THE SECOND BRIDGE

copyright: James H. Dobbins: 1996

Introduction: Many of those on a spiritual journey often wonder
where they are, where others are, and how to recognize the more
evident sign posts along the way. Several of the prominent works
on spirituality, some of which are the Dialogues of St. Catherine
of Siena, the Spiritual Conferences of Johann Tauler, O.P., Three
Ages of the Interior Life by Reginald Garrigou-LaGrange, O.P., The
Mystical Evolution by Fr. John Arintero, O.P., the works of St.
Ignatius of Loyola, especially his spiritual diary, the works of
St. John of the Cross, especially Dark Night of the Soul and the
Spiritual Canticle, and the works of St. Teresa of Avila,
especially her Interior Castle, any many others not mentioned
above, all in one way or another try to help us along the way. It
is worthy of note that St. John of the Cross and Teresa of Avila
are extensively referenced in almost all other works on
spirituality which followed them in time, and therefore they,
together with St. Catherine of Siena, are a very rich source of
advice. We must also recognize that these giants of spirituality
often did not work in isolation. St. John of the Cross was, for a
time, the spiritual director of Teresa of Avila, and we can only
guess as to how they must have helped each other, both having
become Doctors of the Church. And we know that Teresa of Avila was
quite influenced by the works of Ignatius of Loyola and Louis of
Grenada.

One of the things found in almost all these works is an
understanding of the three major levels of conversion we must go
through in order to reach the ultimate destiny desired by Our Lord
for all souls, namely that state generally described as the
transforming union or spiritual marriage of the soul with God. The
intent here is to try to summarize what those three conversions
are, why they are necessary, and the signs to look for which tell
us when they are necessary.

First, we must recognize that conversion is not a single discrete
event. Even when St. Paul was knocked from his horse, that was
only the beginning of his conversion process, not the complete
event. Conversion is thus a process. It may begin with a discrete
event, but it is a progressive state characterized by a desire of
the soul to come closer to God, coupled with the grace shed on the
soul through which God communicates Himself to the soul to some
level and degree. The whole process is fueled by one thing; love.
Love of the soul by God, and love of God by the soul, is the force
which draws the two beings, God and the soul, together like
opposite poles of magnets until, absent resistance by the soul,
the two eventually unite spiritually while also preserving the
individual identity and function of the soul.

As we progress through the conversion process, the soul is largely
the determinant of the extent to which the process will reach. It
is the soul's cooperation with grace that will determine whether
it experiences all three levels of conversion, or even any
conversion at all. As the soul progresses, it is helpful to
remember that the soul will enter into three stages of
relationship with God, each characterized and initiated by a
conversion experience. We begin as strangers to God, and being
such we are generally in that category of souls Teresa of Avila
would describe, in her Interior Castle, as being outside the walls
of the castle. How far outside, how far away from the castle we
are depends on how much we have rejected the grace of God and
embraced the temporal gods of this world. If we respond to the
call of grace and desire to enter into the castle, we may then
progress from stranger to servant, from servant to friend, and,
finally, from friend to the state of spiritual union with God, the
transforming union.

I tend to think of this whole process as if the world were a
large, flat plain teeming with souls, each preoccupied with the
delectable things of this world. Rising out of this plain are
three plateaus all in a line, each successive one higher than the
preceding. The first and lowest plateau has a ladder from the
ground to the top. Between the three plateaus there are two
connecting bridges that one must cross to get from the top of one
to the top of the next. The ladder, and each bridge, represents a
conversion process we must go though to get to the next level of
relationship with God.

Every now and then, someone living on the plains will look up from
their all-consuming preoccupations with the world, notice the
ladder leading to the top of the first plateau, wonder what is on
top, and begin to climb the ladder, dragging up with them the
things of the world to which they are still attached. On top of
this first plateau they will meet others who were similarly
curious and who are exploring what is there. The more they explore
and discover God's treasures, the more they discard their worldly
treasures in exchange for some of the spiritual treasures God
provides for them. However, they still hold fast to some of the
treasures they brought with them. Eventually, someone will notice
the next plateau, and will work their way to the connecting
bridge. To cross this bridge, one must leave behind most of the
worldly treasures he or she brought up with them, for the gate
leading to the bridge, and the bridge itself, is too narrow for it
all to fit through. For reasons not always well understood by the
soul, the treasures found on the plateau seem to fit through the
gate quite easily, and are no hinderance in crossing the bridge.
It becomes apparent one must purge oneself of the appetites for
the world and seek the additional treasures which one now
understands will be on the second plateau. This transition to the
second plateau is what Teresa describes in her pivotal fourth
mansion in the Interior Castle.

Many souls remain on the first plateau for the rest of their
earthly existence, unable to shed enough of the world. Either
because of their strong attachments to those few precious things
of Earth they still have, or, mindful of Jesus' admonition in Mt
10:38 and Lk 9:23 to take up our cross if we wish to come after
Him and be worthy of Him, and because they fear to face the
purgations they know they must endure, they never respond to the
grace in a way that will lead them toward that first bridge over
which they pass into spiritual adolescence. Only a relative few
souls choose this path, mindful of the ecstasy awaiting them, and
disregarding any cross they might have to endure to get there.

Naturally, during each stage of conversion there is a progressive
advance. The writers mentioned above all tell us that there is no
such thing as standing still in ones relationship with God. One
either progresses or one falls back. There is no marking time in
place. We each take very different times to move through a given
stage depending on how well we cooperate with the graces we
receive. Some may get so far and not be able to progress farther
toward the next plateau because of their preferential attachments
to things other than God. Their situation is similar to that of
the rich official in the gospel, at Luke 18:18-23. He kept the
commandments, and lived a good life, but could not completely turn
his back on his worldly treasures. In such a case, these souls
must content themselves with seeking whatever grace and virtue
they can among the treasures on the plateau where they are, even
if they always remain on the first. If they do not continue this
search, they find themselves in danger of sliding backward toward
that second ladder, previously unnoticed, which leads back to the
plains below. Others on the plateau may progress very rapidly, and
may even move almost immediately to the third plateau, into the
spiritual union, because of a special call and grace for a task
God has for that soul. This rapid progress is the exception, not
the norm.

It is important to note here that it is possible, in fact it is
the desire of God, that all souls reach the final destiny of
mystical union with God, regardless of their state and vocation in
life. Mystical union is not a state reserved only to those in the
monastic community. All are called. How many respond is almost
exclusively a function of cooperation with grace. No one has the
excuse that he or she was not called. They who do not respond can
only acknowledge their preference for things of this world, or
their fear of what might be requested of them in order to complete
the journey. This fear is usually a characteristic result of a
lack of trust in God, the result of a diminished knowledge and
understanding of His infinite love for the soul. This may be their
own fault, or the fault of those who were their teachers. It is
usually only through prayer and meditation that this hesitation
can be overcome, and to reach the fulfillment of God's desire for
us we must pray unceasingly.

The First Conversion: Stranger to Servant

The first conversion is found in those who respond to the grace by
which they desire to climb the ladder to the top of the first
plateau, to enter into the first mansions of Teresa's Interior
Castle. This can be likened in many ways to the call of the
apostles by Jesus in Matthew 4:18-22. "Come after me and I will
make you fishers of men", He told them, and they responded. The
analogy was apparently not lost on these men as they responded to
grace. As fishermen, they knew that fish were living, but when
they were caught they died. But when they would fish for men, the
men would be spiritually dead and through Jesus and His apostles
they would be given the life of grace and gain eternal life. At
this initial stage, when first called, the soul is in an
exploratory and searching mode. Its relationship with God is one
of servitude, possibly one of fear, and the punishment of hell may
be a major initial motivator.

However, regardless of the initial motivator, the soul comes to
realize that the development of an interior life is essential,
even exciting, involves the whole person, is an exploration that
will take a lifetime, and thus must be a life's work. The soul
realizes conversion is not a one time event, and that once on the
journey the soul is now changed forever. It hears the call of St.
Paul to "put on the new man".

The soul finds it now has a serious concern for the interior life.
The person avoids mortal sin, avoids deliberate venial sin, and
begins to practice forms of both interior and exterior
mortification, and develops a serious prayer life. For some,
usually only a few, this purgation of the senses, the turning away
from the appetites for the world, is intense, while for others it
is somewhat less than intense, and some may even fall into serious
sin from time to time. They will usually, however, have the actual
grace to seek out the sacraments and return to a state of
sanctifying grace.

At this stage, theology is very important, although it will become
less important later. It is important because it serves as a
framework, a scaffolding so to speak, that helps shape the
structure of our growing interior life, and keeps it from
collapsing because of bad design and error. The principles of
theology taught through the ages in Scripture and enhanced to the
apostles by Jesus, and the framework Jesus gave us of His Church
and its teaching magisterium, give us the governance we need to
build a spiritual life on solid foundation. This will be very
important as we encounter resistance from the world and later as
we approach the time of our second conversion.

We find developing within the serious beginner a zeal for souls,
for to love God we desire that all men do likewise. And we find
that the more we share God with others, the more we possess Him
ourselves. We begin to see, as Garrigou-LaGrange tells us, that a
desire for material possessions divides us, for no two of us can
fully posses the same material thing. But the possession of God
unites us, for the more we possess Him the more we share Him, and
the more we share, the more fully we possess Him. Thus the search
for God in our lives becomes a primary motivator. We appreciate
more fully the gospel promise at Mt 7:7, "Ask and it will be given
to you; seek and you will find; knock and it will be opened to
you." Jesus did not just hold out a possibility, but rather gave
us the certainty that if we will truly seek Him out, we will find
Him. And so we must "seek first the kingdom of God".

As the soul progresses in this beginning stage, it enjoys certain
consolations from God, given by Him to inspire and encourage the
soul to continue its discovery of Him. We find that rosaries turn
gold, people see the spinning sun, they have all manner of
spiritual experiences that are not explained by the laws of
nature. They feel the interior call of God deep within them and
they desire to respond. For what may be the first time in their
lives, they understand God has a personal interest in them as an
individual, not just as a member of the larger human race.

As we begin to explore this first plateau, we look down at the
plains below and see more clearly the effect of a world which
tries to live without God. We had lost the sense of what love is
about, and found ourselves 'loving' things, possessions, power,
fame, and especially self, above all else, including God. So part
of this exploration is an exploration of self, while also a
discovery of God. We think of the name of God and recognize that
our names identify who we are among so many others, but God's name
identifies what He is, as well as who, for He is unique. He is I
AM, the Ancient One, the Almighty One, and Our Father. The
awesomeness of son-ship with God, to partake of His nature through
sanctifying grace, begins to gel within us as we see references
throughout scripture to the possibility of this new condition. The
excitement mounts, and as we seek to close the gap between
ourselves and God, we also find the vastness of the differences
between us and God. All the marvelous qualities in our selves that
we took such pride in when we lived on the plains, now pale in
comparison to even an iota of the power and majesty and beauty and
love of God upon Whom we realize we are completely dependent. And
yet we are also filled with Hope, for we realize the infinite love
He has for us which has brought us here, and how much He wants to
unite us with Himself.

And so we continue to explore ourselves and our relationship with
God. As Teresa would say, we explore the various rooms of the
first, second and third mansions. We learn some of how God works
in our lives, and we learn the necessity of cooperation with His
grace so that we might love Him more. We discover a growing desire
for spiritual cleanliness, a desire for sanctifying grace. Our
attendance at Mass, which might have been done, if at all, once a
week through a sense of duty, is now done, as often as possible,
out of a desire to grow in grace and wisdom as we partake of the
gift of the Eucharist and the gifts of the Holy Spirit. We now
have a new goal, to "be ye perfect as the heavenly Father is
perfect (Mt 5:48)", and suddenly we are profoundly aware of the
absolute dependence we have on God to achieve this state. We can
help through cooperation with grace, but God has to bring us to
that state. No matter how gifted we may be, we cannot get there on
our own. We approach God through the eyes of Faith, not through
the clarity of the Beatific Vision. The closer we come to God, the
more of Himself He communicates to us, the more insignificant we
understand we are compared to Him, and the more we understand the
power and extent of His infinite Love for each of us individually.
The more this happens the more easily we discard the worldly
baggage we brought with us.

We have undergone our first conversion. We have passed from mortal
sin to a state of sanctifying grace. We have passed from
indifference toward God, lukewarmness towards Him, to a growing
fervor and desire to possess Him as fully as possible. We are
tending to go beyond ourselves, and to make God the center of our
lives instead of ourselves. We live for Him, and all the while we
grow in love for Him and for each other. The more we love the more
we understand it is God's gift of love that we experience, for
true love itself is always His supernatural gift. By giving us
love, He is sharing Himself with us and communicating knowledge of
Himself to us. We have learned the meaning of seeking God first.
We begin to understand what the gospel is telling us: "Instead
seek His kingdom and these other things will be given you besides.
(Lk 12:31). But seek first the kingdom of God and His
righteousness, and all these things will be given to you besides.
(Mt 6:33). For where your treasure is, there also will your heart
be. (Lk 12:34, Mt 6:21)." None of this will happen if we continue
to seek first the things of the world. For many, it is a wrenching
experience.

In this first state as a beginner, beginning in spiritual infancy,
we were going through an active purgation. We have been maturing
toward adolescence, shedding our attachments to the world as best
we could, and developing a different set of attachments, ones more
fitting to a spiritually mature person. We have been developing
attachments to God, replacing activities in the world with
activities directed toward God, and have been developing an active
life of prayer and meditation. With the action of grace, God has
been positioning us, through self-knowledge, humility, and love
for God and fellow man, for a transition, a second conversion,
from beginner to proficient. We believe we are ready to enter the
gate leading onto the first bridge, the one which will bring us to
the second plateau. In the Interior Castle, Teresa identifies this
as the fourth mansions.

If we do cooperate, we will be prepared for the second conversion
through a more passive purgation of the senses. If we are
successful and do cross over the first bridge, as we step upon the
surface of the second plateau we enter what is referred to as the
illuminative way. To get there, we have a spiritual crisis to
handle, and thus we have a need for a second conversion. John of
the Cross speaks of this in Dark Night, and this second conversion
is one of purgation of egoism.

The Second Conversion: Beginner to Proficient

God's love for us brought us from being a stranger to being His
servant, and now we perceive He wants to make us His friends, if
we will but cooperate. We understand the need for humility, for we
have a clear knowledge that the awesome power of the sanctifying
grace, which is gradually divinizing our souls more and more, is a
purely gratuitous gift of God, a pure gift of His love for us, and
not something we deserve or to which we are entitled as a matter
of right on our own merits. We are now passing from spiritual
infancy to spiritual adolescence. In this as yet unfamiliar
terrain, Tauler tells us to "Cling to those who cling to God, so
that they may draw you with them to God. And may our loving God
Himself help us to this end." This is good advice for those on any
plateau, and those on the plains below.

In the terminology of spirituality, on this second plateau we are
transitioning from beginner to proficient. This process may take a
few weeks or a few years. Generally, it is not a quick process,
but each of us is different. If we fail to cross this first
bridge, we either return to a life of sin or exhibit a condition
of arrested spiritual development. Some, like the prodigal son of
the gospel, confuse liberty with license and, by returning to a
focus on themselves and the world at least for a time, lose all
they had gained. We are gradually approaching that first bridge.
How do we cross over onto the second plateau? Do we have the
courage?

Initially, we are able, through only our reason, to come to a
knowledge of God as First Cause. Having done so, we could come to
a relationship with God characterized as master-servant. On our
own, through reason, we can go no farther. We are His servant, not
His child. We will have admiration, awe, and respect for God, all
the things that characterize a servitude. But by operation of
sanctifying grace received through the sacraments, His free gift
to us, we are able to come to the true natural end of the soul,
that of a filial relationship with God. And even more, we learn
that even while here on earth we can come to union with Him. God
brings us to a condition of friendship with our Savior, and we
inherit with Him the filial status of an adopted son of our
heavenly Father. We enter into a Divine life through which we have
a relationship of encountering the indwelling Trinity. In Heaven,
we will see God as He sees Himself, in all His glory, in all His
aspects; all united in one simple, supreme, uncreated and infinite
Being whose force and power is communicated always through His
infinite Love. It takes time to grasp all this. It takes
preparation on the first plateau, and on each succeeding plateau.
Thus there is the need to cast away all that hinders our
unification with God, all that acts as a barrier to His Love. We
begin as a pane of glass that is clouded and filthy, and the more
we purge ourselves of the things of the world and the more grace
we obtain, the cleaner the glass becomes, until finally the power
of God's love for us streams through and fills the soul with His
nature. This is accomplished within the framework provided by our
growing knowledge of God gained through scripture, tradition,
theology and the teaching magisterium of the Church. These shape
and mold our growing understanding in the way God intended, for
these are the tools He gave us to use. It is also necessary to
live the virtues. Tauler tells us in his Spiritual Conferences
(published by Tan Books, pg 47) that the three virtues we should
concentrate on are Humility, love and prudence. He says, "Humility
must be the foundation and we must build on it with love and
reason and prudence. Children, there are many who have gone far in
developing their intellectual powers, and made great reputations
for themselves as scholars, but have not travelled along this way.
They will all tumble down, and fall into the abyss. The higher the
mountain, the deeper the valley." He tells us further, on pg 50,
that even though many have attained the state of proficient, "they
go on indulging in the activity of their own intellect, and take
such great pleasure and joy in this that they cannot attain to the
highest truth." If this condition persists, they can not progress
beyond the second plateau. They will never come to union with God.
Tauler calls them God's false lovers who do all things, not for
pure love of God, but always with an eye for their own advantage.

This second conversion, like the first, has its own scriptural
counterpart in the apostles. It occurred for them at the time of
the Passion. The apostles, concerned more for self than for God,
abandoned Jesus in His hour of need. The conversion experience
occurred for Peter when he had denied Jesus three times, and as
Jesus looked at him when the cock crowed. Peter wept bitterly,
humiliated by his weakness. He recognized himself more then than
ever before, saw his true self, and experienced profound
contrition. Just prior to this second conversion, the apostles
having been prepared for it for three years by Jesus, He gives
them His lesson on friendship during the last supper. In John's
account of the last supper, Peter and the others refer to Jesus
several times as Master, not brother or friend. During the washing
of the feet, Jesus tells the apostles, "You call Me 'teacher' and
'master', and rightly so, for indeed I am (Jn 13:13)". But a
little while later, during the discourse on the vine and the
branches, Jesus gives them their lesson on becoming His friend. He
gives them the commandment to love one another as He has loved
them, and says, "You are My friends if you do what I command you.
I no longer call you slaves, because a slave does not know what
his master is doing. I have called you friends, because I have
told you everything I have heard from My Father." (Jn 15:14-15).
Thus, Jesus has set them apart, He has prepared them in everything
necessary, He has brought them up from the status of servant to
the status of friend. The condition is that they do as He
commanded them. One among them would not, and He excluded Himself
from the friendship of God; God did not exclude him. After their
second and third conversions which would soon follow, all but one
would suffer martyrdom for this love. They, and John, too, proved
their friendship; they passed their test. They loved God more than
self. We must do the same.

The need for this second conversion often comes as a surprise for
us, usually because we do not know ourselves as well as we think.
Jesus predicted His Passion several times, so it should have come
as no surprise to the apostles. Jesus, at the last supper, also
predicted the apostles would not remain faithful during His
Passion. Peter, thinking he knew himself and believing he loved
Jesus enough, vehemently denied that he would ever do such a
thing. Jesus then told Peter that before the cock crowed twice
Peter would deny Him three times. Peter was incredulous. However,
as we now know, Peter was weaker than he thought, and had to go
through his humiliation to experience his true self, to find the
limits of his own strength, to recognize his dependence on God,
and to affirm within the depths of his soul his now evident
dependence on God. Realizing what had happened within himself, the
gospels tell us that he wept bitterly. It was another beginning
for Peter. His conversion experience here set him up for his third
and final conversion at Pentecost. St. Catherine tells us in her
Dialogue that the soul always fears until it arrives at true Love.
For Peter, this arrival at true love happened at Pentecost, at
which time he experienced his transforming union.

John, too, had his second conversion. He had abandoned Jesus with
the rest, but by a powerful conversion experience he was called to
the foot of the cross so that he could stand there with Our
Blessed Mother to be the proxy for us all as Jesus gave us to her
as her children, and gave her to John as Our Mother. He was the
only apostle to be with Jesus as He completed His act of perfect
redemption, the only one to witness this act of Divine love.

For most of us, we find that we have been trying to lead a
Christian life, we have thought seriously about our salvation, and
have done what we thought was our best to become companions of our
God within us, to do as Jesus asked of us - to walk in His Way,
and to accept our daily cross. But most, nevertheless, tend to
revert to our former state. It is almost as if what we have done
is somewhat artificial and now we tend to revert to our 'real'
self, our natural self. We are in need of the passive purgation of
the senses spoken of by John of the Cross. St. Catherine of Siena
also speaks of this second conversion in chapter 63 of her
Dialogue. One result of this second conversion is that we will
tend to devote ourselves more fully to the service of God. This
desire is one of the fruits of the conversion.

But what about us who live everyday lives? What signs do we have
that a second conversion is necessary, and is happening? Why
cannot we just walk across the bridge, so to speak? St. Catherine,
in chapters 60 and 63 of her Dialogue, tells us the faults we
generally have that require a second conversion experience. Even
the apostles, formed by Jesus Himself, had need of this second
conversion, and so in all probability we will also have a like
need. This second conversion affects the soul at much greater
depths than our first conversion. God is digging out, spooning
out, the things that are barriers between Him and us, and will
replace them with Himself. But for many, this digging out, this
purging, hurts. We still have attachments to our ego and to some
of the things of this world that stand between us and God. It
actually takes great courage to undergo this purgation. Peter had
it, Judas did not. The more tightly we hold onto things of this
world in preference to Christ, the more wrenching an experience it
will be. It is usually the sole result of our own negligence that
we do not successfully go through this second conversion. We cry
"Uncle" too quickly, for we do not trust in God enough. We trust
ourselves too much, desire to maintain control rather than give
God control. We have not developed enough of the virtue of
patience. Jesus had promised, even before His Passion, He would
send the apostles the Holy Spirit, yet they still cowered in the
upper room, doors locked, huddled in fear. Later, Peter had to
restate his love for Jesus three times, once for each time he had
denied Our Lord.

One fault which St. Catherine notes is a strong egoism, perhaps
much stronger than we realize ourselves. This manifests
particularly as self-love. She describes it as the mercenary love
of the imperfect. Because of it, we find we still fall prey to
numerous habitual faults and venial sins, even if we remain free
of mortal sin. Some characteristics are that we, "without being
conscious of it, serve God from self-interest, because they are
attached to temporal or spiritual consolations, and who shed tears
of self-pity when they are deprived of them." St. Thomas Aquinas
speaks of it as the mixture of sincere love of God and inordinate
love of self. In a sense, it is like a mixture of two competing
loves, a sort of alloy. This description of St. Thomas will become
more important in the third conversion. We still have to learn how
to love God for His sake alone. It takes patience. It takes time
to develop a sense of the continual presence of God.

In the 60th chapter of St. Catherine's Dialogue, we find that even
those who have a sincere love of God and devote themselves to His
service, do so for their own profit and satisfaction, and not for
the sake of God alone. This imperfection shows itself when the
consolations of God are withdrawn. When this happens, "their love
fails and can no longer survive. It becomes weak and gradually
cools..." as the consolations are withdrawn. Yet God does this to
show the soul how imperfect its love is, and to bring souls to
perfection. He sends difficulties and afflictions to help us know
ourselves, just as He did for Peter, and to learn that "of
themselves they have no grace". If the soul does not recognize its
imperfection, and if it does not thereby develop a desire for
perfection, it will certainly fall back and progress no farther.
It generally must do a lot of ego-shedding. Through the adversity
we face, we should, if all is going as God wills, seek our refuge
in Him, not in ourselves. Our only other solution is to fall back
on our selves, to rely on self to satisfy the void we feel when
the consolations are withdrawn. However, to rely on self is
trusting in a house built on sand. We must become another Peter,
not another Judas. We must run to our Father, fall at His feet,
and beg His beneficence, forgiveness, and our daily bread. We must
grow to love Him for Himself, not because of the consolations He
gives us.

If a child does not continue to grow, we say it is stunted, or has
arrested development. The same analogy can be said of the soul.
The soul does not merely stop, but rather it experiences stunted
development. And it all depends on how we respond to the lessons
God sends us. Perhaps this is why Jesus said so very often , "Be
not afraid".

John of the Cross, in Book I, Chapter 9, of Dark Night, gives us
three signs by which we can recognize that the second conversion,
this purging of ego, is taking place so that we can cooperate with
this grace rather than resist it. "(1) The soul finds no pleasure
or consolation in the things of God, or in any thing created. (2)
Ordinarily the memory is centered upon God, with painful care and
solicitude, thinking that it is not serving God, but backsliding,
because it finds itself without sweetness in the things of God.
(3) The soul can no longer meditate or reflect in its sense of the
imagination. ... For God now begins to communicate Himself to it,
no longer through sense, as He did aforetime, by means of
reflections which joined and sundered its knowledge, but by an act
of simple contemplation, to which neither the exterior nor the
interior senses of the lower part of the soul can attain." God
Himself now feeds the soul directly. In this regard, St. Catherine
of Siena warns the imperfect soul to take great care, for these
souls often try to seek the Father alone, without following the
way of Jesus crucified, because they have a strong aversion to the
suffering they know is required.

Why put ourselves through all this? What are the requisite
motivations? One motivation is because of the primary commandant,
to love God with our whole heart, soul, strength and mind. We
reserve none of these for ourselves. We must do it void of any
inclinations to self-love or self-attachment. Our whole focus is
on love of God. We do what it takes for that to happen. We do not
love God as a servant, but rather as a faithful child. We love our
Father because He is our Father, not because He gives us gifts.
Thus, in the second conversion, through operation of sanctifying
grace, we progress from servant of God to child of God. As we
become His true children, He communicates Himself to us more
deeply through the gift of contemplation, a special knowledge
communicated directly to the soul by God.

Another motivation is the price He paid for us to be united to
Him, the price of His Blood. The value of that Precious Blood is
what it opened up for us, what it provided for us to become, for
through this Blood shed for us, we are enabled to become adopted
children of God. The realization of what this truly means to us is
part of the conversion process and motivates us to endure the
passive purgation of the senses that accompanies this second
conversion, that purgation during which the consolations of God
are removed and we seek Him through our love of Himself alone, not
for what He gives us.

But if we have this love as our motive, we will also have a zeal
for souls as an accompanying motive, for how can we love God and
not love Him in other souls, not love the souls for whom He paid
such a high price? We have the examples of many souls who have
been selected by God to be victim souls just for this purpose.
This zeal for souls we experience is a result of God's infinite
mercy working in us, and an act of His love by which He allows us
to participate in His redemptive work through the operation of the
Mystical Body.

We see Him now with the eyes of Faith; we love Him with the love
He gives us, which we can perceive only imperfectly as His own
Divine Love. We can only love Him with His own gift of Love. When
we reach Heaven, we will see Him in the Beatific Vision, and will
love Him with the same Love with which He loves Himself.

As we undergo this second conversion, as we enter into the
illuminative way, we reap further benefits of God's love. One such
benefit is an entry into contemplative prayer. We begin to
contemplate the great mysteries of our Faith; the great mysteries
of the Incarnation, the Cross, Redemption and the indwelling
Trinity. We gain an even greater appreciation of the price of His
Blood paid for our individual soul. Our relationship with God, our
encounter with Him, now becomes more continuous as opposed to
occasional. We are becoming His constant friend and companion, not
just a servant who comes when beckoned. We become much more aware
of God within us, of His constant presence within our soul. We
become more aware of His continued presence and governance in our
lives. The statement we have heard so often, that in a life with
God there are no coincidences, now takes on real meaning. We
experience the reality of becoming not just sanctified, but
sanctified in Him. The burning in the heart the apostles
experienced on the road to Emmaus should also be our experience as
we encounter God more fully.

Love is the key to contemplation. In contemplating the indwelling
Trinity, we are reminded of Jn 14:23, where the evangelist
recounts the promise of Jesus. "If any one loves me, he will keep
my word, and my Father will love him, and We will come to him and
will make Our abode with him." When the Father and Son love each
other, that Love is personified as the Holy Spirit. If they love
us, and dwell within us, we are the temple of the indwelling
Trinity. But this infinite Love is so powerful that when we are
the object of that Love, we, too, are transformed and take on the
nature of that Love, we take on the Divine nature, for we can not
withstand the effects of the power of that Love by which God
desires to unite us to Himself. How it must hurt Him when we turn
our backs on this Love through sin. In the first letter of John, 1
Jn 4:16, he also tells us that "he who abides in love abides in
God, and God in him". Therefore, love brings sanctifying grace,
which is the eternal life already begun in us. Thus, Luke tells us
in Lk 17:20, "For lo, the kingdom of God is within you". St.
Thomas Aquinas tells us that God's love does not presuppose that
there is anything in us which is loveable, but rather creates that
lovableness in us.

The life of contemplation is a life of intimacy with mystery. The
great mysteries of our faith are the subjects of our
contemplation. In the Incarnation we might contemplate the awesome
desires in the heart of God that led to the Creator of the
universe becoming a tiny embryonic human, a most helpless being,
all for love of us. Mary has just spent the last twelve years
immersed in study in the Temple. Suddenly, this young fifteen year
old woman, full of grace and steeped in the Mosaic Law, is told by
the angel that she will be the mother of God. She does not panic,
but simply asks the pivotal question. What infused knowledge of
the Trinity must she have received for her, this purely motheistic
believer, to give her fiat? What trust she must have had in God to
give this fiat before being married. What infusion of grace and
knowledge had to occur for Elizabeth to so readily recognize Mary
as "the mother of my Lord"? When Mary and Joseph went to Jerusalem
for the Presentation, what joy, humility and awe was in Mary's
heart as she presented Jesus to Him whom she knew to be Jesus'
Father; as she considered her selection and her role in this
pivotal event in salvation history? How much of all this did she
understand?

In contemplating the Passion, in addition to the suffering of
Jesus, we might contemplate the extent to which Mary understood it
was her children who were the players in what her only-begotten
Son was suffering, and what that did to her heart. We might
contemplate what Jesus saw from the Cross; the looks in the faces
around Him, the walls of the city soon to be destroyed, the Temple
that would stand no more. If we contemplate the Eucharist, we
might ponder the essential relationship between the Eucharist and
the indwelling Trinity, and to what extent love affects the level
of grace received during reception of the Eucharist or during
Eucharistic adoration. We can also let our eyes scan the pages of
scripture until some word or phrase reaches out and grabs our
heart. When this happens we stop, and continuing to look at this
passage, we let God work within us.

Our life of contemplation grows without need for consolations from
God, almost in replacement of consolation. For some, the purgation
suffered is very hard, for the crutch of consolation has become a
focal issue. They love the consolations of God rather than the God
of consolation. Sometimes the hold of the world is still strong,
even though not fully realized. As God begins to act in our lives,
He may withdraw not only our consolations, but also those things
to which we hold dear. He has to bring us to a state where we
truly live the commandment to love God with our whole being. In
some cases, He may remove either things, or people, or both from
our lives. He may remove a loved one, or remove personal health,
or social status, or the esteem in which we are held in the eyes
of others. As these things happen, the suffering soul may cry out
and try to hold on even tighter to the things to which they are
attached, holding on so tight their knuckles turn white. Then He
may remove the knuckles. He continues until finally the soul falls
to its knees, and looking up at God cries out, "Why me? Why now?
What more will you take from me? What else do you want from me?"
He will look on the soul with love and reply, "Whatever it is you
prefer to hold onto instead of holding Me." Then He will offer His
hand, and if we are able to respond to this grace and place our
hand in His, He will fill us with Himself and we will finally
understand what He has been trying to offer us for so long, and we
will have our 'Peter' experience. We have finally stopped denying
Him, stopped preferring self, and have accepted His Mercy and
Love. We now desire to love Him above all else, so now, finally,
He can work in us largely unimpeded.

In this period of mixed trial and ecstasy, we learn the intimate
relationship between Divine love, suffering, and conversion. They
come together, and are held together, because of Love. We cannot
do an end around run to avoid any one of the three. The degrees
may vary among us all, but, because we love God, we march through,
we endure, we persevere - as Teresa so often advises us, to come
out the other side whole, purified, and more fully converted, more
fully in love with God, than ever. We literally fall in love with
the Eucharist.

During this time, we also understand how difficult it is to speak
with those still on the first plateau and communicate to them a
true understanding of what you have become after this second
conversion. We see this in Teresa's Interior Castle. She will say
at about the fourth mansions, and again at the sixth, how she
cannot explain what she really means, but those who have been
through it will understand. It is like an adolescent trying to
have a meaningful conversation about teenage kinds of things with
a three year old. You can understand what they are experiencing
but they cannot understand what you are experiencing, for they
have no relational basis for absorbing what you say. Nowhere is
this more true than when you contemplate Divine Love, or the
indwelling Trinity, and then try to explain to someone on the
first plateau what has been infused in you about them. All you can
say is something like, "God loves you", or "God dwells in you",
and the more you try the more frustrating it becomes, for no words
exist to convey what you know interiorly with such certitude and
in such depth. It is reminiscent of what Jesus told His disciples
in the account of the washing of the feet in the gospel of John;
"What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will
understand later". The proficients on this second plateau observe
those on the first plateau and see their lay brethren still
enamored with the latest car, or fashion, or vacation spot, or
technology, or any of the hundred other things that seem so very
important. People collecting thousands of sports cards, as if they
had real intrinsic value. People devoting enormous amounts of time
and money to all sorts of things having no spiritual value
whatever. You see priests who view themselves as the object of
servitude from others instead of being the servants of souls;
whose zeal for souls has waned; who are so focused on self they
have completely missed the whole concept of being a good shepherd,
of the obligation to bring the beauty and truth of the Faith home
to rest in the hearts of those souls entrusted to them, a beauty
and truth given life by Love. They fail in their duty to teach,
but more importantly they fail in their duty to love. These people
of God never seem to understand why they are still beginners in
spirituality, even after many years in the priesthood or religious
life. Tauler, in his Spiritual Exercises, explains it as follows:

Secondly there are the people who are devoted to religious life,
enjoying great esteem and a reputation for holiness. They think
that they have left the darkness far behind them; and yet in their
hearts they are Pharisees, full of self-love and self-will, and in
fact interested in nothing but themselves. If you judge only by
externals you cannot see them for what they are, but if the Spirit
of God is within you, you will know them. In fact, even outwardly
there is one way of distinguishing them from those who truly love
God: you will always find them sitting in judgment upon other
people, even upon God's true lovers, but never upon themselves;
whereas those who truly love God judge only themselves.

And so we see lay brethren, religious and priests who are like the
shallow soil in the gospel. They hear the message, become enthused
for a time, but the commitment is not there, the love does not run
deep. And so they receive the seed, it sprouts in them, but the
commitment has not been nourished by mortification, prayer of the
heart, and love of others instead of self. Love of self is still
too strong to release. Tauler tells us that to overcome self-love,
"the only thing which works is for God to take possession of you
and inhabit you; and this He only does for those who love Him".
These misguided souls will wander always on the first plateau, or
will slide down the second ladder, back among the masses on the
plains. Vocations are lost or never fulfilled. Work in the
vineyard is left undone, or has to be done by others already busy
in the vineyard. The greatest value many of these misguided souls
have to the work of God is to provide someone to love who is not
easy to love, an opportunity for others to live the gospel. These
souls with stunted growth remain too fixed on what is being left
behind to appreciate what is to come. Jesus said, "No one who sets
a hand to the plow and looks to what was left behind is fit for
the kingdom of God." Lk 9:62.

But even the proficients on this second plateau are not ready to
cross that second bridge bringing them to union with God. There is
a still another spiritual crisis facing them. There is one last
bridge to cross, one last conversion to experience.

The Third Conversion: Proficient to Perfect

It is not inappropriate to ask at this point why a third
conversion is necessary, why that second bridge has to be crossed.
What is there that is left to correct? In this state, the soul
must undergo another purgation. This time it is not a purgation of
the senses, but a purgation of the spirit. The focus here is on
the intellect and the will, the deeper parts of the soul. In order
to receive the graces of Pentecost, the apostles had to have a
purgation of the spirit to fully prepare their spirit to be filled
with the Holy Spirit. In receiving the Holy Spirit as fully as
they did at Pentecost, the apostles experienced the gift of
illumination, and they received the power of the Holy Spirit. This
conversion was a complete transformation of the soul. In this
conversion, the apostles were filled with infused contemplation of
the profound mystery of what they had recently experienced, the
profound mystery of the Cross.

The effects produced in them flowed out from them and into those
they encountered. When we obtain the grace of contemplation, we
contemplate the mysteries of Faith. When we receive the grace of
infused contemplation of these mysteries, are we not on the normal
path to sanctity, just as the apostles? What then are the
remaining faults which must be purged before we can enter into
union with God?

St. John of the Cross enumerates a few in Dark Night, Book II,
which deal only with the inner soul. He tells us that if he were
to try to list all the faults, the list would be endless. The list
will also be filled with faults we would never recognize on the
first plateau, some which we might even have thought semi-virtues.
This is necessary because at this final level, where the soul
passes from proficient to perfect, in fulfillment of Christ's
command to be perfect as the Father is perfect, we must have a
true purity of soul, and must gain a much more profound
understanding of the theological virtues of Faith, Hope and
Charity. St. John of the Cross calls this final purgation the
removing of rust from the intellect and will. Some of the faults
and signs he enumerates which still need purging are:

- Roughness and impatience
- A strong attachment to our own point of view
- We imagine we have received a special inspiration from God, but
in reality we are victims of satan or our own lively imagination
- We are puffed up with presumption, spiritual pride, and vanity
- We depart from the true path or lead others astray - We are
filled with the sisters of spiritual pride; intellectual pride,
jealousy, and hidden ambition

Indeed, considering the second and third faults noted above, in
her Interior Castle St. Teresa of Avila tells us in chapter nine
of the sixth Mansions that some souls who think they have
intellectual visions of God in reality have an "imagination that
is so weak, or their understanding is so nimble, or for some other
reason their imagination becomes so much absorbed, that they
actually think they see everything that is in their mind. If they
had ever seen a true vision they would realize their error beyond
the possibility of doubt." One clue she gives us that the soul has
fallen for this trick of the mind is that a true vision will be
extremely brief. She tells us that "When the soul is able to
remain for a long time looking upon the Lord, I do not think it
can be a vision at all. It must rather be that some striking idea
creates a picture in the imagination: but this will be a dead
image by comparison with the other [a real vision]." She tells us
that a true image is very fleeting, often like lightening, during
which God communicates great and secret things about Himself
instantly through infused contemplation.

In this third conversion we recognize very powerfully the work of
the Holy Spirit. Just as it was His work with the apostles at
Pentecost, so it is His with us. As He works in us and digs deeper
within our soul, purging it of all that is not of God, He must,
for a time, darken our intellect and control our will through
aridity. The dryness we experience is characteristic of the work
of the Holy Spirit. When this happens, we must reach down in the
very depths of our soul and find that Rock upon which Jesus built
everything. We must find that anchor of Faith, that vessel of
Hope, that wellspring of life which is His Love. The spiritual
structure of the soul formed much earlier through the scaffolding
and mortar of sound theology and teaching, now withstands the
test. It endures the spiritual storm. When we experience our
aridity, just as the apostles did between the Ascension and
Pentecost, we fall back on what He has given us, just as the
apostles did. We hunker down and wait for Him in Hope to rescue
us.

In this purgation, we are being tested in the spiritual fire. We
previously referred to St. Thomas Aquinas' description of the mix
of self love and love for God within us; that alloy of loves. Now,
in this final purgation, the self-love must be purged. The soul is
tested with the fire of God's Love. The gold of God settles, and
the impurities of self-love are skimmed off the top. All that
remains is the gold, which is love for God. We are finally
prepared for union with Him Whom we love above all others, above
all else, and above self. We hold ourselves as nothing, God as
everything. He now gives us all; He gives us Himself. "How much
more will the Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who
ask Him?" Lk 11:13

The intellect is filled with understanding as God now communicates
Himself to the soul, the gift of infused contemplation. The will
is filled with Divine Love for God. We experience God as we have
never before experienced Him. We have an experience similar to
that of the apostles. An example is in Acts 2:22-36, where Peter
now understands the mystery of Redemption, now understands why
Jesus had to be a willing victim, finally understands the value
and merits of the Precious Blood for him and for each one of us.
Priests who reach this level develop a profound love for the Mass,
and experience it as they never could have before. They truly live
the Mass. The beauty of God's love is that now we, too, can live
the Mass.

Many who read and think about the Pentecost story tend to focus on
the outward signs, the gift of tongues in particular, since the
gospel emphasizes it so. It is not the gift of tongues that was
the real gift, but rather the profound understanding of the
mysteries of Faith, an understanding and Faith which God charged
the apostles with spreading. Thus, the Holy Spirit gave them the
gift through which they could do this most readily. This is why
St. Paul tells us the gift of tongues is the least of the gifts.

Another gift we often don't think much about, one Jesus mentioned
many times in His conversations with the apostles and others, is
courage. "Be not afraid", He told them. Courage is one thing.
Courage to the point of martyrdom is truly a gift of the Holy
Spirit.

And so as we stand on this third plateau, we will each be called
by God to some task of love. The tasks are many, the trials many
and in some cases severe, but there is one common objective and
motive for us all. That objective is love for God, and Him alone.
We cannot have a higher call. We cannot accomplish a greater work.
We cannot have a greater work accomplished in us by Him. And we
arrive here by being little, by serving, by being willing to be
the least among others; by humility, love and prudence.

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