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= Nonviolent_Communication =
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Introduction
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Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is an approach to enhanced
communication, understanding, and connection based on the principles
of nonviolence and humanistic psychology. It is not an attempt to end
disagreements, but rather a way that aims to increase empathy and
understanding to improve the overall quality of life. It seeks
empathic dialogue and understanding among all parties. Nonviolent
Communication evolved from concepts used in person-centered therapy,
and was developed by clinical psychologist Marshall Rosenberg
beginning in the 1960s and 1970s. There are a large number of
workshops and clinical materials about NVC, including Rosenberg's book
'Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life'. Marshall Rosenberg
also taught NVC in a number of video lectures available online; the
workshop recorded in San Francisco is the most well-known.
NVC is a communication tool with the goal of first creating empathy in
the conversation. The idea is that once people hear one another, it
will be much easier to talk about a solution which satisfies all
parties' fundamental needs. The goal is interpersonal harmony and
obtaining knowledge for future cooperation. Notable concepts include
rejecting coercive forms of discourse, gathering facts through
observing without evaluating, genuinely and concretely expressing
feelings and needs, and formulating effective and empathetic requests.
Nonviolent Communication is used as a clinical psychotherapy modality
and it is also offered in workshops for the general public,
particularly in regard to seeking harmony in relationships and at
workplaces.
History
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Marshall Rosenberg's motivation for developing NVC was based on his
own experiences at the Detroit race riot of 1943, as well as the
antisemitism that he experienced in his early life.
According to Marion Little (2008), the roots of the NVC model
developed in the late 1960s, when Rosenberg was working on racial
integration in schools and organizations in the Southern United
States. The earliest version of the model (observations, feelings,
needs, and action-oriented wants) was part of a training manual
Rosenberg prepared in 1972.
The development of NVC is highly reliant on concepts developed by Carl
Rogers and person-centered therapy. Rogers emphasized: 1) experiential
learning, 2) "frankness about one's emotional state," 3) the
satisfaction of hearing others "in a way that resonates for them," 4)
the enriching and encouraging experience of "creative, active,
sensitive, accurate, empathic listening," 5) the "deep value of
congruence between one's own inner experience, one's conscious
awareness, and one's communication," and, subsequently, 6) the
enlivening experience of unconditionally receiving love or
appreciation and extending the same. These influenced the concepts
described in the section below.
Rosenberg was influenced by Erich Fromm, George Albee, and George
Miller to adopt a community focus in his work, moving away from
clinical psychological practice. The central ideas influencing this
shift by Rosenberg were that: (1) individual mental health depends on
the social structure of a community (Fromm), (2) therapists alone are
unable to meet the psychological needs of a community (Albee), and (3)
knowledge about human behavior will increase if psychology is freely
given to the community (Miller).
Rosenberg's early work with children with learning disabilities shows
his interest in psycholinguistics and the power of language, as well
as his emphasis on collaboration. In its initial development, the NVC
model re-structured the pupil-teacher relationship to give students
greater responsibility for, and decision-making related to, their own
learning. The model has evolved over the years to incorporate
institutional power relationships (i.e., police-citizen,
boss-employee) and informal ones (i.e. man-woman, rich-poor,
adult-youth, parent-child). The ultimate aim is to develop societal
relationships based on a restorative, "partnership" paradigm and
mutual respect, rather than a retributive, fear-based, "domination"
paradigm.
In order to show the differences between communication styles,
Rosenberg started to use two animals. Violent communication was
represented by the carnivorous Jackal as a symbol of aggression and
especially dominance. The herbivorous Giraffe on the other hand,
represented his NVC strategy. The Giraffe was chosen as symbol for NVC
as its long neck is supposed to show the clear-sighted speaker, being
aware of his fellow speakers' reactions; and because the Giraffe has a
large heart, representing the compassionate side of NVC. In his
courses he tended to use these animals in order to make the
differences in communication clearer to the audience.
The model had evolved to its present form (observations, feelings,
needs and requests) by 1992. Since the late 2000s, there has been more
emphasis on 'self-empathy' as a key to the model's effectiveness.
Another shift in emphasis, since 2000, has been the reference to the
model as a 'process'. The focus is thus less on the "steps" themselves
and more on the practitioner's 'intentions' in speaking ("Is the
intent to get others to do what one wants, or to foster more
meaningful relationships and mutual satisfaction?") in listening ("Is
the intent to prepare for what one has to say, or to extend heartfelt,
respectful attentiveness to another?") and the quality of connection
experienced with others.
In 2019, a group of certified NVC trainers published a #MeToo
statement honouring Marshall Rosenberg's legacy but also acknowledging
he had slept with students at some times of his life. The trainers
encourage all facilitators to share a warning with prospective clients
and students about the potential risks of empathy work and recommended
sexual boundaries.
Overview
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Nonviolent Communication holds that most conflicts between individuals
or groups arise from miscommunication about their human needs, due to
coercive or manipulative language that aims to induce fear, guilt,
shame, etc. These "violent" modes of communication, when used during a
conflict, divert the attention of the participants away from
clarifying their needs, their feelings, their perceptions, and their
requests, thus perpetuating the conflict.
Alternative names
===================
In a recorded lecture, Marshall Rosenberg describes the origins of the
name Nonviolent Communication. He explains that the name was chosen to
connect his work to the word "nonviolence" that was used by the peace
movement, thus showing the ambition to create peace on the planet.
Meanwhile, Marshall did not like that name since it described what
NVC is not, rather than what NVC is. In fact, this goes against an
important principle in the fourth component of NVC, i.e. requests.
Specifically, in an NVC request, one should ask for what one does
want, not what one doesn't want. Because of this, a number of
alternative names have become common, most importantly giraffe
language, compassionate communication or collaborative communication.
Components
============
There are four components to practice nonviolent communication, and in
this order:
#Observation: These are facts (what we are seeing, hearing, or
touching) as distinct from our evaluation of meaning and significance.
NVC discourages static generalizations. It is said that "When we
combine observation with evaluation, others are apt to hear criticism
and resist what we are saying." Instead, a focus on observations
specific to time and context is recommended.
#Feelings: These are emotions or sensations, free of thought and
story. These are to be distinguished from thoughts (e.g., "I feel I
didn't get a fair deal") and from words colloquially used as feelings
but which convey what we think we are (e.g., "inadequate"), how we
think others are evaluating us (e.g., "unimportant"), or what we think
others are doing to us (e.g., "misunderstood", "ignored"). Feelings
are said to reflect whether we are experiencing our needs as met or
unmet. Identifying feelings is said to allow us to more easily connect
with one another, and "Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable by
expressing our feelings can help resolve conflicts."
#Needs: These are universal human needs, as distinct from particular
strategies for meeting needs. It is posited that "Everything we do is
in service of our needs." Marshall Rosenberg refers to Max-Neef's
model where needs may be categorised into 9 classes: sustenance,
safety, love, understanding/empathy, creativity, recreation, sense of
belonging, autonomy and meaning. For more information, the Center for
Nonviolent Communication has developed a 'needs inventory'.
#Requests: Requests are distinguished from demands in that one is open
to hearing a response of "no" without this triggering an attempt to
force the matter. If one makes a request and receives a "no" it is not
recommended that one gives up, but that one empathizes with what is
preventing the other person from saying "yes," before deciding how to
continue the conversation. It is recommended that requests use clear,
positive, concrete action language.
Modes
=======
There are three primary modes of application of NVC:
*Self-empathy involves compassionately connecting with what is going
on inside us. This may involve, without blame, noticing the thoughts
and judgments we are having, noticing our feelings, and most
critically, connecting to the needs that are affecting us.
*Receiving empathically, in NVC, involves "connection with what's
alive in the other person and what would make life wonderful for
them... It's not an understanding of the head where we just mentally
understand what another person says... Empathic connection is an
understanding of the heart in which we see the beauty in the other
person, the divine energy in the other person, the life that's alive
in them... It doesn't mean we have to feel the same feelings as the
other person. That's sympathy, when we feel sad that another person is
upset. It doesn't mean we have the same feelings; it means we are with
the other person... If you're mentally trying to understand the other
person, you're not present with them." Empathy involves "emptying the
mind and listening with our whole being." NVC suggests that however
the other person expresses themselves, we focus on listening for the
underlying observations, feelings, needs, and requests. It is
suggested that it can be useful to reflect a paraphrase of what
another person has said, highlighting the NVC components implicit in
their message, such as the feelings and needs you guess they may be
expressing.
*Expressing honestly, in NVC, is likely to involve expressing an
observation, feeling, need, and request. An observation may be omitted
if the context of the conversation is clear. A feeling might be
omitted if there is sufficient connection already, or the context is
one where naming a feeling isn't likely to contribute to connection.
It is said that naming a need in addition to a feeling makes it less
likely that people will think you are making them responsible for your
feeling. Similarly, it is said that making a request in addition to
naming a need makes it less likely that people will infer a vague
demand that they address your need. The components are thought to work
together synergistically. According to NVC trainer Bob Wentworth, "an
observation sets the context, feelings support connection and getting
out of our heads, needs support connection and identify what is
important, and a request clarifies what sort of response you might
enjoy. Using these components together minimizes the chances of people
getting lost in potentially disconnecting speculation about what you
want from them and why."
Research
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A systematic review of research as of 2013 analyzed 13 studies picked
from 2,634 citations. Two of these studies came from peer-reviewed
journals. Eleven of these suggested an increase in empathy subsequent
to the application of NVC (five of these with evidence of statistical
significance) and two did not. There have been no randomized studies
into NVC. Academic research into NVC only began in the 1990s, and has
been increasing with time.
As of 2017, fifteen master's theses and doctoral dissertations are
known to have tested the model on sample sizes of 108 or smaller and
generally have found the model to be effective.
While it is widely applied in clinical and lay contexts, and very
limited research generally shows the technique to be effective in
conflict resolution and increasing empathy, psychologists generally do
not consider it to have the same standing as evidence-based practices
such as cognitive-behavioral therapy. This is due to the low amount of
academic research on the method.
Allan Rohlfs, who first met Rosenberg in 1972 and was a founder of the
Center for Nonviolent Communication, in 2011 explained a paucity of
academic literature as follows:
Virtually all conflict resolution programs have an academic setting
as their foundation and therefore have empirical studies by graduate
students assessing their efficacy. NVC is remarkable for its roots.
Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D. (clinical psychology, U of Wisconsin) comes
from a full time private practice in clinical psychology and
consultation, never an academic post. NVC, his creation, is entirely a
grassroots organization and never had until recently any foundation
nor grant monies, on the contrary funded 100% from trainings which
were offered in public workshops around the world. ... Empirical data
is now coming slowly as independent researchers find their own funding
to conduct and publish empirical studies with peer review.
Bowers and Moffett (2012) asserts that NVC has been absent from
academic programs due to a lack of research into the theoretical basis
for the model and lack of research on the reliability of positive
results.
Connor and Wentworth (2012) examined the impact of 6-months of NVC
training and coaching on 23 executives in a Fortune 100 corporation. A
variety of benefits were reported, including "conversations and
meetings were notably more efficient, with issues being resolved in
50-80 percent less time."
A 2014 study examined the effects of combined NVC and mindfulness
training on 885 male inmates of the Monroe Correctional Complex in
Monroe, Washington. The training was found to reduce recidivism from
37% to 21%, and the training was estimated as having saved the state
$5 million per year in reduced incarceration costs. The training was
found to increase equanimity, decrease anger, and lead to abilities to
take responsibility for one's feelings, express empathy, and to make
requests without imposing demands.
Relationship to spirituality
======================================================================
In the introduction to Rosenberg's book 'Nonviolent Communication: A
Language of Life',
NVC is described as a framework of several pre-existing concepts, that
Rosenberg found useful on the topic of communication and conflict
resolution. Therefore, it is perhaps not surprising that some
Christians have found NVC to be complementary to their Christian
faith.
Many people have found Nonviolent Communication to be very
complementary to Buddhism, both in theory and in manifesting Buddhist
ideals in practice. Furthermore, the "NVC consciousness" described in
NVC have several similarities to the concepts of presence and patience
in mindfulness.
As Theresa Latini notes, "Rosenberg understands NVC to be a
fundamentally spiritual practice." Marshall Rosenberg describes the
influence of his spiritual life on the development and practice of
NVC:
I think it is important that people see that spirituality is at the
base of Nonviolent Communication, and that they learn the mechanics of
the process with that in mind. It's really a spiritual practice that I
am trying to show as a way of life. Even though we don't mention this,
people get seduced by the practice. Even if they practice this as a
mechanical technique, they start to experience things between
themselves and other people they weren't able to experience before. So
eventually they come to the spirituality of the process. They begin to
see that it's more than a communication process and realize it's
really an attempt to manifest a certain spirituality.
Rosenberg further states that he developed NVC as a way to "get
conscious of" what he calls the "Beloved Divine Energy". Rosenberg
considered NVC to be much more than a four-step process for
communication, but rather a way of living.
Relationship to other models
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Marion Little examines theoretical frameworks related to NVC. The
influential interest-based model for conflict resolution, negotiation,
and mediation developed by Fisher, Ury, and Patton at the Harvard
Negotiation Project and at the Program on Negotiation in the 1980s
appears to have some conceptual overlap with NVC, although neither
model references the other. Little suggests The Gordon Model for
Effective Relationships (1970) as a likely precursor to both NVC and
interest-based negotiation, based on conceptual similarities, if not
any direct evidence of a connection. Like Rosenberg, Gordon had worked
with Carl Rogers, so the models' similarities may reflect common
influences.
Suzanne Jones sees a substantive difference between active listening
as originated by Gordon and empathic listening as recommended by
Rosenberg, insofar as active listening involves a specific step of
reflecting what a speaker said to let them know you are listening,
whereas empathic listening involves an ongoing process of listening
with both heart and mind and being fully present to the other's
experience, with an aim of comprehending and empathizing with the
needs of the other, the meaning of the experience for that person.
Gert Danielsen and Havva Kök both note an overlap between the premises
of NVC and those of Human Needs Theory (HNT), an academic model for
understanding the sources of conflict and designing conflict
resolution processes, with the idea that "Violence occurs when certain
individuals or groups do not see any other way to meet their need, or
when they need understanding, respect and consideration for their
needs."
Chapman Flack sees an overlap between what Rosenberg advocates and
critical thinking, especially Bertrand Russell's formulation uniting
kindness and clear thinking.
Martha Lasley sees similarities with the Focused Conversation Method
developed by the Institute of Cultural Affairs (ICA), with NVC's
'observations', 'feelings', 'needs', and 'requests' components
relating to FCM's 'objective', 'reflective', 'interpretive', and
'decisional' stages.
Applications
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NVC has been applied in organizational and business settings, in
parenting, in education, in mediation, in psychotherapy, in
healthcare, in addressing eating issues, in justice, and as a basis
for a children's book, among other contexts.
Rosenberg related ways he used Nonviolent Communication in peace
programs in conflict zones including Rwanda, Burundi, Nigeria,
Malaysia, Indonesia, Sri Lanka, Colombia, Serbia, Croatia, Ireland,
and the Middle East including the occupied West Bank.
Reportedly, one of the first acts of Satya Nadella when he became CEO
of Microsoft in 2014 was to ask top company executives to read
Rosenberg's book, 'Nonviolent Communication.'
Criticisms
======================================================================
Several researchers have attempted a thorough evaluation of criticisms
and weaknesses of NVC and assessed significant challenges in its
application. These span a range of potential problems, from the
practical to the theoretical, and include concerns gathered from study
participants and researchers.
The difficulty of using NVC as well as the dangers of misuse are
common concerns. In addition, Bitschnau and Flack find a paradoxical
potential for violence in the use of NVC, occasioned by its unskilled
use. Bitschnau further suggests that the use of NVC is unlikely to
allow everyone to express their feelings and have their needs met in
real life as this would require inordinate time, patience and
discipline. Those who are skilled in the use of NVC may become
prejudiced against those who are not and prefer to converse only among
themselves.
Furthermore, the exclusivity of NVC appears to favor the
well-educated, valuing those with more awareness of grammar, word
choice, and syntax. This could lead to problems of accessibility for
the underprivileged and favoring a higher social class.
Oboth suggests that people might hide their feelings in the process of
empathy, subverting the nonviolence of communication.
Though intended to strengthen relationships between loved ones, NVC
may lead to the outcome of an ended relationship. We are finite
creatures with finite resources, and understanding one another's needs
through NVC may teach that the relationship causes too much strain to
meet all needs.
The massive investment of time and effort in learning to use NVC has
been noted by a number of researchers.
Chapman Flack, in reviewing a training video by Rosenberg, finds the
presentation of key ideas "spell-binding" and the anecdotes "humbling
and inspiring", notes the "beauty of his work", and his "adroitly
doing fine attentive thinking" when interacting with his audience. Yet
Flack wonders what to make of aspects of Rosenberg's presentation,
such as his apparent "dim view of the place for thinking" and his
building on Walter Wink's account of the origins of our way of
thinking. To Flack, some elements of what Rosenberg says seem like pat
answers at odds with the challenging and complex picture of human
nature, history, literature, and art offer.
Flack notes a distinction between the "strong sense" of Nonviolent
Communication as a virtue that is possible with care and attention,
and the "weak sense," a mimicry of this born of ego and haste. The
strong sense offers a language to examine one's thinking and actions,
support understanding, bring one's best to the community, and honor
one's emotions. In the weak sense, one may take the language as rules
and use these to score debating points, label others for political
gain, or insist that others express themselves in this way. Though
concerned that some of what Rosenberg says could lead to the weak
sense, Flack sees evidence confirming that Rosenberg understands the
strong sense in practice. Rosenberg's work with workshop attendees
demonstrates "the real thing." Yet Flack warns that "the temptation of
the weak sense will not be absent." As an antidote, Flack advises, "Be
conservative in what you do, be liberal in what you accept from
others," (also known as the robustness principle) and guard against
the "metamorphosis of nonviolent communication into subtle violence
done in its name."
Ellen Gorsevski, assessing Rosenberg's book, 'Nonviolent
Communication: A Language of Compassion' (1999) in the context of
geopolitical rhetoric, states that "the relative strength of the
individual is vastly overestimated while the key issue of structural
violence is almost completely ignored."
PuddleDancer Press reports that NVC has been endorsed by a variety of
public figures.
Sven Hartenstein has created a series of cartoons spoofing NVC.
While a number of studies have indicated a high degree of
effectiveness, there has been limited academic research into NVC in
general. From an evidence-based standpoint, it does not have the same
standing as practices such as cognitive-behavioral therapy. Supporters
of the theory have generally relied on clinical and anecdotal
experience to support its efficacy. Critics generally assume the
efficacy of the method on an individual level; most criticism consider
issues of equity and consistency. In Internet blog posts, some have
described its model as self-contradictory, viewing NVC as a
potentially coercive (and thus “violent”) technique with significant
potential for misuse. The method requires a substantial amount of
effort (time) to learn and apply, and assumes a certain level of
education.
Organizations
======================================================================
The Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC), founded by Marshall
Rosenberg, has trademarked the terms 'Nonviolent Communication: A
Language of Life', 'The Center for Nonviolent Communication' and
'CNVC'.
CNVC certifies trainers who wish to teach NVC in a manner aligned with
CNVC's understanding of the NVC process. CNVC also offers trainings by
certified trainers.
Some trainings in Nonviolent Communication are offered by trainers
sponsored by organizations considered as allied with, but having no
formal relationship with, the Center for Nonviolent Communication
founded by Marshall Rosenberg. Some of these trainings are announced
through CNVC. Numerous NVC organizations have sprung up around the
world, many with regional focuses.
Further reading
======================================================================
* Atlee, T. [
http://www.co-intelligence.org/CIPol_NVCsochange.html
"Thoughts on Nonviolent Communication and Social Change."]
Co-intelligence Institute.
* Branch, K. (2017)
[
https://www.vogue.com/article/thanksgiving-dinner-self-care-tips-nonviolent-communication-maha-rose-marshall-rosenberg-new-york-city
"How to Survive Thanksgiving Drama With This Smart Conflict-Management
Strategy" Vogue Magazine] November, 2017.
* Evans, Louise (2016)
[
https://books.google.com/books/about/5_Chairs_5_Choices.html?id=c3cqvgAACAAJ
'The Five Chairs: Own Your Behaviours, Master Your Communication,
Determine Your Success' (book];
[
https://singjupost.com/louise-evans-behaviours-master-communication-determine-success-transcript/
TEDx talk)]
* Kabatznick, R. and M. Cullen (2004)
[
http://www.inquiringmind.com/Articles/Peacemaker.html "The Traveling
Peacemaker: A Conversation with Marshall Rosenberg."] 'Inquiring
Mind,' Fall issue.
* Kashtan, M. (2010-ongoing), blog about applying NVC
[
http://baynvc.blogspot.com/ The Fearless Heart] by the co-founder of
Bay Area Nonviolent Communication.
* Kashtan, M. (2012)
[
http://www.satyagrahafoundation.org/nonviolent-communication-gandhian-principles-for-everyday-living/
"Nonviolent Communication: Gandhian Principles for Everyday Living"],
Satyagraha Foundation for Nonviolence Studies, April 2012.
* Latini, T. (2009).
[
https://web.archive.org/web/20110708151133/http://www.luthersem.edu/leadingfromtheheart/NVC_as_Humanizing_Practice.pdf
Nonviolent Communication: A Humanizing Ecclesial and Educational
Practice]. 'Journal of Education & Christian Belief'.
* Moore, P. (2004)
[
http://www.alternativesmagazine.com/29/rosenberg.html "NonViolent
Communication as an Evolutionary Imperative-The InnerView of Marshall
Rosenberg"] 'Alternatives,' Issue 29, Spring.
* Sauer, M. (2004)
[
http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/features/20041014-9999-lz1c14peace.html
"Expert on conflict resolution believes nonviolence is in our nature"]
'San Diego Union-Tribune,' October 14, 2004.
* van Gelder, S. (1998)
[
https://web.archive.org/web/20090210120208/http://www.yesmagazine.org/article.asp?ID=837
"The Language of Nonviolence"] 'Yes Magazine,' Summer 1998.
External links
======================================================================
* [
https://www.cnvc.org/ The Center for Nonviolent Communication] -
nonprofit international organization
*
*
[
https://www.authenticcommunicationgroup.com/nonviolentcommunication/
Nonviolent Communication] by the authentic communication group -
online skills training that helps to improve personal development
License
=========
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Original Article:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonviolent_Communication
