We Cannot Remake Marriage in Our Image
By Mary Beth Bonacci
Why can't gay people get married if they love each other?
The teen group at my parish had a discussion on homosexuality the other night. This
was the primary question the teens asked. I wasn't surprised. The question of the
possibility of this kind of "marriage" has become an issue in many states. In my state,
Arizona, there is currently a bill before the legislature that would ban these types of
unions. In my former home, San Francisco, the mayor just held a large group ceremony
"joining" gay and lesbian couples. So it isn't surprising that teens would ask about it. I
thought that I would take one more week to deal with the question of why the Church
says that marriage cannot occur between two people of the same sex.
To understand this question, we need to understand what marriage is. Remember, we
didn't invent sex and marriage, God did. He created them together, right at the
beginning of humanity. He did that because sex and marriage go together for a reason.
Sex is not an expression of just any kind of love. It is an expression of permanent,
exclusive, self-giving love between a man and a woman. Married sexual love is the
kind of love which is the foundation of a family.
Sexual intercourse is, by definition, an act that occurs between a man and a woman. If
you know anything about biology, you know that the parts are designed to work
together. In joining together, a man and a woman complete each other. They become
one. The man gives of himself, the woman receives.
That does not happen in homosexual activity. It may be "sexual" in the sense of using
the sexual organs, but it is not sexual in the true sense of the word , in the
complementary act of total completion, according to the complementary design of our
bodies.
Marriage is the context for which God designed sexual intercourse. He created sex in
marriage to be a complete joining of male and female, physically, emotionally and
spiritually. This joining is the arena through which He would bring new life into the
world. The sexual act would be not only a sign of their love, but a sign of the life-giving
and constantly fruitful love of God. It would be their participation in His love.
Marriage is also the union of a man and a woman. That's what it is. That's the way God
designed it.
People with a homosexual orientation are technically free to get married. But marriage
must be to a member of the opposite sex, which is not what they want. It is also, of
course, a very bad idea for someone with a homosexual orientation to marry. It isn't fair
to the spouse.
But the solution is not "same-sex marriages." We could pretend they are married. The
state could pretend they are married. But we didn't invent marriage, and the state
didn't invent marriage. God did. He decides who is married and who isn't. And He
created marriage, just as he created sex, to be between male and female.
Same-sex marriage, then, wouldn't be marriage at all. It would be just a license to
misuse the gift of sexuality.
Bonacci is a frequent lecturer on chastity, and author of the recent book We're On a
Mission From God (Ignatius Press).
This article appeared in the May 9, 1996 issue of "The Arlington Catholic Herald."
Courtesy of the "Arlington Catholic Herald" diocesan newspaper of the Arlington (VA)
diocese. For subscription information, call 1-800-377-0511 or write 200 North Glebe
Road, Suite 607 Arlington, VA 22203.
