The New Testament presents Simon--whom Jesus called Peter, the Rock--as a
vigorous, passionate disciple of Christ. But he also doubted and, at a
decisive moment, he even denied that he was a follower of Jesus.-- Pope
John Paul II, Cherry Creek State Park
Have you ever doubted?
I mean really doubted. Wondered, "Is there really a God, or am I just
spinning my wheels here?" Or "Why am I being good and following all of
these rules?" Or "Maybe there is a God, but it's hard to believe He cares
about me. I'm miserable out here. Where are you?"
If you're human, I bet you have. It's a pretty normal, human response to
basing our entire lives on Someone we can't see or touch. (Well, at least
not in recognizable form. Basing your life on Someone you can touch, but
who looks exactly like bread and wine, kinda makes people wonder, too.)
Being a Christian is a pretty life-altering experience. You have to "go
against the flow" a lot. You have to do things other people don't do, or
refuse to do things other people do. And that makes you stand out.
Sometimes it's lonely. Sometimes people think you're crazy.
And you have to believe some pretty outlandish things. Like that God became
a person, was executed as a criminal, was dead and then He wasn't, then
rose into Heaven on some kind of invisible elevator. And that He still
cares about you today, even when He lets you fail a test you didn't study
for, or lets your friends totally dump on you when you don't deserve it.
So it's pretty normal once in a while to step back and say, "Wait a minute
here. Is this for real?"
Of course, if you're a "good" citizen, your next response is generally,
"Oh, no. I shouldn't doubt. God doesn't like that. He's probably mad at me
now."
I think it's significant that the Holy Father talks about Peter. Did you
ever see "Jesus of Nazareth?" Peter was the one who always looked kind of
confused. His face seemed to say, "What are we doing here?" He'd seem like
he understood, and then he'd ask a really stupid question, or pull a stupid
stunt like denying Christ. Yet, he was the first to recognize Christ as the
Messiah.
Doubt isn't necessarily about questioning God's existence. It's questioning
why we believe. And that's a good thing. It's a really necessary thing--
because we believe for different reasons at different times in our lives.
If you believed in God when you were a kid, it was probably because your
parents told you He existed, and they read you little Bible stories with
lots of big pictures. And your "prayer life" probably consisted of "Bless
us, O Lord..." and "Now I lay me down to sleep..."
You kind of hope that most adult Christians have moved beyond that kind of
faith experience. But how does it happen? It happens when, at some point,
probably as teenagers, they say, "Wait a minute. Do I believe this just
because my parents said it? Is this my faith, or just theirs? Is any of
this true?"
There's nothing wrong with that. I think, in a way, it comes from God. It's
an invitation to learn more about Him. It's an invitation to deepen our
faith, to understand it so that we can live it more fully, and share it
with others. After all, it's hard to convince someone else of the truth of
Christianity when our best argument is, "Well, my parents said it's true."
Have you ever known someone who's really intelligent, and who questions
everything? I have. I love people like that. In the short term, they can be
a real pain, especially when you're talking about religion. Because when
you answer their questions with the pat little answers you learned in CCD,
they say, "Yeah, but what about..." or "That doesn't quite make sense,
because..." They make you think a lot deeper, and clarify your own faith.
And intelligent people who question, and who honestly search for the
answers, tend to become the most convinced, and the most convincing,
Christians.
Problem is, some people don't take these doubts and questions as an
invitation or an opportunity to learn more. They take it as an excuse to
"chuck it all." Face it, a lot of people just don't want to live the
Christian life. It's a lot easier not to be a Christian. There are a lot of
sins that are awfully fun in the short run, and people who've lived in
those sins for long enough no longer have the motivation to make the
change, or the clarity of mind they need to see God. As Scripture says,
their "hearts are hardened." As we said a couple of weeks ago, their
consciences have become distorted. They've been doubting and sinning so
long that they're no longer particularly interested in finding the hard
answers and in making the changes those answers entail. They may discuss or
argue, but it's not to find the truth--it's to justify their own lifestyle,
or to talk you into joining them.
So doubts aren't necessarily a bad thing. They're an invitation from God--
an invitation to grow in understanding and in holiness. But we need to take
them that way, and to really act on them to find the answers. If you're
doubting, and my bet is that sometimes you are, learn more. Get your
questions answered. Ask your parents. Ask a priest. Go to a good Catholic
bookstore and get some books on your faith. Write to me. Whatever you do,
get the answers.
And most importantly, pray. Understanding doesn't come from us. When Peter
recognized Jesus as the Messiah, Jesus said, "Flesh and blood has not
revealed this to you, but My Father who is in Heaven" (Mt 16:17).
No one who doesn't love God or have a real relationship with Him is going
to "get" any of this stuff. It just doesn't make sense from a strictly
human point of view. Logic alone won't grasp it. We need the light of
grace.
So do it now. If you let those questions ride, or if you just give in to
them without searching, you're risking a spiritual "hardening of the
arteries" that'll be awfully tough to correct 10 years down the road.
Bonacci is a frequent lecturer on chastity.
This article appeared in the December 22, 1994 issue of "The Arlington
Catholic Herald."
Courtesy of the "Arlington Catholic Herald" diocesan newspaper of the
Arlington (VA) diocese. For subscription information, call 1-800-377-0511
or write 200 North Glebe Road, Suite 607 Arlington, VA 22203.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
The electronic form of this document is copyrighted.
Copyright (c) Trinity Communications 1994.
Provided courtesy of:
The Catholic Resource Network
Trinity Communications
PO Box 3610
Manassas, VA 22110
Voice: 703-791-2576
Fax: 703-791-4250
Data: 703-791-4336
The Catholic Resource Network is a Catholic online information and
service system. To browse CRNET or join, set your modem to 8 data
bits, 1 stop bit and no parity, and call 1-703-791-4336.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
