If the social reform that is being demanded on all sides is to
have any hope of success, it must begin with the reform of the
family.
--Victor Cathrein, S.J.
Franciscan Herald Press, Chicago
1938
Nihil Obstat
Fr. Conradin Wallbraun, O.F.M. J. F. Green, O.S.A.
Censor Dep. C. L.
April 7, 1934
Fr. Liberatus Presser, O.F.M.
Censor Dep.
Imprimi Permittitur:
Fr. Optatus Loeffler, O.F.M. Imprimatur:
Min. Prov. +George Cardinal Mundelein
Die 2 Martii, 1934 April 7, 1934.
TO
CHRISTIAN
FATHERS AND MOTHERS, HUSBANDS AND WIVES
AND
TO ALL HOME LOVERS THE WORLD OVER
THIS LITTLE VOLUME
IS AFFECTIONATELY DEDICATED
UNDER THE PATRONAGE OF
THE SUPREME MODELS OF THE CHRISTIAN HOME
JESUS, MARY, AND JOSEPH
INTRODUCTION
THE world to-day is full of reformers. Society, we are told, is
sick with many ills, and a radical remedy is imperative if the
utter breakdown of Christian civilization is to be averted. Yet,
while the urgent need of reform is quite generally conceded,
there is a wide divergence of opinions as to the proper means of
bringing it about. As Catholics, possessed of the divinely
revealed truths that should regulate all human action, we know
that many of the remedies proposed for the cure of social ills
are inadequate, because they do not reach the root of the evil;
and that many a well-meant reform movement is foredoomed to
failure, because it is not based on the only true and solid
foundation of all social reform; namely, the principle that there
can be no real, permanent social justice and morality without
private justice and morality; and that there can be no enduring
private justice or morality without religion.
A Truism
So much is agreed upon among Catholics: religion and morality
must form the basis of all true reform; and it is a truism to say
that if all the individuals that make up society were morally
good and religious, the ills that afflict society would
disappear. It is furthermore agreed among Catholics that the
Catholic Church offers the individual all that is necessary for
leading a good life. Why then do so many of her children fail?
They have the true Faith; they have the Commandments, which tell
them what they must do and what they must avoid; and they have
the means of grace, prayer and the Sacraments, to help them to
avoid sin and practice virtue. Why, then, are they not all
morally good and religious?
The Sin of Adam
The fundamental reason is simply that they do not choose to be
so. Sin is apparently so pleasant, at least for the moment, and
the constant practice of virtue is so hard, that men often choose
the former in preference to the latter. Even in Paradise, where
all circumstances were so favorable, Adam and Eve abused their
free will by disobeying God. But in consequence of that first sin
of Adam, there exists in all his descendants a strong inclination
to evil, which makes the practice of virtue still more difficult.
And added to all this is the example of the wicked world in which
we live.
The Enemy Without
It is this latter, the bad example of the world around us, which
forms the great obstacle to social reform even among Catholics.
If man were merely an individual living by himself, he would have
only the enemy within to fight against; but being a social being,
destined by God to live in society with others, he has also an
enemy outside himself--the evil example of many of those with
whom he lives. How to overcome this evil example is the great
problem of social reform. It is easy enough to say that the bad
example must be offset by good example; but how and where is the
good example to be had?
Catholic Societies
Many there are who say that since it is mainly social attractions
that lead Catholics into dangerous company and dangerous places
of amusement, we must have our own societies, our own social
agencies, club rooms and recreation centers, so that our people
can satisfy their craving for company and amusement in a harmless
manner. While admitting that our people should be provided with
ample opportunity for healthful and innocent recreation; while
admitting, too, the importance and desirability of Catholic
societies, both secular and religious, and attesting that, when
properly conducted under proper auspices, such societies can do
an immense amount of good, I am nevertheless of the opinion that
it is not by means of these societies that social evils will be
greatly reduced. Let us have these societies by all means; but
when we have established them and made them flourish, let us not
imagine that our task is done. In all such societies something is
wanting,--namely, the intimate daily association of the members
in all the important affairs of life.
The Best Catholic Society
Happily, however, there is a society that has this all-important
requisite; a natural society in which the great majority of men
spend their lives; a society that is capable of exerting a
lifelong influence on its members. That society, dear reader, is
the family. In the family we have all the essential things that
man requires as a social being for his physical, moral and
intellectual well-being and advancement. And since the family
rather than the individual, is the unit of society, to reform
society one must begin with the family. Restore religion to its
rightful place in the home; let religion direct, control and
permeate the family life, and not only will the individual have
the safeguard he needs against the evils of society, but society
itself will be transformed. This, then, religion in the home, is
to my mind, the best of all remedies for the reform of society;
and the purpose of this little book is to explain the remedy and
to induce all Christian families that can be reached to adopt it.
"For the love of our Savior, Jesus Christ, we implore pastors of
souls, by every means in their power, by instructions and
catechisms, by word of mouth and by written articles widely
distributed, to warn Christian parents of their grave
obligations. And this should be done not in a merely theoretical
and general way, but with practical and special application to
the various responsibilities of parents touching the religious,
moral, and civil training of their children, and with indication
of the methods best adapted to make their training effective,
supposing always the influence of their own exemplary lives."
---Pius XI, "Christian Education of Youth"
_________________________________________________________________
CHAPTER I: Necessity of Religion in the Home
I. Primary End of the Family
IN accordance with the words spoken by God to our first parents, "Increase
and multiply and fill the earth," the primary purpose of the family is the
propagation of the human race. Now without religion, this purpose will be
only imperfectly attained. All history witnesses to the fact that there
can be no enduring morality without religion, and the history of the
family is no exception to the rule. The suffering and labor, the
difficulty and disappointment, the grief and vexation incident to the
bearing and rearing of children demand so much patience, love, and
self-sacrifice, that no one not imbued with a religious sense of duty and
buoyed up by the hope of an eternal reward, will be willing to endure
them. Hence where these religious motives are wanting, the primary end of
the family will be either wholly or partly neglected, and matrimony
degraded to the low level of a selfish partnership or a sinful pastime.
Perverting Marriage
We need not have recourse to pagan lands, where infants are
deliberately exposed to die, for proof that such is the
inevitable result of the absence of religion in the family. The
absence or scarcity of children in many families of our own land
is sad and sufficient evidence. Nay, even in Christian families,
where religion no longer exerts the sway it should, are found
those immoral practices that pervert the sublime aim of the
family. One might, and in charity one would be bound to, ascribe
the absence or scarcity of children in such families to other
causes, if wives and mothers did not openly advocate artificial
restriction of families on the theory that it is better to have
one or two children and bring them up well than to have a larger
number and be unable to take proper care of them. That theory in
itself, of course, is unassailable so long as no law of God is
violated by having only one or two children, and so long as the
expression "proper care" is rightly understood. But just the way
this theory is understood and put into practice by most of its
advocates shows into what errors man falls when he is not
restrained by the salutary curb of religion.
Educating for Heaven
What is meant by bringing up a child well? From the standpoint of
religion, as far as essentials are concerned, it means to bring
up a child in such a manner that it will be enabled to attain the
end for which God created it--eternal happiness in Heaven. Such
an education even the poorest parents will be able to provide for
their children, no matter how many they have; and their own
happiness in Heaven will be increased by every child that they
have added to the number of the elect. There is always a
possibility of a child going wrong despite the best parental
care; but the probability of its going wrong from neglect because
of the large number of children is far less than the probability
that it will be spoiled if it is one of a limited few. The very
action of the parents in thwarting nature by limiting their
offspring will militate against the proper religious training of
their children; for it is not likely that parents who themselves
disobey the law of God in so grave a matter will be at great
pains to rear God-fearing sons and daughters.
"Proper Care" Relative
But even from a material point of view, the assumption is false
that parents cannot take proper care of many children. "Proper
care" is to be understood relatively, not absolutely; for while
parents are bound to provide for the material as well as the
spiritual needs of their children, the extent of that provision
must vary with the parents' resources. If the best possible
training and the best possible care were required for every
child, few persons would be allowed to marry at all; since few,
if any, could be found whose circumstances could not be improved
on.
"We are deeply touched by the sufferings of those parents who, in
extreme want, experience great difficulty in rearing their
children. However, they should take care lest the calamitous
state of their external affairs should be the occasion for a much
more calamitous error. No difficulty can arise that justifies the
putting aside of the law of God which forbids all acts
intrinsically evil. There is no possible circumstance in which
husband and wife cannot, strengthened by the grace of God,
fulfill faithfully their duties and preserve in wedlock their
chastity unspotted."
--Encyclical on Christian Marriage.
_______________________________________________________________
Periodic Continence
If really serious financial straits or imperative considerations
of health should discountenance the addition of another child to
the family at a given time, truly Christian parents will know how
to meet the situation by mutually agreeing to practice continence
over a certain period. So much, with a good will and God's grace,
they will always be able to do. But no combination of untoward
circumstances can ever justify the misuse of the sacred rights of
marriage. (See quotation above.)
I realize most keenly that faithful adherence to the law of God
will sometimes require great sacrifices of God-fearing parents.
But every state of life, as it confers certain rights and
privileges, also demands its peculiar sacrifices; and God will
always grant sufficient grace to enable one to make them. If God
enables those husbands and wives to keep His holy law who are
deprived of the legitimate pleasures of wedlock by the premature
death or the life-long illness of their spouses, He will
certainly do the same for those whom poverty or other trying
conditions place in a similar predicament. With St. Paul, every
Christian can say in time of trial: "I can do all things in Him
that strengtheneth me."
An Extreme Case
The following example, which is about as extreme a case as one
might imagine, shows how God strengthens and consoles those
sorely tried consorts who place their trust in Him. I condense
the story narrated by the chief actor himself--an English
Catholic journalist named W. Gerald Young--in a letter to the
London Universe.
"Some years ago I stood with a woman at the altar where God
united us in the bonds of holy Matrimony. She was all that man
could wish for, and, with her, life was a succession of sunny
days. More than once did God give her that wonderful blessing of
radiant motherhood, and we were intensely happy. Today, however,
black clouds of sorrow have overwhelmed us, and we are no longer
together.
"Once a week I make a pilgrimage into the beautiful hill country
of Surrey, where there is an institution known by the name of a
mental hospital. Here it is that my dear one spends her days,--
long, weary days, because she is mad. Here is my shrine. Frail
and pallid, she lies on a bed, dead to the world of intelligence.
Her once beautiful face is now disfigured; her old-time smile
superseded by a scowl. When I kiss her dear lips, there is no
warm response from the woman who loved me so dearly; and yet she
still holds the keys of my heart.
"My journey back to London is a weary one; for how can we call it
home when the wife and mother is absent? Little voices will ask
when Mama is coming back, and Daddy cannot tell them. On my way
back, I visit a little church wherein the Blessed Sacrament is
always exposed for adoration. In this haven of rest where all is
quiet and peaceful, I lift up my weary heart to God and tell Him
my troubles, and I come out a happier man, because I have
unburdened my soul to my Maker and He has given me new courage to
fight this weary battle of life. Some day God may see fit to
answer my petition. In the meantime I can only hope and pray."
But whether God grants this brave man's prayer here on earth or
not, oh, how magnificently will He reward his fidelity in
eternity!
A Selfish Life
Now if a man can be faithful to the law of God in such trying
circumstances, how much easier should it be for those whose happy
homes are still unbroken and who need only practice Christian
self-restraint? The whole argument against large families only
shows the absence of the salutary restraints of religion. At
bottom it is not the desire to give their children a more
excellent training but the desire to lead a more selfish and
comfortable life that clamors for the unnatural limitation of the
family. No one is more desirous of having well-trained children
than deeply religious parents; but such parents, regarding their
office in the light of Faith, are bent mainly on rearing their
children for Heaven; and they understand that, even should they
be able to provide them but scantily with the goods of this
world, by training them for Heaven the main thing is achieved and
their principal duty performed. They realize, too, that the
success of all their efforts in behalf of their children depends
mainly on Heaven's blessing, and that if they merit that blessing
by their upright lives, He who feeds the birds of the air and
clothes the lilies of the field will also provide for their
children.
Consolations of Parenthood
Happy the parents who still retain this religious outlook on
life; whose religion is their guide, their support, and their
consolation amid the arduous duties of their state of life! They
know that they are the chosen instruments of Divine Providence
for peopling the abode of the blessed. They know that in assuming
the office of parenthood, they cooperate with God himself in
bringing into existence beings destined to praise and enjoy him
forever in Heaven. They know that every child they receive is a
gift of God; since, do what they will, they can have no child
that God does not give them. But above the solace of all this
knowledge, is the supernatural aid which the true religion
affords them. They have the actual graces of the sacrament of
Matrimony, of frequent Communion, and of daily prayer to
strengthen them, and the example of their suffering Savior to
console them. Yes, with religion in their homes, they can resist
the evil example of those godless couples who seek only their own
gratification. And though eugenic wise-acres scoff, and even
misguided friends smile in derision at their old-fashioned
families, they will never thwart Heaven's designs concerning
their families, but look upon every child as a new token of
Heaven's trust and Heaven's love.
The Parents' Pride
It is remarkable how often God rewards parents of large families
by making the children that came last become the chief joy and
pride of their life. The Little Flower of Jesus was the last of
nine children; St. Ignatius of Loyola, the thirteenth and St.
Catherine of Siena, the twenty-fourth or twenty-fifth. Many
parents owe the honor of having a son raised to the priesthood to
the fact that they had large families. Had my own parents been
willing to have five children but no more, they would never have
had a priest in the family. But because they were blessed with
eight children, they had the happiness of seeing the sixth and
seventh celebrate their first Mass on the same day; and though
they have gone to their reward, they are no doubt happy to know
that two sons of their eighth child are studying for the
priesthood.
A few years ago, I received a letter from a young mother of two
children, in which she related how certain worldly-wise women try
to induce mothers to limit the number of their children. On the
occasion of a social call, a lady acquaintance of hers had
remarked: "It is not a woman of refinement nowadays that has more
than two children." To which the young mother replied: "In that
case I hope to belong to the common herd, as I intend to take all
that the good Lord wants to give me." In replying to her letter,
I commended her for her truly Catholic stand, and then added: "I
thank God that my own good mother did not have such a false idea
of refinement; for if she had, I should have had no chance at
all, as I was her seventh child." And the very first time I
related this incident, namely, to a group of Franciscan Fathers
at St. Elizabeth's Friary, Denver, Colo., each one of the five
priests present declared that he, too, was his mother's seventh
child!
II. Final Aim of Marriage
Necessary as religion is in the home for the attainment of the
primary aim of marriage and the family--the propagation of the
human race, it is equally necessary for the attainment of the
family's final aim--the education of children for Heaven. Above
all else it is the soul of the child for which parents will have
to render a strict account on the day of judgment; and it is the
religious and moral training of their children, therefore, that
constitutes their paramount duty to their offspring. When
Catholic parents stand before their Divine Judge, they will not
be asked whether they did their utmost to enable their children
to prosper in this world--to wear the laurels of its honors, to
reap the fruits of its riches, and to quaff the wine of its
sensual pleasures. No; the question they will have to answer is,
whether they did their duty in enabling their children not only
to save their immortal souls, but also to reach that degree of
holiness to which God destined them and to embrace that state of
life in which God wished them to serve Him.
Before the Dawn of Reason
To acquit themselves of this sacred duty, parents must needs
foster religion in their home. If religion is to be planted deep
in the heart of the child,--so deep that it will defy all later
attempts of the world, the flesh and the devil, to root it out,
it will not do to defer the child's religious education until it
starts to school. Its religious education must be begun not only
at the first dawn of reason, but long before the dawn of reason--
in very infancy, so that a truly religious mind will be developed
and become a veritable second nature. It follows necessarily,
then, that religion must exert the dominant influence in the
place where the child's first years are spent; namely, in the
home. Religion should surround the child as snugly as its infant
clothing. The child should imbibe religion at its mother's
breast. It should be rocked to sleep to the tune of religion, and
its first lisping accents should have a religious character. Only
if religion rules the home, will the child get the impression
right at the start that religion is the most important thing in
life. If there is little or no religion in the home, the child
will naturally be led to suppose that wealth and position,
secular knowledge and training, or even worldly comforts and
pleasures are the things most worth while; and that religion,
instead of being a vital force in life, is merely a polite
concession that man feels he must occasionally make to God, his
Creator; and hence that it is, like a badge or his best clothes,-
-to be displayed only in church and on special occasions.
Religion a Spiritual Food
Few parents who send their children to a Catholic school will
deny the necessity of religion in the school. They know that even
if a school should be entirely non-sectarian and in no way
opposed to religion, the mere absence of religion would itself be
a great evil; for, if education means the training and
instructing of a child for the performance of the duties of life,
it must needs embrace religious training and instruction, since
the practice of religion is the first and foremost of life's
duties. Now what is true of the absence of religion in the
school, is equally true of its absence in the home. The
supernatural graces which the child received in Baptism,
sanctifying grace and the infused virtues of Faith, Hope, and
Charity, are awaiting nourishment and warmth in order to blossom
forth and yield fruit; and to deny the child the religious food
and atmosphere it craves is to stunt if not to thwart its
spiritual growth. To say that no harm is done the child so long
as it is taught nothing positively bad or irreligious, is just as
false as to say that it will not harm a child to deprive it of
food so long as you do not give it poison.
Yet great as is the need of religion in the home for the proper
molding of the infant mind and heart, how frequently is the
hungry little soul of the child practically starved until it
begins to attend a Catholic school! How often, too, is it not
taught things that are positively bad either by word or by
example! How often are not things said or done or permitted in
the presence of children and justified or excused with the remark
that "they don't know what it means," or "it won't do them any
harm"! It may do them incalculable harm. It is just this seed
sown in the innocent child's memory and imagination, from which
later on evil will spring; and then the astonished parents wonder
where the child learnt it. Small children are the most
impressionable beings in the world, and the impressions which
they receive are the ones that sink deepest and that will leave
their traces all through life.
Shifting the Burden
One reason why the child's religious education is often neglected
at home, is the tendency on the part of parents to disemburden
themselves of the duty of educating their children by committing
that task entirely to others. The Catholic parochial school is
unquestionably a splendid as well as a necessary institution; but
it must be remembered that the education of children is in the
first place the duty of the parents, and that the purpose of the
school is only to co-operate with the parents, and in particular
to take up the work at that point where the parents are no longer
able to accomplish it satisfactorily themselves. That point, I am
inclined to think, is ordinarily not reached before the child
completes its sixth year, since there are few parents who are
unable, from lack of either time or knowledge, to teach their
children all they need to know on entering the first grade. There
is, however, a growing custom of anticipating that point by
entrusting the child to others when it is only five, or even only
three or four years old; and the cause of the custom is the
existence of the kindergarten.
The Holy Father on the Decline of Family Education
"We wish to call your attention in a special manner to the
present-day lamentable decline in family education. The offices
and professions of a transitory and earthly life, which are
certainly of far less importance, are prepared for by long and
careful study; whereas for the fundamental duty and obligation of
educating their children, many parents have little or no
preparation, immersed as they are in temporal cares.
"The declining influence of domestic environment is further
weakened by another tendency prevalent almost everywhere to-day,
which, under one pretext or another, for economic reasons, or for
reasons of industry, trade or politics, causes children to be
more and more frequently sent away from home even in their
tenderest years."
--Pius XI in "Christian Education of Youth."
_________________________________________________________________
Kindergarten vs. Home Training
There are those that favor the kindergarten; and it is easy to
understand that, like the day nursery, it is a most welcome
institution to mothers who are obliged to work away from home for
the support of their families. While the use of the kindergarten
in such a case is certainly above criticism, the same cannot be
said in regard to its use by those parents who avail themselves
of it merely to have the children off their hands. And, even
where there is no lack of parental love and care, there is
likelihood that parents will send their children to the
kindergarten simply because others do so; or from the mistaken
notion that they are supposed to do so. Now, without wishing to
dogmatize in the matter, I want to tell such parents that, in my
opinion, the kindergarten training is not superior to home
training; and that nothing is learned in the kindergarten that
cannot be learned equally well at home. It is quite true that the
school mistress who specializes in her work may be intellectually
better equipped than many mothers for the education of very young
children; but it is none the less true that the mother is by
nature the child's first and chief educator; that the mother is
nature's own specialist just in the task of educating the child
before it reaches the age of reason; and that, as regards
religious training, it is every mother's bounden duty to acquire
so much knowledge as will enable her to teach her children that
rudimentary religious knowledge that they should have before they
complete their sixth year. (See quotation above.)
A Work of Love
Yet it is not so much duty, young mothers, that I would
emphasize, as love, to induce you to make the early education of
your children your own personal task. Soon enough, yes all too
soon the time will come when your darlings will pass from the
sacred sanctuary of your home to spend the greater part of their
waking hours elsewhere. Should your mother's love not be anxious
to have them under your watchful eye as long as possible? During
those first half dozen years, when the child's heart can be
molded like soft clay, should you not desire to fashion it to the
highest ideals with your own loving hands? Should you not wish to
be able to say that those essential prayers, which you expect
your children to recite daily through life, were first learned
and lisped at their mother's knee? Should you not aim to bind
them to their home by the strongest ties of interest as well as
of affection? If so, then the surest way is to make the home the
fountain at which they first drink the waters of wisdom; to make
the home the attractive center of all their earthly hopes and
joys and the holy shrine round which will caressingly cling the
fondest of all the happy memories of childhood.
Harmony between School and Home
But even when parents have done all in their power for the
religious education of their children before the latter begin to
attend school, let them not imagine that their task is
accomplished. When they finally commit them to the charge of
others, at the proper age, they do not thereby divest themselves
of all responsibility, but must co-operate with the teachers by
their interest, their discipline, and their moral support. (See
Holy Father's quotation below.) Here again appears the necessity
of religion in the home. If the child learns at school that it is
in this world to serve God and to save its immortal soul, and
that the things of earth are to be used merely as means to that
end, that lesson must have an echo in the home. What the school
emphasizes as the most important thing in life must likewise be
regarded as such in the home. It will not do for the child to
find a disagreement between the religious truths it learns at
school and the views it hears expressed and defended at home. The
irreconcilable opposition between the maxims of Christ and the
maxims of this world will come home to the child soon enough; and
if the former are to take root in its heart as they should, the
seed sown in religious instruction in school must be nurtured by
religion in the home.
A Puzzling Contradiction
It is true, the child will come in touch with irreligion sooner
or later outside the circle of the home and school; but that is
not likely to affect it so easily, since it has been taught to
look upon the world as hostile to its own best interests. It will
be quite different if irreligion is met with in the home. A child
implicitly trusts its parents. It believes that they have its
welfare at heart; and it will be confronted with a puzzling
contradiction if its parents by word, deed, or omission
countenance or counsel anything that it was taught at school to
regard as wrong. Just because of its confidence in its parents,
the child is more likely to follow the example of the home than
the precept it learned at school. Example is always more powerful
than precept; and it is of the highest importance, therefore,
that the religious instruction of the school be seconded by the
example of sterling Christian conduct in the home. Only when home
and school work hand in hand, mutually supporting, complementing,
and encouraging each other, may we hope that our children will
receive the kind of education that will enable them to bring
forth the fruits of a truly Christian life.
"Since, however, the younger generations must be trained in the
arts and sciences for the advantage and prosperity of civil
society, and since the family of itself is unequal to this task,
it was necessary to create that social institution, the school.
But let it be borne in mind that this institution owes its
existence to the initiative of the family and of the Church, long
before it was undertaken by the State. Hence, considered in its
historical origin, the school is by its very nature and
institution subsidiary and complementary to the family and the
Church. It follows logically and necessarily that it must not be
in opposition to, but in positive accord with those other two
elements, and form with them a perfect moral union, constituting
one sanctuary of education, as it were, with the family and the
Church. Otherwise it is doomed to fail of its purpose and to
become instead an agent of destruction."
--Encyclical on "Christian Education of Youth."
_________________________________________________________________
Non-Catholic Schools Forbidden
The very fact that the school is supposed to continue the
education of the home and that both must be pervaded by the same
Christian spirit, shows the obligation that Catholic parents are
under of placing their children only in a Catholic school. In his
encyclical on the Christian Education of Youth, Pope Pius XI
emphasizes this duty in unmistakable terms "There is no need," he
writes, "to repeat what Our predecessors have declared on this
point, especially Pius IX and Leo XIII.... We renew and confirm
their declarations, as well as the sacred Canons, in which the
frequenting of non-Catholic schools, whether neutral or mixed,
those namely which are open to Catholics and non-Catholics alike,
is forbidden for Catholic children, and can be at most tolerated,
on the approval of the Ordinary alone, under determined
circumstances of place and time, and with special precautions.
"Neither can Catholics admit that other type of mixed school...in
which the students are provided with separate religious
instruction, but receive other lessons in common with non-
Catholic pupils from non-Catholic teachers. For the mere fact
that a school gives some religious instructions (often extremely
stinted) does not bring it into accord with the rights of the
Church and of the Christian family, or make it a fit place for
Catholic students.
Religion Must Pervade All Schools
"To be that, it is necessary that all the teaching and the whole
organization of the school, its teachers, syllabus, and textbooks
in every branch be regulated by the Christian spirit, under the
direction and maternal supervision of the Church; so that
religion may be in very truth the foundation and crown of the
youth's entire training; and this in every grade of school, not
only the elementary, but the intermediate and the higher
institutions of learning as well. To use the words of Leo XIII:
'It is necessary not only that religious instruction be given to
the young at certain fixed times, but also that every other
subject taught be permeated with Christian piety. If this is
wanting, if this sacred atmosphere does not pervade and warm the
hearts of masters and scholars alike, little good can be expected
from any kind of learning, and considerable harm will often be
the consequence.'"
Exceptional Cases
It is true, indeed, that Catholics who have had the very best
religious schooling and come from the finest Catholic families
sometimes fail nevertheless to turn out well; but that is
certainly not because of, but despite, their religious education.
Such cases, too, are relatively rare; and I think that on
investigation it would be found that most of them were thrown too
suddenly upon the world, or passed at too early an age beyond the
sustaining and restraining influence of Christian surroundings.
The great majority of men stand in need of the support and
encouragement of a good example throughout their entire life; and
as they cannot find this encouragement amid the hustle and bustle
of the world, they must find it in their homes. It is not enough,
then, that the child have the advantage of an early religious
home training. The steadying influence of religion in the home
must continue all through life.
The Grown-up Children
This phase of our subject, the necessity of religion in the home
also for the children that have graduated from school and for the
grown-up members of the family, ought perhaps to be emphasized
most, because it is so commonly disregarded. It is with religion
as with all other things that influence our lives: it must be
fostered if its influence is to last; and once the child is
beyond the school age, there is great danger that it will
gradually limit its religious practice to the hour in church on
Sundays, if a truly Christian home life does not continue the
beneficial religious influence previously exerted by the Catholic
school. The home is really the only place, besides the church,
that can be made to conform to one's daily religious needs; and
it is here, therefore, that one must provide what cannot be had
abroad. If abroad, amid the enforced companionship of unbelieving
fellow-workmen, it is not always possible to avoid hearing one's
religion set at naught and ridiculed, in the home one can insist
that it be held in honor and esteemed the most vital thing on
earth. If abroad the open practice of any act of religion would
ordinarily be viewed with silent wonder or unconcealed contempt,
in the home the act of folding the hands or kneeling to pray must
be regarded as natural as eating and drinking. If abroad one is
often powerless to prevent irreligion and immorality from having
access to the press, bill-boards, art galleries and places of
amusement, one can at least refuse admission to them when they
knock on the door of our Christian homes.
Give me truly Christian homes, homes in which Christianity is not
merely tolerated but revered and fostered, and homes that are
homes and not only sleeping quarters, and I will give you a race
of Christian men and women who will cling to their Faith despite
the insidious machinations of a corrupt and irreligious world.
III. Religion Prevents Divorce
It remains yet to touch briefly on a third reason why religion is
indispensable in the home; the fact, namely, that without
religion in the home the very existence of the family is in
danger; for religion is the only sure safeguard of the
indissolubility of marriage, the only bulwark against the
breaking up of the family by divorce.
Where there is no religion, no supernatural motive to sustain and
comfort them and no belief in the inviolability of the marriage
vow, it is but natural that when difficulties that demand mutual
forbearance arise, as they inevitably will, the husband or wife
will have recourse to divorce. God Himself knows that it is by no
means always an easy matter for husband and wife to bear with
each other's shortcomings; that unaided human nature cannot
perseveringly fulfill all the duties of wedded life; and for that
very reason He supernaturalized Christian marriage, making it a
sacrament that confers all the special graces needed to enable
the married pair to perform their duties faithfully until death.
It is mainly owing to the denial of the sacramental character of
Matrimony, that marriage is entered into so lightly outside the
Catholic Church, and that so little is made of the wide-spread
evil of severing the marital union.
While we may rejoice that divorce is not prevalent among
Catholics, we must nevertheless admit to our shame that divorced
Catholics are not altogether unknown, and that not infrequently
the strained relations between husband and wife and the breakdown
of parental authority fall little short of the evils of actual
divorce. It is not enough, therefore, that the religious
character and the indissolubility of the matrimonial union be
acknowledged. Religion must sanctify not only the beginning but
the entire course of wedded and family life.
* * * *
What a world of difference it would make in our lives, if among
the requisites for an ideal home, the first place were assigned
to religion! We say, "What is home without a mother?" and it is
true that the absence of a good mother makes a gap that cannot be
adequately filled. Yet how far, how unspeakably far, short of the
ideal mother does she fall who does not foster religion in the
home!
Religion a Gracious Queen
Why then are there so many homes, even Christian homes, where
religion is notably lacking? Is it perhaps because religion is
regarded as a tyrant ruling with an iron hand? Undoubtedly this
view is responsible for the attitude of many who style themselves
Christians. But no view could be farther from the truth. A real
tyrant in the home, a tyrant whom many serve with slavish care,
is the insatiable desire for ease, pleasure, or social standing,
which forces families to live beyond their means in order to
equal their neighbors in sumptuousness of board and luxury of
equipment; while religion, whose sway would be that of a tender
mother and gentle queen, is shown scant courtesy or even barred
admission.
Welcome religion to your homes, therefore, fathers and mothers,
sons and daughters, all ye who would be the possessors of truly
happy homes. Welcome religion with open arms and gladsome hearts.
Grossly do they err who look upon her as a tyrant. Religion is a
queen, a most gracious queen, whose sway is as gentle as it is
salutary. Yield yourselves to her loving influence so that the
smile of her approval will ever beam upon you. Let her rule your
going out and your coming in! Let her occupy the place of honor
at your table! Let her sit with you in your study! Let her kindly
eye restrain you in time of joy! Let her tender hand wipe away
your tears in time of sorrow! Let her minister to you in time of
illness and distress! Then, having received your last breath, she
will conduct you at the last from the threshold of your earthly
home to the eternal home of your Heavenly Father.
WHAT A GREAT ENEMY OF THE
CHURCH SAID ABOUT THE FAMILY
Before his conversion, a great infidel made the following
admission to the eminent apostle of the Sacred Heart, Father
Mateo Crawley-Boevey, SS.CC.:--"We have only one object in view--
to dechristianize the family. We are willing to let Catholics
have their churches and chapels and cathedrals. We are satisfied
to have the family. If we gain the family, our victory over the
Church is assured."
__________________________________________________________________
CHAPTER II: Prayer in the Home
Irreligious Atmosphere
IN our day, irreligion may be said to pervade the very air we
breathe. Just as our lungs inhale the germs of disease, and our
bodies are coated with minute particles of dust, whenever we go
abroad in a crowded city, so our souls, our memory and
imagination, are exposed to an atmosphere tainted with irreligion
whenever we go abroad into the world. To counteract the evil
effects of a day's exposure to the smoke and dust of the city, we
wash the stains from our bodies when we return home, we restore
our lost vitality by partaking of wholesome food; and we fill our
lungs with air free from the impurities that vitiate the
atmosphere in factories and the busy marts of trade.
We must pursue a like course if we wish to render our souls
immune from the contagion of irreligion. We must cleanse our
souls from the dust of earthy and irreligious impressions that we
acquire from contact with the wicked world. We must move about in
a pure atmosphere from which all taint of irreligion is excluded.
We must strengthen the Faith within us by nourishing our souls
with wholesome mental food. To drop the metaphor, we must offset
the irreligion that we daily encounter abroad, by prayer, by a
Catholic atmosphere, and by good reading in the home.
I. Daily Prayer
The simplest, the easiest, the most ordinary, and still, for the
individual, the most important exercise of the virtue of religion
is prayer. Hence, if religion is to occupy that place in the home
which we have seen it deserves, the members of the family must be
faithful to the time-honored custom of daily prayer. No matter
how old-fashioned and childish it may seem to some to insist on
morning and evening prayer, grace before and after meals, and
family prayers at certain seasons, it is these very things that
establish religion firmly in the home, bring down Heaven's
blessing, and give the home its true consecration. Show me a
family where all the members are regular in saying their daily
prayers, and. I will show you a home where religion flourishes
and peace and contentment reign. Show me a home where prayer is
habitually neglected, and I will show you a family whose
religion, if any still exist, is merely a matter of form.
Natural Place for Prayer
How, indeed, could it be otherwise? We have the duty of saving
our immortal souls not only at the moment of death but all
through life; and that duty necessarily implies keeping ourselves
in the state of sanctifying grace. No one will remain long in the
state of grace, if he is careless about his daily prayers; and
few will pray daily, if they do not pray at home, because the
home is the most convenient as it is the most natural place for
one's regular daily prayer. What could be more natural for a man
who believes that God is his Creator and Sovereign Lord his
greatest benefactor and best friend; who believes that we are in
this world solely to do God's holy will and thus merit an eternal
reward; what could be more natural, I ask, than for such a one to
remember and to acknowledge this fact the first thing on awaking
in the morning; to turn his first thoughts to God by blessing
himself and making the good intention, and then to kneel down to
pay his homage to his Creator, to thank Him for His endless
favors, to renew his fealty to Him, and to implore His blessing?
And what more natural as well as more wise and fitting than for
him to do the like in the evening before he commits himself to
the night's sleep from which he never knows whether he will
awaken?
It is not necessary to devote a great deal of time to one's
morning and evening prayer. For the ordinary layman five minutes
will usually suffice; and, if necessary, one can say a really
devout morning or evening prayer, embracing all the essentials,
in two or three minutes. The important thing is to be regular
about it; to have a regular formula or number of prayers to say;
to say them at a regular time, and in a certain regular manner.
If you like to use a book, you will do well to do so. The use of
a book helps to fix the habit of praying. But such is in nowise
necessary. Only have some definite prayers to say as the minimum
and say that minimum well.
How Much Must One Pray?
But what should be the minimum for a good morning or evening
prayer? That depends on various circumstances--one's age, one's
leisure, one's needs, and also on the extent to which one makes
use of the other means of grace--the Mass and Holy Communion. It
is plain that not all have the time for the same amount of prayer
in the morning. Some find it more convenient to say only a short
prayer in the morning but a long prayer at night. Others are
accustomed to say the greater part of their prayers in church
during the day. A certain doctor of my acquaintance has the very
praiseworthy habit of praying for about a quarter of an hour in
church on his way home every evening. Nor do all need the same
amount of prayer. Persons exposed to greater temptations, or
subject to evil habits, as well as persons bound to a more
perfect life must pray more than persons not thus circumstanced.
But all must pray enough to enable them to live habitually in the
state of sanctifying grace. So much is certain: if one falls into
mortal sin, the reason is to be sought in the insufficiency of
one's prayers or in the infrequency of one's reception of the
sacraments. While it is impossible, therefore, to determine just
what prayers each one should say in the morning or in the evening
or even each day, it seems to me that our daily prayers should
always include the acts of Faith, Hope, Charity, contrition and
thanksgiving, the Apostles' Creed, and several Our Fathers and
Hail Marys.
Pray on Your Knees!
In regard to the manner of praying, it is best to say your
morning prayer after you are dressed; your evening prayer before
undressing, and both on your knees. This last point is of great
importance. In the first place, the act of kneeling is itself
equivalent to a prayer, being an act of adoration, and it is
unquestionably the most becoming posture in which to address
ourselves to our Creator. Then the practice of kneeling to say
our prayers has the good effect of reminding us of that duty. If
we want to say our prayers only while dressing or undressing or
when in bed, the chances are that in many cases they will be said
poorly or be altogether forgotten. And lastly, the habit of
kneeling at our morning and evening prayers will have a most
edifying effect on others in the household. Even though each one
prays in the privacy of his room, it will be generally known in
the family that one is accustomed to pray on bended knees, and
that knowledge will be of inestimable value in mutually
encouraging one another never to abandon the practice. When
brothers occupy the same room, or sisters share the same
apartment, the practice is of still greater importance for their
mutual edification. Yet most important of all is that parents who
are still able to kneel, do so and thus give a good example to
their children.
The Parents' Example
Setting a good example in this matter of prayer is a part of the
religious education which parents owe to their children. And what
a beneficial influence it will have upon the children all through
life, if the parents not only teach them from their tenderest
years to pray but also pray with them; and even when they are
grown up, let them always be aware of the fact that their
parents, too, prostrate themselves morning and evening on their
knees in order to pay homage to their God. Nothing will impress
more deeply on the child that prayer is not merely a child's duty
but a duty for life; that religion is something not only for the
church but for the home as well; that there is nothing about
praying or kneeling for anyone to be ashamed of; but rather that
it would be a cause of shame for any Christian, be he old or
young, to be obliged to admit that he did not daily lift his
hands and his heart to God in prayer.
How well do I remember the splendid example that my own father
gave in this respect. Every evening without fail he would kneel,
entirely free of any support, before a Crucifix in the living
room, and with devoutly folded hands, and body as upright as a
mountain pine perform his evening devotions.
II. Grace at Meals
But it is not enough that each and every member of the family
have the habit of saying his morning and evening prayers. Where
religion flourishes in the home as it should, if the family is
truly to deserve the name Christian, there must be found also the
age-old Christian custom of saying grace before and after meals.
This venerable custom is the inevitable consequence of a
Christian outlook on life. If we believe that God is the author
and sustainer of life, that "every best gift and every perfect
gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights" (Jas.
1, 17) then surely we should be mindful of our indebtedness to
our Heavenly Father at least as often as we partake of the food
by which our mortal life is sustained. Our blessed Savior
expressly teaches us to pray: "Give us this day our daily bread";
and what time could be more fitting for the fulfillment of that
duty than the hour of our daily meals?
A Profession of Faith
There is, however, yet another important aspect to the practice
of saying grace in the home. To pray in the presence of others is
a profession of one's Faith; and for that reason alone, if for no
other, the practice should be fostered. You simply cannot make
your religion a strictly interior affair, just as little as you
can make it exclusively a church affair. If you sow good seed in
a fertile soil and take care that it receives the necessary
warmth and moisture, the seed will not long remain hidden but
will sprout forth and give unmistakable evidence of the living
principle within. It is exactly the same with religion. The man
that really has deep religious convictions will also show them
exteriorly at the opportune time and place. Only those Christians
whose Faith is not deeply rooted or who have been misled by the
unchristian fashion of the day will say: "I believe in praying
without attracting notice. There is no use making a show every
time a person wants to pray." Indeed not; and it is to be
presumed that thousands of Catholics pray frequently, even in
company, without others being aware of it. I am willing, too, to
pardon them if they offer that excuse for not praying openly in
public eating houses, but not when there is a question of meal
prayers in the privacy of one's own home.
But someone might say: "I don't see the value of such a
profession of Faith in the home. Everyone at home knows my
religious convictions; so why need I manifest them by blessing
myself or saying grace at table?" One might argue with just as
much logic: "I don't see the need of showing the members of my
family that I love them. They know that I love them, and that
love is an affair of the heart. So why should I give token of my
love by my looks, manner, words, or actions?" Just as the person
who shows little love for the members of his household really has
little love for them; so he, too, who cares not to manifest his
religion to them very likely has precious little religion left in
his heart. Interior virtues must needs be exercised by exterior
acts; otherwise, they will wither away and finally perish
altogether.
Prayer Necessary for Salvation
It is quite true that there is no positive law commanding us to
pray before and after meals. Neither is there such a law
requiring us to say our morning and evening prayers. But nothing
is more certain than that we are obliged to pray, and that, for
adults, prayer is an indispensable means of salvation. And since
a more fitting time for prayer can scarcely be found than the
hour of rising, the hour of retiring, and the meal hours, it is
much to be feared that those who do not pray at these times do
not pray at all, or at least not enough to satisfy the obligation
of prayer. It will doubtless be found that usually those that are
most conscientious about saying these customary prayers are also
the ones that pray most at other times and make the most frequent
use of the Mass and the sacraments.
Let me beg the reader, therefore, not to dismiss the question of
saying grace as a trifling matter. A drop of rain is also a small
matter; yet every rain, the heaviest as well as the lightest, is
made up of drops. In particular as a means of making religion
flourish in the home, the value of prayer at meals can hardly be
overestimated. To say grace before and after every meal means to
worship God, to profess your Faith, and to edify your neighbor
six times a day, 180 times a month, and more than two thousand
times a year. Small as the single prayers may be, and
insignificant as may seem their effect, the total sum will amount
to a great deal and is sure to bring down a shower of blessings.
III. Family Prayer
"Where there are two or three gathered together in my name, there
am I in the midst of them" (Mt. 18, 20). By these words our
blessed Savior clearly ascribes a special power and a special
blessing to prayers said jointly with others; and we may be sure
that if this is true of any group of persons gathered together in
His name, it is doubly true of the Christian family, which is
knit together not only by the strongest ties of mutual love but
also by the consecration of a sacrament. All the good effects
that flow from prayers said by the individual, will accrue in
still greater abundance from family prayer. In their pastoral
letter to all American Catholics some years ago (1920) our
Bishops expressed themselves on this point as follows: "We
heartily commend the beautiful practice of family prayer.... The
presence of Jesus will surely be a source of blessing to the home
where parents and children unite to offer up prayer in common.
The spirit of piety which this custom develops will sanctify the
bonds of family love and ward off the dangers which often bring
sorrow and shame. We appeal in this matter with special
earnestness to young fathers and mothers, who have it in their
power to mould the hearts of their children and train them
betimes in the habit of prayer."
Example of Tobias
It is to young parents, too, nay, to newly married couples, that
I would appeal not to await the appearance of children, but to
begin to pray in common from the very outset of their wedded
life. While everything is new and family traditions are only in
the making, it will be an easy matter for them to establish the
custom of family prayer; whereas early neglect may allow a
contrary custom to get so firmly rooted that it will be hard to
break. Would that all newly married couples would follow the
beautiful example of the younger Tobias and his wife Sara. "We
are the children of saints," he said, "and must not be joined
together like heathens that know not God" (Tob. 8, 5).
Accordingly they did not wait until the wedding festivities and
their honeymoon were over before thinking of praying in common
but the very first night after their marriage "prayed earnestly,
both together, that health might be given them" and that God
would bless their union.
Family Worship a Duty
To anyone that gives the matter serious thought the neglect of
family prayer in a Christian family must seem well-nigh
impossible. It is to be sup posed, namely, that the head of a
Christian family esteems the Faith as his greatest treasure, as
worth more to himself and to every member of his household than
any amount of earthly goods. It is further to be presumed that,
valuing his faith as he does, he will be most solicitous about
preserving it so as to insure its blessings for himself and his
family. On such a supposition, is it possible that he will
relegate all prayer to the privacy of each one's room and never
have the family pray aloud in common? Just as little as he would
have each member of the family take his meals alone and never do
any work or have any recreation in common. As long as the family
circle, family meals, family picnics remain in the families of
civilized communities, so long will also family prayer be
fostered in every truly Christian home. For, even apart from the
value of family prayer as a means of securing the blessings of
religion, it will ever be incumbent on the family as a specific
duty. The family is a perfect natural society, a distinct entity
in itself; and as such it owes God an act of common worship. It
is not enough that the single members of the family practice
their religion; the family itself as a society must pay its
homage to the Creator and Lord of the family; and this is done by
family prayer.
Saying Grace Aloud
How often this duty will be performed, will depend on each
family's devotion, and more particularly on the religious zeal of
the parents. In families where different members rise at
different hours, it is usually unpractical, if not impossible, to
recite the morning prayer in common; but the evening prayer could
easily be a family prayer, especially in young families; and this
practice is most heartily to be recommended. There is no valid
excuse anywhere, however, for not saying grace at meals aloud
together; and I hope that no father or mother who reads this will
fail to introduce the practice, if it does not yet exist in their
families. The prayer most suited for this purpose is without
doubt the "Our Father," to which may be appropriately added the
"Hail Mary" and, before meals, "Bless us, O Lord, etc." and after
meals, "We thank Thee, O Lord, etc." To recite these three
prayers aloud, slowly and distinctly, and to make the sign of the
cross before and after, requires no more than one minute of time.
Surely no Christian can be so niggardly with God as to say that
that is too much; or to contend that to devote a minute to prayer
before and after each meal would be to convert the home into a
monastery. Yet I pronounce no anathema against the family that is
content with less. Where appetites are especially keen, the
chances are that the saying of a short prayer is more likely to
become regular than the saying of a long one. And hence, as a
compromise, I would suggest that the afore-mentioned prayers be
said in common at least before and after the principal meal, and
that a part of them be said at the other meals.
Seasonal Devotions
In addition to daily family prayers, there should be also
seasonal prayers in common in all Christian families, especially
during the months of May and October and during the holy seasons
of Advent and Lent. There are, it is true, special devotions in
church at these seasons, two or three times a week; but a good
Catholic should not be content with these. If the family is to
share the blessings of religion to the full, the changes of the
ecclesiastical year, which are so striking a feature of the
services in church, should be reflected also in the home. Very
suitable for these seasonal devotions in the home are the
approved litanies of the Sacred Heart, the Holy Name, the Blessed
Virgin, and St. Joseph, and above all the rosary. The rosary,
with its joyful, sorrowful, and glorious mysteries, is
appropriate for every season; is made up of the best of all
prayers; can be lengthened or shortened according to pleasure; is
easily recited by even a small child, and is enriched with
numerous indulgences. Consisting, too, as it does of a number of
different prayers linked together by the consideration of a
certain mystery for the purpose of praising God, the rosary is a
fitting symbol of the Christian family, whose members are united
by the bonds of blood and religion; who share joys, sorrows, and
glories in common; and who work together for a common end--their
temporal and eternal welfare and happiness.
Overcoming Bashfulness
I realize that in families where the custom does not exist, a
certain bashfulness in regard to spiritual matters will have to
be overcome in order to make a start; but once the ice is broken
and a beginning made, it will be easy to develop the practice.
Women and girls are usually less backward than men and boys in
these matters; and as in so many other worthy causes, so here,
too, let them take the initiative. They know how to coax the men
folk in order to attain their own personal aims. Let them employ
the same knowledge for the benefit of the entire family. God will
most certainly reward them richly if they establish in the family
this pious practice of saying the rosary; for to them will go the
credit of enriching their home with those spiritual roses that
fill it with the fragrance of Heaven's blessing.
The Golden Mean
It is hardly necessary to remind parents that even in fostering
so praiseworthy a practice as family prayer, they should not
attempt too much. As in all things, so here, too, one must
observe the golden mean. Children cannot be expected to devote as
much time to prayer as their elders do, or should do. They
naturally take more to play than to prayer; and if they are
indiscreetly obliged to take part in interminable prayers, there
is danger of creating in them a distaste for prayer. Such a
method defeats its own end. The object in accustoming children to
say their prayers regularly from the time they begin to talk, is
to develop in them a love of prayer and a realization of the need
of it. This can be done while their hearts are still pliable by
teaching them very short prayers as early as possible, and by
gradually making them understand that when they pray they are
speaking to the good God, from whom all blessings flow; to their
loving Jesus, who came upon earth that they might come to Heaven;
and to the Mother of Jesus or to their Guardian Angel and the
Saints.
Making Prayer Spontaneous
This background of religious truth and Gospel story is of the
greatest importance in teaching the young to love prayer and to
feel the need of it; and it should not be hard for any mother who
has a little piety herself to instill into her children such an
appreciation of God's greatness, goodness and power that prayer
will come natural to them as the spontaneous utterance of their
grateful and confiding hearts. Or would it really be so hard,
even before the infants are able to speak, to make the sign of
the cross over them and to say a brief morning and evening prayer
aloud in their stead, thus accustoming them to the sound of the
words, so that "the good God" or "Jesus" or "Mary" might be the
first word their innocent lips would utter?
Would it not be easy to show them pictures of Jesus and tell them
stories of Jesus, as their understanding develops--stories of His
childhood, of Bethlehem, the stable, Mary and Joseph, the singing
angels and the adoring shepherds--stories of His public life--how
He loved children, how the crowds followed Him, how He went about
doing good? Remember, mothers, that your little ones' sanctified
souls are hungry for knowledge of God and holy things. So tell
them how much God loves them; that it is God who made all the
good and beautiful things they see--the fruits and flowers, the
trees and bushes and grass, the birds and the fishes, the soft-
furred kitten and the friendly dog. Tell them, too, how poor
Jesus was; that He became poor for love of us. Speak to them of
Jesus in the Tabernacle, and awaken in them a desire to visit
Him. In this way, not by threatening or scolding but by gently
leading and by instilling knowledge which will of itself yield
motives for prayer, you will surely implant deep in them for
life, if not a love, at least a strong feeling of the
appropriateness of daily prayer.
Mothers of Future Saints
But to pursue such a course, some may say, would be to try to
make a saint out of every child. Well, is that such an awful
possibility to contemplate? Somewhere in the world to-day are the
mothers of the saints of to-morrow; and not of the saints only
but of the criminals also; of the great as well as the lowly, the
heroes and the outcasts, the successes and the failures. You know
not what latent possibilities are in your child. Of one thing
only are you sure, that one day he will be numbered either among
the elect or the reprobate. What his eternal lot will be, will
depend largely upon his practice or his neglect of prayer. Have a
care, mother dear, lest his neglect of it be laid to your charge.
Jacob's Ladder
When Jacob, the son of Isaac, fled from the anger of his brother,
Esau, into the land of Haran, he pursued his journey until after
sunset; and then, weary and footsore, he laid himself down to
sleep, resting his head on a stone. While he slept God appeared
to him in a wondrous vision. He saw a ladder that reached from
earth to Heaven, and on it angels of God ascending and
descending. And the Lord himself, leaning on the top of the
ladder, spoke to him saying: "I am the Lord God of Abraham thy
father, and the God of Isaac.... In thee and thy seed, all the
tribes of the earth shall be blessed. And I will be thy keeper
whithersoever thou goest, and will bring thee back into this
land: neither will I leave thee, till I shall have accomplished
all that I have said."
Upon awaking, Jacob trembled and exclaimed full of awe: "Indeed,
the Lord is in this place.... This is no other than the house of
God and the gate of Heaven" (Gen. 29).
The ladder which Jacob beheld in his dream, with angels ascending
and descending, is an appropriate symbol of the prayers that
ascend to Heaven from the Christian home and bring down God's
blessing on its inmates. Would to God that such a ladder would
rise to Heaven from the home of every family in the land! If you
would have God's angels bear His special blessing to your homes,
Christian parents; if you wish the Lord to be your keeper and to
abide in your home; if you would be led back to your true home,
the land of your Heavenly Father;--then let your prayers ascend
to Heaven like a cloud of precious incense morning, noon, and
night, and God will look down upon your home with special favor.
In very truth may it then be said of your home what Jacob said of
the place of his vision: "Indeed, the Lord is in this place."
During life it will be a house of God, and at the end of life the
gate to Heaven.
CHAPTER III: Catholic Atmosphere in the Home
"In order to obtain perfect education, it is of the utmost
importance to see that all those conditions which surround the
child during the period of his formation, in other words, the
combination of circumstances which we call enthronement,
correspond exactly to the end proposed. The first natural and
necessary clement in this environment, as regards education, is
the family, and this precisely because so ordained by the Creator
Himself."
--"Pius XI in "Christian Education of Youth."
Need of Healthy Atmosphere
To enjoy the great boon of good health, it is not enough for one
to be cleanly in one's person, to partake of sufficient wholesome
food and drink, and to take a proper amount of exercise. Many a
child in the crowded districts of our great centers of industry
has plenty of good food and exercise and has been taught by a
loving mother to cultivate the habit of personal cleanliness, and
yet is far from enjoying good health. Living in the shadow of
huge buildings, breathing in constantly the smoke and dust of
near-by factories that becloud and bedim the small portion of
sunlight that it receives, instead of attaining the full vigor
and sprightliness of the normal child, it must languish and pale
like a flower in a sterile soil. But take this child from these
unpropitious surroundings place it in the country far from the
dusty city; let it bask in a glory of sunshine and drink deep
draughts of pure country air; and the bloom that will redden its
cheeks, the sparkle that will light up its eyes, and the lilt
that will appear in its gait will proclaim the beneficial effects
of such a change. The one thing that was wanting to the child was
a healthy atmosphere; and such an atmosphere we must all have in
order to remain in a state of perfect health.
Now what is true of the body and natural life is equally true of
the soul and the religious life. If the vitality of a Catholic's
Faith is not to be gradually weakened by the contagion of
irreligion that infests practically our entire public life, he
must be able to spend the greater part of his private life in a
place where the moral atmosphere is not only not tainted but is
positively religious; and this he will be able to do only if he
have a morally healthy and religiously bracing atmosphere in his
own home.
Atmosphere of the Home
The reader will readily understand that in homes where family
prayer is regularly practiced, much has already been done to
create a religious atmosphere; for by the atmosphere of the home
I mean, broadly speaking, the aggregate of external influences in
the home, affecting the spirituality of the members o the family,
and, in a narrower sense, the sum-total of sensible objects in
the home capable of exerting a favorable or unfavorable influence
upon the religious or moral life of its inmates. Just as we are
variously affected as regards our bodies by the material
atmosphere in which we live,--by its heat and cold, by the gases
and germs and minute particles of dust that it holds: so, too,
are our souls affected by the sensible objects around us; and the
aggregate of such objects is accordingly quite appropriately
called moral atmosphere.
Effect of Environment
That the moral atmosphere or environment, as it may also be
styled, exerts a strong influence upon a man s habits and the
formation of his character, no one that has the slightest
knowledge of human nature will presume to deny. It is a principle
of sound philosophy that there is no conception in the mind which
is not preceded by a perception of one o the five senses; and
since it is the mind and will that govern our rational actions,
it follows that our sense-perceptions, notably those of seeing
and hearing, must have a powerful influence upon our actions.
Absolutely speaking, of course, a person may shake off this
influence; but the important thing to be noted is that the
influence is there and is felt even though it be withstood; and
since we must be guided by what ordinarily happens and not by
what is theoretically possible, parents and other responsible
persons should see to it that the moral atmosphere in their home
is such as will exert a wholesome influence on all in the
household. It is true, the influence exerted by environment
produces its effects slowly and perhaps imperceptibly; but it may
not for that reason be belittled or ignored, any more than the
slowly but constantly dripping water which little by little
hollows the stone.
A Worldly Atmosphere
To state in the first place what the moral atmosphere of the home
should not be, if it is to meet the requirements of a truly
Christian home, I would say that it should not be worldly.
Worldliness is diametrically opposed to religion. The spirit of
the Catholic religion is the spirit of the Gospel, and the name
for that spirit is unworldliness. The whole purpose of the
Catholic religion is to turn our thoughts, our hopes, our
aspirations and our efforts away from this world to the other
world; and we are good Catholics only in so far as we realize
this end. Christ tells us plainly: "You cannot serve two
masters." We cannot serve God and the world. Yet one of the two
we must serve. Hence we are oblige to choose either the one or
the other. If we choose to serve God, if we want to rule our life
according to the precepts of the Gospel, then we must banish
worldliness from our homes. If we fail to banish worldliness even
from our homes, which we are free to fashion to suit our own
tastes and to meet our own wants, then we plainly show that the
world still has a place in our hearts.
Extravagant Furnishings
But how does this worldliness manifest itself in the home? When
may the atmosphere of the home be said to have a worldly
character? First of all, when its dominant note is luxury or
extravagance. If the Christian's attitude towards wealth must
square with those two statements of Our Lord: "Blessed are the
poor in spirit," and "How hardly shall they that have riches
enter into the kingdom of God" (Mk., 10, 23), then it is plainly
an evidence of worldliness, or opposition to the spirit of
Christianity, if wealth obtrudes itself in the home from every
nook and corner. I do not say that a rich Catholic may not have a
splendid home, furnished in a manner suited to his station in
life. But there should be no boldly conspicuous display of
wealth, evidencing an inordinate love of worldly magnificence and
a disposition to glory in it. That would show a worldly spirit.
But it is not only the rich who may sin b extravagance. Families
of the middle class are just as often guilty. The homes of such
families betray a very decided spirit of worldliness when they
are quite evidently furnished more richly than the owners' modest
means can afford. We are in conscience bound to make a discreet
use of our earthly goods and to make our expenditures in
proportion to our means. The endeavor to match the splendor of
one's own home with that of the homes of one's more well-to-do
acquaintances proceeds from pride and leads to other unchristian
practices besides the misapplication of one's earthly goods. In
order to be able to earn more money to spend on luxuries, some
young wives persist in retaining the gainful positions which they
had before marriage, and for the sake of this filthy lucre
sinfully postpone the task of rearing a family. That is the worst
kind of worldliness--the kind that weighs duty and worldly goods
in the balance and deliberately chooses the latter. Beware of it,
my dear young couples. Beware! (See quotation below)
Extravagance in Dress
What has been said of excessive expenditures for the furnishing
and decorating of one's home, is equally true of extravagance in
ornamenting one's person. The home may be given a worldly touch
by the unduly rich or extremely stylish apparel of the persons
that dwell in it. One is certainly allowed to dress well and
becomingly within the limits of one's means and according to the
requirements of one's station in life; but in no station in life
is there an excuse for extravagance. There may be no injustice to
anyone if a woman buys all the exquisite gowns, rare jewels, and
costly footwear and headgear that she can possibly pay for; but
neither is there any charity in it or Christian moderation; and
justice is not the only virtue that must regulate the use we make
of our worldly goods. We are bound also by the law of moderation
and of charity; and it is sinful to waste money for the
extravagant decoration of one's person or one's home when there
are thousands of deserving poor who have not even the necessary
food, clothing, and shelter.
"Mothers will above all devote their work to the home and the
things connected with it. Intolerable and to be opposed with all
our strength is the abuse whereby mothers of families, because of
the insufficiency of the father's salary, are forced to engage in
gainful occupations outside the domestic walls, to the neglect of
their own proper cares and duties, particularly the education of
their children."
--Encyclical "Quadragesimo Anno," on the Social Order.
N.B.--If His Holiness condemns the abuse whereby mothers are
forced to work away from their homes, what must he think of those
mothers, who, without any compulsion whatever, entirely of their
own accord, pursue gainful occupations outside the domestic
walls?
______________________________________________________________
Keeping a Family Budget
The best way for parents to avoid excessive or ill-advised
expenditures is to keep a family budget. Let them make a careful
study of their resources and a classified list of their needs;
e.g., housing, food, clothing, running expenses, improvement, and
savings. Then let them fix a certain percentage of their income
for each of these items of expense, and hold their disbursements
strictly within the budget allowance, unless real necessity or
charity require otherwise. It is hardly necessary to remark that
also such expenses as church, school and club dues, charity and
amusements must be figured in the budget, and that according to
the aforesaid classification these, together with all outlays for
reading material, could be put under the heading improvement;
that is, mental, moral, or physical. Keeping a home and family is
just as much a business as running a store; so why should it not
be kept on a business basis? Many couples have had their eyes
opened by keeping an itemized account of disbursements. They
found that they had been extravagant without realizing it. But if
keeping tab on one's expenses teaches economy, it should be done
in every Christian home; for economy, supernaturalized, is
nothing but the Christian virtue of moderation.
A Touch of Paganism
Another indication of worldliness in the home is the unchristian
and sometimes even pagan character of the objects with which it
is equipped. Let us enter such a home. What do we see? At our
very entrance, perhaps, a painting of Apollo dancing with thin-
clad muses on the lawn; there a lamp or candelabrum supported by
the nude figure of Cupid; in a corner, perhaps, a statue of Venus
of Milo; on the library table various gay-colored magazines
displaying bathing girls or notorious "movie" actresses on the
front covers; on the mantle a snow-white bust of Pallas or some
other mythological deity; and here and there as we wander through
the various apartments, sundry other ornaments and articles of a
like character. Will any Catholic maintain that such objects are
appropriate in a Christian home? Yet there are Catholic homes,
and not a few of them, in which such ornaments are quite common.
In some cases their presence is due to mere thoughtlessness or
sheer worldly-mindedness, and no conscience is made of it. In
others, however, a sense of guilt is manifested by the care with
which such objects are removed when a visit of the pastor or some
other clergyman is expected.
Regard for Modesty
To be in thorough accord with its profession of Christianity, the
home of a Catholic family should be free from all things of this
kind. The home is not an art museum; and statues of pagan deities
that may be tolerated in museums are out of place in a Christian
home. And so, too, are all images not in conformity with
Christian modesty. It will not be enough to limit them to a small
representation. Neither will it suffice to confine them to one
place, say the reception room, in order that there at least you
may show your broadmindedness to the non-Catholics who enter your
home. No, a Catholic home should contain nothing that proclaims
sympathy with the spirit of the world. One picture, one statue,
one ornament may mar the character of an entire room and thwart
the good effect that other images are calculated to produce.
Away, then, Catholic fathers and mothers, with all worldliness
from your homes! You are exposed enough to its contagion when you
go abroad. At least be quit of it when you enter the sanctuary of
your own home.
An Insidious Propaganda
If pictures and statues of persons insufficiently clad give an
air of worldliness to the home, what must be the effect of such
lack of modesty in the living inmates? There is an insidious
propaganda abroad in our day to tear down the conventions that
Christian civilization has established as safeguards of the
virtue of purity. Despite the specious reasons advanced in its
defense; e.g., that one should become familiar with the nude in
order not to be affected by it, the plain purpose of this
propaganda is to substitute a pagan code for our Christian code
of morality. This purpose is the more evident since some of the
more outspoken adherents of the movement have declared that the
Ten Commandments are antiquated and that there is no longer such
a thing as sin. In view of this threat of paganism, the duty of
Catholics is clear. Neither in the home nor elsewhere may there
be any letting down of the bars of decency and Christian
propriety. And mothers should so train their children from
childhood on that they will never presume to appear in the
presence of others without being modestly covered Those girls who
make no conscience of exposing themselves in the presence of
their sisters, will gradually come to make nothing of wearing
insufficient clothing in public. And when modesty is thrown to
the winds, purity will not be slow to follow.
II. A Catholic Atmosphere
Worldliness, then, must be banished from the Christian home, if
the latter is to fulfill its mission of helping the individual
Catholic to resist the enticements of the world. Yet when we have
purified our homes of worldliness, our task is not yet completed.
We must provide also a distinctly Catholic atmosphere. There are
Catholic homes, or I should say rather, there are homes of
Catholics, that do not contain the slightest evidence of the
religion of those that dwell in them. You may see there pictures
of beautiful birds and horses and dogs; of landscapes and
castles; of distinguished authors, musicians and statesmen; but
you will look in vain for any religious token of a distinctly
Catholic character. The occupants of such homes justify this want
by saying that they do not believe in parading their religion
before the world. I agree that ordinarily we need not parade our
religion before the world; but are we doing that when we give it
scope within the sacred precincts of our own homes? The Catholic
who fails to avail himself of the external aids to religion
provided by religious objects in the home shows that religion is
not a dominant factor in his life.
Portraits of Your Friends
By all means, therefore, let there be some distinctly Catholic
images in your home, if you wish to enjoy the advantages of a
healthy Catholic atmosphere. Far from being singular or
obtrusive, nothing could be more natural or more appropriate. If
you hang portraits of your relatives and friends and of eminent
men and women on the walls of your home, should you not do as
much for the best of all your friends and the greatest of all
illustrious men and women--Our Blessed Lord and the saints? There
is no valid reason why these latter should be restricted to the
bedrooms or to some obscure corners. It is true, the home is not
a church; and if one has a special place at home for prayer, a
little shrine to which one can withdraw for undisturbed communion
with God, it is quite proper that it be in a somewhat secluded
spot. Neither is the home a church goods store; and it may be no
impiety, therefore, if some one expresses his dislike of a home
so crowded with religious pictures that they seem to be on
display for sale. Allowance must he made in this matter for
individual tastes. Some delight in a profusion of ornamentation,
while others are for using it very sparingly. But whether your
taste favors much or little decoration in the home, see to it
that the religious element is not stinted.
The Chief Symbol of Your Faith
Foremost among the religious articles that should have a place of
honor in every Catholic home is the Crucifix, the image of our
crucified Savior. The Cross is the principal emblem of the
Catholic religion; it is the symbol of our Faith, the source of
our hope, the incentive to our love, the sign of our redemption,
the pledge of our salvation. A beautiful and also moderately
large Crucifix should be one of the finest and most cherished
ornaments in the home. But there should be at least a small yet
properly fashioned Crucifix also in each one of the bedrooms. It
is deplorable that so many Catholics are satisfied with any kind
of Crucifix, no matter how poorly it is made. They can afford to
have large and expensive portraits of their parents and children,
but balk at spending a few dollars for a worthy image of their
crucified Savior. Let them remember that just as their taste is
betrayed by the other objects, so the depth of their Faith is
indicated by the quality of the religious images with which their
home is equipped.
Image of the Sacred Heart
Other images that should be seen in every Catholic home are a
picture of the Holy Family and of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. Pope
Leo XIII prescribed that all Christian families should be
consecrated to the Holy Family; and Our Lord revealed to St.
Margaret Mary that He would bless all houses where an image of
His Sacred Heart would be exposed and honored. The choice of
other pictures must be left to each one's individual taste and
devotion, always, however, in entire accord with the teaching of
our holy religion and the spirit of Holy Mother Church. A picture
of the Child Jesus or of the Guardian Angel would be very
appropriate for the children's apartments; and one of the Blessed
Virgin and of St. Joseph in the rooms of the larger girls and
boys respectively. In each bedroom, at least, there should be a
vase with holy water, which should be religiously used on rising
and before retiring. And in a becoming place, one should preserve
some blessed palm branches and at least two blessed candles, the
latter in suitable candlesticks.
Unedifying Pictures
While, as I have said, the selection of the different images must
be left to each one's own taste, one quality must be insisted on
as indispensable: the images must be such as will edify. If they
are not of a nature to edify, then they cannot possibly produce
the effect that they are employed to produce; namely, a wholesome
Catholic atmosphere. The requirement that the pictures be
edifying may seem to be rather vague and indefinite; but it
furnishes a working rule that will answer all practical purposes.
The main thing is to eliminate all images that are not edifying;
and such one may call all those that represent Our Lord or the
saints in a manner unworthy of them; that is to say, in an
attitude or attire or in circumstances in which they themselves
would certainly not wish to be pictured or seen. If no one would
feel himself honored to find a caricature or other unworthy
representation of himself on the wall of your home, how can you
expect by means of similar pictures to please Our Lord and the
saints?
Untrue to History
It is no excuse to say that a certain picture is true to history,
that it merely represents an actual fact in the life of the
saint. That an immoral pagan judge subjected a saint to
indignities does not justify us in repeating the indecency on
canvas. But many representations lack even this flimsy excuse, as
they are positively untrue to history. In the Gospel story of the
birth of our Savior, for example, we are told that the Virgin
Mother wrapped the Babe in swaddling clothes; yet we find
pictures inscribed "The Nativity" in which the Divine Child is
not only not wrapped in swaddling clothes but not clad at all.
The same is true of the Christ Child on many Madonnas. No one
will maintain that such a representation is true to history.
Neither is it true to the highest standard of Catholic art; and
least of all is it true to that reverent delicacy of treatment
due to the august person of the Child Divine.
I realize quite well that strict insistence on this rule will
debar many a picture from the Catholic home. Be it so. There are
hundreds of other sacred pictures to choose from,--pictures that
are in every way satisfactory, in point of art no less than in
point of propriety. Let such only adorn your walls, and the sight
of them will be to you a source not only of edification in your
daily life but of consolation and encouragement in days of sorrow
and distress; and a daily reminder that if you but imitate the
example of the saints whom they represent, you too will one day
share their happiness.
Good Example
In the foregoing pages, I have dwelt only on the visible objects
that give character to the home--on what I have called its moral
atmosphere in the narrow sense. It will be remembered, however,
that I defined the home atmosphere also in a broader sense;
namely, as the aggregate of external influences in the home
affecting the spiritual life of the inmates. In this broader
sense, the words and deeds of the inmates also contribute
essentially to the moral atmosphere, and if the latter is to be
thoroughly Catholic, the general tone of conversation and conduct
in the home must reflect a Catholic mentality. The Holy Father
emphasizes this point in the following passage of His Encyclical
on the Christian Education of Youth: "That education, as a rule,
will be more effective and lasting which is received in a well-
ordered and well-disciplined Christian family; and the more
efficacious in proportion to the clear and constant good example
set first by the parents and then by the other members of the
household."
The Catholic Mind
One cannot, it is true, in view of human frailty, expect that the
members of even the better Catholic families will never be guilty
of wrong-doing of any kind. But what can be expected is that when
wrong-doing does occur, it will be found to be out of keeping
with the surroundings. In other words, should deviations from
Catholic standards sometimes occur in practice, there should at
least be no deviation from Catholic principles in theory. Should
the conversation, for example, turn on such subjects as Sunday
observance, frequent Communion, mixed marriages, cremation,
forbidden societies and books, attendance of Catholics at non-
Catholic schools, the relations between Church and State and the
like, the attitude of the Church will be accepted without
question. The accepted stand of every member of the family will
be the same as that of the Church; and if in any instance any
member should mistakingly espouse a contrary opinion, he will at
once recede from it when assured that it is not in accord with
the teaching of Holy Mother Church. This is what is meant by the
Latin phrase "sentire cum ecclesia," "to be of one mind with the
Church," to have the Catholic mentality or the Catholic mind. In
homes where such a mentality prevails nothing will be found that
antagonizes the Church. No songs will be heard that offend
against Christian virtue; no literature will be tolerated that
openly or insidiously undermines Catholic morals; and no radio
programs will be listened to that disseminate false doctrines of
a religious or moral character.
Homes of the Early Christians
Would to God there were more Catholic homes of this kind
scattered up and down our beloved land, homes that are in every
sense Catholic and veritable strongholds of Christianity! Some
will no doubt aver that it is an idle dream to expect an increase
in the number of such homes amid the adverse conditions of our
age. But are the conditions of our age any worse than were the
conditions of pagan Rome? The moral atmosphere of Rome at the
dawn of Christianity was so corrupt that vice was not only
tolerated but even enthroned as a god in certain forms of
religious worship. Yet, despite the universal corruption without,
so pure, so holy and so heavenly an atmosphere pervaded the homes
of the Christians that it not only kept their minds untainted and
their hearts unsullied, but, by its own superior power expanding
and radiating from those homes, gradually purified even the
public atmosphere and in the end brought about the conversion of
the entire Roman people.
Who shall say that what was accomplished in those days is
impossible of accomplishment now? It would require perhaps a
miracle of grace; but the days of miracles are not over. Catholic
families, however, need not look so far ahead nor to such far
reaching results for inducements to preserve a Catholic
atmosphere in their homes. Such an atmosphere will offer them
full and immediate compensation for the pains required to
maintain it. It will keep their religion pure and undefiled and
keep them unspotted of this world.
CHAPTER IV: Good Reading in the Home
Culture an Ally of Religion
BECAUSE of the great emphasis that the Church incessantly lays
upon the supreme importance of the supernatural goods and objects
of life, a Catholic might easily be led to the conclusion that
all merely natural attainments are to be despised and neglected.
Such a conclusion would be unwarranted, as was pointed out to the
present writer himself, when, as a small boy, he protested that
there was no use in learning grammar, because one 'didn't need to
know grammar to get to Heaven.' While it is quite true that the
possession of sanctifying grace and of the supernatural virtues
is of such tremendous importance that all other things of earth
pale into insignificance by comparison; while we must admit that
a rude and unlettered but upright and religious man will fare
better on the day of judgment than the educated but unprincipled
villain who passes in the eyes of the world for a refined
gentleman; while, in fine, it is undeniable that genuine virtue
can exist without the conventional graces of society, and that
faultless manners do not imply interior worth; yet it is none the
less certain that culture of mind as well as urbanity of speech
are powerful allies of religion; that virtue will show to better
advantage when coupled with good breeding; and that purely
natural gifts can be supernaturalized and made the medium of the
rarest Christian virtue.
For a Christian, therefore, to set at naught the natural virtues
and secular learning is not only wrong but foolish as well. Even
in God's own dispensation, the natural is always made the basis
of the supernatural. Hence the true Christian policy is not to
belittle the natural, which is also from God, but to cherish it
and exploit it, and, by directing it towards higher ends, invest
it with a supernatural character.
I. Value of Taste for Beauty
It is in view of this splendid teamwork that can be done by
culture when yoked with religion, that I do not hesitate to
advocate good reading in the home first of all for the purpose of
cultivating a taste for beauty. A man may, it is true, love God
with his whole heart without appreciating the beauty of an ode by
Francis Thompson, a melody by Gounod, a statue by Michelangelo,
or a painting by Raphael. But just as philosophy, which is a
natural science, deserves to be styled the handmaid of theology;
so also taste, or the ability to appreciate the beauties of
nature and art, may be made subservient to religion or to the
love of God. In other words, if theology is aided by philosophy
because the object of both these sciences is truth, of the former
supernatural, of the latter natural; then taste, whose object is
natural beauty, will be a suitable ally of the love of God, whose
object is divine beauty.
Beauty of Virtue
Let me illustrate this by a comparison. A human passion, such as
anger, fear, love, is something indifferent, that is, in itself
neither good nor bad. If anger is directed towards a proper
object and kept within proper bounds, it is something good. It
helps to intensify one's hatred of evil. Now a like effect is
achieved by the capacity to appreciate beauty. There is nothing
in man more beautiful than grace and virtue--than Charity, Faith,
and Hope, than purity, humility, meekness; than fortitude in
danger, forgiveness of injuries, cheerfulness amid suffering and
pain. Hence, the more we have learned to appreciate what is
beautiful, the more can our love of virtue be intensified; for by
viewing virtue not only as something useful and obligatory but
also as something beautiful, we shall have an additional reason
for loving it, and we shall strive with greater eagerness to
possess it.
As I shall devote this chapter not to a discussion of the
beautiful arts in general but only to setting forth the reasons
why Catholics should read good literature, the practical question
to ask here is: How can a taste for good literature or good
reading be acquired? The answer is: In the same way as any other
taste is acquired. How does one acquire a taste for oysters or
olives? By eating them. The way to acquire a taste for good books
is by reading them.
Making Duty a Pleasure
Once a taste for good literature has been acquired, it will be of
the greatest help in forming the habit of good reading; and hence
parents cannot begin too early to cultivate this taste in their
children and thus lay the foundation of the reading habit. To a
certain extent, reading is a duty in our day; and nothing will
make the fulfilling of this duty more agreeable than the ability
to appreciate good books and well-written articles. It is much
the same with reading as with eating. Few people would likely eat
enough to preserve their health, if they had no relish for food.
And even though we eat for the honor of God, as St. Paul exhorts
us to do, it is when we have an appetite that we derive the most
beneficial results from eating. So, too, it is with mental food.
If we take pleasure in reading, we shall peruse many a useful
book and many an informing article that we should otherwise not
even look at. And even when we read from a sense of duty, we
profit more by it if it gives us pleasure as well.
Refining Effect of Good Reading
Closely akin to good taste or refinement of mind is refinement of
character; and this, too, is furthered by good reading. The
reading of good literature has the same effect on one's character
as the association with good and wise companions. A writer's best
thoughts, most noble emotions, and finest imagery enter into a
good book or good piece of literature; and the reader's character
cannot but benefit, even though unconsciously, by coming into
such intimate contact with them. The good thoughts kept in the
storehouse of the mind become, sometimes even long after the
author is forgotten, the mainspring of good deeds; the noble
feelings strike a sympathetic chord in the reader's heart and
attune it to lofty aspirations; the vivid pictures leave an
indelible impress on the imagination and thus help to preserve
both the ideas and the sentiments. Even as a handkerchief that is
kept for a time in a perfumed casket takes on a delicate
fragrance, so is a man's character sweetened by the reading of
good literature. Especially is this true of books that depict the
lives of great and holy men and women; for in such books we have
in addition to the excellent thought content the inspiring
example of real human beings who were the very embodiment of the
noblest ideals.
A Splendid Recreation
Nor may we overlook the great benefit that good reading offers
merely as a source of recreation. The ability to derive pleasure
from good reading opens up avenues of wholesome recreation that
would otherwise remain forever closed. We are so constituted that
we must have relaxation of some kind; yet as rational beings and
above all as Christians we should beware of choosing such forms
of recreation as simply kill time. It is an awful thing to waste
time, each moment of which can purchase the pearl of an eternal
reward. And as we shall have to render an account of every idle
word, so we shall have to give an account also of the use we have
made of our time. Now there is no finer intellectual pastime than
reading; no more entertaining companionship than a good author.
It is true that reading always implies a certain amount of
exercise of the mental faculties, and hence work; but what
rational recreation does not require activity of one kind or
another? Most of our recreations consist essentially in a
diversion; not in a change from work to idleness, but in a change
from one kind of activity to another: from manual work to mental
work or contrariwise; or even from one kind of physical or
intellectual activity to a different kind in the same order. Thus
a cobbler, who does manual labor indoors all day, finds
recreation in doing a little gardening in the evening; while a
bookkeeper or stenographer, or even a student, after doing
brainwork all day, nevertheless often recreates himself by
working out crossword puzzles or writing verses at night. Far
from being an objection to reading as a means of recreation, the
mental activity implied in reading should rather be an
inducement, since it stamps reading as recreation of a high
order.
"Movies" No Substitute for Reading
A more subtle objection to reading as a recreation is advanced in
our day. So many literary masterpieces, we are told, may now be
seen represented by moving pictures that there is no need of
reading the originals, since seeing the "movie" affords just as
excellent a pastime. Whoever holds such a view labors under a
gross illusion. Even if the literary work is only a novel--and
hence one of the lowest forms of literary art,--some of the very
finest elements are totally lost when it is reproduced as a
movie; e.g.: the descriptions of character, the dialogues, the
beauties of diction, the various figures of speech, and above all
the beautiful thoughts sentiments, and images in which every
truly literary work abounds. Take a moving picture like
"Fabiola," which cost an untold amount of labor and expense and
was proclaimed to be a picture of exceptional merit. For sheer
artistry it stands infinitely below Cardinal Wiseman's great
masterpiece from which it is taken. And as for edification,
educational value, interest of narrative and charm of character,
almost any three successive chapters of the book are worth more
than the entire picture. And the same is true of any literary
masterpiece. The moving picture most assuredly has its place in
the field of education as well as recreation; but it can never
fill the place occupied by literature in either of these fields.
Reading for Instruction
As far as the religious life of the home is concerned, by far the
most important aim and fruit of reading is instruction. There are
laymen who may claim with some justice that their tastes and
characters are already formed, and that they do not need to read
to improve them; but there is none that can truthfully say that
he is beyond the need of instruction. When I speak of reading for
the purpose of instruction, I do not mean solely for the sake of
learning something new, but also for the sake of refreshing,
confirming, and clarifying the knowledge we already have. The
storehouse of the mind is the memory; but in our avidity to learn
facts, and in our endeavor to acquire knowledge without taking
pains, we often stack this storehouse with things in such
disorder and confusion that we cannot find them when we want
them. In other words we forget. The knowledge really exists
hidden away in the recesses of the mind, but we are unable to
recall it; or can do so only by dint of long and hard racking of
our memory. This shows the truth of the saying that, as regards
many things at least, we do not so much need to be told as to be
reminded. We must be reminded again and again until the knowledge
becomes readily available at our beck and call.
Deepening One's Religious Knowledge
It is true that religious instruction is imparted in church and
in the Catholic school; but even supposing the most thorough
Catholic schooling and the attentive hearing of a weekly sermon,
no average Catholic is beyond the necessity of improving his
knowledge of religion by frequent reading. It stands to reason
that religious knowledge acquired when the mind is still immature
is capable of increase, of widening and deepening as a person
grows older. And grown-up Catholics need a far more reasoned and
more perfect grasp of the truths of their religion; not only in
order to strengthen their Faith amid the dangers of an ungodly
world, but also in order to defend it against the attacks of non-
Catholics with whom they daily come in contact. For this reason
it is important that they be reminded of the truths of their
religion not only once a week but daily; that what their pastors
tell them from the pulpit be repeated to them in different form
by laymen like themselves; that they learn how to apply the
standard of religion and the moral standards of the Church to the
changed conditions of modern life and to the new problems that
are being discussed; that examples be frequently placed before
their minds of sterling Catholic men who held Catholic principles
and fearlessly put them into practice in business, in politics,
as well as in their professional, social, and private life; that
they be kept informed of the most noteworthy local, national and
international events affecting the Church; in a word, that they
be kept abreast of the times in all important Catholic matters.
II
The good results and advantages derived from reading which I have
here set forth, should prove a sufficient inducement to anyone to
cultivate the reading habit, and furnish a satisfactory answer to
the question why one should read. Another question, a question of
more practical importance, is: What should we read? My answer
will be twofold. We should not read what is dangerous or
injurious but what is wholesome and useful.
Drinking Filthy Water
If a doctor would give a lecture explaining and praising the
highly beneficial effects of the frequent use of water for
drinking, washing and bathing, none of his hearers surely would
understand him to speak of the use of any but clean and pure
water.
The same is to be understood of what I have said of the good
effects of reading. The water that we drink and the food that we
eat do not more truly enter into our system than what we read
enters into our mind. Should we, then, not be at least as
particular about what we read as about what we eat and drink? How
fastidious many people are nowadays about the cleanliness of
their bodies! How much time and care do they not devote to
bathing; to removing blemishes; to rendering and keeping the skin
soft and smooth! And what vast sums of money do they not spend on
fine soaps and creams and powders and other cosmetics, only to
keep that corruptible body of clay sweet and clean! And yet these
same people, who would shrink with horror from drinking filthy
water or from bathing in a polluted stream, do not hesitate to
read things that fill the mind with sordid ideas, stain the
imagination with filthy images and stir up impure emotions in the
heart. The mind can be soiled just as easily as the body. As you
cannot touch pitch without being defiled by it, so neither can
you avoid besoiling your mind, if you allow it to tread the
slippery paths of unclean literature.
Sugar-coated Poison
Nor is the danger of defiling and corrupting the mind to be found
only in writings that are pronouncedly immoral or irreligious.
Disease germs may prove fatal just as well when taken into the
system in wholesome food as when received alone from contact; and
poison is poison whether taken straight or with a coating of
sugar. There is a vast amount of literature in our day,--books,
magazines, newspapers,--that is more or less infected with the
germs of moral disease and the poison of unbelief; and it is the
more dangerous because the harmful matter is contained amid a
deal of harmless matter, or concealed under a false show of
humanitarianism, patriotism, equity, justice and the like. We
must not forget that all literature, in the main, breathes the
spirit of those that produce it; and as the great bulk of
literature that appears daily is the product of religiously
indifferent, agnostic and worldly minds, it quite naturally
breathes the spirit of religious indifferentism, agnosticism and
worldliness; and, say what you will, such literature is dangerous
to ordinary Catholics because its spirit is contagious.
Source of Unchristian Views
Or whence is it that so many Catholics have decidedly unchristian
and worldly views on certain subjects? Without doubt from seeing
these views expressed and plausibly set forth, or simply assumed
as self-evident, in current non-Catholic writings. The views that
Catholic young folk often entertain in regard to marriage and
courtship evidently come from this source. Some columnist in a
daily paper dispenses advice to lovers, and it is accepted and
acted on even though it runs counter to the warnings of confessor
and pastor. In like manner another writer devoid of Christian
principles descants daily on such weighty topics as evolution,
capital punishment, free will, parental authority, self-
repression, education, canons of art, the fashion, science and
religion; and from the very cocksureness of the author, his dicta
are widely accepted just as of old the answers of an oracle.
Unchristian Outlook on Life
To keep your mind sweet and clean and to prevent the purity of
your Faith from becoming gradually defiled, I would advise you
not to read the popular non-Catholic fiction of the day--the
short stories and serial stories that appear in the daily papers
and in non-Catholic magazines, as well as most of the non-
Catholic novels that have appeared in recent years. I am far from
maintaining that all this fiction is wholly bad, or that not even
now and then something will appear that is wholly above
criticism. The point I am trying to make is that most of this
literature reflects an unchristian outlook on life; that the
characters it depicts speak and act in a manner that makes this
unchristian outlook attractive; and that frequent reading of such
literature, just like intimate association with unbelievers, will
by and by lead even a Catholic to adopt something of that same
outlook and, all unconsciously, allow it to influence his
actions.
Bad Company in Fiction
Indeed, in some respects, the mental association with the
unchristian and worldly-minded characters in the secular fiction
of the day is far more dangerous, because far more intimate, than
association with such characters in real life. In real life one's
contact with them is usually limited to business affairs, social
gatherings, or at the most to private interviews; but in the
world of fiction it extends often to the characters' most secret
actions and even to their most hidden thoughts. Especially in the
realistic stories of our day, there is no sanctum whither the
reader is not permitted to follow the characters. He not only
associates with them but mentally re-lives their lives, thinks
their thoughts, is imbued with their philosophy of life, stirred
by their passions, and is a secret witness of all their actions.
There is no getting away from the fact that frequent reading of
such literature must, in the long run, have a baneful effect on
the reader's mind and character. Hence whoever is in earnest
about keeping his mind and heart uncontaminated, will regard the
entire field of present-day non-Catholic fiction and popular
magazines, as outside the range of his reading.
Catholic Periodicals Superior
I admit that this may seem unreasonable to those who have
unthinkingly followed the great crowd without observing whither
they have gone and whither they are tending. I am even willing to
admit that it would be too much to ask you to give up the non-
Catholic magazines if there were nothing to offer you in their
place. But there is an abundance of Catholic periodical
literature not only equally good but better. Mind, I do not say
better from every point of view. There may be and no doubt are
points in which some Catholic periodicals are inferior; but it is
equally true that there are points in which they are decidedly
superior, chief among these points being the thought-content,
tone and spirit. And since these latter points certainly outweigh
any slight advantage that some non-Catholic periodicals may have
in point of literary finish, it may be said without hesitation
that, all things considered, present-day Catholic periodicals are
better than the non-Catholic ones.
Unhealthy Appetites
The great trouble is that the relish for really good reading has
to a great extent disappeared; and even many supposedly practical
Catholics have got to the point where they no longer care for
Catholic writings because the latter lack the sensationalism of
the non-Catholic press. This is evident from the class of papers
and magazines that these Catholics habitually read. It is not the
high-class papers and periodicals that one finds in their homes,
but such as appeal to the less noble instincts in man. Nor is it
lack of literary excellence that they deplore in Catholic books
and magazines. The stock complaint is that they are too dry; that
they lack "punch" or "pep" or whatever the current slang word
happens to be for that peculiar kind of spiciness which they
imagine to be necessary to make a work interesting. But the fault
really lies in themselves and not in Catholic literature. It is
an unhealthy appetite that is appeased only by highly seasoned
food; and such Catholics as have acquired a craving for spicy
literary food can set themselves right again only by denying
themselves such food and earnestly striving to develop a taste
for more wholesome literature.
Choking the Good Seed
Deep down in his heart, I am convinced, every sincere Catholic
has a love for the better things in literature. It is an
essential part of the Catholic mind. But in many cases this love
has not been developed. Like the good seed of the sower in the
Gospel, it has been choked by the more abundant and superficially
more attractive output of worldly literature. If from early
childhood on, parents would allow their children to have only
good books and magazines, their children would develop a taste
that would endure throughout their adult life. Instead of doing
that, many parents bring such trash as the metropolitan Sunday
newspapers into their homes and themselves explain the miscalled
"funnies" to their children who are unable to read. Doubtless
there are many among my readers who have thus, without much fault
of their own, become prejudiced against Catholic reading matter.
To them I say: Give Catholic reading a fair trial. Select a
number of Catholic books and periodicals and determine to read
them to the exclusion of all others for one month. If you do that
with a good will and an open mind, I feel sure that at the end of
the trial you will be so convinced of the superior benefits
derived from Catholic reading that your only regret will be that
you have been so long a stranger to that wellspring of wholesome
thought and noble inspiration.
A Parental Duty
As you are mainly responsible, dear fathers and mothers, for the
kind of taste for reading that your children develop, let me urge
upon you the duty of providing an ample supply of Catholic
magazines, books and papers in your homes. You cannot be content
with one Catholic paper or magazine; you should have at least
three or four; something of a devotional and something of a
miscellaneous character; and something, too, for every member of
the family. While many Catholic periodicals have special
departments for the young, there are excellent Catholic
publications devoted exclusively to juvenile readers, and one of
these should be taken by every family that is still blessed with
youthful members. And if the subscriptions should seem too
expensive, remember that it is a false economy to starve your
children's minds while you spend more than is necessary for the
feeding and clothing of their bodies. Far better would it be to
retrench somewhat on expenditures for creature comforts and fine
clothes than to save a few dollars by failing to provide your
children with abundant and wholesome mental food. Besides, if you
discontinued taking non-Catholic papers and magazines you could
easily afford to take Catholic ones.
Good Catholic Books
While it is highly important nowadays to read Catholic
periodicals, the very best Catholic thought is ordinarily still
found in books--books that are the product of years of study and
labor; books that have stood the test of time and have been
handed down as a precious heirloom to posterity. For a birthday
or Christmas present parents cannot do better than to present
their children with a good book. Start early by giving a picture
book to the children who have not yet learned to read. And let
them be beautiful books, well-bound so that they will last; and
thoroughly wholesome and edifying, so that they will be worth
preserving. If you would make it a rule to give each child one
book a year, a very respectable family library would gradually be
established that would be a source of pleasure as well as of
instruction for many years. A great advantage of a book over a
periodical is that the book can more easily be preserved and will
be read again and again; and thus its contents finally become
part and parcel of the reader's mind.
Not Only Story Books
In purchasing books for the home or for their children, let
parents not imagine that only books of an entertaining nature are
suitable. They should occasionally make them a present also of
books of a more solid character--books of instruction on the
truths of our holy religion; books dealing with the moral
problems of the present day; books of piety and devotion that
explain how even the laity can lead a life of perfection and of
closer union with Christ. There is a vast amount of such popular
religious literature in existence, and it is daily growing more
extensive. Nor is the cost such as would prevent any ordinary
family from having a goodly supply in its home. While good
Catholic story-books may also edify and indirectly also improve
one's religious knowledge, it is mainly books that deal expressly
with religious and moral subjects that are the main helps which
parents should avail themselves of to inculcate in their children
the principles of truly Catholic conduct and solid piety.
III. The Best Place for Reading
There remains yet one more question to answer: Where should we
read? I answer, in the home. While persons who must travel far by
street-car or by train to their place of work can profitably
employ the time in reading, the home is usually the best place in
which to do one's principal reading. To be able to read with
understanding and profit and even with pleasure, a certain amount
of leisure and quiet is necessary, and this can mostly be had at
home. I speak from experience when I declare that the presence of
children does not necessarily interfere with home reading. I was
one of the three youngest children in our family, and although we
were normally noisy, our parents used to read practically every
evening. Sometimes we would be occupied with our school tasks;
sometimes we would be playing; and as years went by we usually
formed part of the reading circle ourselves. For a mother who has
several small children the problem is less easy; but the children
do sleep sometime, and then is the mother's opportunity. Can she
not take up a book or magazine while putting the baby to sleep?
And could she not even keep the children quiet by half reading
half narrating a story to them?
Why Mothers Should Read
This is one of the main reasons why mothers should not neglect to
read; namely, to be able to instruct and entertain their
children. Stories from the life of Christ; the biographical parts
of the Old Testament; the lives of the saints afford an endless
source of excellent matter for the entertainment and education of
the young, and it would be a pity if any mother, from failure to
refresh her memory by reading, would be unable to turn this
source to good account. When the children themselves are old
enough to read, it is important that the parents set them a good
example; for if the parents themselves do not read Catholic
literature, they can hardly expect their children to do so.
Supervision Necessary
This brings me to another reason why reading should be done in
the family circle. It is a strict duty of parents to watch over
the reading of their children, and not only of the younger ones
but of all that are in the household; and such supervision cannot
be exercised unless the children do their reading where their
parents can see them. As in most other things, so also in the
choice of reading matter, children of school age are unable to
decide what will be good for them, and hence their parents must
make the selection for them. But even the older children must be
watched lest they borrow or buy books or magazines the reading of
which would do them great harm. Many a wayward youth was started
on the downward path by the reading of bad literature. Hence it
would be seriously sinful negligence on the part of parents not
to exercise a careful censorship over the reading of their
children.
Theodore Roosevelt's Example
Besides exercising great vigilance to keep improper literature
out of the hands of their children, fathers and mothers should
also make a free but discreet use of their parental authority to
induce their children to read certain books or articles that are
of special importance to them and to demand an account of their
perusal. A very fine practice is to have a child read a short
piece, say one of Aesop's fables, and then give it in its own
words, or to learn a few lines of poetry by heart. The late
President Theodore Roosevelt tells in one of his letters, written
while he was in the White House, that, on one occasion when his
wife was absent, he had to take her place, listen to the children
recite a poem and award them a nickel in case they knew it well.
This custom might well be imitated by Catholic parents. Even if
the pecuniary award be omitted, the children will be amply
rewarded by the benefit they derive from the practice. But they
cannot be expected to do such things of their own accord. Play
has more attraction for them than reading or learning by heart,
at least until they have acquired a taste for more intellectual
pastimes.
Hence their parents should accustom them to devote some time
every day to good reading, and they will thus acquire a habit
that will be to them a source of much joy and many blessings.
The Home Reading Circle
The last reason I wish to mention why reading should be done in
the home, is that it serves as an additional reason for staying
at home and thus fosters home life. Like family prayer, the
family reading circle should be a cherished institution in every
Christian home. How happy and easy are the hearts of those
parents whose children, large and small, are gathered with them
around the library lamp, each one intent on his or her own book,
paper, or magazine. Knowing that what the children are reading is
wholesome (for they will tolerate only such reading matter in the
home) they know that they are usefully occupied; and their hearts
will not be racked with anxiety, as is often the case when the
children are absent from home.
For the same reason, parents should not allow their children to
frequent public libraries and reading rooms. Apart from the grave
danger of their reading harmful literature in such places, the
practice also tends to disrupt home life. The home is the proper
place for the children to read as well as for the principal
reading of all the members of the family. When one member of the
family is at the theatre, another at his club, a third and a
fourth out joy-riding, it is quite natural that the others (if
there be any) w ill be tempted to neglect their reading also and
seek amusement elsewhere than in the home. It were well,
therefore, if several evenings a week were set aside especially
for the home reading circle, so that at least on these evenings
each one would profit by the presence and good example of the
others.
Preserving Old Books
And let me say a word in favor of keeping old books in the family
and handing them down from generation to generation. Many a one
who gave away his picture books, scrap-books and nursery rhymes
when he grew up, has later regretted that he no longer possessed
those books for the entertainment of his own children. So I say,
let the books remain in the family, and let each one take his or
her books along when the children leave their parents to found
new homes. The books would sometimes need to be bound anew; but
it would be an added delight for the little ones to know that
their father of mother had paged the same books in their
childhood; and the parents or grandparents themselves would
undoubtedly find great pleasure in viewing again with the little
tots the selfsame picture books and illustrated nursery tales
that charmed them when they were small.
Yes, how we were charmed by beautiful stories, beautiful
pictures, beautiful toys when we were small! Then the whole world
seemed beautiful. But how drab, how commonplace it appears to us
now. How full of evils it is, and how deeply do we deplore our
powerlessness to do away with them.
A Paradise of Books
Yet there is a world from which we can banish all these evils--
the world of books. Or rather, by cautious elimination and
judicious selection from the plentiful material on hand, we can
fashion for ourselves a little world, aye, a little paradise of
books in our own homes. And thither we can repair daily to enjoy
its pure and bracing air, its lovely change of scene and the
delightful companionship of its distinguished men and women.
Happy we if we have builded for ourselves such a literary garden
of Eden and habituate ourselves, like our first parents, to walk
therein with God. We cannot, it is true, see His face or hear the
sound of His voice; yet He will oftentimes speak to us none the
less distinctly through the medium of the printed page;--raising
our thoughts above the petty affairs of daily life, broadening
our outlook, correcting our views, calming our fears,--in a word,
throwing a glow of Heaven's light and peace on the things of
earth, and thus heartening us with brighter visions to take up
anew the tedious tasks of this workaday world.
CHAPTER V: Harmony in the Home
WHENEVER two or more persons are engaged in an undertaking, the
importance of harmony for success is universally recognized. Thus
if two persons set out on a tour by boat and plan to do their own
sailing or rowing, they must agree as to the management of their
craft, the route to be taken and their destiny. Otherwise their
projected tour will be but the occasion of endless contentions
and difficulties, will get them nowhere, and perhaps even end in
disaster.
The Married Couple's Destiny
Such precisely is the situation of a young married couple that
has launched out on the sea of matrimony. By most solemn vows,
they have bound themselves to make the journey through life
together. But what is the destination of that journey? What is
the nature and purpose of the marriage contract into which they
have just entered? What duties devolve upon them by virtue of
that contract? What attitude must they take on the question of
having children? And in the event that they have children, what
obligations have they towards them, and how are these obligations
to be fulfilled?
Superficial Harmony
These are questions which every serious-minded couple must be
ready to answer, and on which they must be in substantial
agreement, if they wish to live in peace and happiness and make a
success of their wedded life. I say, if they wish to make a
success of their wedded life; for they might live in harmony and
attain to a certain measure of earthly happiness even without
agreement on the aforementioned questions,--but only at the cost
of the real success of their state of life. Thus they might get
along in harmony if they agreed to disregard entirely the
question of life's destiny and of a future life. In like manner,
they might get along harmoniously if, despite decided views or
convictions on certain questions; e.g. that of the artificial
limitation of the family, one of the two would yield in all
practical points to the will of the other. That would be harmony
on the surface, harmony in practice, harmony through compromise
or even the abandonment of principle, but not that complete,
deep-seated harmony of thought and action flowing from the
acceptance of the same principles in all essentials, which should
be the desire and aim of every Christian husband and wife.
There is no need of perfect agreement in nonessentials; and it is
doubtful whether complete accord in every particular would even
be desirable For, while a similarity of tastes and talents, of
aversions and hobbies might add to the harmony of wedded life, a
difference of likes and dislikes in some things offers a better
opportunity for the one to supplement the other.
Any couple that accepts the teachings set forth in the foregoing
chapters and adopts them as a form of life will I am sure, enjoy
in its home the blessing of harmony in fullest measure. Yet, as
there are two kinds of disharmony fraught with very especial
danger to the family, which are nevertheless quite frequently
disregarded, they may well be made the subject of a most emphatic
warning and a more extended instruction.
A United Front
The first of these is disharmony, or the lack of unity, in the
exercise of parental authority. Children are obliged by the
fourth commandment to honor and obey their parents; and parents
are required by that selfsame commandment to train their children
to become men and women of character and virtue. But if children
are to obey, there must be an understanding between the persons
who issue the commands; and if the father and mother are to train
their children, they must agree as to the object and method of
training to be pursued. Self-evident as this principle must
appear to every thinking person, it is nevertheless a principle
that is often disregarded in practice. The foundation on which
the training of children must rest is parental authority; but if
that authority is at odds with itself because of opposition
between the persons in whom it is vested, the entire fabric
reared upon it will be weak and unsteady. In their joint
relations to their children, as the divinely constituted bearers
of domestic authority, parents must invariably present a united
front. Whatever differences of opinion, of personal likes or
dislikes they may have, in their dealings with their children
these differences must recede into the dark background; so that
the children will not even suspect that any such disagreement
exists, and in consequence will not be tempted to play one
against the other or to appeal from the one to the other.
A Second Helping of Pie
To illustrate by a very common example how easily this principle
can be violated, let us suppose that the family is seated at
table and little Johnny asks his mother for a second piece of
pie. Since he had declined to partake of some other more
wholesome but less savory foods, his mother very properly
answers, "No." A little later, taking advantage of his mother's
absence in the kitchen, Johnny repeats his request to his father,
who replies: "Here, you can have my piece, Johnny. I don't care
for it anyhow." By acting thus, the father definitely takes sides
with the boy against his mother; weakens her authority; neglects
an opportunity of training his child; and sows the seed of
discord between himself and his wife. The circumstance that the
father gave his own piece of pie to his boy does not change the
situation. The mother did not refuse the lad's request from a
desire to economize by saving a piece of pie, but from the desire
to train him to habits of self-control and Christian moderation.
A Mutual Understanding
Instances of this kind that call for co-operative action on the
part of the parents are of almost daily occurrence in families
where there are children. Being pleasure-loving like all human
beings and as yet too young and inexperienced to value the merits
of self-abnegation and restraint, children are everlastingly
begging to have this or that, to go here or there, to be
permitted to enjoy this or that diversion or amusement. And not
only young children present this domestic problem; the problem
persists as long as the children are subject to the authority of
their parents, and often calls for the most cautious handling
when the growing boys and girls have become adolescent sons and
daughters. In every stage of the problem, the only proper policy
for the parents to adopt is to present a united front wherever
the children are concerned. There must be a distinct mutual
understanding that one will support the other, and that all
important permissions granted to the children by one parent are
dependent on the consent of the other. "We will see what mother
thinks about it"; "Did mother say you might?"; "I must first talk
it over with father" are standing replies which parents will ever
have ready if they are bent on promoting the welfare of their
children and maintaining harmony in their home.
Strengthening Mutual Love
By thus upholding each other's authority in the presence of the
children, father and mother not only increase their children's
respect for their parents and each other's influence with the
children, but also knit still more firmly the bond of mutual love
that makes husband and wife one moral personage. For each single
reference to the other's authority is a gracious acknowledgment
of the other's equal rights and responsibility in the marriage
partnership, and a tacit renewal of the wedding day agreement to
live as two souls with but a single thought.
Nor will it suffice for the one parent to uphold the other in
word while at the same time making no secret from the children
that he or she would much rather side with them. It would be
hardly less harmful, for example, than open hostility for the
father to say: "I'm awfully sorry; but you know how mother is.
It's useless for me to say 'Yes' when she says 'No'."
The Chief Disciplinarian
Right from the beginning, therefore, there should be an agreement
between the parents on all important questions that concern the
management and education of the children. And when new problems
arise, or when the parents disagree as to how best to apply their
principles to certain practical cases they should discuss the
matter out of hearing of the children; and only after coming to
an agreement should they inform the children what they have to
do. Usually the regulation of most disciplinary matters
pertaining to the domestic circle is best left to the mother. She
is with the children much more than the father and is less likely
to yield to their ill-advised pleadings from selfish motives. The
father, returning home from a day's work, is often just as much
in a mood to enjoy his children as they are eager to enjoy him;
and, unless he is guided by the mother's wishes and rules of
discipline for the children, he is very apt, from sheer paternal
affability, to undo all the mother's efforts in training the
children, make her feel bad, and perhaps even discourage her
efforts in the future. For that reason, before conceding the
youngsters any privileges on his return home, he should inquire
of their mother how they behaved themselves during the day;
whether a ride or walk in a park or some other treat would be in
order; and the like.
For father and mother always to take each other into
consideration, always to stand together like the two pillars of
an arch, is to make family life infinitely more agreeable, to
share equally its burdens and responsibilities, and in truly
constructive fashion to further the training of their children.
But if the parents disagree and the children become aware, as
they soon will, that they can cajole the one parent into siding
with them against the other, then parental authority will be
sadly weakened, and domestic harmony will soon give way to a
state of tension, then to ill-concealed dissension, and at last
to open strife.
The Head of the Family
In case the parents cannot come to an agreement in private on a
particular question, then it is the duty of the wife to submit to
her husband, so long as no violation of moral or religious duty
is involved; for St. Paul says: "Let women be subject to their
husbands as to the Lord; because the husband is the head of the
wife, as Christ is the head of the Church" (Eph. 5, 22).
Oftentimes, however, it would be wiser for the husband to yield
to the wishes of his wife when there is no principle at stake;
and better still perhaps, if the matter does not call for
immediate settlement, to seek the advice of the pastor or of some
other God-fearing and experienced friend.
Main Cause of Disharmony
The other kind of disharmony that calls for a special warning is
disharmony or the lack of unity in religion. It is easy to
understand how many of the difficulties of maintaining harmony in
the home are removed or lessened, when husband and wife are
united by the profession and practice of the true Faith. And by
the same token it should be easy to understand that, apart from
serious character defects or moral lapses in one of the parents,
there is no more frequent cause of dissension and discord in the
home than the lack of unity in religion. Yet many Catholics fail
to realize this fact, and in consequence make the attempt, which
nine times out of ten is doomed to failure, of rearing the
stalwart structure of a truly Catholic home on the cleft
foundation of a mixed marriage.
A Lawyer's Sad Experience
The following quotation from a letter published in "Our Sunday
Visitor" gives the experience with mixed marriages of just one
single lawyer; but it will no doubt open the eyes of many of my
Catholic readers.
"As an active practicing lawyer in Chicago, handling divorce
cases along with my general practice I have had considerable
opportunity to make investigation as to the causes of domestic
strife leading to divorce among Catholic clients where either
party married a non-Catholic; and I am now forced to inquire of
you what is being done, if anything, to prevent mixed marriages
by Catholic men and Catholic women.
"I ask this question only after having handled approximately five
hundred divorce cases and cases involving annulment and separate
maintenance, wherein one of the parties was of the Catholic
Faith; and wherein I have found that this difference in religious
belief was fundamentally the cause of almost all of the
discontent, sorrow, and trouble which led to divorce or
separation; and that in ninety percent of the mixed marriage
cases, the Catholic was confronted with the question of
abstaining from receiving the sacraments and living with the
spouse, or of separation, in order to be able to follow the
teachings of our Faith on the matter of marriage duties and
obligations."
A Basic Disagreement
But why does a mixed marriage almost inevitably sow the seed of
discord in the home? Because the Catholic party accepts and is
obliged to accept the teachings of the Church as the only true
standard of moral and religious conduct in every phase of life;
whereas the non-Catholic party does not accept that standard.
From the very outset, then, there is a basic disagreement
concerning the most important thing in life. From the very ground
up there is a breach between husband and wife, which no unity of
sentiment in other things will ever be able to fill. For, no
matter how kind, how considerate, how loving, how free from
prejudice, how magnanimous the non-Catholic partner may be, the
Catholic spouse that has a truly Catholic mind must forever
realize most keenly that, so long as the religious barrier
exists, there can be no complete understanding of each other, no
full and perfect sympathy; because the things that mean most and
are most conducive to happiness for the one mean little or
nothing in the life of the other.
Complete Harmony
How much more intimate the union between husband and wife who
share the same religious convictions! Arm in arm they go to
church; side by side they assist at Mass; and together they seek
the consolation of Confession and the spiritual nourishment of
Holy Communion. In their attitude towards the question of having
children, in the choice of a school, in the questions regarding
prayer in the home, Catholic reading, courtship and marriage,
religious vocation, and many similar matters, the Catholic couple
are in complete accord, because these questions are all decided
for them in advance by the teachings of Holy Mother Church.
Innumerable Dissensions
What a rift on the other hand in the life of a couple who do not
share the same Faith! What one cherishes and esteems, the other
perhaps abhors. What one looks upon as an act of virtue or even
as a most solemn duty, the other may despise as silly
superstition or a mere idle ceremony. Supposing the mother to be
the Catholic party to the marriage, which is the more common
case, how keenly will she not feel the lack of religious harmony
if her husband insists on unnatural limitation of the family; if
he objects to having their children baptized by a Catholic
priest; if he insists that three or four years' training in a
Catholic school is enough to fulfill his promise to have his
children brought up Catholic; if he refuses all money for
Catholic books, papers and periodicals; if he objects to all
display (as he terms it) of religion by means of Crucifixes,
pictures of the saints, or other religious articles in the home;
if he discourages prayer at meals and all family devotions; if he
protests against sending the children to Mass when the weather is
the least bit inclement or disagreeable, or against sending them
from home without breakfast when they wish to receive Communion;
if he scolds about his sleep being disturbed or having to get his
own breakfast when his wife goes to early Mass; if he demands
meat at all meals on Fridays and all days of abstinence; if he
encourages as broadening, the association of his boys and girls
with the children of his own Protestant or even irreligious
relatives and friends; if he refuses to call the priest or even
denies him admission into the house when some member of the
family is seriously ill; if--to put an end to the list--he does
any of the thousand and one different things like these that
other non-Catholic husbands of Catholic wives have done in the
past and are still doing to-day. For these are not purely
imaginary cases such as everyone must admit might happen. They
are actual cases drawn from stories of mixed marriages in real
life.
The Pre-nuptial Pledge
But some young lady who is contemplating a mixed marriage may
say, on reading the foregoing paragraph, that she would make
adequate provision against all such possible evil consequences by
demanding a solemn promise of her future husband never to
interfere with her or her children's practice of religion. In
doing that, she would be doing only what thousands of Catholic
girls have done before; for the Church requires such a promise as
an indispensable condition every time she tolerates a mixed
marriage. But it is notorious how lightly these pre-nuptial
pledges are broken, and how sadly these thousands of Catholic
wives of non-Catholic husbands have been disillusioned when the
time came for the promises to be redeemed. To make a promise and
to keep it are two quite different things. In many cases, too,
the non-Catholic party never had any intention of keeping his
promise; or, if he did, he maintained afterwards that changed
circumstances gave him the right to change his mind. So it may
very easily happen that not many moons have passed since the
honeymoon before the wife finds obstacles placed in the way of
the performance of so simple and fundamental a duty as the
hearing of Mass on Sunday. And even should the wife be gifted
with such exceptional strength of character and devotion to her
Faith as to practice her religion in defiance of her husband,
what would become of domestic harmony?
Children of Mixed Marriages
Yet even more deplorable than its effects upon domestic harmony
will be the effects of a mixed marriage on the education of the
children. As set forth in the first chapter of this book, the
religious education of the child should begin in earliest
childhood, even in infancy, by surrounding the impressionable
young heart with an atmosphere of religion and instilling into
its daily expanding intelligence the idea that nothing in this
world matters so much as the love and service of its God and
Creator. But how can a uniform and lasting impression of this
kind be made on the child, when its father and mother, whose
combined actions create the atmosphere of the home, are not in
agreement on the importance of religion? Certainly, if the mother
is not a Catholic, the child will stand little chance of
receiving any religious education before it is sent to school.
But even if the mother is a Catholic, the child's religious
training will be one-sided; because it will lack the support of
the father's good example.
Exceptions are Few
Some mixed marriages, it is true, do turn out well, apparently,
despite the initial handicap to religion and domestic harmony
that ordinarily attends them. But it must be admitted that those
are exceptions. The preponderating testimony of experience is
against mixed marriages as the cause of loss of interest in
religion or of complete loss of Faith on the part of the Catholic
consort or of the children.
Something Often Overlooked
But there is still another objection to mixed marriages, the
explanation of which will, I trust, make my unmarried readers
still more determined never to contract a marriage that would
introduce disharmony into their future homes. Very many
Catholics, I dare say the great majority of them, are of the
opinion that a Catholic is forbidden to marry a non-Catholic in
much the same fashion as he is forbidden to eat meat on Fridays,
namely, merely by a positive law of the Church; and that the only
practical difference between a Catholic marriage and a mixed
marriage lies in the fact that the latter may not be celebrated
in church nor without a dispensation. That idea is entirely
wrong. The eating of meat is not wrong in itself, and the Church
has never condemned the eating of meat; but she condemns mixed
marriages and abhors them not only as dangerous to the Faith of
the Catholic party and the children, but also because entering
into such a marriage involves the participation by a Catholic and
a non-Catholic in the same sacred rite.
This is a point that many Catholics do not know or entirely
overlook. They know quite well that they are not allowed to take
an active part in a Protestant religious service; and that to
assist as bridesmaid or groomsman at a Protestant wedding is
forbidden under mortal sin. Yet the degree of a bridesmaid's
participation in a wedding is small compared with that of the
bride herself; because, for a Catholic, marriage is a sacrament,
and the bride and groom actually administer the sacrament of
Matrimony to each other, the priest being only the Church's
official witness. It is this intimate commingling in a religious
rite by a Catholic with a heretic which is the reason why the
Church does not permit a mixed marriage, except for a grave
reason, even if it were certain that this or that particular
mixed marriage involved no danger to the Faith of the Catholic
partner or of the children.
Communication with a Heretic
It will give the reader a better idea of how the Church detests
the active participation of her children in a sacramental rite
with a heretic, if we observe how she legislates regarding it in
other cases. Such a communication with a heretic occurs also when
a Catholic receives sacramental absolution or Holy Communion from
a validly ordained but heretical priest; and so averse is Mother
Church to such an act that only in danger of death does she
permit a Catholic to request absolution and to receive Holy
Communion at the hands of such a priest. It is evident,
therefore, that there must be a grave reason for permitting any
religious communication of that kind with a heretic; and that
holds also for participation with a heretic in the Sacrament of
Matrimony.
Permitted Only for a Grave Reason
This is another point that is commonly overlooked or not
understood. A Catholic must have a grave reason for entering a
marriage with a non-Catholic and a dispensation for such a
marriage may be granted only for a grave reason. It is not enough
that the couple want to get married and are willing to sign the
pre-nuptial pledges. By no means. The first requisite is that
there must be some weighty reason for permitting an exception to
the general law of the Church forbidding mixed marriages. Only
when serious ground for making such an exception exists, may a
dispensation be granted,--and even then only on the further
condition that the usual promises regarding the practice of
religion be given in writing.
The Church Not Too Severe
From the foregoing explanation, it should be abundantly clear to
any Catholic that the Church is by no means unreasonable or too
severe in her opposition to mixed marriages. To adopt any other
attitude would be for her to underrate the sanctity of Christian
matrimony, which Christ raised to the dignity of a sacrament, and
to underestimate the preciousness of the Faith, which it is her
duty to preserve and propagate. And as all those who are so
fortunate as to be blessed with the priceless gift of the true
Faith are obliged to take the same attitude as the Church on all
questions of Faith and morals, the attitude of the Church towards
mixed marriages must be the attitude also of all her loyal
children.
No Lofty Idealism
It follows, therefore, that in asking you, dear reader, to accept
the Church's position on mixed marriages as your own, I am not
making an appeal for anything extraordinary or heroic. There is
no lofty idealism, far beyond the reach of ordinary mortals, in
taking such a stand. It is nothing but plain Catholicism. Any
other attitude is unchristian and opposed to the teaching of our
holy Faith. That a Catholic should woo and wed only a Catholic is
not a sublime ideal, which the Church expects to see realized
only in her most perfect children. The marriage of a Catholic
with a Catholic is the general rule for all, the only truly
Catholic union; the only union the Church positively sanctions
and approves.
Every other conjugal union that a Catholic enters into, no matter
how securely braced with excuses, cautions, and dispensations, is
at best only tolerated,--tolerated as a lesser evil, either to
right some wrong already done or to avert some impending greater
evil.
The Chief Occasion of Mixed Marriages
I trust that every young man and every young woman who reads what
I have here written, will be so deeply impressed by the
undesirableness of mixed marriages as to resolve not only never
to contract a mixed marriage but also to avoid the chief occasion
that leads to such a marriage; namely, the companionship of non-
Catholics. To mingle freely in a social way with non-Catholics
and to say that one is earnestly determined never to marry a non-
Catholic is like paddling down the rapids of Niagara with the
determination not to strike a rock. The Catholic youth or maiden,
therefore, that is in earnest about avoiding a mixed marriage
will make no dates with a non-Catholic and accept no invitations
to non-Catholic social affairs.
Falling in Love Not Inevitable
But what if a Catholic falls in love with a non-Catholic? A
Catholic should not fall in love with a non-Catholic! There are
persons, it is true, who maintain that falling in love is
something that simply happens and is entirely beyond a person's
control; but such an idea of love is opposed to reason and to
common sense. Human love is not merely a passion that bursts
forth spontaneously upon the perception of a suitable object. It
is also a voluntary activity of the will; and hence it is subject
to the control of the will, which can check and even extinguish a
passion for a person whom one's reason declares to be an
undesirable or even impossible partner in marriage the poor hired
man from falling in love with the daughter of his rich master? Is
it not the consideration of the impossibility of a marriage that
prevents many a one (not all, alas!)from falling in love with a
person already married or bound by the vow of virginity or
celibacy? Why, then, should the consideration of the evils of a
mixed marriage not suffice with the grace of God to prevent a
Catholic from falling in love with a non-Catholic? No, even
though the human heart is a strange and willful creature, it is
not so intractable that, with due precautions, it cannot be
restrained from desiring forbidden fruit. Hence the Catholic boy
or girl who starts out with the correct Catholic attitude that
mixed marriages are forbidden fruit, and who does not court
danger by mixing socially with non-Catholics, will keep from
falling in love with a non-Catholic without extraordinary
difficulty.
Conversion of the Non-Catholic Partner
And now a word also to those of my readers who have contracted a
mixed marriage and who are still living with a non-Catholic
partner. No matter how unpleasant the reading of this chapter may
have been for you, you must not be disheartened. You cannot, it
is true, alter the past; but you can do a great deal to mend
matters for the future. Whether your marriage has been one of
those exceptional ones that have turned out well despite the lack
of harmony in religion; or whether it has further corroborated
the wisdom of the Church in condemning such unions, your duty is
the same: you must endeavor to bring about the conversion of your
partner to the true Faith. It was with the understanding that you
would fulfill this duty that the dispensation for your marriage
was granted. But even if Canon Law did not stress this
obligation, you should nevertheless be solicitous for your
Consort's conversion for his, or her, own sake, no less than for
the sake of religious harmony in the home.
Prayer Alone Not Sufficient
But how can this most desired event be brought about? By earnest
and persevering prayer; by the constant force of your own good
example; by occasional invitations to read Catholic literature
and to attend Catholic services and sermons; and--not to be
forgotten!--also by prudently intimating, on opportune occasions,
your own great desire that your non-Catholic partner embrace the
true Faith. You must not expect Almighty God to do everything. In
dispensing His graces and especially the blessing of the true
Faith, He makes use also of human means and human agents. And the
most natural as well as the most suitable agent He could employ
to convert your partner in marriage is yourself. Why, then, this
timid reticence on the subject of religion? If you persist in
depending exclusively on prayer, you may be held responsible for
your consort's long delayed conversion and for his or her loss of
innumerable priceless graces. Such was the woman who on the day
of her husband's conversion exclaimed to him: "This is the
happiest day of my life. I have been longing and praying for this
day for many years." To which her husband replied: "That is
strange. Then why did you never intimate to me that you longed
for me to become a Catholic?"
Enthronement of the Sacred Heart
Among the supernatural means of obtaining the conversion of a
wife or husband, one that I would recommend most strongly is
devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus; and in particular that
form of this devotion known as the Enthronement of the Sacred
Heart in the home. This consists in setting up an image of the
Sacred Heart with appropriate solemnities in the home, and in
consecrating the family to the Sacred Heart in permanent
recognition of His Kingship over the home. The fruits of the
Enthronement have been simply marvelous in all parts of the
world. Men who had never gone to Confession in their lives, high-
degree Freemasons, have humbly made their Confession after the
Enthronement had been performed in their home at the request of a
wife or daughter.
To all, therefore, whose home life is marred by the lack of unity
in religion or by any other kind of disharmony, as well as to
those who wish to preserve the harmony that has hitherto
prevailed, I say: Invite a priest to perform the act of
Enthronement in your home. Consecrate your family to the Sacred
Heart of Jesus. Renew that consecration from time to time,
especially on the first Friday of each month; and in the spirit
of that consecration regard the Sacred Heart as the King and
intimate Friend of your family. Make Him the confidant of your
joys as well as of your sorrows, your failures as well as your
successes. Let Him be your support in trial, your comfort in
sorrow, your refuge in distress. Let His principles govern your
family life as well as your private and public life; and then
you, too, most assuredly, will realize the truth of those loving
promises which the Sacred Heart of Jesus revealed to St. Margaret
Mary Alacoque:
"I will bless the houses wherein the image of my Heart shall be
exposed and honored.
"I will give peace to their families
"I will give them all the graces necessary for their state.
"I will shed abundant blessings on all their undertakings.
"I will comfort them in all their trials."
CHAPTER VI: Necessity of Home Life
THE enemies of religion and in particular of the Catholic Church
often maintain that the Church has failed in her mission to make
men virtuous, because even among Catholics there are many that
lead immoral lives. And some go even so far as to see in this a
proof that religion is incapable of making men moral. The fallacy
of such reasoning lies, of course, in ascribing to religion those
moral failures who disregard her precepts and who neglect to use
the means of practicing virtue that she enjoins. The same
fallacious reasoning is used in regard to the home. The home has
failed, it is said, to take care of its members during their
leisure hours; it does not offer recreational facilities enough,
especially for young people. And as our young people will seek
diversion and amusement in improper places if we do not provide
wholesome entertainment for them, we must have Catholic clubs and
social centers where they can recreate themselves in a harmless
manner.
A Matter of Training
Those of our social workers and sociologists who reason thus
evidently overlook the fact that there is an endless variety of
not only innocent but also beneficial amusements that may be had
in the home; and furthermore that it is just as possible, by
proper and timely education, to educate people to seek their
recreation mainly at home, because of the priceless advantages
that home life offers, as it is to induce them to patronize
Catholic community centers in preference to the more alluring
public places of amusement.
Such, then, is the purpose of this chapter--to ripen the
conviction in the reader that home life should be cultivated on
principle by every member of the family; since home life is an
indispensable means of obtaining in full measure the blessings of
religion in the home and the true happiness and welfare of the
entire family.
I.
A Plain Duty
In every perfect society, it is the duty of the members to
further the purpose of the society. Now the family is a perfect
society, whose object is to promote the temporal and above all
the eternal welfare of its members. Hence it is the duty of each
member of the family to do his share towards the attainment of
that end, even at the cost of some sacrifice or of some
inconvenience to himself. No member of the family has a right to
shirk his duty toward the rest. No member of the family stands
alone and is simply free to live his own life without any regard
for the others. But the proper fulfillment of each one's
respective duty towards the other members of the family
necessarily demands the spending of a certain amount of time at
home in the family circle.
The Parents' Part
Upon the father, as head of the family, naturally devolves the
first duty of fostering home life by his example as well as by
providing reasonable recreational facilities, and, if need be,
also by using his authority to prevent unreasonable or excessive
gadding abroad. Yet, though the father has the greater authority
to safeguard home life, the mother, as the mistress of the home,
has the greater opportunities; and hers, therefore, should also
be the chief care in fostering a deep-seated love of the home and
binding all members of the family by invisible ties to the
paternal hearth. Indeed, the mother is the real center of
attraction, the very heart of the Christian home. Because the
care of the children and the superintending, if not always the
actual performance, of the household tasks requires her presence,
the home is the mother s natural abode, and, with but rare
exceptions, her ordinary sphere of action.
A Mother's First Care
It is true, the practice of many women and mothers of our day
seems to indicate that women have a much wider field of action
than that circumscribed by the limits of the household. Yet that
does not alter the fact that woman's natural place is the home,
and that, ordinarily, she should not engage in any work, not even
of a social or political nature, incompatible with the
performance of her duties to her family. (See Pope Pius XI's
quote on Mothers Who Work Away from Home.) As the great Jesuit
authority on moral philosophy, Victor Cathrein, says: "To give
her children a good education and to maintain a well regulated
household, must always be woman's first care." And lest it be
thought that this is an outworn doctrine that must be rejected
because of changed conditions, and that woman must needs adapt
herself to the times, he continues: "Far from estranging her more
and more from this mission, as it must be regretted has hitherto
been done in consequence of modern industry and modern ideas, one
should aim to regain for her in its entirety the place that she
occupied in former times. The foundation of domestic happiness is
a virtuous, pious, diligent woman, who loves order, and who
possesses the gift of making her husband attached to his family
and of educating her children to be good citizens and good
Christians" ("Moral Philosophy," Book II, p. 384-5).
Exceptional Cases
It cannot be denied that there may be circumstances in which
individual women may very properly widen the field of their
activities, either for their own advantage, the advancement of
women's interests, or for the welfare of the public in general.
But these will be, for the most part, women without families, or
such whose children no longer need a mother's care; and with
women thus circumstanced I am not here concerned.
But if woman's chief concern is the proper education of her
children and the care of domestic affairs her presence in the
home is indispensable. Or how can a mother fulfill her sacred
duties towards her young children if she is rarely with them? If
she is frequently absent from home or if she leaves the children
almost entirely in the care of a nurse or maid, how can she guide
their childish steps aright, mould their tender hearts to virtue,
and administer the necessary admonitions, reproofs, and
punishment? For the words of Holy Writ are still as true as they
were of old: "The rod and reproof give wisdom, but the child that
is left to his own will bringeth his mother to shame" (Prov. 29,
15).
Big Brothers and Sisters
In as far, too, as the assistance of the older children may be
helpful or necessary in the care of domestic affairs, the mother
not only may but should require it. The training of the children
is indeed the mother's duty; but just because it is her duty, she
has the right to demand the assistance of the elder children in
order that that duty may be properly performed. She has the right
to demand that they remain at home to help her take care of the
younger children, to aid them with their tasks, or merely to keep
them company and entertain them so that they will be content to
remain at home. Why is it that sometimes even the very young
children are anxious to get away from home, except that most of
the other members of the family are out and the children are
deprived of the companionship they crave? It is above all at
nighttime, and in particular for the adolescent boys and girls,
that the home is truly a haven of safety to shield them at least
for a time from the dangers of the outside world; and parents may
become guilty of grievous sin, if they are grossly negligent in
keeping their children at home at night to shield them from evil
companions and other occasions of sin.
But even for the elder children, home life is a necessity for the
proper development and safeguarding of their spiritual life; and
this all the more if they are old enough to be obliged to work
and are in consequence exposed to the evil influences of the
outside world. Or, indeed, how can they benefit by the practice
of family prayer, if they do not take regularly even one meal a
day with the entire family when grace is said in common, and if
they are never at home in the evening to join in the recitation
of the litany or rosary? How will they devote any time to
Catholic reading, and how can they be beneficially affected by
the Catholic atmosphere of the home, if almost the only time they
spend there is spent in bed?
Weakening the Family Circle
But the frequent absence of the elder children from the family
circle not only deprives them of the benefits of family prayer,
good reading, and a Catholic atmosphere, but deprives also the
other members of the family of the benefit of their company and
their good example. By absenting themselves from home, they
weaken the family circle and make it harder for the rest to
profit by the advantages of the Catholic home. If the older
children would stay at home, it would be easier for the rest to
stay and devote a little time to family prayer and Catholic
reading. Their very presence, their interest, and their example
would make home life more agreeable, and all would become more
and more permeated with the wholesome influence of a Catholic
atmosphere. But if one brother or sister goes out, another will
want to go, too; if the elder brothers and sisters are gone, the
children will not wish to remain at home; and thus the family is
broken up and instead of a place to live in the home becomes
merely a lodging and boarding house--a place where one sleeps and
perhaps takes one or the other meal.
Modern Conditions No Excuse
No matter how common this state of things is at present or how
well satisfied people may be with it, it is greatly to be
deplored; and parents as well as children should do their utmost
to restore the home life of the family to its pristine and normal
condition. Every member of the family should be prompted to
foster home life for his own advantage, because it is for his own
good to spend the greater part of his time at home. He should be
further impelled by regard for his brothers and sisters, whom he
is bound to love more than others not so closely related, and
whom he should be willing to help by his company and good
example. And lastly he should be induced by love and gratitude
towards his parents, when they desire him to remain at home; and
even by obedience, if they direct him to stay at home to take
care of the children, to help them with their tasks, or merely to
entertain them.
The parents themselves are in duty bound to foster home life,
because it is an almost indispensable means for the proper
Catholic rearing of their children. It is the presence of the
parents, and especially of the mother; it is their example, their
authority, their interest, and above all their love that must
knit the family together, ward off the dangers that threaten it
from without, breathe into it the true Catholic mind and
Christian spirit, and guide it to its eternal destiny.
It is the Home That Counts
This old-fashioned doctrine has recently found champions in
unexpected quarters--the camp of the psychiatrists--as may be
seen from an article entitled "Home Still in Fashion," in "The
Literary Digest" for October 10, 1931. Commenting on an address
to 2000 school principals in New York by Dr. Leon W. Goldrich,
director of New York City's newly established Bureau of Child
Guidance of the Board of Education, the New York Times says that
it has been demonstrated that any home, even one of contention
and unkindness, is better for the child than no home at all. "It
is a doctrine which until recently demanded exceptional courage
to maintain. An age devoted to self-expression and freedom
preferred to think of the harm done by taboos and fixations, and
to overlook the good done by fathers w ho provided food and
shelter and mothers who provided care." We are now emerging from
this revolt against the home, continues The Times. "People are
beginning to say generally in print what the social workers and
the officials of the juvenile courts have been saying all the
time.... It is the home that counts. Scientists are beginning to
emphasize the importance of loving care--the very thing recently
abominated as the source of so many complexes."
It is almost needless to say that I do not advocate spending all
one's leisure time at home, nor maintain that one must never go
away except for very urgent reasons. There may even be homes in
which the moral conditions are so bad that it would be more
advisable to spend the majority of one's evenings away from home.
But apart from such very exceptional cases, one may safely say
that home life is not fostered as it should be by those persons
who, without sufficient excuse, spend the majority of their
evenings away from home.
II. The Causes of the Trouble
If people are to be interested in the great social work of making
the home circle flourish once more, it is necessary for them to
understand the causes of its disruption. One of these, the
expansion of industry, has already been alluded to; but as the
purpose of this book is to bring about an improvement of the
Christian home even before the reform of our present industrial
system may be hoped for, it will be more to the purpose to
expatiate on other causes; and chief among these, without doubt,
is the inordinate quest of earthly pleasure.
Joy versus Pleasure
In that charming little book, "More Joy," by Bishop Paul Wilhelm
Keppler, the author points out the important distinction between
joy and pleasure. There are too many pleasures, he says, and too
little joy. Which is only another way of saying that too many
people seek happiness in things that are not conducive to true
happiness; and consequently, though they give themselves up to
amusements, to the enjoyment of sensual pleasures, they do not
find true joy but merely a temporary forgetfulness of life s
burdens and sorrows. True joy consists in contentment, in peace
of heart, in the testimony of a good conscience, in the control
of one's animal instincts by reason, in the subjection of the
passions. Man being a rational and moral being, albeit an animal,
cannot find real joy in pleasures that conflict with reason and
the moral law. And that is why those people are most joyous who
are content, for the most part, to find the needed recreation in
the simpler joys of the family circle. For these joys are
consistent with a good conscience, whereas the pleasures that are
the usual offering of public places of amusement can frequently
not be indulged in without either searing one's conscience or at
least exposing oneself to grave moral danger.
The Lure of the Gang
If I should be asked to state in particular what pleasures tempt
different members of the family to spend their evenings away from
home, I should say that in the case of young men, and especially
those still in their "teens," it is mainly the pleasures found in
the company of the "gang." By the gang I do not mean a number of
boys who are usually found together in their outings, nor the
boys of a neighborhood who are regular playmates in their daily
games. Such gangs hardly interfere with, and oftentimes
practically coalesce with the family circle. No, the gang that
seems to me to be a menace to home life and to the proper
training of young men, is a group of boys who usually spend every
evening and the entire evening together at some place away from
their homes; and I do not hesitate to call the desire of a boy
always to be with "the gang" an inordinate desire for pleasure
and a dangerous occasion of sin. For what is the chief attraction
of such company? The absence of all restraint. They want to be
alone with youths of their own age, unobserved by their parents
or teachers. They want to enjoy liberty, independence; and this
liberty consists in freedom from all restraint--from the
restraint of cultured society, the restraint of politeness, the
restraint of gentlemanly deportment, the restraint often even of
Christian virtue and common decency.
Bad Influence of the Gang
But freedom from such restraint cannot but have evil consequences
for undeveloped characters, as experience proves only too well.
Where is it that vulgar words and expressions are most commonly
heard? In the company of the gang. Where is it that indelicate
stories are unblushingly told? In the company of the gang. Where
is it that obscene hints are given, suggestive remarks made,
improper songs sung? Where is it that gambling is learnt,
drinking taught, disobedience, untruthfulness and dishonesty
towards parents and teachers approved and applauded? In the
company of the gang. It is the almost uninterrupted daily
association with such company in such circumstances that roughens
the character and degrades the morals of our young men. And the
most natural and most effective means of withdrawing them, at
least to a great extent, from the debasing influence of such
company, is to have them spend the majority of their evenings at
home in the company of their mothers and sisters. The naturally
more gentle and more refined nature and manners of mothers and
sisters are a splendid means of leavening, of tempering, and of
toning down the coarser and wilder nature of the young man and
the growing boy. And happy the boy and the young man who submits
to the influence of such companionship! That companionship,
coupled with the entire influence of a good Christian home, will
go far towards saving him from the evils of the "gang."
Girls' Sets and Parents' Clubs
No less disastrous than the gang in disrupting the family circle
is the girls' set as well as father's and mother's clubs. The
objections to be made against the girls' set, unless its
gatherings are far less frequent and properly chaperoned. are the
same as those I have made against the boys' gang. It opens the
door to unrestrained liberty and contempt of time-honored
conventions for which the less respectable element among our
modern young womanhood is so justly condemned. As to the clubs to
which the parents and especially the mothers belong, nothing
craves more wary walking than these. Many a child is a stranger
to parental care and to all the blessings of home life because of
its mother's insane devotion to her club, or to what she
dignifies by the name of "social duties." There are wives and
mothers who imagine themselves bound to be busy almost everywhere
except in their own homes. One afternoon or evening they must be
at their club; another afternoon, at a card party; another day,
they must attend an afternoon tea or a lecture; and still another
day, a reading or sewing circle. And thus, what with their social
calls and social duties, they are mostly absent from their homes
and their own children are neglected.
Charity Begins at Home
If such mothers would only devote themselves conscientiously to
the God-given task of bringing up and training their own children
instead of attending, or even giving, lectures on the uplift of
society, society would be in a far better way than it is at
present. It may be that some of these women are at heart well-
meaning and sincere, and that, blinded by the glamour of
altruistic activities, they do not realize their mistake. But the
truth of the matter is that the performance of welfare work is
often an excuse for neglecting the more confining and more
tedious household duties. No matter how good and praiseworthy it
is to practice the corporal and spiritual works of mercy, our
Lord certainly would not countenance a woman's practicing them to
the neglect of her own family. A woman's first social duty is to
her own family. Let that duty be properly attended to first, and
then she may think of extending her charitable activities abroad.
Charity should begin at home.
Value of "Monies" Overestimated
A second attraction that draws not only the young men and the
young women, but even their younger brothers and sisters away
from the home at night, is the theatre, and especially the moving
picture theatre. A great deal may be said in favor of the
"movie," not only on account of its recreational but also on
account of its educational value; yet it is my opinion that this
value is greatly overrated, and that, as far as children are
concerned, whatever amount of education may be obtained by
attendance at moving pictures can be equally well obtained by
other means. In other words, I firmly believe that a child that
never attended a "movie" can, and in most cases will be, just as
well educated as one that attended "movies." It would be possible
to show that whatever good is accomplished by the "movies" (and I
am speaking only of the good ones), is discounted by the harm
that they indirectly do even to the cause of education. But as I
am speaking now of the "movie" only in its relation to the home,
I wish to emphasize here merely this harmful result of attendance
at the "movies," that it withdraws the members of the family from
the sanctuary of the home, and by developing the "movie" habit,
makes it impossible for them properly to share in the beneficial
influence of Christian home life. In view of the fact that
children lose nothing worth while by rarely attending moving
pictures, and that frequent attendance almost inevitably
withdraws them from one of the best of all educational
influences, that of a good Catholic home life, it is hard to
understand how thoughtful parents can be so imprudent as to take
their young children regularly to such amusements even before the
latter are old enough to attend school. But such parents usually
reap the fruit of their folly. If children become accustomed from
early childhood to frequent public places of amusement, it is not
surprising that in their adolescence they can hardly be
restrained from roaming about at night.
Excessive Joy-Riding
The third great enemy, and no doubt the greatest enemy, of home
life in our day is the automobile. As long as practically the
whole family goes riding, and as long as the outings are not too
frequent, there is no objection to this means of recreation, in
particular for those families who are thereby enabled to benefit
by the advantages of a more healthy atmosphere and a more
agreeable environment. Yet it cannot be denied that the thing is
overdone. In many families the car is in constant use. The
children want to be out at every possible opportunity, and the
far more valuable means of recreation to be had at home are
neglected. In other families the car is used in turn by different
members of the family. One evening it is one of the boys who has
it; another evening, one, or perhaps two, of the girls; a third
evening the parents, and thus the family circle is always
incomplete and it is impossible to enjoy the benefits of real
home life. It is imperative, therefore, that parents who aim to
promote the true welfare and happiness of their children put a
stop to this excessive automobile-riding.
A Snare to Virtue
Though I am speaking here of the automobile only in as far as its
use affects home life, it may be useful to add a word of warning
to parents against permitting their son or daughter to go riding
unchaperoned with a companion of the opposite sex. Not only
Catholic priests but also non-Catholic judges and social workers
deplore such rides as the occasion of the moral downfall of
countless young men and young women. If the boy and girl are
honorable and sensible, they will welcome a third person to their
party both as a means of warding off suspicion and as a guardian
of their virtue. And in order that their adolescent boys and
girls may take this sensible view of the matter, parents should
instruct and train them betimes to follow Christian and not pagan
standards of propriety in their relations with persons of the
opposite sex. unless they do this, their children will almost
inevitably take their cue from what they read in secular papers,
from what they see on stage and screen, and from what they
witness in actual life; and this to their own great moral
detriment, to the disedification of their acquaintances, and
oftentimes to the tragic grief of the very parents who refused to
be so old-fashioned as to curb their children's liberty.
III. Homes Must Be Made Attractive
What a world of evils would disappear at one happy stroke, and
what a world of good would be accomplished, if people would only
stay at home and be occupied in the family circle! The great
question is, then, how shall we induce people to stay at home? If
it is the desire for amusement, for recreation, for
companionship, that leads them abroad, how shall this desire,
which is certainly legitimate, be satisfied at home? In
advocating home life, nothing is farther from my thoughts than
the desire to deprive anyone of legitimate pleasure. Indeed, to
put more real joy into men's lives, while at the same time
furthering their spiritual interests, is the very purpose and
object of this book. If I thought that it would not help to
achieve this purpose, I would cast it into the fire.
Cleanliness the First Requisite
By all means, then, the home must be made attractive. The
attractions that lure one elsewhere must be offset by counter
attractions in the home. The strongest tie that binds one to
one's home is love of home--a quality that can be developed just
the same as the habit of frequenting public amusements is
developed. Therefore, the first requisite for attracting one to
one's home is that the home the abode itself, be pleasant and
inviting. Even the humblest home can meet this requirement, at
least in the interior; for poverty does not imply squalor
slovenliness or disorder. Let only cleanliness prevail, let only
the rule be observed, "A place for everything, and everything in
its place," and the resultant neatness and tidiness will lend a
simple dignity and attractiveness to even the poorest interior.
It is by no means always the luxurious or palatial homes that are
the most charming. Coziness, like hospitality, is more often
found in the workingman's bungalow than in the rich man's palace.
One cannot imagine the Holy Family of Nazareth living in a
splendid home. They were poor, and their abode undoubtedly
reflected their poverty. Yet, however scanty their resources and
however stinted their use of earthly goods, one cannot but
believe that their home was a model of cleanliness, orderliness,
and good taste. For cleanliness is not only next to godliness, as
the proverb says, but actually pertains to godliness when
practiced from supernatural motives, as it certainly was by the
Holy Family; and as it easily can be by anyone when practiced for
sweet charity's sake. If God will reward a drink of cold water
given in His name, and will regard what we do to the least of His
brethren as done to Himself; then surely He will look with
approval on the pains we take to make our home attractive to
those with whom He wishes us to share it.
Ownership of One's Home
It will be readily understood that the married couple that owns
its home will be more likely to be attached to it and more
inclined to make it attractive. For this reason all young couples
should endeavor to own a home of their own as soon as possible.
The very fact that their dwelling place is their own will give
them a feeling of security and independence that they can never
have in a rented home. And when they own the soil beneath their
feet; when they need consult no landlord on making improvements;
when they have no fear of being forced by the sale of their home
to seek another dwelling place, their love for their home will
strike firmer roots and quite naturally give birth to the desire
to make it harmonize ever more and more with the home of their
dreams. Ownership of one's home, too, is the best guarantee
against a life spent in restless and ill-advised wandering from
place to place. In fine, it is the only surety one can have of
enjoying the blessings of a fixed abode, chief among which are a
firm anchorage amid the vicissitudes of life, a circle of true
and tried friends, lifelong associations, and that peculiar charm
which in all civilized nations is associated with the word home.
Like the lowly cottage overgrown with ivy, a home may be very
plain and prosaic itself; yet to him for whom it was the center
of childhood's joys, youth's aspirations, and manhood's struggles
and achievements, it will always be beautiful with the clinging
ivy of fond recollections.
Effect of Mutual Love
The strongest means, without doubt, of holding the family circle
together is the practice of mutual love between all members of
the family. The scriptural saying that charity covers a multitude
of sins may be fitly applied to the home whose poverty and
consequent lack of material attractions is more than compensated
for by the unselfish love that pervades it. Just as warm-hearted
kindliness can light up and lend charm to even a homely
countenance, so it can also brighten a home and by its almost
magic influence transform a hovel into an abode of delight This
often explains why many a child finds the far more humble home of
a neighboring family more attractive than its own.
Feeding the Fire of Affection
Only too often this congenial atmosphere is wanting in the home,
not because the inmates do not love one another truly, but
because they do not manifest their love sufficiently. There is a
lack of the little courtesies and amenities that are so powerful
a means of fostering affection. Even the most sincere and deep-
seated affection must be fed, if it is not to wither and fade. It
is like the cozy hearth fire which must have fresh fuel now and
then, if it is not to burn low or go out altogether Failure to
heap the coals of kindness and sociableness upon the fire of
family affection is sometimes due to a naturally sullen
disposition. More often it can be traced to lack of training in
that point; the parents failed to foster sociableness among their
children. Quite commonly it is the result of preoccupation with
other affairs--business, social or private interests. At times,
too, it is due merely to oversight. Attention was never directed
to the propriety and advantage of cultivating habits of mutual
kindliness, cheerfulness, and good will; and in consequence there
may be a touch of chilliness and gloom about the home where an
atmosphere of genial warmth and sunshine should prevail. But,
whatever the cause of deficient sociableness in any members of
the family, it can and it should be removed.
Effect of Kind Words
The story is told by the author of "The Man Who Was Nobody" of a
man who never thought of saving a friendly word to his wife and
family. A friend called his attention to the fact. He made it
clear to him just how he was acting and what an effect it was
having on his dear ones, even though they never complained. He
listened to what his friend had to say and agreed that he was
right. He promised to begin to do better that very day. That
evening he went home a changed man. He greeted his wife and
children; he said nothing about business and the worries of the
day; at the dinner table he led the conversation. In every way he
was most considerate. After the meal was over he went so far as
to put on an apron to help dry the dishes. When his wife saw
that, she broke down. "What's the matter?" he exclaimed. "Oh,
everything has gone wrong today," she replied, "and to cap the
climax you come home drunk." His conduct was so affable, so
different from what it had been, that there seemed to be only one
plausible explanation; namely, that he was drunk.
Politeness the Robe of Charity
If any of my readers should be obliged to admit that their past
conduct has resembled that of the man in this story, they, too,
no doubt will decide to reform. For it needs only that it be
pointed out for one to realize that little attentions, little
compliments, little words of appreciation, encouragement,
comfort, and cheer are dispensed with as much propriety within as
without the home. To mention but one instance, should we not have
a cheery good morning, a kind good-bye, a pleasant word or smile
of welcome, and a cordial good-night for the members of our
family just as well as for our friends and acquaintances? It is
quite true that politeness is not of the essence of charity. As
practiced by worldly people it is a purely natural virtue, and it
is sometimes used as a cloak for a very uncharitable disposition.
But is can be supernaturalized, and the fact that it is sometimes
misused by evil men is no reason why the good should disdain it.
Because of its exterior resemblance, politeness might well be
styled the garment of charity. And so well does this vesture
become the queen of all virtues, that charity never appears more
gracious, never shows to better advantage, than when arrayed in
the charming robe of Christian politeness.
Need of Occupations at Home
Despite the attraction of pleasant surroundings and congenial
companionship, the urge to leave home during leisure hours may
still be very strong if there is nothing to do at home to occupy
one's leisure. Here, then, is another point that calls for
attention in making the home attractive; and among the various
occupations conducive to that end I would assign first place to
the performance of certain tasks or the care of certain things.
Let parents begin early to develop in their children an active
interest in their home by assigning to each the care of a certain
thing and by teaching them to take pride in doing their part
well. Thus once could have the bookshelves to keep in order, or
the library table; another the dining room table; a third some
pot flowers to water, and so on; each one having the care of his
own toys, shoes, and other personal belongings. Outdoors, to one
could be assigned the care of the lawn or a part of it; to
another a flower bed; to a third the walks or the porch; and each
garden to cultivate or at least a tiny patch to weed and water.
The keeping of a few chickens or other domestic fowl would offer
another interesting as well as useful occupation. And to keep the
children from growing one-sided as well as to revive their
interest, they could also take turns in the performance of
certain tasks, either every day or every week or every month,
whichever way might be thought best.
Pet Animals
Then there are the pets--dogs, cats, rabbits, singing birds,
parrots, anything that will enlist the interest of the children
and serve as another tie binding them to their home. Interest in
such things can be developed to such an extent that children will
sometimes rather forego some other pleasure than leave home and
neglect the things committed to their care. To foster this
interest, the parents themselves must show a keen interest in
their children's efforts, and always have a kind word of
encouragement, appreciation or praise for their achievements, no
matter how trivial and childish the latter may be.
Games and Toys
And finally, though most of the occupations I have spoken of
really constitute excellent recreation if properly directed and
not overdone, there must needs be also sheer amusements--
pleasurable pastimes, undisguised enjoyments, and care-free
indulgence in interesting games. In these days of the player
piano, the phonograph, and the radio, not to speak of the
numerous playthings that electricity and other modern discoveries
and inventions have produced, this phase of the problem of home
life is not hard to solve. But even in those families that may be
too poor to afford such luxuries, there need be no lack of
amusement; for the old-fashioned games of lotto, dominoes,
checkers, mill, cards, authors, and parchesi, all of which may be
had for a few cents each, can still hold the interest of old and
young alike. By one who has a little skill, many of these games
can be fabricated at home with hardly any expense; and the fact
that they are homemade often makes them the more enjoyable.
Indeed, it is a quite common experience that few games are
enjoyed more by children than those that are entirely their own
invention.
Not Too Many Inhibitions
There is just one more bit of advice that I think should be given
in this chapter and that is: Let there not be too many
inhibitions in the home! Those who must guard against excess in
this point are the mothers and the elder sisters. It goes without
saying that even the members of the family will not enjoy staying
at home, if they are not made to feel at home; and no one can
really feel at home, if he is hampered at every turn by
instructions and reminders not to do this and to avoid that.
Discipline and order there should be, of course; but it need not
be the discipline and order of the church or schoolroom. The very
proximity of the walls and ceiling impose a certain amount of
restraint that is absent out of doors; but it need not be the
restraint demanded by the presence of strangers. Yes, mother
dear, and dear elder sister, train your dear ones in orderliness
and neatness and well-bred deportment; but let it be done with
the sweet reasonableness of a mother and sister, and not with the
tyrannical imperiousness of a Xantippe. If undue restraint is
placed on them at home, your growing boys and girls will soon
find an opportunity of escaping to more congenial places of
amusement; and then, instead of spending your evenings in the
midst of a joyful, if perhaps a little too noisy family, you will
be left to keep late and lonely vigils worrying over your
wandering boys and girls and perhaps over the head of the house
himself.
Make Everyone Feel at Home
By all means, then, let the home folks be made to feel at home.
Let the father of the house occupy the finest easy chair, even if
he is not arrayed in his Sunday clothes. Let the grown-up sons
smoke in the sitting room or in the parlor, even if the smoke
does stain the curtains or the wall paper. Let there be music and
song and games at the time for recreation, even if they are
somewhat noisy. Let the children have their own theatricals, if
they like to; let there be an abundance of clean wholesome
reading matter, picture books, puzzles, and toys; let the parents
themselves join in or at least show an interest in the amusements
of their children, and the home will become so attractive that
there will rarely be any temptation to seek recreation elsewhere.
"Keep the home fires burning" is the slogan I would suggest to
all who are laboring for the reform of society. Instead of
nightly faring forth to the club, the theatre, the "movie" or
some other place of amusement, let the members of the family once
more gather round the hearth, whether to work, to study, to read,
to amuse themselves or to pray. Better far one such night spent
in the bosom of the family and in the atmosphere of a truly
Catholic home than a dozen nights spent at the club or the
"movie," no matter how unobjectionable, educational and
inspiring.
A Voice in the Wilderness
Think not, kind reader, that I do not realize (and oh, how
poignantly!) that, in making this plea, I shall be looked upon by
the great majority as hopelessly behind the times, and as making
a futile effort to turn the current of our modern age. But was
there ever a more glorious battle fought for a principle, or was
there ever a more heroic stand made in defense of the right than
when the defender was faced by overwhelming odds? If, like St.
John the Baptist, I am but the voice of one crying in the
wilderness, at least I have the consolation of being in good
company. And if, like the early Christian apologists who raised
their voices in protest against the persecuting emperors, I may
seem to be trying to stave off the inevitable, I again find
comfort in the fact that the Church that the apologists defended
still exists and exerts her benign influence, while the all-
powerful empire that persecuted her is long since a heap of
ruins.
God's Grace Still Powerful
It is true, the Church is the work of God, and its preservation,
its spread, and its conquests have been accomplished more by the
power of God than by the wisdom and power of man. But so, too, is
the family, and especially the Christian family, the work of God;
and if it is to accomplish its God-given mission in the Christian
home, it has less need of human means than of divine. And therein
precisely lies my hope. God's grace is still active and still
powerful; and it is solely through it and not "by the persuasive
words of human wisdom," that I hope to accomplish any good
through these pages. There are still well-meaning souls in this
wicked world; souls who want to do the best they can; naturally
Christian souls who long for something better, higher, nobler. It
is to these especially, and, more particularly still, to young
wives and mothers that I address myself in the hope that, as they
read these instructions and counsels, the grace of God will
inspire them anew with a strong desire and an earnest
determination to make their homes models of what a Christian home
should be. Let them establish their homes on the rock bottom of
religion; let them cultivate prayer, foster good reading,
preserve a Catholic atmosphere in their homes and promote home
life, and, by the blessing of God their homes will become
veritable strongholds of the Faith, schools of virtue, abodes of
peace and happiness and love, which the angels of God will
delight to visit, and which God Himself will look down upon with
pleasure and bless with a foretaste of the joys of Heaven.
CONCLUSION
IT is with a feeling of deep satisfaction that I bring this
little book on the home to a close. God grant that it may be the
humble instrument of accomplishing at least a small amount of the
good for which it was undertaken. To that end I can only beg the
kind reader who has had the patience to peruse the foregoing
pages, not to put the book aside for good after the first
reading, but to pick it up again and again until the lessons it
contains become deeply engraven on his heart. The substance of
those lessons is this: that since society, which should help the
individual to lead a God-fearing life, has become a means of
leading him astray, to counteract this evil influence, the
family, which is the unit of society, must be reformed by being
again imbued with the spirit of Christianity. When religion once
more directs, controls, and permeates the family life, not only
will the individual have an effective safeguard against the evils
of society, but society itself will be reformed.
The means to accomplish this end are the simple but efficacious
ones that I have pointed out. Think not lightly of them, dear
reader, on account of their simplicity, and despise them not for
that they are old. Parents above all, fathers and mothers, see to
it that these old-fashioned manifestations of Catholic life once
more come into honor in your homes. You cannot have religion
without religious exercises, as little as you can have fire
without fuel. Nor can you make of your religion a purely church
affair, because it is something that touches life at every point.
To children, and especially to those young men and young women
who will soon be looking forward to establishing homes of their
own, I say: If you hope to have a truly Christian home when you
marry, you must lay the foundation for it now. Be faithful to the
practice of daily prayer and frequent Communion in the years of
young manhood and young womanhood; be chaste during the time of
courtship, and you may justly expect God to bless your future
home. But if you neglect your religion and incur the wrath of God
by your liberties in keeping company, you run great risk of
building your Christian home upon sand. Avoid the occasions of
sin, therefore; for he that loveth danger shall perish in it. Let
me warn you especially against following that custom, as
pernicious as it is widespread, which accords young unmarried
couples the privilege of almost as complete privacy and seclusion
as if they were already married. The proper place for keeping
company is in the presence of the father and mother or some other
member of the family. These nightly tete-a-tetes and long drawn
out private interviews between two young persons of opposite sex
are occasions of sin and a source of many other evils, not the
least among which are hurried and unhappy marriages. It is during
the time of courtship, I repeat, that the foundation is laid for
the future home. Let it be made of religion and virtue, my dear
young men and young ladies, and then you can securely build up
thereon that beautiful edifice, that bulwark of religion, that
fortress of morality, that pillar of society, that citadel of
peace and happiness--the model Christian home.
Home, sweet home! What a multitude of tender thoughts and
feelings are associated with the utterance of that sweet word!
What a host of happy memories it conjures up of the innocent days
of childhood, of the carefree days of youth, of the toilsome days
of maturer age. The home is, indeed, the center of the sweetest
and purest of all earthly joys, the starting point of all that is
best and greatest in human history. Our Divine Savior Himself
gave the home a special consecration by gracing the humble home
of Nazareth with His presence during thirty long years; and He
thereby gave us also the first and the supreme model of the truly
Christian home. Yes, so sacred is the word home that it is
commonly used to designate even that eternal dwelling place that
God has prepared for those that love Him.
Love your home, then, dear reader, and try to make it worthy of
that sacred name. You can adopt no surer means than to establish
religion in your home by enthroning the Sacred Heart as its King
and by conforming it as closely as possible to the home of the
Holy Family. If the father seeks to imitate St. Joseph; if the
mother emulates the loving care of Mary; if the children are
docile and diligent after the example of the Child Jesus; and if
all seek first the Kingdom of God and His justice,--be it ever so
humble, yours will be a happy home. What, then, if those foes of
your salvation, the devil and the wicked world, storm and rage
without,--you and yours will be safe within the walls of your
Christian home. For, built as it is on the rock of Faith, we may
truly say of it what Our Blessed Savior said of those who hear
His words and do them: "And the rain fell, and the floods came,
and the winds blew; and they beat upon that house, and it fell
not; for it was founded on a rock" (Mt. 7, 25).
