Well, this little news "tid-bit" came from Attitude Adjuster, one of the
few non-PHALCON/SKISM contributers (ok, the ONLY non P/S member), Thanks a
lot dude, keep the submissions coming. The article itself is quite sad,
and makes me question the intelligence of our opposition.
-)GHeap&Demo
Thanx to CZ for THE line.
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- We need Computer Virus Snitches -
Written By Mike Royko, Tribune Media Services.
Retyped by The Attitude Adjuster
============================================================================
Millions of computer users are wondering how to protect themselves
against the wave of viruses that are threatening their machines. I have a
suggestion.[So do I, avoid Bnu 1.90Beta]
First, they should remember that these viruses don't spring from
nature. They are little computer programs that are created and sent on
their way by people that are brainy, malicious and arrogant.[I am not
brainy]
So, the question is, how do you find the creators of computer
virus programs?
Because they are arrogant, it's likely that they want someone to
know what a clever thing they have done. They won't hold a press conference
[Actually, we do hold press conferences. See Michael Alexander@Computerworld]
but chances are they will brag to a trusted friend or acquaintance or
fellow hacker.
It is sad, but the world is full of snitches.[Get a thesaurus] Look
at John Gotti, the nation's biggest Mafia boss. There was a time when it
was unthinkable for even the lowest-level Mafia soldier to blab. But now
Gotti has to sit in court while his former right-hand man tells about how
they got people whacked. [We whack people too]
So if Mafia figures can be persuaded to tattle[Na-na-na-na-na], is
there any reason to believe that nerds have a greater sense of honor and
loyalty? [Yes, we also have brains]
Of course[.] not, but how do you get them to do it?
Money. [Now yer talking... my mom is really the Dark Avenger, I want
my money now.]
These companies [what companies, I only hit hospitals] could use
petty cash to place ads in the computer magazines and on the electronic
bulletin boards. [Ok, call my BBS and post this tidbit. 40Hex now has ad
space available]
The ads would say something like: "A $50,000 reward for any
information leading to the arrest and conviction of virus authors."
[How can you convict a virus author. It isn't illegal. Go play Tank Wars.]
The next question would be what to do with the virus makers once
they have been caught. And that's the key to putting an end to the
problem: something that could be posted on those electronic bulletin
boards that might cause an aspiring virus-maker to go take a brisk walk
instead.
A judge would sit and listen to an attorney who would say some-
thing like this:
"Your honor, what we have here is an otherwise fine young man
from a good family. His father is a brilliant scholar, and the son will
someday be the same."[I am going to be a certified scholar when I grow up.]
"What he did was no more than an intellectual prank, a cerebral
challenge of sorts. Like the man who climbed Mount Everest because it was
there, he created the virus and sent it fourth because it was there."
Then, we can hope, the judge might say something like this:
"Yes, I am impressed by the defendant's brain power. And I
expected you to ask me to give him a slap on the wrist."
"However, he is not a child. He is an adult. And I would think
that so brilliant a grown man would know better than to amuse himself
by screwing with the lives of strangers." [I haven't screwed one stranger]
"It's as if he hid inside the businesses and institutions until
they were closed and everyone had gone home. Then he came out and went
through every filing cabinet and drawer and shredded or burned every bit
of useful information he could find."[Cool! Lets try it.]
"Now, counselor, what would you and your law partners say is some
street mope [See Thesaurus] did that to your firm - crept in and destroyed
every document in your offices? Including the names of clients that owe you
money. Hah, you would be in here asking me to hang him from a tree."[I love
hanging from trees]
"So don't give me that smart kid from a good family routine.
[I ain't smart, and family ain't good] He is a self-centered, insensitive,
uncaring, arrogant goofball [And damn proud]. He didn't give a second
thought to the chaos or heartbreak he would cause an adoption agency, a
hardworking businessman or a medical clinic." [Yes I did. I aim for them.]
"Therefore, I sentence him to the maximum sentence the law allows
in the local jailhouse [0, NUL, ZIP-o, /dev/null, etc..], which is a really
terrible place, filled with all sorts of crude, insensitive hulks."
[Jay-walkers]
"Bailiff, please get the defendent up off the floor and administer
some smelling salts."[More like, why is the defendant laughing?]
"And change his trousers, quickly."[Fuck you]
I hope you enjoyed that one as much as I did! Okay, I
see some really neat things with this man's article. First off,
I'm sure he's an adept programmer... that is, he can probably
figure out how to get his VCR to tape something while he is
off writing his brilliant articles. I enjoy his narrow-minded
definition of virii (that was mentioned in 40Hex 5), of course,
all virii are those evil overwriting, trigger date, resident,
boot track infecting swine (yeah, he probably learned what a
virus was from watching ABC News covering the Michaelangelo
crisis!)
I also enjoy his opinion that all virus authors are
nerds. First off, what the hell is a nerd? I mean, I have
written a virus before (not saying it was any good), but, I
don't feel like a nerd! In fact, I feel quite superior to
most of the idiots like this guy. And, I like his great
statement about my loyalty. Yes, I'm gonna narc on [PHALCON/
[Forget this again, and die]]SKISM for $50,000!!! Yeah, right.
There are a lot of narcs on this not-so good earth, so choose
your friends wisely.
I'm quite sure that ads on BBS's (electronic bulletin
boards! No... cork ones!) would just sufficiently pump up user
discussion of virii. I'm not scared of fed intervention, and
I doubt any authors I know are either.
This was touched on in 40Hex 5, virus authors are not
responsible for the spread of their virii unless they are
actively spreading them! I mean, it's not my fault that K-Rad
Man sent my Hard Drive Blender (slices, dices, minces sectors)
to 1000 Bible boards in Utah. Apparently it hasn't dawned on
this guy that most virii are not written to be destructive.
Actually, that's a lie. There are a lot of virii out there that
are descructive, but that is changing. People like the
PHALCON/SKISM crew realize that not everything must be
destructive, opening the doors to much larger virus projects
(ie Bobisms)
One more thing... QUIT EQUATING THE WORD 'hacker' TO
EVERY DAMN TYPE OF ELECTRONIC 'crime!!!'
I'm gonna get this dude's phone #, I say we call him
sometime...
-The Attitude Adjuster-
Downloaded From P-80 International Information Systems 304-744-2253
