These are some of the new viruses being identified around the country.
Only YOU can prevent hard disk crashes, so backup today and protect your
data.
1. BOBBIT VIRUS: Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re-attaches
it. (But that part will never work again.)
2. OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB,
and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
3. ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS: Claims that if you don't send it a million dollars,
it's programmer will take it back.
4. AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are
getting.
5. MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you are paying too
much for the AT&T virus.
6. TERRY RANDLE VIRUS: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort"
from the "Abort" "Retry" "Fail" message.
7. PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It
warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C: .
8. POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead
refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
9. RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Will not allow you to delete a file, regardless
of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to
first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
10. ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before
the whole thing quits.
11. MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus but it refuses to run.
12. TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
13. ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be
back!
14. DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Prevents your system from spawning any child process
without joining into a binary network.
15. DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2: Their is sumthing rong wit your komputer, ewe jsut
cant figyour out watt!
16. GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
software says everything is fine.
17. NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probobly harmless, but it makes a lot of people
really mad just thinking about it.
18. FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of
little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which
claim to be the most important part of your computer.
19. GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PC's infected will loose 38 percent
of their data 14 percent of the time. (plus or minus a 3.5 percent
margin for error.)
20. TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it is bigger than any other file.
21. ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
22. CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically
with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the
problem.
23. AIRLINE VIRUS: You are in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
24. FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying it's own
motherboard.
25. PBS VIRUS: Your program stops every few minutes to ask for money.
26. ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy, then self destructs
only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural
America.
27. OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
28. NIKE VIRUS: Just does it!
29. SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power
supply and a set of shocks.
30. JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again.
31. CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2: Runs every program on the hard drive
simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
32. KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
33. IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up,
then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it on all
expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.
34. STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone
before.
35. HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong,
and sends you a bill for $4,500.
36. GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs...No new
files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your
hard drive with new files, them blames it on the CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS.
37. CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS: Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286/AT.
38. LAPD VIRUS: It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your
PC and erases them in self defense.
39. CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS: Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last
in the reviews, but you still love it.
40. RICHARD SIMMONS VIRUS: Works your hard disk for 20 minutes, then trims
the FAT.
