TEACHING CATHOLIC MORALITY TO CHILDREN

by Carol Egan

       Recently, the woman from whom I purchase my morning coffee
commented on the perils  of raising her teenage daughter. In a voice filled
with weariness and irony, she told me that she  had to place her sixteen
year old daughter on birth control pills since she and her boyfriend were
now into a "meaningful relationship."  Her absolute powerlessness in the
face of her daughter's  insistence on being sexually active seemed so
typical of how parents are portrayed in the media,  on television and in
the movies that I had to wonder if the influence of these powerful means
of  communication may be at the roots of the confusion of so many
parents today.

        There is a commonly held belief in the modern self-serving
religion of "feel goodism," that  the two most dreaded events in a
teenager's life are pregnancy and the AIDS virus. The biggest  "sin" one
can commit in this "religion" is the practice of unsafe sex. It is into this
confused society  that we must eventually release our children.  We,
therefore, must--no option here--we must be  conduits of the truth as the
revealed word of God long before the illusions of society make
themselves known to the child.

       Morality certainly has a wide range of interpretations.   We have
the certainty of truth  which the Catholic Church has provided.  Deo
gratias!  The rules of morality have been detailed,  most recently in the
new Catechism of the Catholic Church.

        What is education in sexuality?  It is neither a series of "thou shalt
nots"  nor a laissez  faire policy in which the fingers are crossed in hopes
that the child will pick it up on his or her  own.  No, it is nothing else than
a gentle, ongoing, reality-based introduction into adult living.  Why
"reality-based?"  Because modern thought in this area is fraught with
deception and  omission.

       Many people today are living an illusion.   Anything which does
not have the interests of  the Creator as its end and is therefore opposed to
the truth, as revealed to the Church,  must be  called an illusion.
Commonplace are lifestyles and behaviors which, even thirty years ago
would  have been condemned by most people.  The modern divorce and
remarriage rate is at least fifty  percent; homosexuality is not only
tolerated, but promoted as a healthy lifestyle; abortion on  demand is
normative; fornication is so "normal" that chastity is considered not only
out-moded,  but unhealthy.  It is therefore essential to instruct children,
from the earliest age, in the Church's  teachings.  By itself, sex education is
intrusive, inadequate and even scandalous to a youngster in  his
formative years. Without the necessary moral underpinning, modern sex
education can be  excessively stimulating to a young mind at best and
pornographic at its worst.  Children must be  taught the morality which
should underlie not only their sexual conduct, but all their actions.

       What is morality?  Morality is defined as the relation between a
human act and the final  destiny of a human being.  It is the norm of
behavior that flows from each person's ultimate end,  which is the
possession of God in the Beatific Vision (Modern Catholic Dictionary, pg.
360).  Our  decisions, therefore, can have eternal consequences.  So
detailed is the Church's provision for  direction in one of the most
sensitive areas of human life, that the new Catechism enumerates  three
sources of morality: " The morality of human acts depends on: the object
chosen; the end in view or the intention; and the circumstances of the
action" (n. 1750).  And so, in weighing any  human action against the laws
of God, we must place them before the tribunal of the teaching  Church.
No human authority can reinterpret or change the deposit of truth.

       To be noted is that morality should be solidly Catholic, not merely
Christian.  Parents  should, whenever possible, consult sound Catholic
sources.  Many so-called Christian churches  allow the practice of
contraception.  Divorce and remarriage are permitted as well, in many
mainline Protestant Churches.

       Who should give children their introduction into human sexuality?
No one is more  qualified than the child's parents because they are the
bridge whom God has provided between the  child and the world.  They
are in place to give a gentle, ongoing  introduction to family life.    The
home is still the womb of the family.  The peaceful cushion of the home
insulates the child from  what must be called the lies of the world.
Outside of the walls of the home is a world hell- bent  on stealing the
innocence of children.  Examples are all too well-known:  pornography,
rock  music, the drug culture, gangs, the "new morality" and most
important and pervasive,  the  intrusion of school- based sex education
programs.  To be especially noted is the intrusion of  television into the
home from which children are daily indoctrinated in the morality of the
producers.  In one study, well over 90% of producers and directors
admitted they did not believe  in God!  No surprise when one considers
the moral degradation and violence broadcast 24 hours  every day on
television, but especially during prime time hours on the major networks.

       When should we begin to teach our children about their sexuality?
Like prayer, it should  begin before birth.  A child who is deeply loved
from conception will be secure and assured of his  own unique place in
life.  As he grows, he will ask questions about life and living; about
himself  and about God.  Each stage is marked by its own capacities and
abilities to learn.  The parents,  understanding and loving their children
as no one else could, will be available to answer all their  questions.  The
should be answered  honestly and appropriately to their age level while
all the  time respecting their uniqueness.  They are temples of the Holy
Spirit.  As adolescence  approaches, a providential time and place for girls
and boys to be introduced to their reproductive  gifts and functions will
become apparent.  Family and individual prayer and the frequent
reception  of the sacraments is not only encouraged, but absolutely
necessary to insure chastity not only for  the children, but for the parents
as well.

       How to teach it?  Because each child is so unique, the parents'
approach should be tailored  to him or her.  The subject is so delicate not
because we Catholics are " prudish or old-fashioned"  but because it is
natural.  God has implanted in every human person a  holy shame.
Bishop Fulton  J. Sheen said it best when he described the natural shyness
of even small boys and girls when in  each other's company.  Because of
the potential for life within little girls, little boys are aware of  this a
young age.  This, therefore, is why girls and boys usually play separately
and make them shy  around each other.  The girl's future ability to
become a mother makes little boys deeply aware of  their differences even
though it is mainly subconscious.  (Modern educators pass this off as guilt
which our parents impose!)

       Much of what they teach their children will be unspoken.  A new
baby is expected; the child notices his mother's abdomen swell.  The baby
is nursed at his mother's breast as the child  plays beside her.  The parents
embrace;  the child smiles contentedly.  All of these loving,  nurturing
family experiences are as surely assimilated by the child as is any learning
experience.

       Parents should answer questions about human sexuality with
matter-of-fact, but honest  answers.  Anatomical names should be used for
body parts, no matter what the age.  If a child  hears sensitive information
from his parents first, he will be better equipped to deal with the
inevitable street vocabulary.  He will also be less likely to use denigrating
language with his peers.

       "Where did I come from?" could mean when and where did my life
begin, or it could also  mean "in which state was I born?"  A sensitive
parent will not answer delicate questions before  the child is ready.  Each
child's uniqueness is a serious factor.   Each stage of development in a
child's life signals a new readiness to receive more detailed information
That is why the  classroom is the poorest place for a child to hear about
reproduction and sexuality.  It removes a  child's right to private,
individual, one on one instruction in the most highly sensitive area of
human behavior. The imposition of information before the child is ready
to hear it could do  irreparable damage. Gender differences, femaleness
and maleness, are not interchangeable, as  though men and women are
blended into some kind of androgynous conglomerate.  Men and  women;
boys and girls are different because God made them to complement each
other.

       Three modes of living are especially important in the nineties.
During the Vietnam war,  one prisoner of war noted that they carried him
successfully through seven years of horrible  torture, starvation and
deprivation.  All his life he had practiced moderation, kept order and
exercised discipline.   This is no easy task in this modern age where
feeling good and creature  comforts are of prime importance.   If a child
observes his parents denying themselves  occasionally, being orderly not
only in the home but in their activities and using firm but loving
discipline in raising them, the groundwork will be laid for their own
future struggles, especially in  the use of self-restraint when adolescence
arrives with its powerful urges.

        The ultimate end of each thought, word and deed of every
creature should be to give  glory to Almighty God.  We give glory to God
when we not only respond--with the graces He has  given us--to His holy
will, but we actually embrace His holy will, no matter what it is, painful
or  pleasant. The new Catechism explains how parents must regard their
children: "Showing  themselves obedient to the will of the Father in
heaven, [parents] educate their children to fulfill  God's law" (n. 2222).
We can be certain that if the Church teaches it, it is indeed His holy will to
give strong example and to teach them about God's loving plan for the
human race that we might  all enjoy a happy eternity.  The new
Catechism of the Catholic Church is an excellent source for  parents to
consult as they "raise up their children in the way they should go."

Taken from the "The Catholic Family's Magnificat!", P.O. Box 43-1015,
Pontiac, MI 48343-1015, 810-412-1959, e-mail addresses: on CRNET:
Marianna C [email protected], On Prodigy: [email protected], On
America On-Line: [email protected]. Subscriptions to this excellent
magazine for homeschooling families are available for $20.00 a year (4
issues).

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