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�                Vaginal and Anal Secretions Newsletter #0026                 �
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�          Date Released : [06/18/92]       Author: Mr. MyBigFatCock          �
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�                              Phun at the Mall                               �
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       Well im sure you all have gotten bored of hanging around the mall
hitting on chicks, so I decided to compile a small list of alternative things
to do at the mall. These all will probably get you kicked out forever, but
what real power do rent-a-cops have anyways?

[1] Walk around the mall with some sort of odd costume on. I have tried this
    with a gas mask, and the other day i wrapped my head in tin foil and
    cut 2 eye holes and walked around. This gets lots of attention. If you
    have a gas mask, tell people there is a gas leak, and that they need to
    get out of the mall immediately, or you can tell them that you are from
    planet x, and you cannot breathe this harsh earth atmosphere.

[2] Run through the mall naked. I dont think I need to elaborate on this one.

[3] Take a broomstick, and nudge all the mall cameras so they point up to
    the sky. They will have fun trying to get them back in place <Especially
    when they are like 30 ft. off the ground ahaha>.

[4] Let mice, rats, snakes, dogs, cats, pigs, horses, etc loose in the mall
    and watch the commotion.

[5] Steal books from the book store. I have not found a bookstore yet that
    is remotely difficult to steal books from. Just take small ones, and
    shove 'em down the front of your pants and let your shirt hang over it.

[6] Get change and a lighter, and heat up the change super hot <I would
    reccomend wearing gloves when you do this>, and then roll it down the
    mall. When old people bend over to pick up that nickle, they will be
    in for quite a treat.

[7] Get some girls, and have them ask the security guard if he wants to get
    laid tonight.

[8] For those malls with moveable benches, move them in the most inconvenient
    spots <blocking doors, etc>.

[9] Ride your bikes through the mall <I did this once and beleive it or not
    no rent-a-cops stopped us!>.

[10] Put Worx-Bombs in strategic locations <See VaS #24>, like in flower
     planters, lockers,  etc.

[11] Put change in the slots on the escalators when you are going up. This
     will usually jam them up. Or you can get a few friends, sit on the
     railing <that black rubber handrail strip>, on some models, this will
     stop the thing completely. Or if you are lucky, there is an emergency
     stop button. Stop it when lots of people are on it.

[12] Go to a store, try on 1000 outfits, wait until the clerk seems totally
     pissed off, and then notify him that you dont really want to buy
     anything, you just figured you'd see how much of his/her time you
     could waste.

[13] Throw slurpees, pops, ice cream cones, farm animals, etc. over the
     edge of the 2nd level <if your mall has one> onto people, or just
     piss on them <although i wouldnt recommend this in a busy mall>.

[14] In the arcade, tell the attendant something like "Your fucking piece
     of shit machine stole my goddamn motherfucking 5 dollar bill" and
     inform them you want it back. Of course you never put any money in
     the thing, but how are they gonna know?

[15] Drive up next to the rent-a-cop, get him to roll down his window, then
     throw shit in his car <eggs, opened containers of spoiled milk, etc>.
     Make sure your license plate is covered or he may get it and call the
     real cops.

[16] Find a locked car with some cool shit in it, tell the rent-a-g' that
     you locked your keys in 'your' car. He will make you sign lots of forms
     and shit, have fake id ready <doesnt matter what name you have on it>
     and you're in.

[17] Right when the mall janitor cleans the glass windows, go eat some
     pizza at Little Caesars or whatever, get your hands all covered with
     grease and sauce and shit, then while he's still cleaing them, lean
     on the glass he just cleaned and get it all fucked up then say "ohhh
     soo soorry dude didnt know you were cleaning it ahhaha".

       Oh well that it for tonight. I dont know why I wrote this, well yeah
I do.... We havent written any VaS files for ages so i wrote 3 tonight.
LaterSkaters.

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