to leave, except Picard. When the
last has left, he puts his feet up.]
[CUT TO Interior Shot. Wesley Crusher's Quarters. Wesley walks in, still
holding his toy. He throws himself on the bed, and turns to stare at the
ceiling.]
WESLEY: I'll show them. [Suddenly, an idea creeps into his head.]
Why wait? [he looks at the device in his hand.] I'll show
them right now.
[He gets up and crosses to a desk, picking up another small device on his
way.]
WESLEY: Computer, access Tricorder Scan Recordings, Stardate 54321.67.
COMPUTER: Command Level Access Required for that information.
[Wesley punches a button on the device he picked up. It begins to make noise.]
PICARD'S VOICE:Computer, recognize, Picard, Jean-Luc, Captain.
COMPUTER: Voice Recognition Pattern Matched. Access Granted.
[Wesley smiles evilly to himself and begins punching buttons on the terminal.]
--
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
Copyright 1992 Creative Insights, a subsidiary of Minion Media, International
Distributed September 1992 by Minion Press, a subsidiary of MMI
DeityCo et al are subsidiaries of Virtual Enterprises, GmbH
(Don't worry, we can't pronounce it either.)
Comments, Questions, Death Threats, Marraige Proposals to
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